Conference misery::feline_v1

4771.0. "In Memory of Empress, My Little Squeaker" by EMPRSS::PELOSGE () Mon Jul 08 1991 01:32

                             Empress

                       My Little Squeaker

                  July 14, 1990 to July 6, 1991

It's amazing how attached you can get in only a year's time. It
was just last July when Empress came into my life, and now she's
gone.

Empress was but one of a large litter born about May 1, 1990 to
a stray field cat in my friend's shed. After the kittens were
several weeks old, and before they all vanished into the fields
forever, my friend took three of the kittens into her care. The
rest of the litter has never been seen since.

The three kittens were one male, orange tabby, and two females,
one gray tabby, the other tortoise shell. My friend, knowing I
was living alone and in need of some companionship, asked if I
would like to take in a kitten. I was delighted, and decided to
take two so they could keep each other company while I was at
work. There was no problem choosing, as I wanted a male and a
female, and was partial to the grey female, and my friend wanted
to keep the tortoise shell female.

On Saturday, July 14, 1990, my friend brought over the two
kittens. I thought I was prepared, but I had a lot to learn.
Those kittens sure got into everything. But they were so
adorable, and so friendly to me. I had a hard time selecting
names, partly because I had never had a pet before. I wanted two
names that were somehow related to each other. Finally, after
watching my female kitten in action for a few days, I decided
upon the name Empress, since she reminded me of some mysterious
ruler in the Far East.  For the male kitten, the name Tiger
seemed fitting, since he was big, hungry, and mean, right out of
the Far East jungles. My friend named their sister Rosemary.

Day by day we got accustomed to each other, and everything that
was going to get destroyed got destroyed. I guess one of the
reasons I wanted a cat was to help control my temper. At times I
have tended to fly off at the handle over trivial things. I'm
not sure I'm cured, but I sure learned a thing or two about
patience and tolerance. Finally we settled in. I knew where my
territory was, and they knew theirs. Among the losses sustained
in the war were the living room curtains (only shades there now)
and the silk flowers. I gave up the kitchen drapes over the
sliding glass door (a heavy loose weave unsurpassed for
climbing), and two rag rugs (great for sharpening claws). In
return I got to keep the furniture intact (and they got to keep
their claws). The kitchen counter and table were a joint use
area. They were off limits while I was in the kitchen preparing
food or eating, and when I was elsewhere in or out of the
house... well, we all know what happened.

When Empress and Tiger (and Rosemary) were old enough, they got
their series of shots, and were also tested for feline leukemia
virus. Unfortunately all three tested positive for the virus. We
were warned about the potential problems that we might have, but
what is one to do. I guess we all decided that though they might
not have all that long a life, and might die a horrible death in
the end, we were going to try our best to enjoy the times we
would have together to the fullest.

I was amazed about the personality differences between the two
kittens. Empress was the faster, more aggressive of the two, and
Tiger was more laid back. When it came to games and the like,
Tiger was always just a little bit too slow. Empress almost
always got the toy mouse and the busy balls, while Tiger was
left empty handed. But at meal times, Tiger would eat all his
food, and then muscle his way in on Empress' bowl. My friend
warned me about Tiger having a mean streak in him. He had this
habit (and still does) of growling and often snapping when he is
being held against his will. That makes trimming nails and
combing and brushing exciting times. Empress was unbelievably
affectionate, while Tiger was kind of detached. She loved to
come sit on my lap while I was watching television, while Tiger
sat next to me. But they both always wanted to be around me, and
I really needed that.

Empress was also the cause of all sorts of mischief. When I
caught the two of them into something, I could always tell that
Empress was the instigator. I was astounded at the sheer
cleverness, deviousness, and persistence of her. When she wanted
to do something, by God, she was going to get it done. On the
other hand, Tiger was more of a follower. Except if it came to
stealing a lick of the dirty broiler rack or something like
that. More of a food oriented kind of guy. Speaking of food,
their tastes in food was different also. Tiger was a connoisseur
of canned food, any canned food. Tiger loved to smack his lips
after eating his ration of canned food. Empress' tastes, on the
other hand, were more for the dry variety. Luckily, they both
were not picky eaters.

Well, almost a year went by, and I was very happy with my
decision to take in Empress and Tiger. We were getting along
just fabulously. Having someone there to greet me when I came
home from a hard day at work was wonderful. Someone to watch
television, read, or sit by the fire with was so nice. Then,
slowly, so slowly that you couldn't put your finger on it,
something was going wrong. I guess being away to New Hampshire
and California disguised the reality of what was happening. You
go away for a few days, and it makes it harder to recognize the
change, because you lose track of what "normal" behaviour is.
Not that I would have recognized what was going on if I had been
there. Anyway, Empress seemed to be getting slower. She didn't
rush down the stair to greet me. Normally both Empress and Tiger
would be there when I cracked the door open, having heard the
car pull in the drive, and the key go in the lock. Maybe the
excitement was gone; after all, I did come home every day.

Then there was the food. It was looking as if I was getting a
couple of finicky eaters after all. Both Tiger and Empress would
meow for their food, pestering me until they were served. But
now, after a few bites, it was walk away time. It was hard to
tell who was eating what because they had always exchanged
bowls, thinking something better was in the other bowl. After
coming back from California, Empress seemed to be breathing
heavier than Tiger. It was hard to tell, because Tiger is a bit
on the heavy side, given his interest in food. Empress was still
getting around fine, just a little slower.

This holiday weekend it was time to trim nails again. Tiger gave
me his usual fight, but I am used to that. But then Empress gave
me problems. She refused to be held. I had to chase after her,
and she seemed to go crazy. I let her go, and she was breathing
very heavy and her tongue was turning blue. After a while she
caught her breath, but she still seemed a bit slow. I thought I
better take her to the veterinarian, so Saturday morning we got
an appointment as soon as they opened. On the way over, Empress
freaked out again, breathing very heavily and having her tongue
turn blue again. Well, it got real sad when they told me what
was wrong with Empress. I remember reading about all of the
horrible diseases that cats can get, and this was one of them.
Her lungs were about shot, and her abdomen was filling up with
fluid. Once I heard the name of the disease she had, I knew what
was coming. Empress had such a sad but loving face, and I was
about to break down in tears. Having seen her gasping for breath
earlier, and knowing how bad even that five minute ride in the
car was, I gave my permission to put her to sleep.

I managed to keep from breaking down completely until I got out
into the car, and then the tears just started pouring. A song
sung by Jim Croce was playing on the tape that had meant a lot
to me over the years and somehow seemed to be appropriate:

               Old man river,
               that old man river,
               he must know somethin'
               but he don't say nothin'
               That old man river,
               he just keeps rollin' long

               He don't plant taters,
               don't plant cotton
               'cause them that plants them
               is soon forgotten
               And old man river,
               he just keeps rollin' long

               You and me sweat and strain,
               body all aching and racked with pain
               Load that barge, lift that bale
               Get a little drunk and you land in jail

               But I get weary, sick of trying,
               'cause I'm tired of living
               but I'm scared of dying
               and old man river,
               he just keeps rollin' long

               ...

When I got home, the pain just seemed to get worse. I took the
cat carrier into the house, and Tiger was there to greet me. He
had seen me take Empress out in the carrier, and it came back
empty. He was sniffing away at it, as if something was wrong. I
mumbled something, and then went upstairs. Tiger followed me,
and he could see that I was in a bad state that he had never
seen me in before. I tried to tell him what was wrong, but I'm
not sure he understood:

               Empress...
               She's not coming home no more, Mr. Tiger
               It's just you and me now...

It's going to take a while before I can talk about Empress
without feeling that tremendous emptyness that's with me now.
All of the things that she did over the past year keep coming
back to me, and I really miss her. I hope that by remembering
all of the good things, they will make me feel better about the
splendid times we had together, and ease the pain of seeing her
the last couple of days before her untimely end. Here are a few
of the many things about her that stick in my mind:

� Empress loved to talk to me. She would let out her little
  chirps and squeaks, telling me how she felt. This part I miss
  most of all, that's where she got her nickname, "My Little
  Squeaker".

� Empress would lie down in front of me chirping, waiting to
  have her back rubbed. She absolutely loved having this done
  to her, pure ecstasy.

� Empress loved to have her head massaged. As I rubbed her
  head, you could see the look of pleasure in her eyes.

� Empress was always waiting there for me when I came home. As
  I pulled in the driveway, I would see her sitting on the
  windowsill looking out. Down the stair she went to greet me
  as I walked to the front door.

� Empress was always outside my bedroom door in the morning,
  waiting for me to wake up.

� Empress was a constant companion while I was watching
  television. Either she was sitting on the arm rest intently
  watching the tube, or she was on my lap cuddling up with me.

� Empress took a wonderful car trip to Florida with Tiger and
  me. I was warned about travelling long distance with cats,
  and it was an experience. It was twenty hours or so, but
  after a couple of hours, Empress really got into it, and sat
  on top of the seat between the head rest and my neck sleeping
  as we sped down the highway. The antics in the motel rooms
  and my parent's house were memorable. And then there was the
  tinsel on the Christmas tree...

� Empress was always investigating the contents of the
  refrigerator every time I opened the door. Exactly what she
  saw in there, I'll never know...

� Empress loved those carrots. She'd go wild with anticipation
  when I pulled one out of the refrigerator for her. The
  squeaks kept coming until I finished shaving off some thin
  slices for her.

� Empress was unbelievably clever. She figured out how to open
  the kitchen cabinets, and I had to put childproof (catproof?)
  latches on them. She also figured out how to get all my
  bi-fold closet doors open, but I hadn't found a solution to
  that.

� Empress loved to rub herself with all kinds of rough objects.
  One particular sponge and scrub brush in the closet drove her
  wild.

� Empress loved to play what I called "bowling for dollars". I
  would get a set of busy balls together, and one by one toss
  them down the hallway. Empress would stalk them from behind
  the dining room wall, as if I couldn't see her. After all of
  the balls had been chased, she would get one in her teeth and
  carry it back to me so we could play again.

I really loved Empress, and though I've lost her, after only a
year, she's shown me so much about life that I can treasure
forever. It's a lot of the little things that give us the
greatest pleasure, and she showed me how to appreciate that. I
sure wouldn't want to have missed the experience of sharing life
with her.

					Paul Elosge
					(PRMS00::PELOSGE)

    Sniff sniff...my heart goes out to you.  You gave Empress the
    life of a queen and in return she gave you love, patients and
    understanding.   She may have lived a short life...but it was
    a wonderful loving life and I'm sure you will have many memories
    to look back upon and smile.
    
    Take care of little Tiger...this will be hard on him too.
    
    Sincere sorrow.
    
    Sandy
                                

    Paul, that was very sad, but a beautiful eulogy for Empress. I hope this
    doesn't sound insensitive, but I think you should consider submitting 
    it to one of the cat magazines for publication, for other cat lovers to
    share. 

    You have my heartfelt sympathy, and empathy, too. What happened to 
    Empress also happened to my Fuzzy Wuzzy three years ago (and former 
    stray Nikki before that). Fuzzy died of feline leukemia just before his 
    third birthday. It was a real shock when the symptoms (same as Empress's) 
    developed, as he had tested negative for FeLV when he was a kitten. 

    You have been a wonderful, caring kitty dad to Empress (and Tiger, too). 
    You gave her the best gifts -- lots of love and a good life. I don't 
    think she could have been happier in her time on this earth.

    Linda

    Paul-
    
    What a wonderful tribute to Empress.
    
    Our condolences....
    
    Lynne & Pepper, Rusty, Casey, B.K. & the Mooch

Dear Paul,

That is such a beautiful note.  I was also crying as I read it.  I really
appreciated your personal comments; what your kittens taught you.  Being in
the midst of "the kitten experience" right now, I am learning a lot about
myself:  my temper, patience, and tolerance.

Empress lived a life filled with much love and happiness; what more could a
kitty ask for?

Jill

    Paul,
    
    I'm not ashamed to say that I'm sitting at my desk right now reading
    about your "little Squeaker" and bawling my eyes out....thank God there
    is a box of Kimwipes nearby.  Your grief is my grief, and tonite when I
    go home to my two little kittens (one of which reminds me SO much of
    Empress that I almost can't stand it!) I will be giving them big hugs
    and kisses -- sometimes when they are driving you NUTS you wonder HOW
    on earth you'll get thru the baby years but your story has shown me
    that these are the times to really cherish them.  You and Empress will
    be in my thoughts and prayers.
    
    Nancy, Bear and Zuzu

    I am so sorry to hear about the passing of Empress.  
    
    Jo

    We are also so sorry to hear about the passing of Empress..
    Kate, Happy, Preschie, Kissy.

    I'm so sorry about Empress.  I also lost my Pussycat that quickly to
    Leukemia.  Besides the joy he brought me by sharing his life with me,
    I was grateful that the end, like Empress', came quickly for him so
    that he didn't suffer.  Tiger will need your attention even more now.
    

      What a truly wonderful tribute to your best friend.
      May condolences to you and Tiger.
    
      Denise and the gang of 10

    Sorry to hear about your loss ... my prayers are with you.
    
    Julie + Heather kitty

I've been reading your responses throughout the day,
and it has really helped me begin to come to terms with
my grief. I don't feel as alone as I was over the
weekend. Thanks very much for your thoughts.

I have to go away again this week, but fortunately it's
only to Philadelphia (from Washington). I hate the
thought of not being here to cuddle Tiger for a couple
of days. A friend is dropping in to feed him and
otherwise check up on him, but that's just not the same..

I think Tiger is lonely now. I'm not sure he really
knows what happened, he just knows that it's mighty
quiet now with no one to play with. He is on my lap
every chance he gets now, and that's a real change.
Well, that's good for both of us, because we both
really need the cuddling.

					Paul

    Paul-
    
    I'm sorry to hear about Empress.  
    
    Michele & Nippa & Buster
    

    Paul
    
    I'm so sorry to hear about Empress.  But your note was a lovely tribute
    to her.  She sounded a wonderful cat to have and it sounds like she
    brought a lot into your life.
    
    Think of all the good times and take care of Tiger.
    
    Best wishes,
    
    Karen (and Georgie) 

    Paul:
    
    I, too, am so sorry to hear about the passing of Empress. It's true
    that no matter how long we have them - their effect upon us is
    profound - she will always live in your heart and memories.  Extra hugs
    and kisses to Tiger - my thoughts are with you.
    
    Giudi + Pippin, Gino & Stitch