Conference misery::feline_v1

77.0. "Spaced out cats?" by EDEN::CWALSH () Thu Mar 14 1985 11:15

I offer the following with no comment.  Forwarding addresses deleted to save
space. 

From:	ALIEN::ZAHAREE      "Michael W. Zaharee"   14-MAR-1985 09:32  
Subj:	Another thrilling adventure of "Space Kitten"... sent to JOKES.DIS
Subj:	This ought to get you all looking under the bed ...
Subj:	You won't catch ME owning any Dogs from the Great Beyond!
Subj:	Is your pet a space alien?  Are you a space alien?  Do you BELIEVE this
	junk? 
Subj:	In a moment of weakness ...

National Examiner
Date: 5-Mar-85

Headline:  IS YOUR PET A SPACE ALIEN???
	   Researcher's shock theory

Many pets are really aliens from outer Space.

That's the stunning claim of experts who believe the extraterrestrials 
watch over us like guardian angels.

Author Brad Steiger says it is quite conceivable that invisible beings 
of a higher intelligence may enter the bodies of common pets.

"It's my belief that one out of five dogs and cats are space pets -- 
descendants of original alien creatures that came to Earth 50,000 years 
ago."

"Millions of Americans own space pets and don't even know it, but you 
can tell by looking for special characteristics.  Space pets look and 
act very similar to ordinary dogs and cats, but have mental powers far 
greater than ordinary animals."

Amazingly, Steiger's belief in space pets is shared by Dr. Rajid Patel, 
of the University of Calcutta.

"Nearly 30 years of research has conclusively proven to me that a very 
large percentage of house pets around the world are inhabited by the 
spirits of ancient, alien craatures," he said.

"These animals accompanied their masters, spiritual beings who came from
the Pleiades to bring enlightenment to people of the Earth." 

"They took on human bodies and joined the human race so that they could 
provide guidance to mankind.  And their pets were also given the form of 
cats and dogs so they could help as well."

Steiger points out that many dogs and cats inexplicably rise to the 
occasion when danger strikes.

"In a sense these animals become our guardian angels for a time," he 
added.

With the help of computers and thousands of interviews with pet owners, 
he's been able to develop a profile of space pets.

As a rule, they have charismatic personalities, extremely protective
natures, very compelling eyes, and healing powers.  "Since they also
have psychic powers, they get along better with humans because they can
bond very closely with their masters," said Steiger. 

Space pets can also interfere with the dreams of their owners, added 
Steiger author of many occult books, including Star People (Berkley).

"That's a sure sign that the cat or dog is descended from space aliens.  
If someone dreams about his pet in a remote and alien landscape, it's 
very likely he's dreaming about his pet's home planet."

"Or the pet can appear in his master's dream as an alien animal, or as a 
humanoid with the same name as the pet."

Space pets can even warn owners of danger.

"Many lives have been saved by alien pets waking their masters in the 
night to warn them of a gas leak or fire," said Steiger.

"Space pets also exhibit startling healing powers.  Owners experienceing 
pain and discomfort from numerous complaints have documented their pets' 
remarkable ability to help their illnesses."

In 1983 a space pet -- who developed a particularly close bond with 
three children -- was held responsible for their abduction in South 
Africa.

Awestruck authorities believe it had them aboard a UFO when, for some 
unknown reason, it had to return to the planet from which it originally 
came.

"It is only a theory, but we believe the dog became so attached to the 
children tha when the time came to return to his own place in space he 
could not bear to be parted from them," said Police Superintendent Martin 
Keen in Durban.

The parents had already sensed the dog possessed supernatural faculties, 
but had done nothing to discourage the relationship between the animal 
and their three children because of the close bond that already existed 
between them.

"The dog had very compelling eyes and was extremely protective -- and we 
have since learned from experts that these are the very characteristics
of animals who are not of this Earth,"  said Mrs. Esther Woelkelder at
her sprawling ranch near Durban. 

I guess the moral of the story is, if your cat asks you to step into its flying
saucer, DON'T.

. . .And here I thought my Fuji was unique only because he was descended
from Wicca familiars. . . .

E.

The saddest thing about this story is that, according to the article, noone
believes that compelling eyes or protectiveness can be characteristic of
"Earthly" animals.  Why not?  Can they not share some "human" qualities?
Even, perhaps, it is our animal instinct to have such capacities.

Dr

re -.1:

An article with a headline "Animals found to be protective" isn't going
to sell papers. A headline of "Pets found to be space aliens" will.

You have to remember what this was written for, and the intended audience,
before you start feeling sorry for the people that wrote it. I seriously
doubt that any of the "quotes" are really accurate.

Charlie

Well, Charlie, I don't know.  I figure the quotes in the article are probably
accurate, in so far as real people with those names probably exist, and they
actually mouthed the words as printed on the page. 

That doesn't make it any less garbage.  It just means that we share this
planet with an awful lot of weird people. 

- Chris

    
    I accidentally happened upon this old entry, and am reminded of "A
    Hitchikers Guide to the Galaxy" (by John Adams??? correct me if I'm
    wrong) in which the white mice that lived in Arthur's house were really
    intelligent beings from another planet.  Of course the way Adams
    relates the situation is much more believable than this ridiculous
    article ;-).  After reading Hitchikers Guide, I often look into my cats
    eyes and wonder if they really are much more intelligent than me, and
    merely disguising themselves by posing as cats.  On such occaisions, my
    cats, reading my thoughts of course, always close their eyes and
    non-chalantly turn away. Then they try to put as stupid a look as
    possible on their faces, but are never very successful. 
    
    Amy.
                             

    Your're close, it's Douglas Adams and there are three other books
    that make up the "Hitchihker Trilogy" (a four book trilogy ?) I
    can't even look at any animal now without wondering what kind of
    test they are putting me thru.
    

    A quote from the latest MYTH Adventures book
    
    "Fortunately cats and computers can see through inter-dimensional
    barriers"
    
    So maybe they aren't JUST staring into space