Conference misery::feline_v1

    
    	Well, it sounds like Billie resents not having you around. 
    	Maybe if you got her a playmate, she won't freak out when you
    	leave because she'll have someone else to play with. It 
    	would channel her `destructive energies' elsewhere. (provided
    	your husband can tolerate *another* cat...)
    

         It also sounds like she resents having your husband around.
    She's probably very aware of how he feels about her and the things
    she's doing are a result of this.  I wouldn't expect her to "change
    her ways" until your husband does.  
    
    
    Bob

    I don't think that it would be so bad to confine her to one room
    during the day.  As you said, she will sleep all day anyway.  And
    that way, when she is out and about and trys to do something she
    isn't supposed to, you will be there to discipline her.  She has
    to make a big adjustment too.  She is used to having only you to
    deal with and get along with.  She also may be doing all these things
    to get your attention.  
    
    I don't think getting another cat right now would be the answer.
    Your new husband needs to see the great side of cat ownership before
    he will want to add another cat.
    
    Jo

    I have the same situation.
    
    I live with my boyfriend, and he most definitely is not a cat person.
    
    Though it took him awhile, he eventually DID warm up to them.
    Though they are still not his favorite sight at the end of the day,
    he will play with them and feed them, and I have on ocassion caught
    him talking (in great depth) to them.
    
    I also suggest that you get another to keep her company.
    Mine seem to find great solace in each others' company in lieu of
    my presence - and it seems to help them tolerate him better on his
    bad days.
    
    I DO NOT recommend confining her to one room - you will probably
    then find yourself with cat with memory lapse - i.e. "what litterbox?"
    If you take away the freedom that she has always known, then you
    are really asking for trouble. You mentioned having her for many
    years, and after that much time together, any change is going to
    be hard for her. It is bad enough for her now that she has to share
    you, but to have to give up her freedom? - this can be very hard
    on a cat, especially an older one. 
    
    I suggest that you get another friend for her, and then just smother
    her with attention. Let her know that she is still just as important
    to you as ever.
    
    I would also suggest that you get him as involved with her as he
    is willing. Have him feed her once in a while. Have him pet her,
    and give her catnip. Just try to have him let her know that that
    he is not an enemy.
    
    Eventually he should see the light - they almost always do ;-)
    
    
    /Denise
    

    If you are interested in confining to one end of the house,
    you might try s wooden screen door across a hallway.  You
    will need to put "bars" across the screen so the cat can't
    climb the screen.
    
    You will also need to put a heavy lid on your trash container so
    the cat can't get in to it dray stuff out - or put bricks on the
    bottom so the cat can't tip it over.
    
    It might help to explain to you husband that cats do do things that
    are considered (in some circles) to be antisocial - folks that like
    and accept cats accept this behavor or train "themselves" to deal
    with kitty idiosyncratic behavior - in other words, we, the owner,
    become VERY WELL TRAINED.      
    
    Good Luck,
    
    E.T.

    I think I'm confused.
    
    From your note I got the impression that Billie is only BAD when
    you are not around but your hubby is.  Is this the case, or is Billie
    BAD all the time now?  
    
    Of course, each scenario would require different advise, which is
    why I am only asking questions now, and not advising.
    
    -Nancy
    
    Oh - I just thought of another. . .
    
    Or, is Billie like my Elmo who is BAD all the time, except when
    my boyfriend is around and then Elmo is BADDEST.  I sure hope Billie
    isn't like Elmo since that requires another whole case of advise.

    Hi Jane,
    
    We had this same problem with Nikki.  He didn't do bad things, but
    he would run from my fiance and alienate him when he (fiance) was
    trying to be nice.  Dana never lost patience with Nikki.  He would
    mutter about what a "bah" cat Nikki is but insisted on feeding him
    and brushing him in an effort to be accepted.  It took a long time,
    but it worked.  Now Nikki goes right to Dana for pets and rubs because
    he knows he will get them in large amounts, and ALWAYS sleeps on
    his side of the bed, either next to him or on top of him.  Boy,
    now I feel left out!!
    
    I guess what I'm saying here is maybe Billie senses your husband
    isn't really a cat person and reacts to it.  Perhaps if he gives
    her a lot of attention and affection, feeds her, and
    participates in grooming sessions, she will come to accept him and
    grow to love him as much as she loves you.
    
    Just a thought.
    
    /Roberta
    
    

TWO SUGGESTIONS:

one, sit your husband down and have a heart-to-heart talk about how to
deal with the cat.  You will occasionally catch the cat on the counter,
the cat will get on the counter anytime she wants to...solution is to
promise to wash the counter really well before preparing food, thereby
dealing with any sanitary issues.  Keep a lid on the garbage and the
cat will not get into the garbage.  Discuss the fact that the cat is
expressing boredom with the destructive behavior and there are two
solutions:

	get a companion cat and go through the hissing and fighting
	until they make friends, or

	allocate play time for Billie each day - a period of time in
	which attention is devoted to the cat and the use of dangling
	toys or strings or whatever guarentees the cat will actively
	participate.  Ask your husband to help with this effort.

You need to explain how much the cat means to you and how much it
disturbs you that he seems to dislike the cat so much.

two, your idea of restricting your cat to one room is just fine if
you only have one cat...Billie undoubtably spends most of the day
tucked away and sleeping anyway.  I have had to restrict my cats
to one area for periods of time and have had no problem with them
feeling deprived of freedom...quite frankly, they are comatose
when I'm not home and never even noticed it....although, they all
felt it was a game to catch them in the morning before I left and
gave me a merry chase.  The cat won't mind so why should you?

Most important is to explain to your husband that he has to be part
of the solution - which will make him much more willing to help with
any solution you choose.

    Thanks everyone for your help on this one.
    
    I've extracted some responses to show Pete and hope it helps.  Billie,
    by the way only exhibits these antisocial traits when I am *not*
    around.  She is wary of Pete.
    
    I'll let you know how it goes,
    
    Jane
    
    

    Jane,
    
    I have the basic same problem.  Sy and I moved into Jims house with
    his son (a 11 year old).  In the first 3 weeks Sy tried to show
    who was boss.  He attacked Jim, emptyed the trash, missed the cat
    box by about 6 inches.  I explained to Jim that he needed to feed
    the cat.  Jim became the sole feeder of Sy.  We also locked Sy into
    the side of the house where Jim and his son could come and go and
    not be near the cat.  The cat has 2 bedrooms, a hall and the bathroom.
    The house is seperated by a sliding wood door.  He doesn't seem
    to mind being locked up on the side when I am gone, but the minute
    I come home the loud crying starts.  
    
    Have your husband start feeding the cat and maybe lock the cat in
    a bedroom when your not home.  It does help mellow Sy out.
    
    Linda