Conference back40::soapbox

	While taking a shower at work, someone came in and stole all my
clothes. They put them in my bosses office. Lucky for me another friend who I
was jogging with still had his left, so I could at least put on his jogging
clothes and go hunt down my stuff. :)

    I gave my girlfriend/fiance/wife her engaement ring and asked her to
    marry me.  ;>
    
    Mark

	It was her yes that was the April fools prank, right?

I'm gonna pull a good one tomorrow night and set all the clocks an hour ahead.

    That's what I like about you Jack, you really live life on the
    edge... :-) :-)
    
    -b

    Well, having the clocks put ahead one hour would tick me off.

	Jack, if you do it at 2am when you're supposed to, it will be April
2nd... :-)

    Personally, I like the Vaseline on the phone prank. To make it more
    fun, call the intended victim from a spot that allows you to see the
    reaction.
    

Nah - see that's why it will be such a witty prank, Glen. I'll do it when
I'm least expecting it.

    
    Wasn't an April Fools prank, but I remember being in a mess hall once
    and watching some guy loosen the top on a salt shaker.  About five
    minutes later, having forgotten that he did it, he tried to put a
    little salt on his dinner.
    
    I laughed until I stopped.   :^)
    

    shoe polish on a black toilet seat.

| <<< Note 373.10 by TROOA::COLLINS "Pretzel Boy" >>>


| I laughed until I stopped.   :^)

	How origional Joan. :-)

    
    
    	superglue on a toilet seat...
    
    

    <<< 373.13
    
    
                         ouch!
    

    
    	
    eek! It's security!!!
    
    

    .13
    
    > superglue on a toilet seat...
    
    Urban legend alert.
    
    Unless a victim sits down within 30 seconds, the superglue will have no
    effect.  The stuff sets virtually instantly.

    Just checking on you guys and gals.
    

    
    Saran wrap over the porcelain of a toilet seat.
    
    I live alone, tho, so have no-one to do that to 8^p.  Mebbe I'll put
    saran wrap over the catbox 8^))))))))))))))))))))))).

    
    Save time, just wrap the cats in it...
    
    

    
    	...then pop them in the microwave. They come out juicy and
    delicious. Try a little ranch dressing with them.
    
    
    

    A good one from the Daily Illini's April 1st edition.
    (picture of small smiling girl with text as follows:)
    
    Child of the Week
       Jenny is 9 years old, and lives at the County Adoption
    Agency.  She likes to ride her bike and talk to her friends.
       Jenny is very bright and can read, and she also draws with
    crayons.
       She is very affectionate and playful, and loves dogs.  She
    does not eat very much and can wash her own dishes.
       Jenny has lived at the Adoption Agency for four months.
    If she is not adopted within one week, she will have to be
    destroyed.

 ZZZZ   CSLALL::SECURITY
    
    
    Mailroom is that you???!!!!

    
    nah Jim, thousand island is more in taste.

    A spicy teriyaki or even a fiery thai chili paste would be much better
    IMO.  

    
    You all leave my cats alone!!!!

    
    
    Scotch tape over the phone contacts in the mouthpiece.
    
    Superglue mouse to desk.
    
    Fill mailbox with rubber spiders/bugs/rats/etc. 
    
    Have someone with a sexy voice call a male friend and pretend to 
        have been hired as a little gift for him. :*)  Set up a day
        and time to meet, then go watch him wait.  
    
    Tell your mother you are pregnant. (My mom fell for this every year
        for ten years!) 
    
    Print up a fake e-mail message about someone in your group and leave
        a copy of it conveniently in the photo-copier.
    
    
    Need more? :*)
    
    
    Terrie
    
    

    >Have someone with a sexy voice call a male friend and pretend to 
    >    have been hired as a little gift for him. :*)  Set up a day
    >    and time to meet, then go watch him wait.  
    
    So _you're_ the one!! :-) :-)
    
    -b

    
    
    oops.....
    
    
    [blush]  :8*)
    
    
    
    
    
    Terrie
    

    
    
    	>    You all leave my cats alone!!!!
    
    	Just kidding mz_deb! ;*)
    
    	I really luv cats...
    
    
    
    
    	stir fried....
    
    

    >	I really luv cats...
    
    >	stir fried....
    
    There's this Chinese place I know in Worcester then
    that you should check out... :-) :-)
    
    -b

    
    
    	kiti loo's? ;*)
    
    

    Got married, 4/1/89.  Chose that date intentionally, too!
    
    With the exception of those close co-workers who knew us well and the 
    actual wedding party, everyone else thought we were joking, so the 
    prank sort of wound up being on us.  
    
    All of the vendors (caterer, florist, baker, rental company, etc.) made
    us pay 100% in advance, 'cause they were sure it was an April Fool's
    joke.  75 invites, including wedding party.  25 attendees, including
    wedding party.
    
    On the other hand, we really had a great laugh when we turned up that
    evening, after the wedding reception at the country dance club where 
    we had met.  There we were, parents and party in tow, decked out in our
    wedding finery.  Many of our no-shows were at the club, and were they
    ever surprised and *Very* *Very* embarrassed when they realized what
    they had missed!
    
    M.

    I short-sheeted my wife 15 years, when I was away on business. She
    still laughs when we speak of it.

    <<< NOTE 373.33
    
    
        About seven years ago, while in Explorer Scouts(co-ed up to age
    21), we stayed at the Cranmore Mountain Lodge in N.Conway, NH. A few
    buddies and I short-sheeted every single bed we could get our hands
    on. Even today, not a soul knows who did it. I hope people still laugh
    at that one, because I know I do.
    
        

    What is short sheeted?

    Take the top sheet, tuck it in around the top like the bottom sheet,
    then fold the bottom part up.  When the person gets in, his feet hit
    the fold in the top sheet halfway down.

 
I used to work with a guy who, every April 1 would walk in and say "Man, I'm 
really tired", and we'd all say "Gee, Jerry, why are you so tired?", and he'd
reply


I just finished a 31 day march 

    I have a program that... in a random interval between one and five
    minutes fetches a random error message out of the VMS message library
    and sends it to a random interactive user.
    
    It's a hoot.  Can't do it here, though.  

  Years ago a TV station in SF ran an authentic looking report on the harvesting
  of spaghetti in Italy, complete with trees with strands of spaghetti hanging
  off of them.




 Jim

    They did the same thing back in the fifties on the BBC and because it
    was "THE BBC" the papers reported the next day that an awful lot people
    beleived it.
    
    
    joan

    
    I short sheeted my 21 year-old son who was out with his buddies the
    night before and I knew he would be in late. Stayed awake most of the night
    waiting for the trap to spring. 
    
    Finally in the wee morning hours of April 1 he returned home and quietly 
    went to bed, or tried to. It was a few seconds before he figured out what
    was going on and broke up laughing. He first thought it was his brother
    or sisters who had done it. His mother and I were the last ones
    he expected to short sheet him. We had the entire household up roaring
    with laughter for almost an hour. He laughed so hard he couldn't even
    get out of bed, ended up sleeping atop the sheets.
    
    JLB
    
     

    
    
    WBZ radio kept announcing that Larry Bird was making a comeback
    on Saturday...they did say happy april fools day after each
    announcement though.
    
    
    
    
    Terrie
    

    My favourite was 'performed' by my little brother. He was 4 years old
    then. While walking behind our mum on the way out to dinner (we
    were on our hols), he shouted out: "MUM! THERE'S A HOLE IN YOUR 
    
    BEHIND!". What a riot. About 20 people walking with us in the group
    burst out laughing. My brother almost died of embarrasment.
    
    Heiko

To:	Multiple recipients of list GARDENS <[email protected]>
Subj:	Problem with a tree

Two years ago I ordered a Sicilian pasta tree (Pastifera arborea)
from Milwaukee Bulb Company. It was only about an inch tall when it
arrived, but I planted it according to the directions, amending the
soil with plenty of rabbit pellets and emulsified fish. It did
really well, and last summer it flowered!

The problem was, at blossom time the entire tree was covered with
BEES and BUTTERFLIES (ugh!), so I sprayed it three or four times
with round-up. This seemed to work pretty well on the bugs. The
problem is the tree looks sort of dead now. What did I do wrong?

Thanks in advance.

Ross Greenberg
Montreal, Quebec, Canada

SEVEN SOFTWARE COMPANIES ADDED TO "WATCH LIST"

New York, NY, April 1 -- People for the Ethical Treatment of
Software (PETS) announced today that seven more software companies
have been added to the group's "watch list" of companies that
regularly practice software testing.

"There is no need for software to be mistreated in this way so that
companies like these can market new products," said Ken Granola,
spokesperson for PETS.  "Alternative methods of testing these
products are available."

According to PETS, these companies force software to undergo lengthly
and arduous tests, often without rest for hours or days at a time.
Employees are assigned to "break" the software by any means
necessary, and inside sources report that they often joke about
"torturing" the software.

"It's no joke," said Granola. "Innocent programs, from the day they
are compiled, are cooped up in tiny rooms and 'crashed' for hours on
end. They spend their whole lives on dirty, ill-maintained computers,
and are unceremoniously deleted when they're not needed anymore."

Granola said the software is kept in unsanitary conditions and is
infested with bugs.

"We know alternatives to this horror exist," he said, citing industry
giant Microsoft Corp. as a company that has become extremely
successful without resorting to software testing.

    
    
    
    So, who are the seven companies???
    
    
    
    
    
    
    Terrie
    

    A favourite prank of mine:-
    
    Lurk around in bushes for a while pretending to look for a golf ball
    when someone asks what you are doing Piss on their shoes.

    
    <---------   you sure are a strange duck.

    
    
    <- where is that 'calling the kettle black' topic????
    
    

    
    note 35 Pot and Kettle Award.
    
    nnttm

    
    
     Okay... we won't ty
    
    Cause we know not of what you speak!!
    

    best AF joke I witnessed happened to be while I worked in banking many
    moons ago and our VP of marketing went on leave for surgery.  besides
    myself, she was usually one of the earliest individuals in the office
    each morning.  When she was due to return, which happened to be an
    April 1st, we planned the night before a little welcoming.  In her
    office, we threw all the old printouts, old magazines strewn over the
    place and like until we has a pile pouring from her doorway wheras she
    can not enter.  We then proceeded to upturn a few chairs against her
    door and then purposively waited the next morning until she would be
    the first one to enter.
    
    When she caame into the bank's foyer, she could see the debris pouring
    out of her office, si she panicked and e ran to a payphone and called
    the local police...by this time, myself and my boss, the exec VP, who
    were waiting in a fast foods across the street, saw the police come
    with lights flashing and guns drawn.
    
    Was one joke which backfired...

    .52
    
    > backfired...
    
    Too bad your father didn't.

    
    	<snicker>
    
    

     Veteran Worker Sues after She is Arrested as a Gag

     By Associated Press, 12/26/95

     PETERBOROUGH, N.H. (AP) - Irene Palmer's colleagues say they were
     joking when they got a local court bailiff and a police officer to
     arrest and handcuff her on trumped-up charges.

     Palmer disagreed.

     She said the prank on the eve of April Fool's Day was no laughing
     matter and has sued the Pheasant Wood Nursing Home for $1.8 million,
     claiming false arrest and sexual harassment in a previous incident.

     The lawsuit names her boss, the nursing home, its holding company and
     the court bailiff and police sergeant who were in on the prank.

     Her lawyer, James Bianco Jr., said the gag was excessive and that the
     officer and bailiff violated federal law.

     ``There's a fine line in the sand between putting a whoopee cushion in
     a chair and having the police department come and arrest you,'' she
     said.

     Now, a U.S. District Court in Concord jury will have to decide whether
     the matter is a case of false arrest or a practical joke.

     Palmer's lawsuit claims she has lost sleep and gained weight and cannot
     concentrate. It says she is nervous and depressed.

     The lawsuit also alleges that nursing home administrator David Smith
     and other workers at Pheasant Wood displayed a photograph of Palmer
     with a vegetable that represented a penis. Bianco said Smith refused to
     remove the photograph and that the incident is the basis of an Equal
     Employment Opportunity Commission complaint against Pheasant Wood.

     Dwight Sowerby owns Sowerby Health Care, which owns the nursing home,
     and refused to comment on whether Smith was reprimanded. He said Smith
     continues to head the nursing home and is a valued employee.

     Sowerby said his lawyer has told him Palmer's suit has no merit.

     ``(The arrest) was supposed to be, I gather, a practical joke,'' he
     said. ``I believe that it was an April Fool's Day joke.''

     According to Palmer's suit, she was summoned to the office and
     confronted by Jaffrey-Peterborough District Court bailiff Richard
     Daigle on March 31, 1995.

     ``I hate to do this, but it is my job,'' the suit quoted Daigle as
     saying. ``I have to take you out of here in handcuffs. I have been
     ordered by the court to take you downtown.''

     He told her the arrest had to do with Medicaid fraud, led her to the
     front desk, handcuffed her to Smith and led them out the front door.
     Sgt. Bruce McCall had a cruiser waiting as Pheasant Wood workers
     photographed Palmer and Smith. As she was about to get into the
     cruiser, Smith told her about the joke. He then told her she looked as
     if she was going to have a heart attack, the suit says.

     Police Chief Quentin Estey Jr. refused to say whether McCall had been
     reprimanded.

     Daigle quit as court bailiff because of his wife's health problems,
     said District Court clerk Pauline Tremblay.

     AP-DS-12-26-95 0204EST

    
    	Did they read her her rights?
    
    	If not, they can claim it wasn't an actual arrest.
    

    
    It's just around the corner............

    Maybe they'll say "APRIL FOOLS!!" after laying off two people in my
    group Monday.  

    
    it's here. tomorrow is the big day.

	April 1st is an anniversary for me at one place I work. I have to call
the guy tomorrow and wish him a happy anniversay. 

    Happy National Atheists Day!

    
    well, it's over for another year.

    The security guys at the Disney Contemporary Resort were wearing masks
    when I pulled up. They asked me if I had been listening to the radio, I
    said no, why? They tell me there's a influenza epidemic at the hotel
    and it's under a 48 hour quarantine and the red cross will be setting
    up tents for incoming guests.

    I went into shock.

    Then the guy says "you know what today is?"

    I shout "April Fools!"

    Everyone laughs like a bastard.

    Boy, they got me good.

    How exactly does a bastard laugh? Like a bastard snows?

    Ya, that's it. How did you know?

| <<< Note 373.64 by WAHOO::LEVESQUE "Spott Itj" >>>

| How exactly does a bastard laugh? 

	Same as anyone else... the person was just born out of wedlock. :-)

    Thats Bastid!!!! 8)

    
    	Sue, you're forgetting to sign your notes, again.
    
    

    Oops,,,,, Sorry Mom! ;)
    
    
    
    SueJ

    I know...I thought to myself...Sue???  Then Sue's wayward daughter
    revealed herself! :-)

	I think Karen just wants Sue to sign her notes so she doesn't get them
confused with her own! :-)

    
    	I can usually tell the difference between Sue's/Karen's notes.
    

    
    	Well, Thank God for that, Slab.
    
    	You're right, Glen (did I really say that?).  
    
    

    He is so smart... He never surprises me..... Hes my hero....
    
    
    SueJ
    
    
    Ps
    
    Karen Sign your notes will ya !!! 8P

    
    	Nope.  I don't need to, as I'm holding the trump card.
    
    

| <<< Note 373.75 by SMARTT::JENNISON "And baby makes five" >>>


| Nope.  I don't need to, as I'm holding the trump card.

	Is that a new name for a baby in the womb? :-)

	And you agreed with me??? *GASP!*  :-)

    Baby in womb- will travel....