Conference misery::feline_v1

      Joyce,
      This may take time..and some patience.... Cats sometimes have an
    instinct that tells them in a very loud voice: "WHOA!! Small human!!
    Does NOT understand that my tail isn't a handle...and that I don't
    tolerate pinching and prodding....Better run away FAST!!"
    
      On the other hand, the child needs to be trained to be extremely
    gentle with animals. Contrary to what many people believe though, this
    is no big deal to most toddlers...they DO understand a lot more than
    many people give them cretid for, and are usually INSTINCTIVELY
    gentle...so the training on that end is usually not too big a deal.
    
      Once the cat realizes that it will receive gentle treatment, the bond
    will begin to form....but it MAY take some time...
    
      John McD

    Even though your daughter is gentle...sometimes Toddlers just
    move to quick for cats.  You know...us old folks don't move that
    fast anymore.
    
    I'm sure with patience and once the cat understand there is no
    danger....they will become Buddies for life.
    
    Sandy

    I think you hit the nail on the head when you said "Toddler"
    They are not as sure on their feet now as they will be a
    year from now. Up and running one minute and a heap on the
    floor all sprawled out the next. AND those shoes make a lot
    of noise too.  
    
    Be patient and I'm sure they will become the best of friends.
    We use a catnip pillow under Holly's blanket to lure the cat
    to sleep with her. You might try that.
    
    Mr. Miyagi has yet to meet our grand niece Courtney. (Who loves
    kitties and is so gentle.) Courtney has just turned 3 and we are
    hoping that soon when Mr. Miyagi hears that little voice he won't run
    and hide.  It took almost a year to convience our other Himmie, Ming
    that Courtney wasn't going to harm her.
    
    Barbara & her 3M's

suggestion:

rather than trying to convince the cat to allow the child to hold/hug her...
teach the toddler to use a toy to entertain the cat.  Give the toddler 
a rope with something tied to the end and teach her to drag it across the
room slowly....irrestible to the cat, and it does not bring the cat into
direct contact with little hands that can pinch without meaning to or little
arms that can squeeze harder than is comfortable/safe...when the cat starts
chasing and playing with the toy, it will be more in a mood to get closer
for "pets" from the child.  The child should be taught not to TRY and pick
up the kitten/cat....at the age of three there simply isn't the fine motor
control necessary to handle a slightly fragile small animal well.  As the
child gets older, the cat will learn what level of contact is comfortable
and 'safe'.

Once the child learns to entertain the kitten, they both can have hours
of fun playing with a kitty tease or other toy in that vein.

        There's also something else to consider... Some cats are very
    lovable and huggable...ON THEIR terms. My little Cookie is that way..
    When SHE wants to be held and petted, she's not a bit proud to hop up
    on my lap and snuggle down...but if I try to pick her up when she's not
    in the mood, she scoots off as if I were trying to kill her or
    something.. 
    
      Does the cat have access to the child's sleep area?? If so, you MAY
    be pleasantly surprised one day to find her curled up with the child in
    the bed....and then you'll know that the 'bonding' has begun to form...
    
      But again...let this have sufficient time to form...these things
    usually last a lifetime...so the beginning must be allowed time to
    become formed..
    JM

I don't know about your cat, but here are our experiences.  Perhaps this
will help some.

When our son Evan was an infant, we had 3 cats: Deborah, Sasha, and Tyler.
All were adult cats.  Deborah and Sasha ran from Evan.  Mostly, they still
do, and Evan just turned 3.  Tyler would hang around Evan more, and let
Evan pet him.  We were very careful with Evan, always watching him around
the cats, and teaching him "gentle, gentle."  It worked.  Evan has always
been gentle with them.

One day Tyler was up on a kitchen chair, and Evan crawled under the chair,
not even knowing Tyler was up there.  Tyler reached down and scratched Evan
over the eye.  Luckily, it missed the eyeball.  We almost got rid of Tyler,
but then someone suggested declawing him, so we did.  Later, he put his
teeth on Evan, and we found Tyler a new home with no kids.  He loves it
there.

After we got rid of Tyler, we wanted another cat for Sasha to play with,
since Deborah was not very social.  We went down the the Humane Society
and found two nearly identical older kittens, who were "soft-pawed", meaning
that they played with us without using their claws.  This is our test for
gentleness.  Evan was 18 months old, and was not very steady on his feet,
but these two kittens allowed him to pick them up and drag them anywhere.
Evan would then just *drop* them somewhere, and they would just lie there at
his feet, waiting for him to take them somewhere else.  They ate up the
attention that he gave them, and were the best pet choices we have made
in a *long* time.  

Now that Evan is 3, the "kittens" don't take as much from him, he is slightly
rougher with them (so we are back to reminding him), and Sasha and Deborah
still run from him most of the time.  Still, Artemis (one of the kittens) and
Deborah like to sleep with Evan, and the kittens still enjoy getting petted 
by him. 

Good luck to you!

         Carol