Conference back40::soapbox

    
    gee Mike, kinda harsh don't you think? Just for an r.o. and being a
    liberal?? I'm sure quite a few of the box's denizens, could be tried
    for this as well.

Bailiff: All rise!  The 'boxcourt is now in session.  The honourable Judge
Komar presiding.

	Ok you may be seatind.  Can we have opening statements from anyone
who wishes to defend John Harney and anyone who wishes to prosecute Mr. John
Harney

Judge

PS - Richardson, stay away from the bench :-)

    re: .0
    
     Sounds like somebody with too much time on his hands...

    
    I bloody volunteer to defend the bloody Mr. Harney. 
    I think it is bloody ridiculous to bloody jump on someone, just
    he uttered some bloody r.o. 
    
    If anyone bloody wants to prosecute Mr. Harney, I ask to come outside
    and settle the bloody question in a mynly manner.
    
    Bloody thanks for listening, lads.
    
    
    [takes seat]

	I think wannamonkey is gonna be handling the procecution....

RE: 437.5 by BIGQ::SILVA "Diablo"

> I think wannamonkey is gonna be handling the procecution....

Only if the prosecutor is a 'BoxBabe.


Phil

	He wouldn't want to hang a babe..... but a liberal....YES! 

    I volunteer to defend the honour of our very own un-moderator!

    Come outside, Wannamonkey, bloody wimp.

    Gotta bloody go home now.
    Back on Friday.
    Behave.
    Hugs and Kisses.
    Heiko

BBBBBB    OOOOOO   LL      LL       OOOOOO    CCCCCC   KK     KK    SSSSSS
BB   BB  OO    OO  LL      LL      OO    OO  CC    CC  KK    KK    SS    SS
BB   BB  OO    OO  LL      LL      OO    OO  CC        KK   KK     SS
BB   BB  OO    OO  LL      LL      OO    OO  CC        KK  KK      SS
BB   BB  OO    OO  LL      LL      OO    OO  CC        KK KK       SS
BBBBBB   OO    OO  LL      LL      OO    OO  CC        KKKK         SSSSSS
BB   BB  OO    OO  LL      LL      OO    OO  CC        KK KK             SS
BB   BB  OO    OO  LL      LL      OO    OO  CC        KK  KK            SS
BB   BB  OO    OO  LL      LL      OO    OO  CC        KK   KK           SS
BB   BB  OO    OO  LL      LL      OO    OO  CC    CC  KK    KK    SS    SS
BBBBBB    OOOOOO   LLLLLL  LLLLLL   OOOOOO    CCCCCC   KK     KK    SSSSSS

	Gotta prosecutor, gotta defense - let's get it on!

ME

    In my own defense, I want to say only two things.

    1) Gene Haag started the untrue rumor about my political
        leanings when I learned he donated $500 to Pat Schroder's
        campaign.  We call it a "red herring."

    2) *&#%$ off.

    \john

RE: 437.13 by ALPHAZ::HARNEY "John A Harney"

Along with the bunny suit,  does Pat have a sheep suit?  That might explain
Haag's rather large political donation...

We need Haag on the stand.  Otherwise,  it's only hearsay.


Phil

    
    
    No, at this point and time, I will have to be a witness for the
    defense.  
    
    Very true, Phil, very true.  
    
    
    RE: -1 :')
    
    
    Mike

    
    
    And as for you, Mark.  You had to be there.
    
    Mike

	Yep, 'tis true.

ME

    ZZZ    2) *&#%$ off.
    
    Ahhhh....he implied the "For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge" phrase. :-0
    
    

    
    Wait a minute - this is a Box Trial - shouldn't the sentencing
    come first ?
    
      bb

    as for the first allegation, i have knowledge that while the honourable
    Mr. Harney may not be as conservative as I fantasize him to be, the
    slur of liberalism is unfounded.  However, this information will remain
    my secret until the prosecution has begun its case.  I move to have all
    charges on the second allegation dismissed.

    I have evidence so when does the prosecution get to examine me??

| <<< Note 437.21 by MKOTS3::JMARTIN "You-Had-Forty-Years!!!" >>>

| I have evidence so when does the prosecution get to examine me??


	As soon as the latex gloves and a pair of blinders have been put on

Wait a minute - Who is the prosecutor again?  And What is the assistant
prosecutor?


Phil

    .23
    
    I Don't Know.

Oh.  That is the bailiff?

    No.  Oh was the stenographer.  The bailiff is Here.

    I didn't know liberals own AsSaUlT mAcHiNe GuNs....
    Plus, cussin ain't too filthy, ifn there ain't no wimmins around.
    
    Wannamunger gots all he can do to hold onto himself.  Tell me he
    wasn't around any boxbabe... he prolly made an ass outta himself.

Where?

    
    
    RE: .27  If I would wanted to make an ass outta myself, I would a asked
    myself what sad sack would do now and proceed in kind.
    
    
    

    Okay...here's the scoop.
    
    I swear to tell the truth the whole truth and nothing but the truth.  I
    have a history of strong character and integrity and haven't been
    caught yet.
    
    I was doing what everybody else does.  Stop lying Glen...you do it too. 
    Everybody does it from time to time.  Why I hear that even Digital
    upper management does it.  I'm talking about Soapbox surfing....
    
    
    SOAPBOX SURFING GLEN YOU PIG!!!
    
    
    Anyway, I was surfing one day when I reached...How Atheists should act
    in the box, note .500.  I put in the following:
    
    Belated Atheistic Snarf.
    
    Well, the roof completely caved in, I got a message from goderator
    Harney strongly exhorting me to never do this again.  He said that if I
    continue to use up disk space on nonsensical dribble, then he would
    censure me from Soapbox for an unspecified amount of time.
    
    In my defense, I wrote him and reminded him that Glen always snarfs .69
    in every note...like we have no idea why he's doing this...the oinker.
    Anyway, John wrote back and gave a lamb excuse as to why he allows Glen
    to snarf all the time.
    
    Secondly, John yelled at me another time about using the "L" word too
    much in the box.  He of course denied being liberal but simply stated
    he is sick of my condescending usage of the term.  
    
    So, in my dialog, I have received censorship, accusations of
    insensitivity, unreasonable outbursts, and elitism.  The trial is here
    to ferret these facts and what you have here is the truth...which I
    have just given you.
    
    Harcor Venton Mudd

    Judge-
    
    I suggest Mr. Martin's testimony be struck from the record.  This
    witness is truely of questionable character.  Why, this is the man
    whom you sentenced last year to loving Barney.  How can one possibly
    consider him credible on the matter of character?!?!  I also object
    to the term 'goderator'.  Anyone who knows Mr. Harney realizes he's
    the ultimate un-moderator.
    
    Thank you.

    
    Harney once turned me into a newt!
    
    ...but I got better.
    

    oh, c'mon joan, stop slithering 'round, you know he was only teasing
    you!

    
    I've got a better idea for a trial...why don't we try Covert for
    trespassing at Natnick Mall?
    
    :^)
    

RE: .32

	Request denied.

	However, your objection to the testimony will also remain on record.

ME

    Should be thrown out of court without any further consideration.
    
    ...Tom

I'm waiting for Our Jack Martin to enlighten us as to the nature of
"the lamb excuse". No doubt, as he is erudite in matters regarding
animal sacrifice as well as fizziiks, this will be forthcoming.

Regarding the defendent and the charge, preposterous - he's a LiberTARIAN,
not a LiberAL. Just cuz he carried a phone around with him like Covert is
no reason to try to find fault with him.

But Jack, cellular phones cause brain cancer.  Brain tumors can cause
personality changes.  Maybe the libertarian was transmogrified into a liberal.

    It could happen.

But, Gerald, he wasn't carrying the phone around anywhere near his brain.

At least I don't _think_ that was near his brain . . . . 

| <<< Note 437.30 by MKOTS3::JMARTIN "You-Had-Forty-Years!!!" >>>


| Anyway, John wrote back and gave a lamb excuse as to why he allows Glen
| to snarf all the time.


	Jack... did he tell you baaaaaaaaaaaaaa

| <<< Note 437.33 by TROOA::COLLINS "On a wavelength far from home." >>>


| Harney once turned me into a newt!
| ...but I got better.

	So there is hope for Gingrich??? :-)

| <<< Note 437.41 by MOLAR::DELBALSO "I (spade) my (dogface)" >>>

| But, Gerald, he wasn't carrying the phone around anywhere near his brain.
| At least I don't _think_ that was near his brain . . . .

	It is near his butt Jack, so you're right.... it ain't near his
brain....

    Wittle Jackie's pwobwem is mail about not snarfing a ".501s"
    and how stupid his arguments look when he uses "liberal" as a
    pejorative??

    YOUR HONOR!!  I simply MUST protest.  This isn't "evidence" from
    a "witness", this is the whining of a spoiled 5 year old that
    needs his bottom spanked.

    If this is an "offense" then I proudly hold my head up high and
    say "GUILTY AS CHARGED."  Fortunatly, I know my peers are as
    tired as I of the playground behavior of some members, and I have
    no doubt that this unreasonable (and untruthful in several places)
    "charge" will take its rightful place; in the Court's bit bucket.

    \john
==============================================================================
    For the record, I told Wittle Jackie that I already DID mail Glen
    about his snarfing habits.  As I have the Judge (Your Honor) and
    many other chronic snarfers.  My only hope is that the message is
    taken to heart.  Wittle Jackie's bit about keeping him from the
    'Box is an outright lie.  Perhaps he'd be willing to share this
    mail message?

    Also for the record, I want Wittle Jackie to stop using the "L"
    word because it makes conservatives look like they don't have a
    grasp of any issue other than, "I disagree, so it must be `liberal'."
    Foul your own nest if you want, but don't taint the rest of us.

	The Judge needs to ask this important question for the trial:

What is the definition of a "flaming liberal" - Would like answers from both
sides of the aisle.

ME

    Judge!  He admitted guilt in .45!!!  Burn 'em! Burn 'em!!  {crowd
    yelling while building a bon-fire}
    
    
    8^)
    
    
    Let's see if he weighs the same as a duck.

    Flaming liberal- a liberal who has been doused in gasoline and lit good
    and proper.
    
    8^)

Good one! :-)

ME

    
    I submit myself as a character witness for Mr.Harney.

    
    
    Okay, here is my testimony.  Mr. Harney is not the pompous, tight arsed
    person he would have us all believe he is.  He is not a flaming liberal
    as the sheepshagger accused upon learning of Mr. Harney's being at the
    party.  He is an honerable man who it will be a pleasure to annoy in
    the future.  As far as the RO is concerned, he is guilty on this charge, 
    but I also heard many other say the same thing including the karoki 
    singing judge who has a cartop carrier that was the envy of all the
    engineers in attendance. :')
    
    
    Mike  

    
    
    And yes, it should be honorable.

	Judge, I submit that Mr. Moderator is making up rules as
	he goes along.

	Has the "snarf at your own risk" note been posted in
	the conference guidelines ?

    My Lord, my I approach the latest character witness?

  ZZ      YOUR HONOR!!  I simply MUST protest.  This isn't "evidence" from
  ZZ      a "witness", this is the whining of a spoiled 5 year old that
  ZZ      needs his bottom spanked.
    
    Soapbox Spankers:
    
    Gavel::Jandrow
    Powdml::Lauer
    Iamok::CKelly

Spank Me First!

    
                     ___   ~----._
            _______     ~~---.__  `-.
        --~~       ~~-----.__   `-.  \
        _,--------------._   ~---. \  `.
      '~  _,------------. ~~-     `.\  |
     _,--~      _____    `        _____|_
         _,---~~          -----         `-.            /##
      ,-~   __,---~~--.       `._____,',--.`.        ,'##/
    ,' _,--~  __,----.          `  () '' ()' :    _,-' `#'
     ,~   _,-'   ,' ,--          `---' \ `.__,)--'     ,'
       ,-'      -  (                                _,'
     .'   _-~ ,'    `--                          ,-'
    /  ,-'  ,'  __                        ___,--'    _______________
     ,'  ,'~ ,-~     /            ___.ooo88o  |    ,'               `.
    /  ,' ,-'    /               ' 8888888888,'   _|                 |
      /  /    /                 '  `888888888.`.  \      HARNEY!!    |
     /  /  /      /            '    `888888888 |   |                 |
       '      /     /         '       `888888','   `._______________,'
         /                   '           ~~~,'
        /   /  /            '            ,-'
         /           /                 ,'
             

    .45
    
    Harney,
    
    It will be most difficult to take you seriously as a moderator now
    that you've started quoting Cheech and Chong :-)
    
    

    
    Yeah but
    
    
    who planted the glove with drops of chili on it?

    
    Your Honour, I don't know if I want Mr.Richardson approaching me.  He
    might try to rub linseed oil into my cormorant.
                     

    My Lord, if it pleases the Crown I would like to state for the record
    that I have switched from linseed oil to baby oil, and I no longer have
    the strange cormorant fetish.

    
    Your Honour, I withdraw the objection.

    {approaching noises}

    
    {shiver}

    
    Pull up those pants, Glenn.
    

    8^o, it wasn't me! Not that I'm complaining or anything.

| <<< Note 437.45 by ALPHAZ::HARNEY "John A Harney" >>>


| -< Bailiff!!  Whack his pee-pee! >-

	When did I get made the bailiff???

| For the record, I told Wittle Jackie that I already DID mail Glen
| about his snarfing habits.  

	Funny.... you might have told him that, but I never received any....
but I was there when the word liberal came out of your mouth....be yourself...
stop hiding in the closet.... Haag is gone, remember? :-)

    See???  John Lied!!!

    John,
    
    Methinks some know not what a bailiff is to do :-)
    
    

	We still don't know what a flaming liberal is (that answer about
setting a liberal on fire does NOT count).  If we can get a straight
answer maybe we can solve this case.

Judge

    So don't ask Glen then.

    I have informed Glen of his error.

    I have unlied.

    \john

    <--- You unlie. Why do you unlie?

    re: .70
    
    Spoilsport!

| <<< Note 437.70 by REFINE::KOMAR "The Barbarian" >>>


| We still don't know what a flaming liberal is 

	I am a flaming liberal.

| If we can get a straight answer maybe we can solve this case.

	If it's a straight answer, it ain't flaming. 


Glen

| <<< Note 437.72 by ALPHAZ::HARNEY "The Un-Moderator" >>>

| -< I don't care who's bailiff, just whack it! >-

	Cool...

| I have informed Glen of his error.

	Yes he has.

| I have unlied.

	No he hasn't. 

	Due to my early exit, and I have not groomed anyone to
take my place, I will now make a ruling:

	On the charge of John Harney being a flaming liberal, I
find him - not guilty.  There is no clear definition of a flaming
liberal, and Harney appears to flame about anything but SNARFS!

	On the charge of John Harney uttering a recognizable
obscenity, I find him guilty.  His sentence shall be to carry
the personal name of "I love <r.o.> SNARFS!".

<bang!  bang!>  Court is adjourned.

The Judge

	Gee.... if the judge was gonna groom anyone, it should have been 'tine
on Sunday. GAK!!!!

    Hey! HEY!

    I didn't get to be examined by Christine!
    
    -Jack

    
    
    and i missed the whole trial....me...the one who essentially dubbed him
    the 'unmoderator'...
    
    
    {sigh}
    
    

    Sorry.  I'm no longer the un-moderator.

    I must wear this PN in shame.
    \john

    
    
    Wear it like a badge of honor, John. :')
    
    
    Mike

    I will be serving fruit frapp� in the lobby. I'll be the one with his
    pants around his ankles.

    Leslie

    
    
    
    you will always be the un-moderator to me, master harney!!!
    
    

| <<< Note 437.80 by MKOTS3::JMARTIN "You-Had-Forty-Years!!!" >>>

| I didn't get to be examined by Christine!

	Like Jack D., 'tine is lucky too. 

    Jack would be so lucky.

<---which jack r u talkin bout?

    The lucky one.

	Well... they BOTH were at the party......

    Which one?

	the lucky one and 'tine...

    oh dear, glen, see what you have (potentially) started again? 

    I'm very happy for both of you. You're both very lucky.

    why i oughta....

    No, I'm just happy to see people enjoying their luck. I should be so
    lucky.

    You are lucky*23-or-so, which is ultra-lucky.
    

	But Jack is the luckiest of all.....