| T.R | Title | User | Personal
Name | Date | Lines |
|---|
| 224.1 | | QUASER::JOHNSTON | WonFarfugIsKnotEnuf! WhoIsTooBlam?! | Thu Apr 26 1990 16:28 | 151 |
| When I saw this note, I remembered that last year I had extracted
a note from the old Kiner's Korner that someone (I think it might have
been Jeff Needle) had put in. They were similar to Kinerisms, but from
a different guy. I remembered that some of them had me roaring, so I
thought I'd stick `em in again.
ENGLISH DOESN'T GET TO FIRST BASE.
by Bill Doyle, of the Worcester Telegram & Gazette, Thursday,
May 25, 1989. (Reprinted, of course, without permission)
He's Baseball's Mr. Malaprop. He misuses more words than Ralph Kiner,
Ned Martin, Bob Montgomery, and Phil Rizzuto put together, if that's
possible.
He's Jerry Coleman, television and radio broadcaster for the San Diego
Padres. Not since Casey Stengel has the game heard anything quite like
him.
Sit back and enjoy a chuckle or two at some of the crazy things
Coleman has said on the air. This list was compiled by a longtime
Padres' fan.
Rich Folkers is throwing up in the bullpen.
Johnny Grubb slides into second with a stand-up double.
If ever a grounder had "F" written on it, that grounder did.
It's off the leg and into left field of Doug Rader.
Thomas is racing for it, but McCovey is there and can't get his glove
to it. That play shows the inexperience, not on Thomas' part, but on
the part of Willie McC... well,not on McCovey's part either.
Grubb goes back, back... he's under the warning track, and he makes the
play.
They throw Winfield out at second, but he's safe.
The first pitch to Tucker Ashford is grounded into left field. No,
wait a minute. It's ball one, low & outside.
Jesus Alou is in the ondeck circus.
Mike Caldwell, the Padres right-handed southpaw, will pitch for San
Diego tonight.
The ex-left-hander Dave Roberts will be going for Houston tonight.
You can't argue with umpires like Leo Durocher.
Well, it looks like the all-star balloting is about over, especially
in the National and American leagues.
The Cards lead the Dodgers, 4-2, after one inning and that one hasn't
even started.
The final score after eight innings is Giants 3, Padres 2.
There is a paid crowd of 11,567 here to see the Pirates & the Bucs.
The Padres, after winning the 1st game of the doubleheader, are ahead
here in the top of the fifth, 4-0, and are hoping for a split.
At the end of 6 innings of play, it's Montreal 5, the Expos 3.
Tony Taylor was one of the 1st acquisitions that the Phillies made
when they reconstructed their team. They acquired him from
Philadelphia.
I sure hope you're staying alive for the upcoming Dodger series.
National League umpires wear inside check protesters.
The Phillies beat the Cubs today in a doubleheader. That puts another
keg in the Cubs' coffin.
Reggie Smith of the Dodgers and Garry Matthews of the homers hit
Braves in that game.
Gaylord Perry and Willie McCovey should know each other like a book.
They've been ex-teammates for years now.
Sanguillen is totally unpredictable to pitch to because he is so
unpredictable.
Ron Guidry is not very big, maybe 140 pounds, but he has an arm like a
lion.
The way he's swinging the bat, he won't get a hit until the 20th
century.
For San Francisco, Marc Hill hit a home run and Bill Madlock hit a
couple of pears.
There's 2 heads to every coin.
Stay tuned for today's spring training opener against the Angels.
This has been the Padres' post-game show.
Billy Almon has all of his in-laws and out-laws here this afternoon.
On the mound is Randy Jones, the left-hander with the Karl Marx
hairdo.
If Rose's streak was still intact, with that single to left, the fans
would be throwing babies out of the upper deck.
That's the 4th extra-base hit for the Padres - 2 doubles & a triple.
Montreal leads Atlanta by three, 5-1.
Last night's homer was Willie Stargell's 399th career home run,
leaving him one shy of 500.
Larry Moffet is 6-3, 190. Last year he was 6-6.
That rbi gives Winfield 49, just one short of the century mark.
That's Hendrick's 19th home run, one more and he hits double figures.
Hector Torrez, how can you communicate with Enzo Hernandez when he
speaks Spanish and you speak Mexican?
From the way Denny's shaking his head, he's either got an injured
shoulder or a gnat is in his eye.
Ozzie makes a leaping diving stop, shovels to Fernando and everybody
drops everything.
There is someone warming up in the Giants' bullpen, but he's obscured
by his number.
Turner pulls into second with a sub-blown double.
Edwards missed getting Stearns at 3rd base by an eyeball.
All the Padres need is a fly ball in the air.
He hits a looping line drive.
Davis fouls out to 3rd in fair territory.
There's a shot up the alley. Oh, it's just foul.
The new Haitian baseball can't weigh more than four ounces or less
than five.
Houston has its largest crowd of the night here this evening.
|
| 224.3 | Great power hitter | SHALOT::HUNT | A single ping please, Vasily. | Fri Apr 27 1990 12:36 | 6 |
| Ralph was a monster home run hitter for the Pirates. I can
recall many comparisons to Kiner's dinger records as Mike Schmidt
piled them up.
Bob Hunt
|
| 224.4 | Only HR leader teammates ever? | WNDMLL::SCHNEIDER | Oh+ | Fri Apr 27 1990 15:30 | 21 |
| >Did you know that Ralph hit HRs at a faster per AB clip than any
>other player except Babe? This could be wrong, but I believe
>Ruth hit one dinger every 9.7 ABs or whatever and that Ralph did
>so about once per 10.2 or so.
I think Babe's numbers were about 12.8, and Frank was around 15.x.
Kingman might have snuck in there ahead of him. While Babe had the
short porch in rightfield of Yankee Stadium to take advantage of,
Kiner in Forbes Field was positively shameful. Not only was it a short
way to the fence, but the Pirates actually built more seats in front to
make it even shorter for the time Kiner was there. When he left, they
removed the seats.
>Phil [Rizzuto]'s a_awful announcer and a_unfortunate person, now
>ain't he?
No. He's a funny announcer and a wonderful person, and should be in
the Hall of Fame.
Dan
|
| 224.5 | The first two, as promised ... | SHALOT::HUNT | A single ping please, Vasily. | Fri Apr 27 1990 20:50 | 61 |
| And just what did we have waiting for us in our mailbox this fine
afternoon ???
A letter from home. Aww, how nice. And what was inside ??? A
couple of diaper coupons, a little advice from mom to keep my gums
clean, and two, count 'em, two eagerly anticipated newspaper
clippings.
And so, my friends, here's to the season. I bring you the first
two of hopefully many "Kinerisms Of The Week".
"Kinerism Of The Week"
by Jayson Stark, "The Philadelphia Inquirer"
17-Apr-1990, reprinted with permission
Well, if Week In Review is back, you know who else is back. It's
the greatest baseball broadcaster of our time, of course -- Ralph
Kiner.
Our season-opening Kinerism was overheard by Kiner fan Michael L.
Kahn of Meadowbrook at a Mets-Dodgers spring training game.
"Juan Samuel is having a great spring," Kiner told him. "At least
in this game."
Stay tuned for more wonderous Kinerisms in the days and weeks
ahead. We can hardly wait.
"Kinerism Of The Week"
by Jayson Stark, "The Philadelphia Inquirer"
24-Apr-1990, reprinted with permission
This week's all-time classic from Week In Review's No. 1
broadcasting hero, Ralph Kiner, was overheard by Kiner fans Pat
Hannigan of Gibbsboro, N.J., Edward Garrigan-Nass of Philadelphia
and Pat McCann of West Chester.
It came tumbling out as last Thursday's Mets-Cubs game reeled past
midnight and into the early-morning hours. The cameras picked up
a shot of Mets catcher Mackey Sasser in the dugout. He had
just returned from his father's funeral and had arrived at the
stadium in the 11th inning offering to pinch-hit.
Our man Ralph was attempting to relate this news. But,
shockingly, it came out slightly twisted.
"If Mackey Sasser plays tonight," he said, "he will play in a game
tonight that he arrived for tomorrow."
And unless you were born yesterday, you may even understand that.
Bob Hunt
|
| 224.6 | Some more treats ... | SHALOT::HUNT | A single ping please, Vasily. | Fri Apr 27 1990 21:31 | 125 |
| And here are two more gems from Stark's first two articles.
Neither of these have anything to do with Ralph Kiner but they are
hilarious, nonetheless.
From 17-Apr-1990 ...
"Astronaut Of The Week"
As best we can tell, there is some kind of city ordinance up there
in the cosmopolitan town of Montreal that goes something like this:
"Local baseball team is hereby required to carry at least one
pitcher who can be considered legally insane."
For three years, the Expos had no trouble living with this unique
piece of legislation. That's because they had certifiable
loony tune Pascual Perez on board.
But then Perez bailed out and signed with the Yankees over the
winter. Panic reigned in the Expos' offices. And then they
remembered: Oil Can Boyd was out there on the streets looking for
work.
So they signed him right up. And after his Expos debut Wednesday,
they're grateful they did.
One reason was that he pitched great. He beat the Cardinals to
earn his team's first win of the season. He went six innings. He
gave up only four hits. But that's not the significant stuff.
His most significant feat was that he established early on that
he's in a universe all his own -- not that there was ever any
doubt. And he did that with such uniquely Can-esque quotations as
this one:
"The most important thing for me," he said, "is to go out there
and *harmonate*."
Now it occurred to us that *harmonate* - while it is indeed a
spectacular word -- is tough enough to translate into English.
But some of these Montreal writers faced an even bigger challenge
They had to try and translate it into French.
So we asked Serge Touchette of the "Journal de Montreal" how he
translated it in his paper. Touchette said this word caused him
big problems. It caused him such big problems, in fact, that he
couldn't even figure out a way to use it.
"The other French writers -- they didn't use it, either,"
Touchette said. "We didn't know what to do with it."
Well, we asked, if he *had* translated it, how would he have done
it.
"That's a good question," Touchette said. "What's the closest
English word to 'harmonate'? I don't even know what it would be."
Neither do we, for that matter. Just be glad the Can is a
pitcher, not our ambassador to the United Nations.
***
And from the 24-Apr-1990 article ...
"Excuse Of The Week"
You've heard of the hidden-ball trick, but how about the
hidden-scoreboard trick? San Diego's Joe Carter called on that
one last Tuesday. He came up in the sixth inning in Cincinnati
with the bases loaded and two out, and flied out to end the
inning. But afterward, he said he actually had been trying to hit
a fly ball because he had thought there was only one out. So why
hadn't he checked the scoreboard first? Couldn't find it. "In
the American League," he said, "I knew where all the scoreboards
were." Possibly the greatest excuse of all ti
***
And one last one in honor of the bodacious crew of OURGNG::SPORTS
noters who witnessed the Patriots Day Massacre ...
"Marathon Of The Week"
You road-runners probably thought the big battle at the Boston
Marathon last week was between Gelindo Bordin and Juma Ikangaa.
Not really.
The big battle was a test of which would happen faster -- Bordin
running 26 miles or the Boston Red Sox pitching staff getting 27
outs.
And it turned out to be no contest. Bordin's time: 2:08. Time of
game at Fenway Park that day: 3:14. And what a time it was.
The Red Sox lost a heartbreaker to the Brewers, 18-0, that day.
It was the worst shutout loss by the Red Sox in 35 years. It
marked the first time an American League team had lost a game by
18 runs in 10 years (when -- yep -- the Red Sox lost one, 20-2, to
the Angels). And it was a game that had some very strange aspects
to it.
Such as the Brewers scoring 18 runs without either hitting a home
run or even hitting a ball off The Wall. Such as the Brewers
scoring more runs in one game than they'd scored all season before
that (16). Such as the Brewers tying a team record with nine
doubles - but having only four players split up the nine doubles.
When the day began, their team batting average was .258. When it
ended, they were up to .303.
But more remarkable than any of that is the fact that the Red Sox
started the game at 11 a.m. so they could end it in time for
people to watch the finish of the Boston Marathon -- and they
still didn't make it. Bordin was through 12 minutes before they
were.
"It's amazing to me," said Brewers manager Tom Trebelhorn, "that a
guy can run 26 miles faster than we can play a baseball game."
Well, if it's any consolation, at least they could play faster
than a *woman* could run 26 miles. They nipped the winner of the
women's race, Rosa Mota, by five minutes.
***
Bob Hunt
|
| 224.7 | | BOSOX::TIMMONS | I'm a Pepere! | Tue May 01 1990 05:53 | 10 |
|
Just got to read these, and I'm still laughing.
I don't which is funnier, The Can and his "harmonate", or The Schneid's
comment on how Rizzuto should be in the HOF! :*)
Is that the announcer's HOF Dan?
Lee
|
| 224.8 | | 7983::RIEU | Stanley, won't you please come home! | Tue May 01 1990 07:22 | 2 |
| It's obviously the Shylock HOF lEe.
Denny
|
| 224.9 | I never saw Rizzuto play, but... | STAR::YANKOWSKAS | Now is the month of Maying... | Tue May 01 1990 07:28 | 6 |
| Frankly I don't care for Rizzuto as announcer, but you have to wonder
if the HOF argument has some merit when a Ted Williams storms out of a
Veterans Committee meeting because of their failure to elect Rizzuto.
py
|
| 224.10 | | BOSOX::TIMMONS | I'm a Pepere! | Fri May 04 1990 11:00 | 5 |
| Well, Paul, if Teddy Ballgame thinks he should be elected, that's
his business. And, since he's far more knowledgable than I about
that era, I'll defer to him.
Lee
|
| 224.11 | | BOSOX::TIMMONS | I'm a Pepere! | Fri May 04 1990 11:06 | 17 |
| Not a Kinerism, but a Canism.
Oil Can Boyd was being interviewed, and make some comment whereby
he "just wanted to go out to the mound and harmonate."
Now, this really threw the French writers for a loss. They couldn't
figure out what he said, or what it meant. Since no American writers
could satisfactorily explain it, cause THEY didn't know what he
said, this portion of the interview was left out of the reports.
I sure do wish someone would come up with a special show on NESN,
or ESPN, where they would just have a roundtable discussion between
Yogi, Mickey Rivers, Oil Can, and Kiner. The ideal moderator would
have been Casey hisself, or Ole Diz. But we could settle for a
typed report from the Dinz. :*)
Lee
|
| 224.12 | Quelle ??? | SHALOT::HUNT | A single ping please, Vasily. | Fri May 04 1990 11:14 | 14 |
| Lee,
See .6 for Jayson Stark's treatment of the Can's "harmonate"
quote.
I can just see the French sportswriters struggling with that one.
Qu'est-ce que c'est que ca ??? Je ne sais quoi. Excusez-moi,
s'il vous plait, Monsieur Can, mais quelle est ce bon mot
"harmonate" ???
Too funny.
Bob Hunt
|
| 224.13 | A Nightmare on Sport Channel! | CAM::WAY | There's no winners...only survivors | Fri May 04 1990 13:42 | 34 |
| HI EVERYWON TONITE WE ARE HAVING THE FIRST OF A WEAKLY SEREES
THE RALPH CASO SPROTS ROUNDTABEL TO DISCUS SPORT AND OUR FIRST
GUEST IS OYL CAN BOID. OIL CAIN RECENDLY WAS KWOTED IN THE
NESWPAPER AS TRYINNG TO HORMONATE ON THE NOUND. THE FRENCHS
SPORTWRIDERS DID NO NO HOW TO TANSLATE THIS INTO FRNCYH AND
MABEE WE CAN AKS OL CAN WAHT HE MENT
OIL CANN WAHT DID U MEAN?
wel' Raf, I was meanin that I was wontin' to hahmonate yo know,
like get out there an' be one wif da ball you know and like all
them french people was wontin to figer out what I was sayin' an
all...
SO THEN YOU AR NO TOO BLAM OIL CAN MABEE YOU CUD TELL US ABOUT
ROGER CLEMSON WHEN EWE PITCHD WIT HIM MABEE HE WAS BETER THAN
SWINDELLA ND MYABE IRF YOU WANT MEN YOU DONT WANT ME RIGHT OIL
CAN?!!!
blam man? what blam man? I'm harmonatin'....
OIIL CAN CAN YOU KNOWK CHAINSAW ON HIT BUT I BET YOU CAN CAN
BUT HE THINGS YOU OUR A GILRLY-,MON PEETCHER OIL CAN AND
HIS CLEMSON IS THE BETS BECAUS HE HAS TOW CY YOUNGS AND TWNTY
K HOF AND YOU DONT' HAVE ANY OF THAT BY THE WAY OILDD CAN
CAN YOU TAKE OFF THAT CHINA ON YOUR NECK CAUSE MABEE I CAN
NOT SEE YOU WIT THAT CHAIN ON YOR NECK AMD YOU ARE TOO BLAMA
BEAUZE ROGER CLMEONS IS BETER THAN YOU...
what you tawkin' raf?
YOU AR TOO BLAM NO WON MAN.....
TANK YOU OIL CAN FOR BEING HEAR TONITE ON RCASO SPEAKINGG FO SPROTS!!!!!
|
| 224.14 | | MCIS1::DHAMEL | MOON is not a verb | Fri May 04 1990 14:10 | 5 |
|
DONTT BLAM TEH CAN HE ISS GOOD PICHER AND YOU SHULD NOT SAY ANYTHIN
BAD CUZ HE MITE KNOK U ON YOUR CANN AND YOU SHULD NOT BLAM HIM CUZ
THIS IS THE KINER GENTLER NOTE ANYWAYZ!!!!
|
| 224.15 | | DECXPS::TIMMONS | I'm a Pepere! | Fri Jun 22 1990 11:36 | 5 |
| Bob Hunt, what's happening with Kiner? Has he been muzzled?
How about some quotes?
Lee
|
| 224.16 | On their way in ... | SHALOT::HUNT | Send lawyers, guns, and money ... | Fri Jun 22 1990 12:11 | 8 |
| Funny you should ask ...
I just got a letter from my dad the other day. Fresh batches of
"Kinerisms". I'll type 'em in tonight.
Hang in there ...
Bob Hunt
|
| 224.17 | Two more ... | SHALOT::HUNT | Send lawyers, guns, and money ... | Sat Jun 23 1990 00:13 | 28 |
| "Kinerisms Of The Week"
by Jayson Stark, "The Philadelphia Inquirer"
1-May-1990, reprinted with permission
And now -- two more explosions of eloquence from our favorite
broadcaster, Ralph Kiner.
First comes a line overheard Friday by Kiner fan Joe Buckley of Fox
Chase. Kiner had just finished relating the tale of how Houston's
Glenn Davis had befriended unrelated pitcher Storm Davis as a kid.
Which was fine. But then he tried to take this story one step further.
"And Glenn Davis," he went on, "was raised by Mr. and Mrs. Storm Davis'
father."
The next night, Dr. Jay Berke of Glenside heard Kiner unleash yet
another classic as he and partner Tim McCarver wre kicking around the
uncertain severity of Billy Doran's knee sprain.
"Think of the gamut the word *sprain* encompasses," McCarver observed.
"Yeah," Kiner replied. "There's the Sprain Parkway in New York."
Right. Then there's the sprained tongue in the broadcast booth.
Bob Hunt
|
| 224.18 | Was it two or not ??? | SHALOT::HUNT | Send lawyers, guns, and money ... | Sat Jun 23 1990 00:20 | 20 |
| "Kinerism Of The Week"
by Jayson Stark, "The Philadelphia Inquirer"
15-May-1990, reprinted with permission
This week's great moment in Ralph Kiner-watching comes from Saturday's
edition of the SCTV of baseball highlights shows, *Kiner's Korner*.
As he was narrating postgame highlights, Ralph arrived at a play on
which Howard Johnson drove in a run with a fielder's-choice ground
ball. But, in a major upset, that wasn't quite the way he described
it.
"Howard Johnson grounded into a double play," he said. "But it wasn't
a double play."
Can't get a much more vivid description than that, can you ???
Bob Hunt
|
| 224.19 | Power show | SHALOT::HUNT | Send lawyers, guns, and money ... | Sat Jun 23 1990 00:37 | 34 |
| "Kinerism Of The Week"
by Jayson Stark, "The Philadelphia Inquirer"
5-Jun-1990, reprinted with permission
The true test of the genius of our man, Ralph Kiner, is that even a
simple run through the scoreboard can result in total chaos.
On Sunday's edition of the alwasy uproarious Kiner's Korner, Ralph was
zipping through the scores until he arrived at the Boston-Cleveland
game. What he attempted to do with this tilt was to note that John
Farrell was the starting pitcher for the Indians, that Steve Olin and
Cecilio Guante relieved him and that Dwight Evans and Wade Boggs
homered.
Sounds simple enough. But somehow, it went through Kiner's Kuisinart
and came out like this:
"Farrell started for Cleveland. Olin a home run. Guante a home run in
the fifth. And also Evans a home run -- that in the fifth. Boggs also
a home run."
Now had all this been true, it not only would have been the biggest
story of the show, it would have been the biggest story of the year.
After all, there hasn't been a home run hit by an American League
pitcher since 1972. (Roric Harrison hit the last one.) But here was
Kiner's Korner reporting that two relief pitchers had homered in the
same game.
Alas, it was just another Kinerism. But we're grateful for it all the
same.
Bob Hunt
|
| 224.20 | RalphieBoy | CNTROL::CHILDS | Reckless Driving on Dirty Backroads | Mon Jun 25 1990 06:02 | 4 |
|
The Sprain Parkway what a beauty.......thanks Bob way to start the day...
mike
|
| 224.21 | | RIPPLE::DEVLIN_JO | ANother beauty of a day in Seattle... | Mon Jun 25 1990 09:59 | 4 |
| Actually, *there is* a Sprain Brook Parkway in New York. Goes from
Westchester Co. into the Bronx....
JD
|
| 224.22 | | 9385::CRITZ | Who'll win the TdF in 1990? | Mon Jun 25 1990 11:01 | 6 |
| RE: 224.21
I just arrived back from vacation in Ohio yesterday. While
in New York, I saw a sign for the Sprain Brook Parkway, so....
Scott
|
| 224.24 | | QUASER::JOHNSTON | LegitimateSportingPurpose?E.S.A.D.! | Thu Sep 27 1990 13:16 | 7 |
| Where's Bob Hunt?
Or should that be Where's Bob Hunt Hunt?
Anyway.... Just dawned on me that we hadn't had hardly any Kinerisms
this year. What happened?
Mike JN
|
| 224.25 | | DECXPS::TIMMONS | I'm a Pepere! | Thu Sep 27 1990 13:20 | 5 |
| Yeah, Mike. Good point. Calling Bob Hunt, Calling Bob Hunt.
Come in, Bob Hunt. Over
Lee
|
| 224.26 | On the road again | SHALOT::HUNT | Wyld Stallyns Rules | Thu Sep 27 1990 13:57 | 4 |
| After I get back to Charlotte from this assignment in San Diego, I'll
enter the ones that my dad has sent me.
Bob Hunt
|
| 224.27 | The Unofficial Dumb Things Your Girlfriend Says Note | SHALOT::MEDVID | Ce n'est pas ce que j'ai command� | Fri Sep 28 1990 11:43 | 44 |
| Until then, allow me to entertain you with the unofficial Linda
Martinez (my girlfriend) quotes of the past month. Bob Hunt has had
the pleasure of meeting Linda and can vouch for her Kineristic
vernacular. (Disclaimer: Linda is not an airhead. She just doesn't
think before she talks, quite like Ralph Kiner.) Here goes:
We are attending a Charlotte Knights baseball game at which they are
giving away a car. During the 7th inning, they drive the car out onto
the field. It's all shiney, the headlights are on, and the hazard
lights are flashing. She says: "Oh, how cute...
How do they get the little lights to flash like that?"
I am watching the weather channel last week to see what the weather was
like in France. The international weather comes on at 41 minutes after
the hour. We've already sat through 20-some minutes of the local
forecast and I can tell Linda is getting quite bored with all this. At
11:38 she turns to me in a huff and says, "Can we watch something else
please?" "But dear, there are only three minutes to go." "No there's
not...
it's 22 minutes 'til!!!"
And my all time favorite:
I am watching the Baylor/Nebraska game. Linda comes in and sits down
and says, "Who's playing?" "Baylor and Nebraska" She watches some and
begins to look confused (which happens quite often). "What's Baylor's
nickname?" she asks. "The Bears."
"Then why do they have N's on their helmets?"
|
| 224.28 | A classic | SHALOT::HUNT | Wyld Stallyns Rules | Fri Sep 28 1990 11:55 | 28 |
| Linda is a doll. Very, very funny girl. You better not let her see
this, Dan'l.
I'll add mine. It's an oldie but a goodie. The veterans from this
conference will recognize it from a few years back.
A couple of years ago, the Bears were playing the Niners on Monday
Night Football. I'm watching it and Cindy, my wife, was sitting at the
dining room table reading a book or painting or whatever. She wasn't
paying any attention to the game.
So the Bears run a play against the Niners D and Gifford does the
play-by-play ...
"McMahon pitches to Anderson. Anderson sweeps around end and is tackled
at the 35 by Keena Turner.
Cindy puts the book down and looks up with a real puzzled look on her
face.
And then she said: "What the hell is *SHE* doing there ???"
I just about died. The tears were rolling off my cheeks. Just the
mere thought of Tina Turner, the ultimate Acid Queen, in six-inch heels
and leather skirt playing outside LB for the Niners was enough to send
me off the giggle fits all over again.
Bob Hunt
|
| 224.29 | | QUASER::JOHNSTON | LegitimateSportingPurpose?E.S.A.D.! | Fri Sep 28 1990 13:27 | 13 |
| Big Suze will watch PART of a game.... sometimes... if it's the Donks,
the Bears, or Notre Dame. She will watch a Cubs game in it's entirety.
She will watch PART of a World Series Game. She will not watch any
other sport.
She always wanders by to check on who is playing, though, if I'm
watching a game.
So I always tell her stuff like: It's Miami against the Dolphins. Or
Cincinatti and the Bengals.
She nods and goes her merry way.
Mike JN
|
| 224.30 | shoot the photographer! | COGITO::HILL | | Fri Sep 28 1990 13:40 | 9 |
| My wife and I went to a Red Sox - Twins game this year, and Pat, who
thinks baseball is "boring" got the biggest kick out of the centerfield
scoreboard mug shots of the players. The Twins photos particularly were
less than flattering (except for Kirby Puckett), and she thought they
looked like "a gang of bikers". She referred to Greg Gagne as
"Gangreen". True, it was a *horrible* mug shot. WHo takes those photos,
anyway?
Tom
|
| 224.31 | | MCIS1::DHAMEL | Thumb screws; The rack; Red Sox | Fri Sep 28 1990 14:46 | 16 |
|
[No sh*t, Sherlock Dept.]
A friend of mine took his wife one time to see the Harlem
Globetrotters, and as they bounded onto the floor she whispered,
"Michael...look...they're all *black* guys..."
Another buddy was driving with his wife over Rte 2, Mass, when they
crossed over the Connecticut river on the French King Bridge, which
offers a nice view of the river far below. She looked out and noted,
"Gee, that must be a really *old* river..."
[No, airhead, they just put it in last week....]
Dickster
|
| 224.32 | Ralph Kiner must've been proud if he was listening ... | RHETT::KNORR | Carolina Blue | Wed Oct 10 1990 14:52 | 9 |
| Anybody catch Jack Buck's "Kinerism" last night? In the last third of
the game he came up with this gem:
"Cincinnati has outhit the Reds 6 to 5."
Guess that means Cinci had 11 hits. Wonder how many Pittsburgh had?
- ACC Chris
|
| 224.33 | Glad he's not my dad...yes, I'm sure | SHALOT::MEDVID | my apple tree, my brightness | Wed Oct 10 1990 17:01 | 7 |
| Nothing was as Kineristic as Bobby Vinton's national anthem. But as
Jack Buck said: "When you're Polish and live in Pittsburgh, you can do
anything you want with the words."
--dan'l (whos mom dated Bobby Vinton until he tried to feel
her up; then, as she puts it, she knocked the
living shit out of him)
|
| 224.34 | | PRAVDA::JACKSON | You run your mouth, I'll run my business brother | Thu Oct 11 1990 06:13 | 10 |
| RE: .33
I talked to my mother last night (in Pittsburgh) and she said that the
"when you're polish...." comment has caused quite a stir there. It's been
taken as yet another "dumb polish" joke, which isn't appreciated by
Pittsburgh's large Polish population.
-bill
|
| 224.35 | A compliment turned into a controversy | SHALOT::MEDVID | my apple tree, my brightness | Thu Oct 11 1990 07:05 | 16 |
| My first reaction was also that Buck had made a Polish/Pittsburgh joke.
Then I figured out what he was TRYING to say.
What he said (to the best of my memory): "I guess when you're Polish
and you live in Pittsburgh, you can do anything you want with the
words."
What he should have said: "I guess when you're Polish and live in
Pittsburgh, you're allowed to do anything you want with the words."
Even that, though, might be taken the wrong way by the Polish
Pittsburghers who are obviously taking what was meant to be a
compliment and turning it into a controversey. Buck was complimenting
the crowd for not booing Vinton back to Canonsburg.
--dan'l
|
| 224.36 | What happened with the Anthem? I missed it ... | RHETT::KNORR | Carolina Blue | Thu Oct 11 1990 07:50 | 1 |
|
|
| 224.37 | Loosen UP, get a life! | CAM::WAY | Beaten like a redheaded stepchild... | Thu Oct 11 1990 09:00 | 23 |
| Bottom line, people take themselves too damn seriously.
This country is the greatest melting pot in the world. People all
too often lose sight of the fact that we're all Americans. They
all get too thin skinned, and perceive every little remark which
contains an ethnic descriptor in it as being derogatory.
I'm Scottish, and I can't tell you the amount of times that I've
heard people say that so and so is as tight as a Scotsman. I've
always gotten a kick out of that, and my dad and I always laugh
at those characterizations, and some of the Scottish/stingy jokes
we've heard over the years.
I mean get real. Jack Buck, on National TV is going to be dumb
enough to put down an entire ethnic group...Right!
People should worry more about the lack of brain cells that they have
which causes them to see things so stupidly....
Arghhh,
Sorry about the flame,
'Saw
|
| 224.38 | Hope this helps ;-) | RIPPLE::DEVLIN_JO | R Joe Morgan & Jerry Burns brothers?? | Thu Oct 11 1990 09:34 | 16 |
| Bobby forgot the words, ACCrisp, he sang something like this:
Oh say can you see
By the light of your juppa dodda
What so proudly we hailed
by the the keilbasas last cleaning
And the pope in the air
What did warsaw see???
Was surely a sight for a polka yes indeed
Oh say does that pieroge still
stand on the land of the sausage
And the Home of the Pope!!
JD
and the Home of the
|
| 224.39 | Polish jokes not funny. (Scottish ones okay though) ;^) | RHETT::KNORR | Carolina Blue | Thu Oct 11 1990 09:46 | 11 |
| Not sure I cain agree with ya 1Way. I've heard (historians, feel free
to correct me) that Polish jokes originated in WWII. Thanks to German
occupation the Poles were forced to eat garbage, etc. just to stay
alive. Conditions were truly horrid, especially for Polish Jews.
Apparently the Nazi's used to make jokes about this.
Every time I hear a Polish joke now I think about this and it suddenly
becomes alot less funny.
- ACC Chris
|
| 224.40 | The Polish Prince | SHALOT::MEDVID | my apple tree, my brightness | Thu Oct 11 1990 10:14 | 28 |
| JD, I'm on the floor laughing. I'm going to print that out and show my
dad (who's Ukrainian, but all us hunkies eat the same food).
To correct JD on a couple points, though, for Chris and anyone else who
missed a fine rendition of the anthem:
Bobby sang the first four lines correctly, but I think the echo in
Three Rivers got him ahead of the organist. While trying to recover,
he wasn't concentrating on the words. The 5th line came out, "Whose
light stars and bright stripes." From then on it was a fiasco,
culminating in his reducing the last three lines into two, "Oh say does
that banner yet wave over land\and the home of the brave."
Guess my mother just hit him too hard that night as teenagers.
RE: ethnic jokes
The way I heard it explained is that ethnic jokes in the U.S. are a
result of immigration. The most populous immigrators at the time are
the brunt of the majority of the jokes. Right now, Hindu and Hispanic
jokes are springing up in large quantities.
Of course, in Pittsburgh, you can tell any ethnic joke you want to
anyone. Seems funny that the Pittsburgh family would be so offended.
My bet is that it's one or two higher ups who've decided to make an
issue. I'm sure the majority is laughing...even if it wasn't a joke.
--dan'l
|
| 224.41 | Bobby wouldn't have muffed "Una paloma blanca" | DELNI::G_WAUGAMAN | | Thu Oct 11 1990 10:44 | 12 |
|
I busted out laughing but understood exactly what Buck was trying to
say. As Dan'l indicated in the title of his previous response, Vinton
plays up the ethnic heritage thing to the max ("The Polish Prince").
If it had just been some Joe with a Polish name, that would have been a
different story.
I agree that in Pittsburgh ethnic jokes, most self-inflicted, are very
common. I'm sure 99.9+% of the people got a kick out of it...
glenn
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| 224.42 | | CSC32::J_HERNANDEZ | I came, I saw, I freaked out | Thu Oct 11 1990 10:58 | 2 |
| Yeh but did Bobby do as good a job as Leslie Neilson in "Police
Squad"?
|
| 224.43 | Special feature tonight- Zamfir joins Bobby w/your favorite Polkas! | SASE::SZABO | | Thu Oct 11 1990 11:12 | 8 |
| >.....Vinton plays up the (Polish) ethnic heritage thing to the max......
I'll say he does. Everytime I see an ad for a Polish festival, there's
Bobby's smilin' puss right in the middle of it! He must make a living
going from 1 festival to another, in between K-tel Polka commercials
that is...... :-)
Hawk
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| 224.44 | | CAM::WAY | Beaten like a redheaded stepchild... | Thu Oct 11 1990 11:43 | 12 |
| I wasn't saying the Polish jokes are okay. I don't think ethnic
jokes which are designed to hurt people's feelings are okay.
I was saying that just because someone includes the word polish,
scottish,whatever in a statement about someone, doesn't mean it's
derogatory, and shouldn't be taken as such.....
I don't mind Scottish jokes because they are seemingly always in
the spirit of fun, and a lot of time it's the Scots making fun
of themselves....at least that's been my experience...
'saw
|
| 224.45 | | MCIS1::DHAMEL | Partying and Octoberfestering | Thu Oct 11 1990 13:45 | 9 |
|
> The way I heard it explained is that ethnic jokes in the U.S. are a
>result of immigration. The most populous immigrators at the time are
>the brunt of the majority of the jokes.
So *that's* why I've never heard any American Indian jokes!
Dickster, a fraction Native American.
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| 224.46 | Seneca blood | SHALOT::MEDVID | my apple tree, my brightness | Thu Oct 11 1990 13:56 | 7 |
| Dickster,
I'm 1/16 Native American. Someone once told me that a person's heart
comprises 1/16 of his body. If that's true, I think I know where all
my Indian is.
--dan'l
|
| 224.47 | | MCIS1::DHAMEL | Partying and Octoberfestering | Thu Oct 11 1990 14:22 | 6 |
|
We must be experiencing "Indian Summer" around here. The weatherman
said there'd be Apache Fog for the next couple of days.
Cowabunga.
|
| 224.48 | | MCIS1::DHAMEL | Partying and Octoberfestering | Thu Oct 11 1990 14:25 | 6 |
|
Your heart, Dan'l? I thought it was in the loins. Hmmm..must have
more Native American in me than I thought. ;^0
Dickster
|
| 224.49 | | FRSBEE::BROOKS | Straight - no chaser ... | Thu Oct 11 1990 15:32 | 1 |
| I'm howling !!!!!!!! :-)
|
| 224.50 | Real men don't use fractions | SHALOT::MEDVID | my apple tree, my brightness | Thu Oct 11 1990 15:32 | 5 |
| Your loins are only 1/16 of your body, Dickster? So sorry to hear
that. With a nickname like yours, I'd have expected more. ;-}
--dan'l
|
| 224.51 | .49 is howling at .50 | SHALOT::MEDVID | my apple tree, my brightness | Thu Oct 11 1990 15:39 | 9 |
| Note .49 should be note .50.
I had originally written my reply without the question mark. It read:
"Your loins are only 1/16 of your body, Dickster." This is a
statement, not a question and I didn't want anyone to think I had
proof!
--dan'l
|
| 224.52 | | CSC32::J_HERNANDEZ | I came, I saw, I freaked out | Thu Oct 11 1990 17:03 | 2 |
| .52 also howling at .50. 8^)
|