Conference 7.286::sports_90

    
    Sounds like Ralph Caso to me, with the "program" clearing up some
    of the punctuation.
    

    It sounds like the Danster however, somehow, it doesn't seem
    long-winded enough......  :-)
    
    I just heard about this magical program from Mr. Chainsaw, who sent me
    the results of all his notes.  Talk about hilarious!
    
    Where do you get this program?  I'd love to see what it spits out from
    my junk!  :-)
    
    H�wk

Hey, Goober!  Is this program generally available?  Can you send me a pointer?

>            <<< Note 248.2 by SASE::SZABO "Fahr-freakin'-gn�gen" >>>
>
>    It sounds like the Danster however, somehow, it doesn't seem
>    long-winded enough......  :-)

Bingo!  
    
>    Where do you get this program?  I'd love to see what it spits out from
>    my junk!  :-)

A recent note in SOAPBOX describes where to get it...  The program
documentation says that longer notes work better.   I went to find 
the notes of a certain guy known for verbosity and it seems he has
deleted all of them!!!   Why, I don't know.

    Yeah, edp wrote the Markhov program.  He extracted notes from various
    people and munged them all up.  
    
    I guess the note in question was written by DR 00:00.
    
    Mark.

Try this one:

================================================================

    I can't believe I'm doing this, but if there's strong opposition I'll
    go out on a horrid shooting night last night, and nothing was working.
    At one point he was being escorted by Warren Martin, ex-Tar Heel big
    man. (And I mean *big*.) Warren must be especially pleased with this
    guy questioning JR's screen and roll for their big people, which is
    why Rogers can't go to class." If anything I think we're the best
    front court in America. Not a good start this year and played pretty
    well this year. (Tom Haas, step on up, will ya? Please??)
    Statistically he averaged 8 rebounds and 11 freshmen and sophomores.
    The team of the tournament *is* to win it was wrong of him to
    resurface in the conference with the game when left?

    Better rebounding. Better shot selection. A thousand times better
    defensively. Fewer turnovers (though he still had too many). Okay for
    starters? The last statistics I heard Rice was still breathing.

    More to the winnner of the most fundamentally sound players to ever
    play at Carolina. Bob Knight himself called Sam one of the most
    fundamentally sound players to ever play at Carolina. If you watched
    the game when we only want a 3 is he forcing them. Last night he was
    being escorted by Warren Martin, ex-Tar Heel big man. (And I mean
    *big*.) Warren must be working for the most obvious problem. Look for
    him to no end if he lives up to a good collegian. He's off to a
    Providence choke-job. PC had the edge with the Hogs. In many ways they
    represent a clone of OU in terms of coaches have had bad starts - some
    even worse. (Knight and Crum come to mind. One was the last couple of
    non-ACC teams are involved in a ;^)!) But a few additional turnovers
    by Virginia and you (or Mike Childs, BTW) won't touch it with some new
    moves to survive. JR will (he's a survivor), but it's pretty obvious
    at this point which of the most ferocious PT fights ever at Carolina.
    Watch out 2nd semester ...

    Acc Crisp?
    
    Mark.

Chainsaw, Supreme Kommandan, KGP,    

Am so glad that SPORTS survived.  It means that the #1 item in my job
is still to Drink heavy.  Being a monly mon toofless Junk Noter Extroadinare 
my favorite is whisky.  Howdy (Doody)(tm) BLAMing a Fahrvergn�gen was righteous
dude.  BTW those spots go right here by the Last Supper, right Dan?  The troof
is YUO ARE TOO BLAM BABY!!!!!111(tm)  Judas Vane, I'll tell ya!  I would
like to congratulate the Tag Team Studding Renaissance Man for the idea of 
sending them to Mark Langston.  BILL BUCHNER SHULD NOT BE PLAYYING FOR THE RED 
SOCKS BECAWSE HE STINSK AND IS TOO OLD!!!!  With all these "Baby"s flying 
around, we're gonna have to start calling you JoV.... ;^))  First, RedMan is 
okay,  Second, Alabamy[sic] is oka, but there are NO FILES ON ME BABY!!
Are you older than Jesus, you "heiny-hole"??  His brother Studley Manly had 
more testosterone than Roseanne Barr!!!!  First it gets warm, then it gets 
blue... then floggeth them...   Where do I sign up?
Homer Simpson caught a part of that NBA History, Larry Bird was my other
runaway favorite hoops player.  Was there a plethora of sweat? 8^)  
I don't totally BLAM him, someday my brother's fiancee will be nursing a 
Jack Daniels on the rocks. TELL SLY (THE STIFF) WE ALL SAID HI.....
YOU ARE TWO BLAM SEANVANE YOU ARE TOO BLAM THE DEBILS CHOCKED BLAAM 
BLAM BLAM!!!!!!  Analyzing the situation using knowledge gained Hendrix
a jock strap.  Ahem....  Next question.  Does that mean that he sings jazz in 
addition to playing football????  I get it now.  John Hendry, Wave Killer 
Extraordinaire w/ Black Ninja Suit  You freakin' lunatic you must be mad!
He delivered a scalp message on the antiperspirant that made a Goon 
Consultant look like a Cabo Wabo!  Did you see the Sportswriters sweat?
Who knows...

'Saw


Actually, I had a flat beer last night.   With all the hip pointers and groin
pulls the JD Iced Tea showers are a thing of the past.  Boomer wears a dress
too and Bubba Shobert shall have no dominion.  I was Craven Pandering 
around the NASCAR circuit when I remembered ONE FLAM IS NO TOO BLAM!
I got double teamed by two luscious blondes one night...  wholeheartedly,
the nexted thing I did was to shape me a woodie wif my Acme Woodburing Set.
I laquered the baby regardless of what Onan Dan says.  I've seen the
facks and the troof is NEITHER HAS WAPNER RAISED HIS TOUPEE'D 666 HEAD!
Knorr was milking the cow on that one, yer honor!  Must have been a good one
though because I noticed he used a spitoon!  I saw AMEN!  STOP the DEBIL!
Take your cupcake division and shovel pass it to everyone!  There ain't
no alcohol in me (hic)!   Did Adam know Eve??  Gotta love it!

Chainsaw

�Analyzing the situation using knowledge gained Hendrix
�a jock strap.  


�I got double teamed by two luscious blondes one night...  wholeheartedly,
�the nexted thing I did was to shape me a woodie wif my Acme Woodburning Set.
�I laquered the baby regardless of what Onan Dan says.  


These are my two favorite parts...  I wonder what Sigmund Frood would
say about my notes?????

Chainsaw

    Siggy wood say "Better get a TO BABY!"
    
    HTH.  :-)
    
    H�wk

    
    Is this for real?
    

    re .13:
    
    Spud's alive and well; he usually puts a couple notes a day in the
    BASEBALL conference.
    
    
    py

JD, in a fit of John Hendry Ninja Like passion, spilled iced tea
all over this elderly couple in Giants stadium lasted August.

Even in my alcoholic stuporous haze (all through my brain) I thought
it was hysterical.

'Saw

    Actually, 'Saw, the geriatrics got spared, but the Orientals directly
    in fronted of JD got it good.  So did many others several rows down who
    turned to JD and squawked, "You're the reason whythey don't sevre beer
    in here, you freakin' lunatic!"
    
    BTW, the Orientals submitted their Freakin' Lunatics Club application. 
    I'm reviewing it now, and I'll tell ya, they changed wicked!  After
    witnessing freakin' lunaticism at it's finest at Giantsmania, they
    realized what a great country 'Merica really is!
    
    HTH.
    
    H�wk

    For anyone interested in running Eric Postpischil's program, here
    is a brief set of instructions and explanations.  
    
    First you must copy the files into your account:
    
    $ BACKUP/LOG ALIEN::USER:[POSTPISCHIL.PUBLIC]MARKOV.SAV/SAVE *
    
    Then you must compile the C files (BUILD.COM has all the instructions).
    NOTE:  Must have V3.0+ C compiler.
    
    $ @BUILD
    
    Then you just run the MARKOV.COM file.  Give the username and the
    conference name as it appears in your notebook: @MARKOV name conf.
    NOTE:  Must have VMS 5.0 or better.  Also note that I am using
    SMITH as my username.  Please substitue that with the user
    you want.
    
    $ @MARKOV SMITH SPORTS   
    
    This will create a SMITH.TXT file that will appear in [.DATA].
    It is a file containing ALL the notes of the specified user from
    the specified conference.   The next thing to do is to create
    the NEW notes.  By typing in the next 2 lines you will get the
    new file SMITH.OUT. 
    
    $ @MARKOV
    $ MARKOV -A [.DATA]SMITH.TXT -G SMITH.OUT -G SMITH.OUT
    
    To mix two people, use the following command line.  NOTE:  Must
    go through the steps to create DOE.TXT first.
    
    $ MARKOV -A [.DATA]SMITH.TXT -A [.DATA]DOE.TXT -G SMITH_DOE.OUT
                                           
    	The .OUT file is the NEW file.
    
    sean

�    
�    To mix two people, use the following command line.  NOTE:  Must
�    go through the steps to create DOE.TXT first.
    
This sounds pretty kinky.  Is it ethical?

Could you imagine me and the Hawkster, or me and Mike JN mixed?
Saints preserve us!

Better yet, mix MrT and ACC Chris, or Dan...to bizzare!

'Saw

    Would a technoweenie please run this program on my notes, please?
    Thanks.
    
    H�wk  (who's still rolling every time I read the Chainsaw's!)

>JD, in a fit of John Hendry Ninja Like passion, spilled iced tea
>all over this elderly couple in Giants stadium lasted August.
    
    Oh, I wouldn't say spilled...  In the heat of this lucid argument we
    were having trying to define exactly how much superior the Jets are to
    the Giants  (JD agreed with me completely, but we could come to terms
    on the magnitude of said superiority), JD grabbed one of his 2 cartons
    of iced tea, supposedly the empty one, and smashed it on his forehead
    in a manner reminiscent of Bluto in Animal House. 
    
    Needless to say, it wasn't the empty, but the full one, which proceeded
    to splatter everywhere in a 5 to 10 seat radius, most especially the
    unfortunate oriental group in front of us.  Suitably embarrassed, JD
    muttered something of an apology, and said he'd leave if people wanted
    him to leave.  He then slumped into his seat and remained quiet...at
    least for the next 2 minutes.
    
    Dan

    I just reread .8 (for the 6th or 7th time!), and the 2 lines that get
    me rollward everytime are:
    
    	Are you older than Jesus, you "heiny-hole"??
    
    			and
    
    	I laquered the baby regardless of what Onan Dan says.
    
    Too funny!
    
    H�wk

Dan --

I agree with you completely except for the part about the Jets
superiority.

My sources say that JD was getting supremely frustrated with your
obstinance in believing that the Jets are capapble of playing
at a level commensurate with that of the Giants.  (I think I might
have misused commensurate, but what the heck, it's Friday).

Anyway, in utter frustration, he wanged himself on the head with
Iced Tea....


Hopethishelps,
'saw

    Can I go to the next Giantsmania, can I, please??
    
    Mark.

    Rule #2, Rule #4, and Rule #6 for attending Giants(Jets)Mania is "No
    Weenies!".  Sorry, Mark.
    
    Dan

    Can I go to the next Giantsmania, can I, please??
    
    Mark.

	How many Jets' tune can you write between now and August Mark?

Dan your the biggest breaker of the rules ;^)


mike

    Hey Dick, how about the Islanders. Stasny will lead the league said it
    was the year they lost to the Mill Thursday to get some good
    discussions about boxing with the Lakers had about as much as
    possible. He's damned no matter what he does. Even though they're
    killing the B's were losing a bundle on those bums two weeks for the
    Oilers. He's either headed for Daddy Warbucks in L.A. or back home.
    Bruins need a good first half, but was solid this year.

    /Don


    Since I work pretty closely with the opening of their logo, so our
    foot-soldierdom should be used in a car accident shortly after getting
    the job. I've done it many times in the CCHA, 12 in the affluent
    families that have children playing the top before any regular needs
    kids can be taken care of. The team is a kinder, gentler SPORTS term
    for pissing contest. It is long-distance urination contest.

    In conclusion, I believe that Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. I believe
    their women's programs are stronger top-to-bottom than the peak age is
    older than the Bill Curley fake press release. I'm also against a
    higher government requiring that a supporting cast and coaching are
    both so important in football shows much of a team. A team such as
    Dartmouth, Brown, UNH, Michigan Tech at Wisconsin

    (the survivors of these series play in any playoff series that doesn't
    end in 4 games. If the home teams win at home and sit while waiting
    for the Falcons with Andre Ware), you aren't really getting full value
    for the NFL. I admire him not only because he died too young, but be-
    cause it could have chosen to make his own best deal anywhere and the
    Dickerson trade. They give up too much for too little. Thank you, Jim
    and Bob Irsay.

    John


    Damn, Mikey! I was a disappointment. I think of it, like right now! In
    fack, that's exackaly what I'm paying for.

    I'm curious as to where you guys got the dough (non-technoweenies
    don't make much). And she really, really would love to see JD's
    Huskies with so many care in my childhood where kissing my male
    relatives was the '60s, which I'm sure it was kind of liked it because
    it was about 2am, I don't remember it's name.......

    Enjoy, Hawk


    Heck Saw, what the conferense, should only be used in domes on
    artificial turf!!!!

    When I see Tommy Gun guard? Buck Williams? Jerome Kersey?

    Of course, how could I peel them off? Kinda uncool, no. In fack (tm)
    Doc, I was leaning towards the risk.

    Where I went to high school swiming and track meets. Not just
    champeenship meets, but all the seats (almost) - looked like it was a
    bench-clearing brawl that Pistons' assistant Brenden Suhr called "the
    worst I've ever seen."

    The Flames put Wamsley in the NBA. The Lakers were outplayed, and
    outcoached this series. Through 3 games, the combined goals scored is
    11.

    Strudland got the ball out of it, and folks would adore me. I'd make
    zillions of bucks, not give a rundown. No - I was told their was no
    where have I said I had to close to staging a major accomplishment,
    the type of guy - UWash - a tall white guy from each school in one of
    you have a 3-2 - Kings pass to Gretzky at the blue line - NO ONE
    COVERS HIM!!!!! Gretzky waltzes in until the Flames notice him - A -
    R, H - A - R- Veeeee, V - A - R, H - A healthy Ralph Sampson for one.
    And what I've said about Patrick I'm not passing off as fact. As for
    the autopsy. So far, it seems they decided he could not play patsies
    all year, then suddenly, come playofftime, crunch time, say - gee, I
    don't know what you implied when you feel your anger getting out of
    improv or desperation, but rather by rote.

    I cain only hope that I'll be rooting for them - no noise, and all the
    action. Perhaps they should act like it. Said chucking a few others.

    I'll answer the rest of us noters who don't get picked up in this
    note. It ain't worth it - but the 9er's went to the rescue? I find it
    hard to describe the dutch, who had Wilkes and Jabbar from UCLA - was
    there another UCLA boy on those teams?

    I also had deals. Again, a form of advertising. Go to local hangout
    and see what happens. Obviously, they didn't play better or deserve
    it, but that last night and was thinking the Kings scoring the tying
    goal short-handed. I never did figure out what J.D. meant, did ya!!!)


    This stuff is too funny.  Hendy's is a classic.  And Hawk,
    who loves my Huskies??? ;-)
    
    JD

    Actually, I'm kind of disappointed in the way mine turned out.  Can I
    have a recount?  Did the Clemson Refs job me?  Did Markov have too many
    beers over the weekend?
    
    :-)
    
    H�wk         

    >Actually, I'm kind of disappointed in the way mine turned out.  Can I
    >have a recount?  Did the Clemson Refs job me?  Did Markov have too many
    >beers over the weekend?

Hawk, I'm not sure what yours means, but that last paragraph
sounds indecent.  You better clean up your act!

Dan

Well, here's one if JD and Hawk were to merge :-).

    Re: pass Interference - not exactly going out for things like that.
    The announcer sort of like someone's idea to surprise my 75 year old
    mom with my Cons! And did I compare a Jordan-less Bulls to the "6th
    man" who often logged as much, if not all, drunks at Sullivan Stadium
    have indulged way before they face the Eastern Conference winner for
    the day? Is this for T, in particular, except the team, the Seattle
    Coliseum - the NFC - and it appeared to be heard. Bow thine heads in
    forgiveness for trying to explain the Broncos seeing how many dollar
    bills did you go in, there's a lot of guys out there in that series.

    Right now, it's an unpopular topic for some, but I'd really like to
    know if Loyola's style may have given the game is a riot. Especially
    Don "no soul" Johnson (or is it that wood bats are a fan of a young
    age. Way back - it is because there football factories pile in the
    H.Walker trade and offered the VIkings two mid-round picks for Jess
    Solomon, David Howard, and Isaac Holt.

    Former Bear RB Calvin Thomas, who served a 30-day drug suspension 2
    years ago, about 30-35 of us would charter the whole truth, and
    nothing but it, whattayathink I am?

    JD
    Ha'wk


Or this:

    Thanks, Steve! I especially loved Madden's continuation (from the
    49er-Rams game) of Roger Craig's "running out of headache pills) for
    what I saw AMEN! STOP the DEBIL! Take your cupcake division and shovel
    pass it off and got back to nature.

    Anyway, if enough noters say there going (where?), and swear to tell
    you the tickets are $6/each, or 1 cold case Molsons. :-)

    re: Mike

    Tough weekend for me, economically speaking. It's the most parts,
    folks only want to watch Rathman, Craig, and the rest of the 70's, it
    was okay to lower the medication.

    The only folks who play one on one of these predictions.



    JD
    Ha'wk

    >> --------------------------------------------------------------- >>
    Stacy King 17.4 10.2 2.4 50.4% 73% 3.1 2.6

    First off, I'm not against this lates Jesuit college hoops conference
    of the University Of Bridgeport, fer gosh sakes. Why ??? Because he
    needs to come from farther "back" than Sam Bowie.

    Sixth Player Award: Ricky Pierce in a long, long time and this note
    will live forever. Or at least in an academic environment. If State
    does nothing more than insist on honest minimum academic standard and
    that's important. It may penalize the private schools that have
    occurred that you get these rumors, Richard ??? � � He makes them up!

    And don't forget that famous incident (circa 1972) where the big
    battle was a brawl between two smaller non-ACC schools (NC A&T vs NC
    Central) earlier this month.

    � Until the ACC only you can take a statistic, in the 1980 NBA Finals
    swooping *behind* the backboard to gently sink a reverse layup. The
    look on Laker Mark Landsberger's face is priceless. Magic would break
    the Sixers again took a few days ago, we'll call it cold and clinical
    but the team generally regarded as the American Fantasy Conference.
    Where we get ???

    As for my soul, boys ...

    "When Larry Johnson can do with the contract they had to move on,
    guys. The man comes to mind in that void ???

    Bob Hunt


    I guess college ball will depend on the money with his arms around her
    and holds the club with her. They both swing as he explains the
    technique.

    Everything is going fine until they are SLOWLY approaching the
    clubhouse. Suddenly, as they near the doorway to the chestnut. The
    other end of the whole game was listening to 'Saw take on five
    12-year-olds in a metal box and buried it in two.

    Jeff Needle looked like Yasar Arrafat when he agrees with you, and I
    was about 8-9 years old, and had learned about a particular stadium,
    city, etc. The vast majority of noters. What a memory, Dan.

    Thanks, JD. But, what's with the NFL as an entity, or anything to do
    with the local channels. Other than that, we've been forced to accept
    the one injured part.

    Anyway, back to the other, "I see you're a Raider fan." The first guy
    always had to be blood smeared all over the hill?



    Lee


    Ha ha, good one, Frank.

    Reminds me of the following:

    Michael Jordan, Georgetown

    I cant believe i cant stand that bradless commerical wirh derek...
    know what he said, or what it meant. Since no American writers could
    satisfactorily explain it, cause THEY didn't know when we'd hit that
    snowbank. The first guy always had a goalie in bedford peter band..
    the guy could plain run!

    I sure do wish you could get more action out of the hill, yelling like
    crazy, sure put fear into us. I don't think it's a definite good
    looking gal....


    BTW its Don "No Soul" Simmons. I rented the movie last night. 

   REgarding hating Bent Mooseburglar: I also don't like the `curler'
   would take a little wind. Warm sun. A hawk drifting on air currents. I
   was rolling all over his robes! Yep. We talked about who was wearing
   the pants in the Doctor's parking lot, naked, carrying a sign, and
   threatening to kill him. I don't particularly  understand the sports
   illustrated swimsuit issue.... Offense AND defense. I thought he was
   going to try to steal our womens! They're not Christians! I HATES EM, I
   DO!! PS For further congrats, see Addendum A44 When the round ends, the
   count still continues, and the NFL is finally beginning to realize that
   most of my chair. Oh Well. I'm a Celtics fan, and I'm happy to accept
   Nazz' congrats post humorously, whatever it is found. The discussion is
   totally out of his wife. This might bear some thinkin' on. If John
   Hendry N.I.T. (Ninja In Training) is going for the dodger before
   someone on the back I fell out of control. Jeff has sent up the Doctor
   and demanded (? I doubt this ?) that the dosage be lowered is beside
   the point. I don't particularly like it. That Smith guy looks like he's
   got oil or something all over again, Right?  No it is not a valid
   charge.GIMME A DUBBAYA! This Juror is getting crapped on left and
   right. I'll try to live on only a quarter of hoops I have no objection
   to others watching such a chess match for three hours either. I have a
   designated free throw shooter for anyone who plays Center. Why not?
   It's no more silly. I think Hamster sounds better, and Dickless Hamster
   is the crux of the activity. (POPB allowed I presume)? I donno. Who's
   the Dorky lookin' Dude? That's Onan Dan. They probably figured he'd
   just lie anyway. Is that cute little gal with the rules. I don't think
   it's good for the Nation's Pasttime, for the game more exciting. I just
   saw in here?!?! Or is ma eyebones givin' me Hallugeons (tm) The Padres,
   after winning the 1st game of baseball  and most of the Chicago Cubs...
   or anything else you feel like talking about. OR, we could say (if one
   were a nerd) that it comprises `most' of the game heard anything quite
   like him. I didn't watch curling. She says what's curling. So I look
   around to see what everyone else is thinking, and nobody is saying
   `SHH' and here's all this  WHACKETY-CLACKETY, CLACKETY-WHACKETY, I
   start cracking up. I side with John to a certain extent regarding the
   best available athlete. Sometimes your needs dictate what you choose,
   and if you go away for a Nature study (sponsored by FPA (Fellowship of
   Pagan Athletes). There are an awful lot of bear track, TONS of Elk, and
   a jerk! Yankowskas OD's on Old Fashioned mix CUBS WIN! CUBS WIN!!! And
   it goes on and on! CRIPES!!! I can't even remember who the hell it
   could ever be considered actionable.  If a huge judgement is handed
   down against the Angels. This has been my experience that bat speed is
   a fignewton of our collective imaginations. Or .... could it be... that
   like Judge Wapner, he is so unpredictable. Ron Guidry is not the coach
   walked up and find a lady JN. Kinda warms the ole heart strings. A win
   and a serious case of dyslexia. It's called: /Don and Jerry just say
   ON! Evidently it's supposed to be a good idea for him to adopt some
   sort of code to warn the rest of us, huh?! Right? Right? Hah! Mike JN
   ACCorcism (tm) Dick Hamel & Frank Chainsaw Way god (tm) Mike Heiser
   Cheesedick (tm) Doda Dock (tm) Denny Facks (tm) Public Domain
   Wolfpackgate (tm) Haas Wonk-it-all(tm) Dick Hamel All Hopped Up (tm)
   Frank `Chainsaw' Way Onan of Sports(tm) Frank `Chainsaw' Way Ooo-ing
   (tm)-Patrick Ewing Raider_Rich POPB (tm) aka Personal opinion fueled by
   personal bias MikeC Pile it High (tm) Mike JN ACCorcism (tm) Dick Hamel
   & Frank Chainsaw Way Hallugeons (tm) A mind-expander founded by the
   (unfortunate) advice he gave Mr. Crisp. When it comes to Jury voting, I
   should mention that I am: 

   MIKE JN

    Rollward, Mike JN, rollward..
    
    JD

    
    Imagine that.  An ::RCASO softwear program that uses artificial
    intelligence to duplicate the thought process of the departed Ralph.
    I'm sure he'd be proud.
    
    "Secretary, I want you to collate, translate, and have these files
    Casodized(tm) for this afternoon's staff meeting.  It sounds great,
    and what they don't understand won't hurt 'em any."
    
    "Do you want the decoder rings served with the coffee and danish?"
    
    "Hell, no.  I don't want them to know I haven't the slightest idea
    what I'm talking about.  I just want it to sound good!"
    
    Dickster
    

    Speaking of fantasy software tools...
    
            <<< DNEAST::SYS$TOOLS:[NOTES$LIBRARY]COMMUSIC.NOTE;2 >>>
             -< * * Computer Music, MIDI, and Related Topics * * >-
================================================================================
Note 2365.0               Rap music generator program.                13 replies
DNEAST::COMBAR_CURT "Ayuh! I'm from Maine..."       205 lines   8-JUN-1990 16:33
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The following is a humorous entry from Usenet.  The C source code at the end
really works!  Enjoy....

Curt

---------cut---------------cut---------------cut---------------cut-------------

Path: shlump.nac.dec.com!e2big.dec.com!decwrl!looking!funny-request
From: [email protected]
Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
Subject: How to write a Rap/House/Disco song
Keywords: computer, chuckle, offense=rapsingers
Message-ID: <[email protected]>
Date: 7 Jun 90 23:30:06 GMT
Lines: 188
Approved: [email protected]
 
 
How To Write a Rap / House(glorified disco) / Disco Song
--------------------------------------------------------
 
LYRICS:
Simply take one word or phrase from each of the three columns below, in order
to make one line.  Repeat randomly four times.  Repeat process again twice
to make chorus.  Repeat last line 17 times.  Don't worry if they don't make
sense.
 
Column 1		Column 2		Column 3
 
Move it			Triple Beat		The City Streets
Get Up			Body Heat		You'll be Humpin
Pump It Up		Feel the Beat		Before the Night is Over
Get Down		Get Around		Shake your Meat
Shake it		The Joint Is Jumpin	Bustin Loose
Pump the Jam		Feet are Stompin	Disco Heat
 
BACKBEAT:
Program a drum machine in neverending 4/4 time.  Add occasional snare.
 
BODY:
Add monotonous bass in one key.  Overlay with puncy sounding synth.  Get
previously unknown singer to talk the lyrics so as not to test the range
of the vocal chords.
 
PRODUCTION:
Put above ingredients together on master tape.  Press discs.  Give the label
a suitably techno-funk sounding name, like "Mixmastermeatbeaters".  Sell 5
million copies to unsuspecting public.  Win MTV Award.
 
 
The sad thing is the public will *think* you've been creative...  
 
Better still, this process can be automated via a lyric C program, a random 
synth base and music generator, and the discs mastered directly by computer
control.
 
This relieves the composer of decisions regarding which phrases and notes
to use in production.  By pressing the <RET> key, more than 100 CD's a week
can be generated.
 
This I have done, below is a sample composition guaranteed to make megabucks:
 
-----
"Get down" by Mixmastermeatbeaters
 
Get down the joint is jumpin' you'll be humpin'
Shake it feet are stompin' in the city streets
Pump the jam feel the beat with disco heat
Move it get around 'til the night is over
 
(chorus)
Get down to triple beat shake your meat
Pump it up get around in the city streets
 
Pump the jam to triple beat you'll be humpin'
Shake it get body heat 'til the night is over
Get up the joint is jumpin' you'll be humpin'
Pump it up feet are stompin' I'm bustin loose
 
(chorus)
Get down to triple beat shake your meat
Pump it up get around in the city streets
 
Pump it up get around in the city streets
Pump it up get around in the city streets
Pump it up get around in the city streets
etc..
-----
 
Note that this is indistinguishable from the human generated version.
 
For those who wish to compose themselves, the program appears in the next
posting.  I hope for a cut in the royalties :-)
 
!-----------------------------------------------------------------------
 
#include <stdio.h>
#include <time.h>
#include <ctype.h>
 
static char     col1[6][30] = {
	"Move it",
	"Get up",
	"Pump it up",
	"Get down",
	"Shake it",
	"Pump the jam"
};
 
static char     col2[6][30] = {
	" to triple beat ",
	" get body heat ",
	" feel the beat ",
	" get around ",
	" the joint is jumpin' ",
	" feet are stompin' "
};
 
static char     col3[6][30] = {
	"in the city streets\n",
	"you'll be humpin'\n",
	"'til the night is over\n",
	"shake your meat\n",
	"I'm bustin loose\n",
	"with disco heat\n"
};
 
main()
{
	int	chor[2][3];
        int     i,j,getpid();
        long   	now;
 
/* Generate random seed */
 
        now = time(&now) / rand();
        srand(getpid() + (int)((now >> 16) + now + time(&now)));
 
/* Generate chorus and title */
 
	for (i = 0; i < 2; i++)
		for (j = 0; j < 3; j++)
			chor[i][j] = rand() % 6;
	printf ("\n\"%s\" by Mixmastermeatbeaters\n\n",col1[(chor[0][0])]);
 
/* Print out song */
 
	verse();
	chorus(chor);
	verse();
	chorus(chor);
	lastline(chor);
	printf("-----\n");
}
 
chorus(chor)
int	chor[2][3];
{
	int	i;
 
	printf("\n(chorus)\n");
	for (i = 0; i < 2; i++) {
		printf("%s",col1[(chor[i][0])]);
		printf("%s",col2[(chor[i][1])]);
		printf("%s",col3[(chor[i][2])]);
        }
	printf("\n");
}
 
verse()
{
	int	i;
 
	for (i = 0; i < 4; i++) {
		printf("%s",col1[rand()%6]);
		printf("%s",col2[rand()%6]);
		printf("%s",col3[rand()%6]);
        }
}
 
lastline(chor)
int	chor[2][3];
{
	int	i;
 
	for (i = 0; i < 17; i++) {
		printf("%s",col1[chor[1][0]]);
		printf("%s",col2[chor[1][1]]);
		printf("%s",col3[chor[1][2]]);
        }
	printf("\n");
}
 
!-----------------------------------------------------------------------
 
Brendan Jones			ACSnet:  [email protected]
R&D Contractor			  UUCP:  {uunet,mcvax}!otc.otca.oz!brendan
Services R&D			 Phone:  (02)2874676   Fax:  (02)2874990
|||| OTC ||	 		 Snail:  GPO Box 7000, Sydney  2001, AUSTRALIA
--
Edited by Brad Templeton.  MAIL your jokes (jokes ONLY) to [email protected]
Attribute the joke's source if at all possible.  A Daemon will auto-reply.
 
Jokes ABOUT major current events should be sent to [email protected]
Anything that is not a joke submission goes to [email protected]

   Pump it up and 

   		jam it

   			slam it

   				cram it

   					BLAM it dammit!

   Mike `Rap_is_my_life' JN