Conference misery::feline_v1

    I'm so sorry.  (Did the vet give you any idea of what happened?)
    
    When I lost my first cat Pussycat to FeLV, I had to wait several
    weeks before getting another cat, because of the possibility of
    infection.  By that time, the house had a Grand Canyon sized hole
    in it due to the lack of a cat.  I still felt strange when I brought
    Sweetie home (am I betraying Pussycat?), but it was one of the smartest
    things I ever did.  He is a wonderful, totally sweet cat.  It makes
    my hair stand on end now to even think that if I hadn't adopted
    him, my Sweetie might have been euthanized at the Shelter.
    
                                                              

    First, I'm very sorry to hear about your cat.  I had a kitty for
    19 years, and when she died last summer, we were all very upset.
    It's like losing a member of the family.
    
    Secondly, though, you didn't really specify what happened and this
    concerns me.  Did something happen to you cat at the vet's?  Did
    she contract a disease from some other animal?  Did she have a history
    of some type of illness or debility?
    
    If not, before you do anything else, I'd suggest you have a very
    serious talk with your vet about your cat's stay.  That's just not
    normal at all.
    
    Lastly, if something happened to you cat while you were away, you
    have nothing to feel guilty about.  You did the best you could by
    her, and that's all your kitty would expect from you. One would
    think that the vet's would be the best place for her.
    
    I'd heartily recommend getting another kitty.  I got a little Siamese
    fur-face to replace my kitty about three months ago.  She's not
    only stolen my heart, but my Mom and Dad's as well.  Nothing can
    replace the special memories your kitty holds for you, but making
    a new friend can certainly ease the pain and bring the glow back
    into your life!
    
    Please keep us posted.
    
    Mary-Michael and Niniane (the wonder-kitty)

    Allison,
    
    I'm also really sorry to hear about your loss.  You were very fortunate
    to have your love-bug with you for 21 years, but I'm sure the sudden
    loss is very hard to accept.  You're the only one who can choose
    the best time to bring a new kitty into your heart, but having a
    new kitty around the house will certainly ease the pain.  A new
    kitty can never take the place of the one you just loss, but can
    help you remember how special and how loved she was.  I'm sure she'd
    be glad to know you opened your heart to a new friend.
    
    Our sympathies are with you...
    
    Mary and boys

    re: 1 & 2
    
    When we first got Kitty (her very original name) home, of course
    I couldn't beleive that shape she was in.  I immediately called
    the vet to find out what the hell they had done to her.  By this
    time the vet had closed so they gave me an emergency number to call.
    I told the emergency vet what had happened and he said he really
    couldn't tell anything without knowing more background (just covering
    his own you know what).
    
    Anyway, I stayed up all night with her and she didn't get any better
    so we put her into the hospital the next morning.  The vet (our
    own) said she was very weak and dehydrated so they were going to
    have to put her on intravenous fluids.  
    
    I asked the vet what had happened to her and she said she really
    didn't know because she was fine just the day before.  Well, who
    knows what to believe but, my guess is this.  She had fleas and
    she was given a flea bath during the week.  When we went to pick
    her up Monday morning, they said she needed another one.  Well,
    I really believe that was just too much for her.  Both being in
    the vet and the flea baths were just tooooooo stressful for her
    old body.
    
    After she had died, we went back in to have another chat with the
    vet.  This time we had an older guy who we assume is the head honcho.
    I still was asking the same question "What happened to her??"  He
    could only say that he wished there was more communication between
    the girls at the desk and us.  Like they should of warned us about
    her age and the stress she would go through.  I also believe she
    SHOULD NOT have gone through the stress of the flea baths.  I should
    have just done it at home, like usual.
    
    Its really hard not to think "What If?" but, I know I have to believe
    that I thought I was doing the best for her.
    
    I really wanted to grab a hold of that vets neck and shake it until
    he had a better explanation or until I felt better about this whole
    situation.  It was all kinda like a dream (rather a nightmare).
    
    Thanks for caring
    
    Allison
    

    Allison,
    
    I'm so sorry to hear about your cat.  21 years is a long time to
    have a cat and then have it go (part of the family ya know) - I
    don't think getting a new kitty right away is the answer.  For now
    I think it's better to grieve your loss then decide whether to get
    one or not.  Too many times people rush off and get a new one to
    replace the old.  Sometimes I don't think it's such a good idea.
    But that's only my opinion.....and after having about fifteen cats
    I realized that they all have very different personalities....right
    now I'm catless because I live in an apartment that doesn't allow
    cats......I had to give my last one away and I haven't figured out
    which hurts more....giving a cat away or having one die on you.
    
    But good luck....and again sorry about the kitty......
    
    bobbi
    

    Allison , we are all (13) very sorry to hear of your loss.
    
    My kids say "Get a new baby NOW" - maybe two, or three; actually,
    an even dozen would really be fun!  Maybe take a run by your
    local shelter and go shopping this weekend - don't make yourself
    go babyless for too long.  Remember, if one is good, two is better!
    
    ZhivagoCatLady !!

    When one of my two cats died I felt somewhat pressured
    by others to acquire a new cat as soon as possible.  And
    I also felt pressured by the fact that I knew my other
    cat was lonely.  In retrospect, I have to say that I would
    not rush off and get another cat just yet.  It was too
    early for me, I was still mourning.  Though I did love
    my newly acquired cat, I felt somewhat detached from him
    for quite a while, and the first night we brought him
    home I was on the verge of tears the entire night.   I
    wanted to bring him back (poor Kiwi!).  I think I felt
    this way because his presence was too much of a reminder
    that my other cat was really gone, and wasn't ever
    coming back.
    
    The time one needs to mourn and grieve is individual.
    A new cat won't necessarily fill that 'void', but will
    make its own space in your heart.
    
    Donna

    Allison -
    
    I just wanted to say that I'm truly sorry about Kitty.  I know
    that if I lost one of mine (4) I would be a mess, although I
    have not had the experience (yet).
    
    I would probably want some time to myself until I felt I was ready
    to give some love and attention to another cat.  But I do know 
    that I would get another one someday.
    
    Pam (who I think sits just around the corner from you in MR02-4,
    Pole 2B ?)
    
    

    We sympathize, having just been through the same situation.  
    
    While people are different, I must say that our two new kids (story 
    elsewhere in this conference) have changed Janet's state completely.  
    I was amazed at how much they meant to her.  I wasn't too unhappy
    about the adoptions either!  We had been through this several times
    before, but were never left without at least one.  This was much
    more difficult.  I would say you should give serious thought to
    finding a new pal ASAP.
    
    By the way - Bosler had four more (about 8 weeks now) in assorted
    colors  8^)
    
    Gary

    
    re: 1118.9
    
      Pam,
    
         I would like to work at MRO (closer to home) but, right now
      I work in Stow.
    
    
    re: everyone
    
        It is a tough decision.  I REALLY appreciate all your imput
    and I am thinking about what everyone has said.
    
    
            Thanks again everyone.....keep up the good advice!!!!! 
    
    
      Allison

    I would wait for a little while - you never know who may adopt you 
    when you least expect it. When my cat died at 24 years of age, I said 
    to everyone in earshot - "You love them and want them to live a long 
    time and when they do, it is so hard to part with them. I am never
    getting another cat - it's too hard to lose them."  I meant it too.!!
    
    But exactly 10 days after my beloved Cookie died, a
    little fluff of orange ran in front of my car. I didn't hit
    him, but stopped of course, it was raining, and about 
    11:00 p.m., picked him up, put him in the car with my dog and continued
    on to the store and home. The next day my daughter went door to
    door to see if anyone lost their kitten, and all the rest of the
    right stuff, but we think now he was dumped. The vet estimated 
    his age to be a little over 2 months.
    
    That was Murphy, and we still have him, four years later. A dear
    little guy.
    
    So you never know what fate may hold for you. I would wait for
    a little while, I think the grieving process is important - 
    but eventually I believe you will get another friend who can never
    replace Kitty - but who can become, overtime, as dear as Kitty
    but in a different way.                     
    
    I feel very badly for you but think that there should be much
    solace in the fact that Kitty had a very nice and long
    life with a person who loved her very much. Weren't you both
    fortunate!
                             
    Pat
               
    

    
    I know how guilty you feel about not being there.  Taboo, my first
    away from home kitty, stayed at a friend's house when I went home
    for Spring break.  She died by strangling herself in some strings
    hanging from the bottom of one of my friend's chairs.  I felt guilty
    for leaving her and having her die in such a grotesque manner, she
    was only a kitten.
    
    So I went out and bought one of those fancy hand made candles, put
    it on her food platter and gathered all her toys around it.  For
    the next few nights I left the window open and burned the candle,
    so that her spirit would know she was remembered and welcome.
    
    I found out shortly after that a calico (Taboo was a calico) had
    been born the same week Taboo had died to a cat that had had plenty
    of litters, but never a calico.  I considered it an omen kinda,
    and that kitty is now my Mielikki.
    
    Shortly after I brought Mielikki home, she climbed up on the top
    shelf and found Taboo's candle and toys and took them as her own.
    I figured that was a signal from Taboo that it was ok.

    So I would say get a new kitty, it wouldn't be a betrayal, but rather
    a way of continuing your love.
    
    Sharon
        
    

    How lucky another cat would be to be adopted by you!  Some special
    friend is waiting for you, just around the corner, or down at your
    local shelter!  I don't think there is any doubt but that you should
    adopt one or more cats to share your life with.  When you do so depends
    on when it's right for you. 
    
    After Alex-I died, it took me a year to adopt another cat (we still had
    2 others whom I also love dearly, but I knew I wanted another for the
    special place Alex-I had filled).  Now I am so fortunate to have been
    adopted by Alex-II.  Yes, he is named after his predecessor -- they are
    so much alike in appearance as well as personality.  As I said in an
    earlier note, I know Alex-I would approve!  And Alex-II keeps so many
    warm memories of Alex-I alive!! 
    
    My deepest sympathies to you in your time of loss.  And my
    encouragement to you to again share your life with a feline friend.
    Particularly an older cat or two who would not otherwise be so
    fortunate.  Saving a life helps ease the pain of losing one.  Let
    us know! 

    I think you should get a new cat soon; how soon is up to you. For
    reasons of personal preference I would recommend an "old" kitten
    [7-18 months] or a young cat [under 3 years], but that too is up
    to you.
    
    But my largest issue here is with your vet.  Get a new one.  While
    Kitty was of a Venerable age and old cats are subject to rapid decline,
    not being able to see the vet or get answers immediately is just
    not acceptable.  While there was most probably not lack of proper
    care and the people you left Kitty with were almost surely capable,
    the lack of willingness to extend the care beyond the patient is
    sad.
    
    Lastly, guilt and second-guessing are counter-productive [I have
    this on the _best_ authority, believe me!] and can only extend the
    grieving process.  You acted responsibly to the best of your 
    knowledge and have no reason to blame yourself.
                                    
      Annie

	I would like to say a few words that may, I hope, help you at this
	sad time. My wife and I have lost two cats in the last 4 years under
	different circumstances and both times we have got new kittens, not
	as replacements but as new friends. You can never replace an old
	friend but the new furries can help cheer you up while you're
	grieving and in some ways give you the nicest reminders of past
	family.
	As to how soon you should get your new friend(s), I think that can
	also depend on the friendship that existed before and only you can
	answer that. We lost our oldest cat Beau (to premature senility, he
	was only 12). Beau was a big black ex-male who loved his food and a
	warm place to sleep, gave plenty of affection, not so much physical,
	more in the way he looked 'thank you' to you when you gave him his
	meals or you stroked him goodnight.The big hole he left was helped
	to be filled by our other three cats until we felt able, some time
	later, to extend the household with the addition of Suki (from a local
	shelter - my wife and I picked her from the back of a litter where
	she was shyly hiding).
	Our second loss was only 9 months ago, when we lost Smokey, our
	silver-grey longhair (liver tumour at 9 years old). The difference
	in this case was that Smokey was the softest (I mean in the head) and
	always wanted affection,cuddles, etc. His favourite comfortable
	position was across my wife's shoulders like a stole where he could
	purr down her ear. He also slept on her pillow at night. When he was
	put to sleep, I was here in Munich away from home and my wife felt
	so alone (even with the rest of our feline family and especially at
	nights) that immediately on my next return home we started looking for
	a new kitten as soft and furry as Smokey. We were lucky to get Primo,
	another mad bundle of fun with a lot of Smokey's ways (including
	sleeping on the pillow at nights, taking care of Adrienne while I'm
	away, all 8 months of him), each helping us to remember Smokey and
	yet also individual enough that he has already found a big place in
	our hearts.
	Whether your friend was a softee like Smokey or a quiet comrade like
	Beau, I think there is still room in your heart for another furry
	friend to help you carry on and who will always be grateful to have
	found a home with someone as obviously caring as you. Don't feel
	guilty, just be grateful for 21 years of happiness and look forward
	to many more.

	Our love and sympathy

	Brian and Adrienne

    	p.s. Sorry it ran on a bit, took a little longer than I thought.