Conference 7.286::sports_90

Frank,

	I T(hink) T (migh)T have decided T(ha)T he (couldn')T T(ake) (i)T any
more. (Wha)T (wi)T(h) T(he) Big T(en) falling T(hrough) T(heir) (collec)T(ive)
asses [ (no)T(ice) I (didn')T (men)T(ion) (pla)T(es)? ].

Mike JN

< Note 200.1 by COMET::JOHNSTON "Biggus Dikkus...Wewease Wodewick!" >
                                 ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Too funny, Mike.

The worst part is that if T did take a powder, he didn't even give
a good old whisky drinkin' T Tantrum(tm)...

At least it's Friday

Chainsaw

Okay, dudes,

Two outta three ain't bad...  

But the question remains, "Where are the RCASOs of yesteryear?"


'Saw

Saw, since so many people miss Ralph, I think you should rummage through this
and prior versions of Sports and collect his utterings.  Then, create an RCASO
topic, and once or twice a week enter a choice selection.  Kind of like a
greatest hits topic.  

Laker_Ken_who_is_not_too_BLAM

Laker Ken --


Yeah, it would kind of be like that statue of Lincoln at Disney World.
It would stand there and talk, spreading to the world the greatest
sayings of the Master.

Decoder rings could be provided free of charge 8^)


later,
Cy Young

	HOW MANNY SIGH YUGSS DOS CLLEMS HAV IF YUO AR NOING SOO MUSH FRANWAY

YUO DIONUT GIV CREDITY WEAR IS IT DO./ SO WY SAY SO ANYEAWAYT?

ANSER THAT WISSGY

RCASO

    Ha ha ha, nice one, Mike.  Looks like a classic CASO to me!!
    
    :*)
    
    Lee

    This is a stupid topic so I'll put this here...
    
    CBS fired Brent Musburger.  Thank you!  Now we don't have to
    listen to him cover baseball.
    

       Why didn't they wait til after the game tonight? Anything to grab
    some headlines I guess!
                                        Denny

    CBS was concerned that the story would leak with all the National
    Media covering the game so they decided to announce it early.
    
    John

I understand that Dick Stockton will be taking over all of Mushburger's 
duties.  He'll be doing baseball and football in addition to his current
stellar work covering the NBA.  

Laker_Ken

    I keep waiting to hear that it was an April's Fool joke.  Stockton will
    last 1/2 year before he exposes himself to be the fool that he is.  As
    it is now, only NBA fans and Boston folks who remember his days here
    are the ones to know.
    
    I hear Al Michaels has been fined by ABC.  CBS should make every effort
    to hire him.
    
    					Steve

    
    	Ok, I give up.... Why was Brunt fired?  Did everyone hate him
    as much as I did??? 
    
    sean

For info on Grunt Pussberger see 202.*

    Yeah, good ole Ralphie boy.  He is definitely missed.  Do you guys
    remember the first few notes he entered?  When I saw them, I thought,
    oh sh*t, these guys are really gonna lay into him.  But NOOOOOOOOO,
    whoever it was (Slasher?), tried to keep it serious and address what
    he *thought* Ralph was trying to say.  I thought that was classy.  I
    was giggling my a$$ off too!
    
    'saw, life goes on big guy.  With or without RCASO, SPORTS is the
    best conference.
    
    Claybone_the_::SPORTS_bigot!

	Remember when somebody wrote in ( was it Denny ), and asked if this
CASO guy was serious? He said he couldn't figure out what he was saying half
the time, but thought it was funny, and just wondered if the guy was serious
or not.

	Ralph went non-linear! Then everybody started writing in with their
pious faces on talking about valuing differences. I almost swallowed my socks!
I was rolling all over the cube, and had to go walk outside for a minute to get
my breath. This Notesfile is the greatest.

Mike JN

The part that I got the biggest kick out of was whoever used the
p-name string "RCASO Skul ov typing".  I was rolling on that one
for days...

Yeah, I like this conference.  There is something that goes on in here,
kind of a group creativity that is unbelievable.  

Yes, we do deviate and junk note, but when you come right down to it,
the junk notes we produce enforce some of the highest comedic principles.

This notes is great....


'saw

   <<< Note 200.16 by GENRAL::WADE "WhyGoOutForMilkWhenYouHaveACowAtHome" >>>
                                    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
    
    Claybone,
    
    Re personal_name
    
    Sometimes the cow doesn't give any milk for an extended period (no pun
    intended)of time.   The cow tends to have headaches or is tired alot.
    
    Sometimes the milk is old and soured.
    
    The milk has gotten boring over time and it's time to taste new milk.
    
    
    Just a few of the many answers to justify looking for milk.
    Also, if you were getting the milk for free in the first place, why
    would you have bought the cow anyway?????????
    
    JaKe
    
    
    

Yes, and it's very important to remember to give the cow a 
tuberculosis test on regular occasions.  Milk from tubercular
cows should not be consumed.

Also, you have to watch out for mastitis, an inflammation and 
possible blockage of an udder...

There are many hazards about keeping a cow at home.  This should
really only be done by trained professionals.

If anyone has any cow questions, feel free to ask, and I'll impart
as much of my vast knowledge as I'm able...;^)

Farmingly yours,
Chainsaw

    How many stomachs do cows have?
    
    Why do brahma bulls have that hump?
    
    Are charlois overrated due to pasture effects?
    
    schlep me,
    
    Claybone

�    How many stomachs do cows have?
    
	Three or four, depending on where you start counting.

�    Why do brahma bulls have that hump?

	For balance when engaging in reproductive acts.  The Brahma
	bull is so agressive towards the female that often he can
	get out of balance.  The hump offset this peculiar tendency.
    
�    Are charlois overrated due to pasture effects?
    
        Only if the pasture is saturated in clover....
	
�    schlep me,

	Okay, you're schlepped...
    

8^)

Chainsaw

    	Saw, what's the psychological effects of repeated "tippings"
    on a cow???  jus wunnerin, thanks.

It depends on whether or not they lose their cud.  

If they don't, then there's no problem, because it serves the same
functions as a child sucking its thumb.  A thumb sucking child can
literally have a building fall down around its ears and be none the
worse for wear.

However, it the cow loses its cud, then the cow could be scarred for
life.  In fact, if it's bad enough, the cow will never produce milk
again, producing, in fact, small curd cottage cheese...

You heard it here first,
Chainsaw

> �    Why do brahma bulls have that hump?

> 	For balance when engaging in reproductive acts.  The Brahma
> 	bull is so agressive towards the female that often he can
> 	get out of balance.  The hump offset this peculiar tendency.
    
    I don't think that's quite right, Frank.  That hump is caused by the
    cows' front hooves clamping action.  I know that this is true since
    my hump didn't appear until after I started dating.  Of course my
    hump is really scar tissue formed from long fingernails.
    
    Hope dis heps
    
    Cowboy

    Cowboy dates cows........film of his hump at 11.....:^)
    
    Claybone

    -< Is it the hooters? >-
    
    Nope...
    
    
    It's the hoofers...
    
    ...mike
    

    	and all this time i thought it was called a hoosier...
    
    <THUMP!>

    
    If anybody gets the chance to see it, I'd recommend a really gnarley
    movie I saw last weekend.
    
    It's about this farmer who's out walking in the dell when he hears
    a voice out of nowhere say "If you plow it, he will come."  He then
    proceeds to take apart this little league field and turn it into
    a meadow, to the great chagrin of the townspeople, and also his
    wife who made a lot of money selling popsicles at the games.
    
    After some time, he looks out the window, and sure enough, there
    is this big ol' cow standing in the middle of his field.  He goes
    out, and sure enough the cow is none other "Jersey Joe", who was
    rustled years ago and was presumed dead.  The farmer just stared
    in awe as the cow crapped in the field, and disappeared back into
    the corn.
    
    Days later, "Jersey Joe" reappeared with some other bovine buddies.
    There was Mrs. O'Leary's cow who started the Chicago Fire. And there
    was Elsie the contented Borden Cow (or was that Lizzie, I can't
    remember.)  Then came Ferd'nand the Bull, the cow that jumped over
    the moon, and the cow that Jack sold for a handfull of magic beans.
    
    Then the farmer hears another voice, "Ease her pain," so he grabs
    the milking stool, takes the situation in hand and milks it for
    all it is worth.
    
    An udderly fantastic film.  See it..it's called "Field of Creams."
    
    -Dick
    

	You are a very sick man. Dick!

	Didn't anyone ever tell you the pun is the lowest form of humor?

	(I liked it)

	Mike JN

Dick --

That's got to be close to Note of the Year.

I mean, how long did it take you to come up with that bevy of
bovines?

I'm impressed...

Don't forget to "go the distance"....

'Saw

    
    Re: list of cows
    
    It's all there in the Farmers Almanac.
    
    

    Speaking of cows,
    
    The latest issue of one of those grocery store rags showed Dolly (I'd
    dribble a basketball across a mine field for her) Parton and the
    caption said that doctors had just filled each mammie gland with a
    pint of silicone.
    
    Cowboy
    

    
    Wouldn't mind visitin' the silicone valley.
    
    -Dick
    

    You bet!  How'd you like to drive your hooves into *Dolly's* back!
    

    Know why Dolly won't have kids.....
    
    Cuz her kids would get stretch marks on their lips!
    
    BA DUM
    
    Claybone

    Yeah, I saw the Dolly Parton front page headline and picture.  What a
    riot!  The picture shows her in a shoulderless dress that pushes her
    boobs up.  And of course, the resulting bulge is where the 16 fluid
    ounces was injected in each one!  The wording of the headline was
    really humorous too (wish I could remember it exackly)!
    
    Another rag's headlines: "Priest explodes during Exorcism!"
    
    Too much.
    
    H�wk

    
  >    And of course, the resulting bulge is where the 16 fluid
  >  ounces was injected in each one!  The wording of the headline was
  >  really humorous too (wish I could remember it exackly)!            
   
    "Dipstick Shows Dolly is Down a Quart"  p.16 for details
    
    

    I saw a headline the other day on one of those rags that
    went something like this:
    
    Head of man who was having an affair explodes. 
    Guilt was just too much for him.
    
    I could make my head expolode too if I filled it with the business end
    of a shotgun, but, I don't want too.
    
    JaKe
    

    I liked the headline that said that the 400lb bride rolled over
    the morning after their wedding and found her new husband smothered.
    
    These rags makes the grocery shopping almost fun.
    
    Oh yeah, with the Catholics relaxing their restraints on exorcisms
    we may become quite annoyed with the noise of exploding priests.
    
    Cowboy
    

    How 'bout the guy that drops his glass eye in his buddy's drink
    and starts a barroom brawl.

    Thanks, Jeff.  I was wondering when someone was going to put an end to
    all this tomfoolery.......
    
    I wanna talk sports, not Dolly Parton's fluid capacity.  :-)
    
    H�wk

I like the one on SNL where Garret Morris talked about the black people
who would spontaneously ignite from the heat of the lights.  Pretty funny.

Sports connection?  Wasn't the guest host that night Fran Tarkenton?

And hey, it's my topic ;^)

Chainsaw

       For those of you who don't read CHCAGO::NEW_ENGLAND_PATRIOTS, you
    missed some of Ralph's best work. Here's a sample to whet your
    appetite,
    enjoy: 
                                       Denny
        <<< CHCAGO::MASA3:[NOTES$LIBRARY]NEW_ENGLAND_PATRIOTS.NOTE;1 >>>
                           -< New England Patriots >-
================================================================================
Note 69.7                      Waive Eason! Why??                       7 of 224
FXNBS::CASO                                           3 lines  26-OCT-1989 09:13
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    .6
    
    WHAT EVER I MAD!!!
        <<< CHCAGO::MASA3:[NOTES$LIBRARY]NEW_ENGLAND_PATRIOTS.NOTE;1 >>>
                           -< New England Patriots >-
================================================================================
Note 69.28                     Waive Eason! Why??                      28 of 224
FXNBS::CASO                                          19 lines  26-OCT-1989 13:13
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    
    MR GRYGLIK, No im not a relitive but i know him....
    
    Any way im not trying to change your mind but your wrong if you
    think he sucks! And all i see is Tony Eason problems in hear there
    is a LOT of Patriot players this year that sucks!!!
    
    And he did lead the patriots to the superbowl!!!even though they
    lost but no team would have won that game! And if i remeamber
    Jim Plunkett was waived by Bill Walsh and the 49ers then lead
    the Raiders to 2 SUPER BOWLS!!
    
    And if you like MEN keep me out of it i see what you wrote you have
    your opinions and i have MINE! 
    
    Bernie Koser has a few bad games and they let him play out of it!
    Same thing for many NFL QB. Tony did good if you look at 2 out of
    his 3 games he play'd in this year NO PATS QB HAS THROW FOR MORE
    YARDS IN A GAME THIS YEAR THAN TONY! FACT!!!
        <<< CHCAGO::MASA3:[NOTES$LIBRARY]NEW_ENGLAND_PATRIOTS.NOTE;1 >>>
                           -< New England Patriots >-
================================================================================
Note 69.161                    Waive Eason! Why??                     161 of 224
FXNBS::CASO                                           7 lines   2-NOV-1989 14:06
                              -< ENOF SAID!!!!! >-
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    .160
    
    WHATS THIS YOUR WRONG HES WRONG IM WRONG BULL! THE BOTTOM LINE IS
    
    HE WAS PICK UP BY A TEAM WILLING TO PAY HIM TOP DOLLAR AND YOU AND
    
    MANY OTHER NOTES SAID THAT WOULD NOT HAPPEN!!!!!

    I consider a good barroom brawl to be an excellent SPORTing event.
    
    Dolly's fluid capacity may not be SPORTs but there's a few things about
    her that just thinking about put me in a SPORTing mood.
    
    
    JaKe
    

Thanks Denny --

I felt like a crackhaid, sittin' in the crackhouse, wif ma body
all achin' and racked wif pain, needing a fix...waitin' on lightin'
up, not having a stash....

And then, like Manna from Heaven, you came, you saw, and you supplied
RCASO...

I am f****** rolling bigtime!!!!

YEW OUR TWO BLAM!!!!

'saw

    Thanks, Denny!  That made my day already!
    
    "If you want MEN keep me out of it...." has me roooolllliin'!!!11
    
    H�wk

    
    Not so early in the morning, guys...  Oh, no...I don't feel so good...
    I feel like I'm gonna ralph....oh God, I am gonna....
    
    RaaaaaaaaaalllllllllllllLLLLLLLPPPHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
    
    
              !!!!!!!
                                                 CLEMENS
                ***                TON Y EASON         drip
                ***                        drip            drip
                  ***                      drip 
                                                   BLAM  BLAM
        YO ARE!!!111              !!!!11    
                 drip                  drip                  
                                                   BLAM!!!!111
                          ONE MAN IN NO TO         BLAM!!!!111
                               drip                   drip
                                drip                    drip
       SYYOUNG     CAN YU DO BETTER????!!!!111
                          drip
                            
                          drip
                                  drip
    
    
    Oh, god....sorry, fellas.  Excuse me....I'll go get something to
    clean off your screen.  Aw man...I'm so embarrassed.
    
    
    -Dick
    
    
                        

    
    What's wrong with SPORTS ??   The problem is exemplified by the
    majority of responses to this very note ......
    
    The "old" SPORTS had some very unique personalities ...... folks that
    knew their sports, enjoyed barbing back-and-forth and didn't have to
    resort to Dolly Parton-based humour .....
    
    IMO this "new" SPORTS has become dominated by a few cliques ... which
    is o.k. except when the replies take on a "you-had-to-be-there"
    focus ......
    
    Noter A  " Wow, that beer you drank last night sure must have mixed
               up your head "
    
    Noter B  " Yea, and weren't those pretzels great "
    
    This may be interesting/humourous to those who "were there" , but to
    the majority of the folks reading this file (and thinking of
    participating) ..... YAWN.
    
    I, personally, find the sexual humour pretty boring too ..... not
    that I'm a prude, but c'mon ..... most of this stuff reminds me
    of a high school locker room conversation.
    
    Just my opinion ...... as Joni Mitchell said " You never know what
    you got 'til it's gone " .........
    
    
    Greg

I still miss having Ralph in here.  He used to really crack me up...

As for the rest...oh well

'Saw

    Didn't we already go thru this before, and before that, and before
    that, and ........  :-)
    
    This is SPORTS.BARROOM, not SPORTS.STATS_STATS_&_MORE_STATS.  :-)
    
    Diversity is what makes this conference interesting.  And the mod's
    have done a good job keeping down the garbage, as have us junk noters. 
    Just do a next/unseen whenever you see Denver, Cleveland, Oilers,
    PittsburgH, and Anti_Celtic notes, and you'll be fine!  :-)
    
    Hope this helps.
    
    H�wk

    
    It definitely runs in cycles, and should subside soon, so try to
    bear with it.
    
    I mean, college hoops are done, there's no football yet, baseball
    has yet to open, and you know what they say about idle typing fingers
    being the debil's workshop.  Us junk note junkies will get a buzz
    on, then fall asleep again.
    
    -Dick
    

    besides, its almost the season for the SPORT of crocket.  Imagine
    for a second an athlete like DOLLY PARTON swinging a mallet and
    JOGGING after a loose ball.  Now, if that aint SPORTS....   Then
    imagine that RCASO is helping her with her swing....  Hey wait a
    minute?!

The collective creativity that exists in this file, from Mr T
to Dick, to me, to /Don, to Onan Dan, to other more numerous to
mention, is beyond belief.

If it wasn't so darn BIG, this forum, if put on TV, would blow
the Sportwriters out of the water.  I mean, we've got the dastistickal
types for all the CPAs out there, and we've got the class-clown
types for people who like to laugh....we've even got our own
video producer....

Let's all pat ourselves on the back for this phenomenon....

latered,
'Saw

    Right arm!
    
    Outta state!
    
    Power to the pe..., er, people!
    
    This file is great, even with a lot of the garb�ge.  I never
    appreciated SPORTS until I checked-out SOAPBOX.  That is one
    garbaged-up file!!!!!!11(tm)
    
    H�wk

Hawkster, uh, er H�wkst�r,

Check out MUSIC.  I mean, they have these really radical debates.
If you think ACC Chris and Mr T go at it, you should check out the
PMRC note over there...  one of the noters actually tries to make
everyone follow these debating rules and stuff...

Man, talk about gestapo noting...  I did get a kick outta the
Zamphir note...8^)

'Saw

�    Unless, of course, you were referring to all the "facks" he likes
�    to create on certain subjects.
    
Yes, that's (clearly) what I was referring to.

Of course, there is a school of art/music called Antiart or Antimusic.
Particulary in Antimusic, one does whatever one can to destroy the
logical flow of what music is.  An example of the ideal anitmusic
piece would be one where the music is written on a CRT, and as the
notes are played they disappear.  the CRT display would be the
only copy of the music EVER in existence....  A sunset is a good
example of antiart.

My point is that even in antiart there is some "creativity".

Thus, when Dan sits down to leave us some DanSpore(tm) in the
form of a DanDiatribe(tm), he is, in his own way, being
creative...

Hope this helps,
Chainsaw

    Dan specializes in facts and logical analysis.
    
    MrT specializes in facks (tm), T-hypocrisy (tm), emotional diatribes,
    and, occasionally (the most recent example being him accusing Georgia
    Tech of paying off the refs in the Michigan State game) ludicrous and
    deranged ramblings.  (BTW - My own feelings are that he picks this
    up from Fight (tm) himself, but that's just an opinion.)
    
    Hope this helps,
    
    
    - ACC Chris

    Funny you should mention MUSIC, 'Saw, cause just today I revisited that
    file just to see if there's been any more Zamfir humor.  And the reason
    why I left it several weeks ago was because of the bull PMRC and Grammy
    Awards LDUCs.  (Hey, SPORTS isn't the only conference that LDUC's!)
    
    I was rolling big time at one of Zamfir's greatest hits, "Slippery When
    Blown Real Hard"!!!!!11(tm)  :-)
    
    H�wk

�    I was rolling big time at one of Zamfir's greatest hits, "Slippery When
�    Blown Real Hard"!!!!!11(tm)  :-)
    
Funny how you managed to get that in under the reply number (69) that
you did....

Yeah, I couldn't believe what was happening there.  Folks were 
getting out the ol' dictionary, and arming themselves wif logical
debatin'-type arguments....  Hell, I thought I was watching 
Buster and Mike go at it agin...

I entered my 2� worth, and then took a powder.  I figured I wasn't
gonna debate anybody.  (I gave up that 'batin' stuff fer lent....)


Chainsaw

    I planned that 'Saw......  :-)
    
    re: Caged Heat, plenty of womanity......
    
    Don't tell me.  Cybil Danning must be the star in this flick.  No,
    better yet, do tell me!  :-)
    
    H�wk

Sybill Danning ...  yum...

Well, what can I say....  I loved her in the Hercules movie with
Lou "The Incredible Dork" Ferrigno...

Also saw her in some German dubbed movie while I was in France. 
I don't know the name but she was a teacher, having an affair wif
some student of hers, and she kept bonking him.  We got to see
some pretty interesting portions of her anatomy.  Anyway, someone
blowed away most of her husband's family, and I think it got
hung on the kid.  (If anyone knows the name of the movie in English,
let me know....)


'Saw

    	this conference is OFFICIALLY out of control 8^)
    
    sean

�    	this conference is OFFICIALLY out of control 8^)
    
CORRECTION:

	This conference is Triumphantly and Excellently
	Officially out of control.....


Party on dudes,
'saw

BABY!!!!!

    someone back H�wk up for more laughs.  CLEARLY he is batting 1.000
    today 8^)
    
    sean

Uncle Buck, upon meeting the principal with the large hairy mole
on her chin:

	Hi, I'm Buck Melanoma, and I'm the children's wart....


Had me rollin' for days....
Chainsaw


PS Still wanna know what movie that was with Sybil and the kid....

    re:  hairy moles, dreaded stretch marks.....
    
    MrT, I gotta party with you, BABY!!!!!11(tm)
    
    H�wk

    more classic Ralph notes.  The "pears" one still has me rolllinng!
    8^)
    
    
            <<< CHCAGO::MASA3:[NOTES$LIBRARY]NEW_ENGLAND_PATRIOTS.NOTE;1 >>>
                           -< New England Patriots >-
================================================================================
Note 64.39         Forget this year .... who's the QB in '90 ?          39 of 63
FXNBS::CASO                                           4 lines  24-OCT-1989 14:49
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    .36
    
    He said Tony Eason is a qulity QB in the NFL he mite of said later
    that? I dont no!


        <<< CHCAGO::MASA3:[NOTES$LIBRARY]NEW_ENGLAND_PATRIOTS.NOTE;1 >>>
                           -< New England Patriots >-
================================================================================
Note 51.71                     [#2] Miami @Foxboro                     71 of 119
FXADM::CASO                                           7 lines  19-SEP-1989 15:04
                       -< NO HOME FIELD ADVANTAGE HEAR! >-
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    .70
    
    That was great could not have said it better myself!! Good going!
    
    You cant expect a winner if you keep booing your team!! How would
    you like it if your boss and pears were all over you every minute!
    If it keeps up they need all road games!


        <<< CHCAGO::MASA3:[NOTES$LIBRARY]NEW_ENGLAND_PATRIOTS.NOTE;1 >>>
                           -< New England Patriots >-
================================================================================
Note 60.43                   Week #5 Pats vs Houston                   43 of 102
FXNBS::CASO                                           9 lines   5-OCT-1989 14:00
                              -< HAD TO SAY IT!! >-
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    
    I love it there is always excusess for DOUG but Eason is a bum and
    gets no excusess from anyone but Doug always gets excuses no matter
    what happens wins loses interceptions anything! Well i guess the
    whole league must be stupied not one team has made DOUG FLUTIE 
    there starter it takes NEW ENGLAND fans to BOO the team they SAY
    they want to STAY and not GO to the GAMES for him to get his chance
    to start! WELL HEARS HIS CHANCE AND you (most) keep the excuses
    coming!!!!


        <<< CHCAGO::MASA3:[NOTES$LIBRARY]NEW_ENGLAND_PATRIOTS.NOTE;1 >>>
                           -< New England Patriots >-
================================================================================
Note 69.161                    Waive Eason! Why??                     161 of 224
FXNBS::CASO                                           7 lines   2-NOV-1989 14:06
                              -< ENOF SAID!!!!! >-
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    .160
    
    WHATS THIS YOUR WRONG HES WRONG IM WRONG BULL! THE BOTTOM LINE IS
    
    HE WAS PICK UP BY A TEAM WILLING TO PAY HIM TOP DOLLAR AND YOU AND
    
    MANY OTHER NOTES SAID THAT WOULD NOT HAPPEN!!!!!
                

    THANKS for reminding of the reason I don't read this notes file very
    often. 
    	I suppose it did not occur to any of you so called men that not one
    woman responded to your three day dribble.  I don't wonder that any of
    you sport geniuses noticed there are very few women who even use this 
    file as a forum to express what added dimensions sports give their lives.
    	I am a very big fan of organized sports, male and female.  I have
    been watching professional sports for 30 years of my life and I would
    not take back one moment of this time for anything.  My heart has been
    broken by Montana, Clark, McCovey, Mays and countless others who gave it 
    there best, which wasn't good enough for a win that day.  I stuck with 
    those GUYS and the teams to see some of them get to the top.  It has been a
    bumpy ride most of the time, but there is nothing like the feeling of
    your team going to the SUPERBOWL or the World Series.  
    	The main topic of discussion in this sports note seems to be how to 
    best beat up the players on the teams you like and cry like a bunch of
    babies when they lose.
    	I too think this file can be much more than statistics, but where is the
    heart of the sports that you claim you like.  I have always admired the
    men in sports who have the guts and the heart to go the distance.  I
    just don't think you guys even know what that means.    

    	Julie

    Too bad the HelBus isn't rolling (or is it rollward?) already. Because
    tonight on the Toob here in C(h)olo Spgs (actually one of the Denver
    channels), we have yet another of the illuminating and
    sensitive movies about feminininininininity:
    
    
    "Amazon Women on the Moon"!
    
    Believe it or no, I'm gonna watch (at least) the first part since I, a
    mere outlander, have never been exposed to anything quite this classy.
    
    ...mike

    
    .86
    
    Humbug.
    
    Sports is first and foremost entertainment for a lot of people,
    and I'm one of 'em.
    
    -Dick
    

    MIKE!!!!   Beware OF that movie.... It has nothing to do with the
    title!!!  It's this crazy movie about a television station and one
    of the shows is called "Amazon...".  You'll have to watch it to
    truly understand how crazy it is... 8^)
    
    sean

    
    	julie, just wunnerin'.. how can you like the SF Giants and not
    like the 49ers???  (I take it from the note you're a Broncos fan).
    thanks.
    
    sean

    
    Caught "Amazon Women on the Moon" on the tube the other night. 
    They had to edit quite a bit for television, but where they cut
    out a few parts, they inserted new material that was not in the
    original.
    
    This movie is tooooo funny.  I especially like the singer called
    Clarence "No Soul" Something-or-other.  He's this black dude who
    sings all Carpenters and Barry Manilow Songs...you know, the sappiest,
    candy-coated songs ever written.  If ya want a few good belly laughs,
    catch this one.
    
    -Dick
    

    If it's that crazy I'll fit right in!
    
    ...mike
    

    
    	Dick,
    
    	My favorite thing about No Soul was how he could sing those
    sappy Manilow songs with absolutely NO expression.  The camera would
    be panned in on this emotionless face as it sang.
    	HILARIOUS!!!!
    
    sean

When I started this topic is didn't have anything at all to do
with anything at all serious about Sports.  It had to do with
"Where have you gone RCASO". It had to do with what I thought
was Mr T leaving the file again (which turned out not to be true).
It had to do with some of the past noters who are maybe no longer
with the company, who used to liven things up.

You wanna see how sports affects our lives?  Read the file, read 
the drivel.  For often times hidden in the stupidest replies are
the grains of the truth.

For me, I don't have to sit here and argue about whether player x
has more desire than player y.   I won't assume to know something like
that since I don't know what motivates them to play the game to begin
with.  I know why I would play, but not necessarily why they play.

Sports can be a microcosm of life.  But it can also be a really
good way just to relax.  Kind of like Cheers.  Every answer doesn't
have to mean something....expecting that is like expecting to find
symbolism in the type of lettuce in a salad in a foreign film.

Sports doesn't really affect my life unless I'm watching a game.
Players (most of them) are not my role models, and after my teams
loses a game, I realize that the sun still comes up in the morning,
I'm still breathing, and the team will have another chance to disappoint
me again soon (follow the Whalers, the Red Sox, and the US National
Soccer team, and you get to know this....)

What happens in this file is that people, in a small way, through their
junk notes, and their serious ones, put in stuff about themselves.
Get to know THEM and you'll get to know how sports affects them..


'Saw

    FRANKIE,
    
    
    WELL PUT.
    

Frank,

	Good speechings! You now making for sensicals I am saying this.
From your words I am standing beside myself with joys.

Mike JN

PS - If you can find some way to rig the GoWhAlE Contest so I can win it, I
will give you $1,000.00 apiece for those UConn glasses.

  'Saw,

  Thanks for reminding me of the reason that I do read this notes file
  as often as I can.

  I don't participate very often because we're a bit out of it over 
  here and it's difficult to communicate, especially since some jerk
  started putting <<umlauten>> und <<accents aigue>> on every word!!
  (I'm still having a hell of a time getting this confuse character (tm) 
  to work...I'm no technoweeeenie I guess.)

  Anyway, I find all the nonsense that goes on in here pretty entertaining,
  so keep it up and I'll keep trying to follow.

  As far as I'm concerned, anyone who takes themselves so seriously that
  they can't have a laugh over the bullshit that gets traded around in here
  is missing a lot of good laughs.  Too badded for them, 's what I say.
  
  r��k



        

    > some jerk......
    
    H�y, � r�s�mbl� th�t r�m�rk�������111
    
    :-)
    
    H�wk

	I saw `Amazon Women On The Moon' last night (part of it anyway).

I liked [ The man who turned a personal affliction into a career -- 
          Don ` No Soul ' Simmons ]

I also loved it when they were watching out the port, and the moon blew up, and
you could still see a piece of it hanging on the string that had been holding
it up.

It had some pretty good spoofs of the whole fifties genre: Sci-Fi movies, dorky
commercials, etc.

Those Amazon Women looked exceptionally toothsome as well.
" Hmmm... The throne is still WARM! "

MIKE JN

    I only saw the beginning with Arsenio Hall and his real tough
    morning. Tie caught in the garbage disposal, VCR tossed the tape into
    his forehaid, TV blew up...etc... I was rollin'!!!!
    

    Well - like I said.  I look for the junk notes.
    
    And if you're gonna hang out in the bar with the guys, ya gotta
    expect that they're gonna be a little, ummm, errr, 'loose' around
    the edges.  So I don't take offense, I just wish there were enuf
    goils around that I could feed some of it back.
    
    And when that Helbus to Co takes off, if ya don't mind toooo much
    - youse guys need a designated driver?  (I mean, I don't drink or
    nuffin, but it sounds like a real blast.)
    
    A&W  (Alison)
    

    You got it, A&W!  You are our Official Helbus Designated Driver!  Only
    thing is, when we do stop for the heiffers, you gotta promise not to
    look in the rear-view mirror.....  :-)
    
    I'm rolling!!!!!!11(tm)
    
    H�wk

Speakin' of livestock...
    
    Two farmers met in town and got to talking. One farmer mentioned
    to the other that he had a prize female pig on his farm, the second 
    farmer said that he had a prize male pig on his farm, so the two 
    farmers decided they would mate the two pigs and share the litter.
    
    The next day farmer #1 picked up his female pig, put her in a 
    wheelbarrow and wheeled her over to his friends farm. While the two 
    pigs were in the act the first farmer asked the second farmer 
    
    		"How will I know if my pig is pregnant?"
    
    The second farmer explains, "Tomorrow morning, if she is rolling 
    around in the mud, that means she is pregnant."
    
    After the pigs finish their act the first farmer picks up his female 
    and wheels her back to his farm. The next morning he wakes up and sees 
    his female out in the fields eating grass. So he again puts her in the 
    wheelbarrow and brings her to his friends farm. The next day she is 
    again out in the fields eating grass so the farmer loads her into the 
    wheelbarrow and wheels her over to his friends farm. 
    
    After about a week of unsuccessful attempts the farmer is at his wits 
    end, when he wakes up in the morning he can't bear to look at the
    window, so he asks his wife,
    
    		"Honey, is the pig in the field eating grass?"
    
    		"No, she's not."
    
    		"Is she rolling around in the mud?!?"
    
    		"No, she's not rolling in the mud either."
    
    		"Then what is she doing?!?"


    
    
    		"She's sitting in the wheelbarrow!"		
    
    

    
    
    a and w,
    
    perhaps you will serve root beer  perhaps?
    

    Hey A&W, how'd you interested in sports?
    
    My wife didn't used to care about football (or any other sport) for
    years.  It was really tough to be able to enjoy settling back with
    a cold one and make it through the game without her getting upset
    and feeling deserted.  We talked about who was wearing the pants
    in the family.  With that out of the way she decided that if I
    did the dished early enough then there would still be time to catch
    most of the game.
    
    To make a long, painful story short,  I had to find a way to get
    her involved in football watching.  The main problem was that she
    just didn't understand the rules and the object of the game.  No
    problem there.  After explaining the basics of football she started
    looking closer at the linesmen as they got ready to start a play.
    Now that caught her attention when the screen filled with all these
    shiney buns wrapped in semi-transparent pants.
    
    That's all it took for *transformation*.  Now its no problem to watch
    a football game.  If she's busy doing something I just yell, " Hey, Ma!
    There's a game com'n on!".  She says, "I know!  It's Washington!  I 
    LOVE their uniforms!  I'll be right there."
    
    Cowboy
    

    re. A & W
    
    	"Loose around the edges.."?  Thanks for the leniency in your
    	description!  Ever think of being a diplomat?  ;^)
    
    Claybone

    Dear Frankfurter,
    
    I dinna know you were soooo profound.  Must be the spring.  ;)
    
    I read sports because once in a while I glean something from it.
    Otherwise I get to watch people be silly.  >;>>>>>
    
    ---kim
    
    (P.S.  The dog still pee'ing on people, frank??? )

�	We talked about who was wearing the pants in the family.  With that out
� of the way she decided that if I did the dishes early enough then there would
� still be time to catch most of the game.

	That's the way to slap `em down when they need it Cowboy!

	I started hinting that a satellite dish might be nice. Suzi says `What!
You'd be watching sports morning `til night. Is there any sport you DON'T
watch?'  I told her I didn't watch curling. She says what's curling. So I
explained about curling and she says " Now That sounds NEAT! I'd watch that.
That'd be MUCH better than basketball. I can't STAND all that squeaking! "

 	Ya never know. 

Mike JN

    Okie, I'll bite.
    
    What IS curling?  Is there a note on it?  ;)
    
    ---kim (who doesn't care for basketball much either, but admits
    she can get into it if it's an important game)
    

    Curling is a sport whereby the winning team normally wins by a sweep.
    
    Mark.

    AND JUST WHAT DO YOU HAVE AGAINST CURLING???!?!?!?!?
    
    They have a curling club in the Spgs. at the BroAdmoor. One of the largest
    buildings in Duluth is the Duluth Curling Club. It sure helps you get
    your rocks off... 
    
    8*)
    
    ...mike 

    
    Alice's College of Hair Care has won the Division VIII curling title
    for the lasted three years.
    
    Go clippers!!!!!
    

    
    I don't know much about the sport and it's roolz, but it looks like
    some kind of shuffleboard game played on ice where they slide a
    large stone with a handle on it.  Then they run ahead of the stone
    with brooms to clear the way.
    
    Don't laugh. I'm serious.
    
    Anybody *really* know how to play this game?
    
    -Dick
    

    Do the heros of curling have their own names on their brooms? 
    You know, like Kirby and Wade have on their bats?
    
    Perspiring mimes gotsta know!
    
    Mark.

    Hawk -
    
    I wouldn't *dream* of looking when you pick up da heifers.  It's
    just that the whole freakin' *bus* is gonna stop when its a
    good-lookin' bull (and youse guys don't get to peek, neither).
    
    re root beer -
    
    That's why the signature works, 'cause that's the strongest stuff
    I drink.  But I do a *great* high on it.  Makes me a cheap date.
    
    re how I got started wif sports -
    
    damned if I know, it was sometime in high school.  Prolly when my
    best friend took me to my first Black Hawks game -- her dad was
    manager of Chicago Stadium.  We sat about 6 rows up, blue line,
    right behind the bench.  Except when we got the seats *between*
    the benches.  Hockey ain't the same on the tube, that's fer sure.
    She jest showed me the publicity pic of Keith Magnuson, at 16 that
    was all it took....
    
    re curling -
    
    It's played on ice.  There is a big 'stone', which the teams slide
    along the ice.  You use a broom to sweep the ice ahead of the sliding
    stone, in an effort to influence it's direction.  The game originated
    in Scotland, land of some *very* strange sports (these are the same
    guys that toss telephone poles called cabers).  Kinda slow developing
    action.
    
    A&W

	I saw it (from afar), and it looked like a big, round, flat bottomed
stone with a handle. It reminded me of an oversized version of my old granny's
irons... the kind you used to heat up on a stove instead of plug in. It looked
like the `curler' would take a little run and slide the rock towards the target
(a circle?), and the other people on the team used brooms to sweep in front of
it, or brush snow in front of it, in order to control the speed. Actually, it's
probably fun to play, but not exactly something I got off on watching.

	I'm beginning to think Junk Noting pays off! So far today we've heard
from Karen, Julie, Alison, and Kim. That must be some kind of record! Welcome
aboard ladies!

Mike JN

    A&W,
    
    You are one fine lady.   You can be my bus driver anyday.   Way
    too funny.   Totally rollward ...
   
   � The game originated in Scotland, land of some *very* strange
   � sports (these are the same guys that toss telephone poles called
   � cabers).
    
    Let us not forget that they toss their poles while in drag no
    less ...
    
    Bob Hunt                                                  

    re: 115: Your explanation is as good as any...
    
    

    After Hockey, Curling is the second most popular sport in Canada.
    I kid you not.  It's on CBC alot in the winter.  The explanations
    given in here are pretty close - it is a little like shuffleboard
    - strategy involves getting your stone closest to the center ring,
    and if you do that, protecting it by placing a stone in the way
    of your opponents.  You can bump your opponents' stone out of the
    circle.  The sweepers, who now use a nylon broon instead ofthe ol
    corn broom, try, as Steven said, to guide the direction of the stone,
    but more importantly, they try to guide the SPEED of the stone.
    By increasing the tempo of the sweeping, they rough the ice up and
    make the stone slow down.  Good sweepers can make or break a curl.
    
    JD

    Curling is best described as sweeping a dead bird off your back porch
    after an ice storm.
    
    Hope this helps
    
    Cowboy

have fun,

r��k

    
    >  The game originated
    >in Scotland, land of some *very* strange sports (these are the same
    >guys that toss telephone poles called cabers).  Kinda slow developing
     
    Didn't they also invent that other stupid game where you try to
    hit a little white ball into a hole a half a mile away?  To warn
    others that a ball was on it's way down the course, the player would
    yell "Oh! It is hit", later shortened to "Oh, 'tis hit", which later
    became the name of the game now known as "Oh Shit".
    
    True story.  Now would I make something like that up?
    
    -Dick
    

    re back a few
    
    THEY'RE NOW USING NYLON BROOM INSTEAD OF THE OLD CORN ONES?????????
    
    Will it never end.  Why screw up tradition and bring in foreign
    man-made substances????   Sort of like REFINED ALUMINUN bats instead of
    wood ones!!!!
    
    
    JaKe
    

    
    Next thing ya know, they'll be playing the game on artificial surfaces.
    They'll have astro-ice made out of teflon, and the stones will be
    made out of used bowling balls.
    

    re.129
    and think of the increase in knee injuries that'll bring.  And next
    thing you know, the rules will be chhanged to allow the "Regina
    Elektricbroom".  What's this world coming too???????????????????
    
    
    JaKe
    

    I went to visit a friend of mine in the hospital yesterday, so I decided 
    to stop and get one of those grocery store check out line rags to give 
    him a few laughs.  When I got to the hospital, I found out he had gone 
    home in the morning, so I still have the rag.  Just thought I'd pass a 
    couple of stories along for your pleasure on this Friday afternoon.
    
    					Steve
He's looking for...
KING-SIZE ROMANCE

120-lb man tells why big gals make best wives and lovers

   Gigantic fat gals are the sexiest women on earth, according to a skinny, 
120-pound Romeo with a king-sized appetite for love!
   Good-looking Gary von Schwebel, 25, is one of the ever-increasing number of
regular guys who are convinced that big women make the best lovers and wives.
   Gary only has eyes for girls over 300 pounds.  He'd love nothing more than
to settle down with a 500-pound beauty.  When it comes to large ladies, Gary
admits, the sky's the limit!

				SPECIAL BEAUTY

   "I've been fascinated by the beauty and charm of fat women ever since I can
remember," declares Gary.  "There's something very exciting about a girl who can
literally fill your arms.
   "They're difinitely made for cuddling!"
   Gary, who works for a financial institution, dated women of all sizes in the
past.  But he soon learned that big women are more affectionate, compassionate
and caring than their skinny counterparts.  They're also more faithful to men 
who appreciate their special beauty.

				INFLATED

   According to Gary, there's a deeper, more spiritual side to fat women which 
makes them ideal wives and mothers.  And he's quick to point out that fat 
doesn't mean ugly.
   "My old girlfriend had long blond hair and the face of a Playboy model,"
Gary tells [name of rag].  "At 300 pounds, she looked like an inflated Heather
Locklear."
   Finding heavy dates was no problem when Gary lived in Los Angeles and Casper,
Wyoming.  But big gals are slim pickings in his new hometown of Albuquerque,
New Mexico.
   "Fat women in Alguquerque are too weight-conscious," Gary explains.  "I'm
looking for someone who's proud of being big.
   "That's the kind of woman I want to spend the rest of my days with and 
develop a spiritual bond with."
   Convinced that his beloved behemoth is somewhere out there, Gary is asking
[name of rag] readers across the country for help in finding her.  He is 
romantic, easygoing, sensitive, totally sincere and willing to devote himself
forever to that one special person.
   "I know I could make her the happiest woman in the world," he says confident-
ly.
   Gary would love to hear from pen pals of any age.
********************************************************************************

If anyone's interested I have an address he can be reached at!
    

Hard as nails

TOUGH GAL IS A BOUNCER IN THE MEANEST BAR IN TOWN

   Tough gal Joey Speicher has been whacked in the face, smacked upside the
head and threatened with a gun, but that doesn't scare the chief bouncer at one
on the toughest country-and-western bars in the west.
   Joey, who stands 6-foot-3 and weighs a rock-solid 240 pounds, keeps hard-
drinking cowboys under control at the Beacon Club in Casper, Wyoming.
   At the first hint of trouble, Joltin' Joey jumps off her barstool and grabs
the roughneck with a powerful armlock or shoulder hold.
   She lets troublemakers off with a stern warning the first time, but promises
to "get ugly" if they want to take her on in a fight.
   If a fight breaks out, Joey jumps in the middle and brazenly declares to the
barrom brawlers:  "If you want to try me, go ahead - but I promise you'll get
your butt beat!"
   Even though she gets his at least five or siz times a week, Joey says that
being a gal bouncer has its advantages because "cowboys are raised not to his
women."
   But not all of the guys follow a gentleman's code when Joey tosses them out
the door on the seat of their pants.
   One bar patron bashed in Joey's face and broke her nose in the parking lot
after she kicked him out of the club.

				NO FEAR

   Joey says she was a bloody mess - but she got up and hit her attacker three
times before he went down for good.
   Another time, Joey found her life being threatened when she encountered a 
drunk with a handgun kicking a car door in the parking lot.
   The man threatened to blow Joey's brains out, but she cooly told him to go
ahead -  and then she turned and walked away, showing no fear.
   Joey says she's tangled with enough customers at the Beacon Club so that
most patrons know not to mess with her.
   The night manager at the Beacon says she's one of the best bouncers in the
business because she can talk people out of fights - and she's not afraid of
action, Joey's boyfriend isn't too keen on her profession however.
   He wants her to pursue a more lady-like career but Joey says she loves being
a bouncer because she doesn't take orders from anybody.
    

 				UFO veggies!

SPACE ALIENS TOLD ME HOW TO GROW TOMATOES AS BIG AS PUMPKINS...claims farmer
with astounding crops

   A farmer whose gigantic 20-pound tomatoes are as big as pumpkins says he 
learned the secret of growing monster vegetables from green-thumbed space 
aliens!
   Grateful Mario Cordato claims the aliens' amazing growing method saved his
faililng farm from certain bankruptcy.
   "And the amazing thing is, growing huge vegetables is so simple," says the
47-year-old farmer and father of six.
   "I don't know why I never discovered it myself.  I owe everything to those
men from the heavens."
   A team of government agricultural experts has visited Mario's farm and 
confirmed that his vegetables are out of this world in size, color and taste.

				GIANT ZUCCHINI

   Mario's crop yielded tomatoes weighing from 12 to 23 pounds.  His zucchini
ranged from two to three and a half feet long.
   One head of lettuce was larger than a basketball and weighed more than five
pounds.
   "Not only are the vegetables unusually large in size, their nutritional
content and flavor quality is excellent," says state official Hector Redonda.
   "however, Mr. Cordato is being difficult revealing his secret.

				HARVEST

   "He deeps insisting that he was taught how to farm superior vegetables by 
space aliens.  This, of course, is outrageous."
   Investigators are now testing the soil of Mario's 40-acre farm, which lies
northwest of Melo, Uruguay.  They hope to identify unusual chemicals or fertil-
izers that could be responsible for the miraculous havest.
   But Mario claims they're searching in vain.
   "I learned the secret last May," he recalls.  "My harvest had been pitiful
and my wife and children had gone to a special evening mass to pray for a 
better crop.
   "I was sitting in the field when I spotted a shooting star.  It kept getting
bigger and suddenly I realized it was coming towards me.  It settled in a nearby
grove of trees.
   "I was frightened but curious, so I ran over.  When I got there, I found a
large metal sphere about 25 feet high.  A doo opened and three man-like
creatures came out.

				TIMING

   "They were no more than five feet tall and wore silver suits.  Their skin was
very white and they had no hair or ears."
   "I don't recall them making any sounds, but seemed like they were talking in
my head."
   Mario claims the space aliens told him the correct time to plant, the pattern
of plowing and the exact amount of fertilizer to use.
   "They said timing and positioning is everything when it comes to growing 
crops," he says.
   "And the exact time and position varies each year.  Before they left, they
promised to return this year to instruct me for my next crop," Mario adds.
    

				SPAGHETTI KING 

		He can eat 20 pounds of pasta in 15 minutes

   Mighty mouth Mike Harvey has a hard acto to swallow because he can eat 20
pounds of spaghetti in 15 minutes.
   Muscleman Mike, 29, pounds down mounds of pasta each day as part of his 
strict bodybuilding routine.  To keep his massive body fueled for exhausting
workouts, his daily menu also includes five chickens and 30 eggs.
   "I love eating pasta so much that some people think I must be Italian," says
Mike.
   "But I'm just a guy who likes to eat healthy food that tastes good.
   "I feel strong as can be after I have a big plate of spaghetti.  Popeye the
Sailorman got strong by eating spinach, and I get my strength from pasta."
   Mike's power-pasta diet must be working because his chiseled body is the
envy of both men and women, and has brought him many bodybuilding championship
trophies.
   He's training right now for another competition, but this time he's only 
lifting his knife and fork instead of heavy barbells.
   Mike is practicing his speedy pasta-eating skills because he wants to win
the gold medal in England's National Pasta Eating Championship.

				FAVORITE

   "Eating 20 pounds of pasta in 15 minutes is no big deal for me," boasts Mike.
"It's like lifting weights, you just have to train properly."
   After Mike showed off his pasta-eating prowress, oddsmakers made him the 
favorite to squash the other spaghetti-eaters when the pig-out contest gets
underway.
    

    Thanks, Steve!  I especially got a kick out of the skinny runt who love
    fat women!  Too much!
    
    One of the headlines this week goes.....
    
    	NAZI ASTRONAUTS RETURN TO EARTH!
    
    	Hitler launched them into space in 194x!
    
    Another one about Arnold Schwarzeneggar......
    
    	He took money from wealthy gays!
    
    :-)
    
    H�wk

    Steve,
    
    Great stuff.  In the checkout line I saw the headline in one was
    about some of Hitler's astronauts set to return to earth.  Seems
    ol' Adolph sent them up in a rocket in 1945 - the first astronauts.
    
    JD

Aye, now Bob....are ye makin' foon of us Scotsmen and ar kilts agin?

I'll roon ya thru wi' ma Claymore, ya scurrilous dog ye....


In their time, the Clans of Scotland were some of the greatest warriors
on Earth.  I'm not an expert on their history (because I've yet to
find a history in the library that wasn't totally impossible to follow).

If you've never been to Scottish games, they are real trip.  Most
of the events are weight events, and these fellows are HUGE.   Surprisingly
enough, the one event in the games which has no standardization is the
caber toss.  There are limits, but the caber at any give games is
different from the one the weekend before.

And not anyone can wear a kilt and wear it well.  It takes some manly
legs to do justice to a kilt.   And if you piss off a Scotsman who's
got a kilt on, watch out when he reaches down to his right calf.  That's
where he keeps his dagger (actually a dirk).....

And if ya keep at it, I'll not let ye on the bus....8^)


A&W...you can drive, dear.  I'll even hook you up a root beer IV
(my soft drink of choice is cream soda though....)

latered,
'Saw

>> In their time, the Clans of Scotland were some of the greatest warriors
>> on Earth.  

	And 'Saw  we all know the greatest of them all is none other than....

	Rowdy Roddy Piper

		
Chap

	An inflated Heather Locklear, huh?

	Now that has possibilities. Lemme think on it.

Mike JN

    I knew a guy that weekly took his inflatable down to the car wash
    to get'r cleaned up.  (not that we were good friends)
    
    Cowboy

    
    Those aliens coming down into the lower forty to grow veggies reminds
    me of that movie...ah....I believe it was called "Field of Greens".
    
    -Dick
    

Lemme guess...

	"If you tilled it, they will come..."

	"Hoe the distance"

	"Ease the rain"


BLAM BLAM BLAM,
'Saw

    I wonder if there was any significance about the fact that the dude who
    loves "Rubenesque" ladies moved OUT OF Casper, Wyoming about the same 
    time that the Rubenesque lady bouncer moved INTO Casper.
    
    Now, THAT is definitely a "Theory of Sports"-type question.
    
    ...mike
    

    >>	An inflated Heather Locklear, huh?
           ^^^^^^^^
    >>	Now that has possibilities. Lemme think on it.
    
    Mike:
    
    He said inflated, not inflatable.  Although an INFLATABLE Heather
    Locklear would be something of a conversation piece, no pun intended.
    
    JaKe
    

Would not an "inflated" Heather Locklear imply an "inflatable" Heather
Locklear whose inflation valve was more or less permanantly sealed
after sufficient air had been introduced into her internal environment?

What do you think Mr Wizard....


'Saw

    Mr Wizard has probably been *pumping* inflatables for years
    to learn more about air pressures and squealing air passage.

    T, I'm ashamed of you.  
    
    Mark.

>>   "My old girlfriend had long blond hair and the face of a Playboy model,"
>>Gary tells [name of rag].  "At 300 pounds, she looked like an inflated Heather
>>Locklear."
    
    'saw:
    
    Now in this context an "INFLATED" Heather Locklear IMHO wouldn't have
    anything to do with air.  It would mean she was under the influence of
    too many freakin' pizzas, a few hundred burgers, and a couple thousand  
    gallons of chocolate milkshakes.  The only thing to do with air here is
    how much flatulence all this food would create.
    
    "INFLATABLE" Heather Locklear means if you get to frisky and bite into
    one of her mammaries too hard, she farts and flies out the window of
    her own power.
    
    
    JaKe
    

    Hey T, do they make an inflatable Bobby Knight?

>>    Hey T, do they make an inflatable Bobby Knight?
    
    
    Now I'll talk about inflatable Heather Locklear's any day but I'm not
    touching the Inflatable Bobby Knight" stuff that will surely follow
    with a ten foot pole.
    
    Harvey Schmadarkowalski, a well known ten foot pole, said he's not
    going near it either.
    
    Sheez, is it 5 o'clock yet.  My brain is sloshing around in my head.
    
    
    JaKe
    

    
    >inflatable Bobby Knight
    
    You need the industrial strength air pump for the ego alone.
    
    -Dick
    

	Does anyone (besides me) think that T sounds a lot like
	radio talk show host Rush Limbaugh ?

       Sounds more like Rev. Bakker to me!
                                        Denny

    That reminds me.  While cleaning out the basement I came 
    across a used (but not abused) Tammie inflatable.  I'll
    take the best *reasonable* offer.  Included is several
    quarts of realistic makeup and face putty (not the cheap
    Bondo brand).  DTN--BR549
    
    Cowboy

    Re: best offer for Tammie-do-all doll
       Give me 100 bux and I'll come cart it away with my 20-foot pole!
                                                 Denny

    	Looks like SPORTS is officially deemed OUTTA::CNTROL.  What
    	started this whole thing anyways?  Who is to BLAM???  Will
    	anyone ever be able to mention a beach ball again without
    	the fated reference to ninja noters and the Mefaa tribe??
    	Is nothing sacred???  
    
    	The SPORTS community lays in shatters as the fragment of society
    	swings violently out of control under the anarchal influences
    	of such famed NOTES criminals as Chainsaw, Mike JN, Hawk, /Don,
    	Mad Dog Hendry and a cast of other outlaws.
    
    	Who will save OURGNG from inevitable doom?  What is the fate
    	of SPORTS as we know it???  Will a swift justice be handed 
    	down upon those who have trespassed against the very basic
    	laws of SPORTS or will this only give rise to yet another
    	sadistic wave of gut busting replies rich in sarcastic humor
    	and outright hilarity?            
    
    	What gives wif sports, anyways????

Well, to kinda paraphrase Hank Williams Jr., and to admit guilt but
not remorse:

	"I'm still the most wanted outland in the land..."

    Reprinted wif permission.  Remind you of anything?? 8^)
    
    
                    <<< PEAR::DUA1:[NOTES$LIBRARY]SOAPBOX.NOTE;1 >>>
           -<  Soapbox - lively and vigorous debate on all topics  >-
================================================================================
Note 25.22                       Nuclear Weapons                        22 of 22
KYOA::HASKELL "Fais gaffe, tu vas te foutre** parte" 14 lines  26-APR-1990 23:01
                             -< Attack Beachball >-
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


    It had to have been one of the lowest budgeted films ever made.
    If you loved attack of the giant tomato, you would have gone bonkers
    over the heroic struggle of one of 'our' hero's valiantly defending
    himself against a docile beach ball 'pet' turned into a rabid attack
    ball. It had all the excitement of battling a ball on a string, and
    held you in suspense, right up to the moment when it fizzled out after
    being punctured. Wow! What a tear jerker that was. Actually, it was so
    pathetic, you couldn't help but laugh.

    (And yes, the beachball alien pet was a beachball of the type you could
    buy in any sporting goods store.)

    /jack

    Who, me?  Never.
    
    However, the Ninja 'Police can be after the note because the correct
    plural of hero is heroes, not hero's (sic).
    
    I'm not the only one out there!
    
    John