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Conference 7.286::humor

Title:Humor - Read Note 2.*
Notice:Laughter - The World's Greatest Medicine
Moderator:TIMAMP::SULLIVAN
Created:Fri Oct 20 1989
Last Modified:Tue Jun 03 1997
Last Successful Update:Fri Jun 06 1997
Number of topics:947
Total number of notes:13381

942.0. "Electonics Humor" by POLAR::KURICHH () Wed Apr 23 1997 10:41


  One night when his charge was pretty high, Micro-Farad decided to seek
  out a cute little coil to help him discharge.

  He picked up Milli-Amp and took her for a ride in his Megacycle.  They
  rode across the Wheatstone Bridge and stopped by a Magnetic field with
  flowing currents and frolicked in sine waves.

  Micro-Farad, attracted by Milli-Amps's characteristic curves soon had  
  her fully charged and proceeded to excite her resistance to a minimum.
  He gently laid her to ground potential, raised her frequency and lowered
  her reluctance.

  With a quick arc, he pulled out his high voltage probe and inserted it 
  into her socket, connecting them in parallel.  He slowly began to short
  circuit her resistance shunt while quickly raising her thermal conductance
  level to mill-spec.  Fully excited, Milli-Amp moaned "OHM...OHM...OHM"

  With his tube operating well into class C, and her field vibrating with
  his current flow, a corona formed which instantly caused her shunt to
  overheat just at the point when Micro-Farad rapidly discharged and drained
  off every electron into her grid.

  They fluxed all night trying various connectors and sockets until his
  magnet had a soft core and lost all of its field strength.

  Afterwards, Milli-amp tried self-induction and damaged her solenoids and
  with his battery fully discharged, Micro-Farad was unable to excite his
  field.  Not ready to be quiescent, they spent the rest of the evening
  reversing polarities and blowing each others fuses.

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942.1Part TwoPOLAR::KURICHHWed Apr 23 1997 10:4266
  Micro was a real time operator and dedicated multi-user.  His broad-band
  protocol made it easy for him to interface with numerous input/output
  devices, even if it meant time-sharing.

  One evening he arrived home just as the sun was crashing, and had parked
  his Motorolla 68000 in the main drive(he had missed the S100 bus that
  morning), when he noticed an elegant piece of liveware admiring the
  daisy wheels in his garden.  He thought to himself, "She looks user-
  friendly. I'll see if she'd like an update tonight."

  Mini was her name.  She was delightfully engineered with eyes like 
  COBOL and a prime mainframe architecture that set Micro's peripherals
  networking all over the place.

  He browsed over to her casually, admiring the power of her twin, 32-bit
  floating point processors and enquired, "How are you, Honeywell?"  "Yes,
  I am well," she responded, batting her optical fibers engagingly and 
  smoothing her console over her curvilinear functions.

  Micro settled for a straight line approximation.  "I'm stand-alone 
  tonight," he said.  "How about computing a vector to my base address?
  I'll output a byte to eat, and maybe we could get offset later on."
  Mini ran a priority process for about 2.6 milliseconds then transmitted
  8K.  "I've been dumped myself recently, and a new page is just what I 
  need to to refresh my disks.  I'll park my machine cycle in your back-
  ground and meet you inside."  She walked off, leaving Micro admiring her
  solenoids and thinking, "Wow, what a global variable.  I wonder if she'd
  like my firmware.?"

  They sat down at the process table to a top of form feed of finche and 
  chips and a bucket of Baudot.  Mini was in conversational mode and 
  expanded on ambiguous arguments while Micro gave occasional acknowledgments
  although in reality he was anyalyzing the shortest and least critical path
  to her entry point.  He finally settled on the old, 'Would you like to see
  my benchmark routine?' but Mini was again one step ahead.

  Suddenly she was up and stripping of her parity bits to reveal the full 
  fuctionality of her operating system software.  "Let's get BASIC, you RAM,"
  she said.  Micro was loaded by this stage, but his hardware policing module
  had a processor of it own and was in danger of overflowing its output 
  buffer, a hangup that Micro had consulted his analyst about.  "Core," 
  was all he could say, as she prepared to log him off.

  Micro soon recovered, however, when Mini went down on the DEC and opened
  her divide files to reveal her data set ready.  He accessed his fully 
  packed root device and was just about to start pushing into her CPU
  stack, when she attempted an escape sequence.

  "No, no!" she cried.  "You're not shielded!"
  "Reset, baby," he replied, "I've been debugged."
  "But I haven't got my current loop enabled, and I can't support child
   processes," she protested.
  "Don't run away," he said, "I'll generate an interrupt."
  "No, that's too error prone, and I can't abort because of my design 
   philosophy."

  Micro was locked in by this stage, though, and could not be turned off.
  But Mini soon stopped his thrashing by introducing a voltage spike into
  his main supply, where upon he fell over with a head crash and went to
  sleep.  "Computers!" she thought as she compiled herself.  "All they 
  ever think about is HEX."