Conference back40::soapbox

For Our Leader in Washington -

    A gift certificate good for one month's lodging for three at the
    Little Rock Holiday Inn. Just so's they won't have to worry about
    a place to stay while they find more permanent quarters when they
    return to the land of their birth in '97.

    An "All the way with LBJ" campaign pin to wear when he visits the
    troops in Bosnia over the Christmas holidays this year.

    An "I pigged out at Hooters" t-shirt.

    A stuffed elephant to keep him from obsessing over his lost ass.

    One giant economy sized bottle of Excedrin-Plus for use in the future
    when he's tempted to feel anyone's pain.

    One gilt edged copy of the '92 Holiday issue of Penthouse, including
    Gennifer Flowers' interview.

    A ticket to a Whitewater raft excursion at Niagara Falls.

    A copy of the help wanted section from all newspapers published in the
    state of Arkansas.

    Ok,
    
    I will bite first
    
    For Newt Gingrich:
    
    A copy of "Excruciatingly Correct Behaviour" a book on etiquette by
    the ever popular Miss Manners.  
    
    For The clintons
    
    The upcoming marriage encounter weekend in February in Colorado Springs
    
    For the seven or more dwarves:
    
    A left wing, they need some balance or they will all be running in
    circles trying to find the center come August.  
    
    For The "Gang of Seven"  (includes Lamn, Hart, Bradley, et al. )
    
    A Course in Miricales
    
    

    Jack,
    
    Variety, lets tackle variety
    
    meg

    for Bill Clinton:
    
    A lesson is Diplomacy
    A history of our Nation until 1845
    
    for Hillary:
    Leona Bobbitt's knife
    a gift certificate for glamour shot
    
    for Chelsea:
    AA prayer
    A prayer
    Prayer
    
    for our nation:
    
    Phil Graham for President
    
    Not Roger
    

Like this, Meg?

 For Chelsea -

   A copy of Variety in the event that she's lowered to dancing in
   the streets of Little Rock for pocket change.



:^)

    I hope she doesn't have her parents' thighs...
    
    Not Roger

For Prince Charles -

      20 hours of professional therapeutic analysis.

    Jack,
    
    I don't pick on anyone under 18.
    
    For newtlett, a ticket to promise keepers.  Time he brought the little
    lady to Washington, after all he accused one opponent of wanting to
    leave her family in Georgia if elected and Marianne resides in GA.  
    
    For dole, a temper.
    
    For Gramm
    
    a reality check and a better excuse for why he didn't join the military
    during the nam era.
    
    For Buchanon, the combined writings of Stephen Chapman and Bill
    Buckley, so he gets an idea of what a conservative feels about the
    economy.
    
    For every CEO in America:  Bill Bennetts book on virtues with an intro
    by Ellen Goodman on how it should apply to corporations.
    
    for the Republican party:
    
    A real candidate

For the Honorable Senator Edward F. Kennedy -

     A chauffeur.

For Tipper Gore -

    A gift certificate to Tower Records.

For Bill Gates -

    A pre-recorded copy of "The Man Who Would Be King" personally
    autographed by Sean Connery.

For Donald Trump -

     A trampoline.

    Warming up now, I see.
    
    for Dole, the story of the Dog who bit the hand that fed him, courtesy
    of Time-Warner, and the Log Cabin Club.  Also the same level of
    insurance and medical care most of the population his age recieves. 
    Welcome to DC general's ER dude.
    
    For Libby Dole, all of the latest Hillary jokes, so she can see what an
    independent woman is in for when she is married to the pres.  
    
    

For Mayor Marion Barry -

    A classic-styled drinking glass emblazoned with the slogan
	"Things Go Better With Coke".

Another one for Bill Gates -

	The sound track from "How to Succeed in Business Without Really
	Trying."

For Tonya Harding -

     A pair of inline skates, a protective helmet, knee pads, and a crow
     bar, in the event that she might branch out into another sport.

    for Meg:
    
    A sense of humor
    
    Not Roger

    For Jack:
    
    A set of 78's for Nat King Cole
    A new snowblower
    Keresene in the ole lamp
    
    Not Roger
    

I yain't no public figger, tho.

    
    
    
    For Al Gore:  A DISCO fever album.

    For Bill Clinton...
    
    A take home, do it yourself hary cary kit.

    for phil gramm:
    
    a box of crackers

				Merry Christmas Phil!
					 /
					/
			^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
	               {               }
	               {   o       o   }
	               {               }
	               {       o       }
	               {               }
	               {   o       o   }
	               {               }
		        vvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

    for oj:
    
    a copy of "How to Win Friends and Influence People"
    

    
    hari kari
    
    nnttm

    Hairy Kerry?

    For Schumer:
    
    A clue.
    
    
    For Feinstien:
    
    FBI statistics.
    
    
    For Kenneday:
    
    A copy of the US Constitution.
    
    
    For Clinton:
    
    A coupon book for McDonalds.
    
    
    For Dole:
    
    A personality.
    
    

    I have no money.  Can I get a hary cary grant?

    it would take a thief to get a grant from cary.  besides,
    if you were indiscreet, you'd wind up notorious.

    
    For Boris Yeltsin:
    
    	A vacation in Chechnya.
    
    For John Major:
    
    	A spine.
    
    For Bhoutros-Ghali:
    
    	A Serbian passport.
    
    For Bill Clinton:
    
    	Any diet which is rich is cholesterol, fatty acids, and artificial
    	flavorings and preservatives.
    
    For Hillary Clinton:
    
    	A schlong transplant.
    
    For Bob Dole:
    
    	Smile implantation surgery.
    
    For Phil Gramm:
    
    	What Pinochio always wanted.
    
    For Newt Gingrich:
    
    	A new hair stylist.
    
    For Dick Armey:
    
    	A sales tax bill.
    
    For Rush Limbaugh:
    
    	A soul.

    
    For our Commander In Chief:
    
    	A uniform to wear as the point man on a patrol through a Bosnian
    	mine field.
    
    	A walkman that continuously plays his speeches as to why the U.S.
    	must be in Bosnia.
    
    	A note from Prince Charles assuring Bill that he will personally
    	take care of Hilliary until he returns from Bosnia.
    
    	A note from Hillary that she has convinced the DOD that it's
    	cheaper to let HMO's run the military field hospitals and provide
    	first aid in Bosnia. P.S.,  that his Primary Care Provider would arrive
    	in country any month now.
    
    	A note from Chelsea that she smoked her first joint but didn't
    	inhale.
    
    	A note from Al Gore inquiring if there was anything he should be
    	doing while Bill is vacationing in Bosnia.
    
    	A copy of some local Newspapers sent by Alponse D'Amato with
    	headlines reporting that Hillary has agreed to turn State's evidence
    	about Whitewater.
    
    	A note from the Secretary of Defense that in accord with Bill's
    	previous instructions to cut the military that only one round of ammo
    	would be issued to each member of the military in Bosnia.
    
    	A message from Janet Reno that she was really busy rounding up and
    	jailing all those who opposed our presence in Bosnia under the new
    	Terrorism statues.  
    
    	A note from Leon Panetta (sp?) that Burger King had rejected his
    	plea to develop MRE's for the troops in Bosnia.
    
    	JB  

    For O J Simpson.... 
    
    		the board game CLUDO.
                an Agathy Cristie mystery
    		and a Sherlock Holmes hat
    
    
    For Newt....
    
    		A copy of Dicken's Christmas Carol
    		and an artificial heart
    		
    
    For Bob Dole....
    
    		A personality
    
    For Washington (The Hill)  a bomb big enough to vaporize the lot of
    them.

    <---- What, nobody gets a long lunch?

    addendum to .31:
    
    
    	A note from Chelsea stating that she just eloped with Snoop Doggy
    	Dog.

    Snoop Doggy Dogg.  NNTTM.

    
    Hari Kiri.  AGNTTM.
    
    

    < I gave at the airport.

    .36
    
    Hara-kiri.  NNTTM.

   oh my lordy, mz_deb erred.  my world doesn't make sense anymore.
   

    re.33
    
    <<For Washington (The Hill)  a bomb big enough to vaporize the lot of
        them.>>
    
    That's the longest lunch of all.
    
    Oops....time for lunch
    

    
    I may have to go ritually disembowel myself now.
    
    

    
    Just bust a gut instead.

       
       Shame on you, Hangs.  In Mme B, she commits ritual suicide at the
       end of the show, and, as surely you must know, she does so by
       plunging the knife into her throat area, which, on even the most
       wottled diva, does not quite reach the belly area.  So, absent an
       operation on your plumbing, you'd need to do the ritual throat
       removal rather than disembowelment.  Sorry.
       
       --Mr Topaz

    
    Throat removal?  What, and risk damaging my voice?  Not a chance.
    
    

    
    	Thanks, Topaz, for giving away the whole story.
    
    	Now I guess it's useless for me to see it now.
    

    For O.J. 
    
   - A faster Bronco
   - his hat and gloves (back)
     -a gun vs a celular phone
    
    For Slick
    -villa in Bosinia 
    -a JFK make over
    -a make over for Hillary to look like Jacki O.
    
    

    ah, Bosinia.  Right next door to Freedonia.

    For Hugh Grant to get around L.A. in - A Hummer 

    
    
    %^o