Conference back40::soapbox

*** From Thurs Nov 17 ***

	Top 10 Signs You're in Love with Judge Ito
	^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

10.	You've renamed all your pets and children "Lance"

 9.	You're thinking of killing someone just on the chance that you
	end up in his courtroom

 8.	You call Court TV to suggest a 48 hour ITO-ATHON

 7.	You find him guilty! Guilty of being adorable!

 6.	Your name is Robert Shapiro

 5.	You buy bags of Fritos and cut them up just to have the name
	"Ito" for your scrapbook

 4.	In the courtroom, you shout, "Hold me in contempt, but just
	hold me!"

 3.	When you see him on Court TV you start licking the screen

 2.	You're wearing a button that says "Ito is neato"

...and the number 1 sign that you're in love with Judge Ito...

	That's not a gavel in your pants

    There is an Internet newsgroup devoted solely to Top-Ten lists.

    Not a top ten, but very interesting... happened to catch Dave on
    "Physics Night" in which they threw various objects out of a 7th
    floor window and videotaped them falling and crashing on the pavement.
    The objects included: a tire, a pinball machine, a safe... but the
    most interesting one was a dozen or so cans of paint of different
    colors. What a neat effect that was when the cans exploded on the
    street... especially on the slow motion replay.
    
    Almost made me wish there was a magic mushroom vendor nearby, if
    ya' know what I mean... :-)
    
    -b

    I was more impressed with the tire, it bounced back about 5 stories. I
    suppose that would have been even more impressive with magic mushrooms
    too.
    
    		"Hey man. Did you see that tire maaaaaaan?"

Should'a done the super balls before the paint,
though.  I don't think they got maximum bounce
effect.

(And it troubles me that I take the time to
 analyze such things)

    	They dropped a tire?  Did it bounce back straight up?  5 stories?
    	They're lucky if that's the case.  It could have just as easily 
    	bounced at an angle and crashed through a 3rd story window or
    	something.  Man, would that have been a surprise to the guy 
    	sitting at that window!

    Yup, it bounced straight back up, I thought it was the best out of the 
    bunch.

    Yes,I liked the tyre best of all. (The UK gets the show one day late).
    
    I thought it was quite tragic seeing the Spiderman pinball machine
    going through the window. I used to enjoy playing that particular 
    model on holidays in France when I was a lad. 
    

    I thought this note consisted of top ten lists?

 Nah, that's just the title of the topic.





Jim

    I no longer have the time to transcribe. 8-(

    
    Transcribe?  There's only about a dozen places you can get them on
    the net.
    
    								-mr. bill

    Well, somebody let me know how I can do it without http and all that.

> From New York: Show business capital of the tri-state region ... it's THE 
  TOP TEN LIST for Tuesday, November 29, 1994.  And now, Captain of the 
  Good Ship Entertainment ... David Letterman!

> From the home office in Sioux City, Iowa ...

TOP TEN SANTA PICK-UP LINES

10. "I'll make you shake like a bowl full of jelly."

 9. "I put the 'scroo' in Scrooge."

 8. "I've got something you can hang a wreath on."

 7. "One hour with me, honey, and you'll see flyin' reindeer!"

 6. "Buy you a Zima?"

 5. "That is a candy cane in my pocket, and I am glad to see you."

 4. "Uh -- yeah, that's right, I'm Kenny Rogers."

 3. "I got your stocking stuffer right here, Shirley!"

 2. "Giddy-up over here and say 'howdy' to your fat, bearded cowboy of 
    love!"

 1. "I've got an elf in my pants!"


Compiled by Sue Trowbridge

          ----------------------------------------
               LATE SHOW WITH DAVID LETTERMAN
               11:35 p.m. ET/PT (10:35 CT/MT)
               on the CBS Television Network
          ----------------------------------------
  
             On Wednesday's show, Dave welcomes

             ... actor WESLEY SNIPES
	     ... musician HARRY CONNICK JR.


The Top Ten List is Copyright (C) 1994 Worldwide Pants, Incorporated.
Used with permission.

    So, tell me then.

    Top Ten Soapbox Comebacks:

    10. Next time, read for comprehension.

     9. Bzzzzt. Wrong answer, thanks for playing.

     8. Get your __________ sensor tuned up.

     7. What have you been drinking/smoking?

     6. Been there, done that.

     5. Is it Friday, or did you make that up?

     4. IYNSHO

     3. ...thump...thump...thump...

     2. Hope this helps!

     1. Idgit.
 

<-----  Very good!

The top 10 complaints of Santa's elves:

#10	Crazy markup at the North Pole 7-11
#9	Santa eats all the good food at the company Christmas party
#8	Bells on the shoes make us look like sissies
#7	Paper towel dispenser in the workshop bathroom is up too high
#6	North Pole Cafeteria food is pretty bad; especially the reindeer-shaped
   	Spam sandwiches
#5	Workers Compensation doesn't cover mistletoe lung
#4	The night shift at the North Pole is carrying overtime a bit too far
#3	Santa only invites his favorites to the jacuzzi parties
#2	Rudolph gets paid more for one night than we make all year

AND THE NUMBER 1 COMPLAINT OF SANTA'S ELVES . . . . .

    
#1	Tired of being mistaken for the guys who make cookie
    

*** from Friday December 2nd***


	Top Ten Lisa Marie complaints about Michael Jackson
	^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

10.	Always screaming at the TV during Packers games

 9.	Keeps forgetting to put the cap back on the mascara 

 8.	That moonwalking crap gets old real fast

 7.	It's always Liz Taylor this, Liz Taylor that

 6.	I know I'm his wife -- but the man wants sex morning, noon & night

 5.	"Jackson Five" actually closer to 4 5/8ths

 4.	The high pitch squealing everytime he sees a toy he wants

 3.	Chugs a couple of Buds, falls asleep on the La-z-Boy and snores
	like a SOB

 2.	His bedroom is filled with the overwhelming stench of chimp

 1.	He's a great big freak!

	Didn't Dave make a top ten list of pickup lines used by
Santa's elves?  If so, could someone post it.  Thanks.

ME

	Letterman with the taxi cab drivers on Friday nights show was
	a classic - wish I had taped it!

    .21 Letterman
    
    I couldn't believe that one driver ate 10 hot dogs :-)
    

Did Paul ever do his annual rendition of "O holy night"?  I never saw it 
this year, but he has been doing it every year for at least the last few....

From:	SVCRUS::HOWARD        4-JAN-1995 15:55:07.16
    
    
    
    
    (well, it's not exactly a top 10 list, but i didn't know where else to
    put it as it really isn't a joke...and it was posted without permission
    of the author, as i didn't receive it from the author...)
    
    
    
               30 Signs That Technology Has Taken Over Your Life
                 -- Joe Mullich, AmericanWay Magazine, 11/15/94.


1   Your stationery is more cluttered than Warren Beatty's address book.
    The letterhead lists a fax number, e-mail addresses for two on-line
    services, and your Internet address, which spreads across the breadth
    of the letterhead and continues to the back.  In essence, you have
    conceded that the first page of any letter you write *is* letterhead.

2   You can no longer sit through an entire movie without having at least
    one device on your body beep or buzz.

3   You need to fill out a form that must be typewritten, but you can't
    because there isn't one typewriter in your house -- only computers
    with laser printers.

4   You think of the gadgets in your office as "friends," but you forget
    to send your father a birthday card.

5   You disdain people who use low Baud rates.

6   When you go into a computer store, you eavesdrop on a salesperson
    talking with customers -- and you butt in to correct him and spend
    the next twenty minutes answering the customers' questions, while the
    salesperson stands by silently, nodding his head.

7   You use the phrase "digital compression" in a conversation without
    thinking how strange your mouth feels when you say it.

8   You constantly find yourself in groups of people to whom you say the
    phrase "digital compression."  Everyone understands what you mean,
    and you are not surprised or disappointed that you don't have to
    explain it.

9   You know Bill Gates' e-mail address, but you have to look up your own
    social security number.

10  You stop saying "phone number" and replace it with "voice number,"
    since we all know the majority of phone lines in any house are
    plugged into contraptions that talk to other contraptions.

11  You sign Christmas cards by putting :-) next to your signature.

12  Off the top of your head, you can think of nineteen keystroke symbols
    that are far more clever than :-).

13  You back up your data every day.

14  Your wife asks you to pick up some minipads for her at the store and
    you return with a rest for your mouse.

15  You think jokes about being unable to program a VCR are stupid.

16  On vacation, you are reading a computer manual and turning the pages
    faster than everyone else who is reading John Grisham novels.

17  The thought that a CD could refer to finance or music rarely enters
    your mind.

18  You are able to argue persuasively that Ross Perot's phrase
    "electronic town hall" makes more sense than the term "information
    superhighway," but you don't because, after all, the man still uses
    hand-drawn pie charts.

19  You go to computer trade shows and map out your path of the exhibit
    hall in advance.  But you cannot give someone directions to your
    house without looking up the street names.

20  You would rather get more dots per inch than miles per gallon.

21  You become upset when a person calls you on the phone to sell you
    something, but you think it's okay for a computer to call and demand
    that you start pushing buttons on your telephone to receive more
    information about the product it is selling.

22  You know without a doubt that disks come in five-and-a-quarter and
    three-and-a-half-inch sizes.

23  Al Gore strikes you as an "intriguing" fellow.

24  You own a set of itty-bitty screw-drivers and you actually know where
    they are.

25  While contemporaries swap stories about their recent hernia
    surgeries, you compare mouse-induced index-finger strain with a
    nine-year-old.

26  You are so knowledgeable about technology that you feel secure enough
    to say "I don't know" when someone asks you a technology question
    instead of feeling compelled to make something up.

27  You rotate your screen savers more frequently than your automobile
    tires.

28  You have a functioning home copier machine, but every toaster you own
    turns bread into charcoal.

29  You have ended friendships because of irreconcilably different
    opinions about which is better -- the track ball or the track *pad*.

30  You understand all the jokes in this message.  If so, my friend,
    technology has taken over your life.  We suggest, for your own good,
    that you go lie under a tree and write a haiku.  And don't use a laptop.



31  You email this message to your friends over the net. You'd never get
    around to showing it to them in person or reading it to them on the
    phone. In fact, you have probably never met most of these people
    face-to-face. 

***	from Friday Jan 6/95  ***

	Top 10 Signs that Connie Chung has gone NUTS!
	^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

10.	Signed off evening news by french kissing Dan Rather

 9.	Shows up for interviews in cat woman costume

 8.	Has accepted marriage proposal from Michael Jackson

 7.	"Born to Co-Anchor" tatoo

 6.	It was funny at first, but now I'm tired of her busting
	into my house

 5.	Closes every broadcast with a Helen Reddy song

 4.	Thinks CBS eye is watching her in dressing room

 3.	Yesterday at CBS Commissary, knocked Mike Wallace senseless
	over last burito

 2.	Now trying to have a baby with Richard Simmons

.... and the number 1 sign that Connie Chung has gone nuts...

	While in bed with Maury, keeps yelling "this just in!"  (oo-er!)

	I thought the girl who could suck her gum back into her mouth
	had the Stupid Human Tricks portion of the show won.....

	... until the two guys who could fleck their pecs to "Duelling
	Banjos" arrived!

> From New York: Just across the Atlantic from Europe ... it's
  THE TOP TEN LIST for Wednesday, February 8, 1995.  And now, the
  voice of the Grand Old Opry for 35 years ... David Letterman!
 
> From the home office in Sioux City, Iowa ...
 
TOP TEN THINGS DAN RATHER WOULD NEVER SAY ON THE CBS EVENING NEWS

     
10. "I'm Dan Rather, your love anchor"
 
    
 9. "Connie, mind if I borrow your mascara?"

     
 8. "Wanna buy a fake Rolex?"
 
    
 7. "And now a report from our White House correspondent, Howie
     Mandel"

     
 6. "Maybe Letterman ought to spend some of that big-time TV-money
    on better wigs"
 
    
 5. "That's the news, I'm Oprah Winfrey"

     
 4. "Hey, let's bomb Alaska!"
 
    
 3. "Honey, I'll be home soon -- have the tequila ready"

     
 2. "Good evening, I'm Dan Rather and I'm not wearing pants"
 
    
 1. "I made that last story up"
 
                  [Music: CBS News theme]
 
 
Compiled by Sue Trowbridge
 
          ----------------------------------------
               LATE SHOW WITH DAVID LETTERMAN
               11:35 p.m. ET/PT (10:35 CT/MT)
               on the CBS Television Network
          ----------------------------------------
 
             On Thursday's show, Dave welcomes
 
             ... athlete STEVE YOUNG
             ... comedian ADAM SANDLER
             ... musical group HOOTIE AND THE BLOWFISH
 
Brought to you by Yoyodyne Entertainment, where the future begins
tomorrow. For details on our online games, send email to
[email protected].
 
The Top Ten List is Copyright (C) 1995 Worldwide Pants, Incorporated.
Used with permission.
 
You may also use the FINGER command to grab today's list from
<[email protected]>.  If you prefer to use e-mail, send a
message to [email protected] with finger [email protected]
in the SUBJECT line.
 
TOPTEN is also reflected to the newsgroups alt.fan.letterman.top-ten
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To leave the list, mail [email protected] with the message
   SIGNOFF TOPTEN
To join the list, mail same with the message SUBSCRIBE TOPTEN Your Name

And, I might add, the Top 10 was read by
Mr. Rather himself last night.

Subj:	FWD: TOP TEN LIST - Wed 2/22/95


> From New York: It's quiet, yeah, TOO quiet ... it's THE TOP TEN
  LIST for Wednesday, February 22, 1995.  And now, a man who won
  this year's makeover contest ... David Letterman!
 
> From the home office in Sioux City, Iowa ...
 
TOP TEN SURPRISES IN THE BRADY BUNCH MOVIE
 
10. Instead of Alice in the live-in maid, it's Kato the live-in
    houseboy
 
 9. Bobby gets sent off to an orphanage by Newt Gingrich
 
 8. Some dork with a bad hairpiece keeps asking the Brady's about
    their "brushes with the law"
 
 7. By the end, all three of the boys have been married to Roseanne
 
 6. Wacky new foreign cousin: Boutros Boutros-Brady (glenn...is that YOU??)
     
 5. The kids bear a striking resemblance to Mom's high school
    sweetheart, Bill Clinton
 
 4. Cindy grounded for two weeks after firing shots at the White House
 
 3. Every part is played by Paul Shaffer
 
 2. Gripping scene in which Mom O.D.'s and Dad plunges a hypodermic
    needle into her heart
    
 
 1. They keep "gettin' it on" with the Osmonds
 

> From New York: Where your peso goes farther ... it's THE TOP TEN LIST
  for Tuesday, February 28, 1995.  And now, that stomach virus that's
  going around ... David Letterman!
 
> From the home office in Sioux City, Iowa ...
 
TOP TEN RICHARD SIMMONS MARDI GRAS TIPS
 
[Presented by Richard Simmons, live from New Orleans]
 
10. Don't wait for the oldies -- just start sweatin'
 
 9. Try a steaming bowl of Boutros Boutros-gumbo
    
 8. If you wake up in a jail cell, call Letterman collect
 
 7. No one wants to hear about Deal a Meal when they're gooned on rum
 
 6. Load up your shorts with hundreds of live crawfish!
 
 5. Hang with Hugh Downs -- the man is an atomic party machine!
 
 4. Look both ways before throwing up in the street
 
 3. If at some point you find yourself standing in a wedding chapel
    next to Larry King, don't say 'I do'
 
 2. Don't just drink, drink-ercise!
 
 1. Show some ass, honey
 
        [Music: "Tutti Frutti" by Little Richard]
 
 
Compiled by Sue Trowbridge
 
          ----------------------------------------
               LATE SHOW WITH DAVID LETTERMAN
               11:35 p.m. ET/PT (10:35 CT/MT)
               on the CBS Television Network
          ----------------------------------------
 
             On Wednesday's show, Dave welcomes
 
             ... actor PETER FALK
             ... musical group THE CHIEFTAINS with RICKY SCAGGS
             ... actor NICK TURTURRO
 
Brought to you by Yoyodyne Entertainment where the future begins ...
tomorrow.  Get on the media hype bandwagon and send mail to [email protected]
to play the infamous O.J. Pool and win cool prizes.
 
The Top Ten List is Copyright (C) 1995 Worldwide Pants, Incorporated.
Used with permission.
 
You may also use the FINGER command to grab today's list from
<[email protected]>.  If you prefer to use e-mail, send a
message to [email protected] with TOPTEN in the SUBJECT line.
 
TOPTEN is also reflected to the newsgroups alt.fan.letterman.top-ten
and alt.fan.letterman.
 
To leave the list, mail [email protected] with the message
   SIGNOFF TOPTEN
To join the list, mail same with the message SUBSCRIBE TOPTEN Your Name

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	You know when someone leaves an impression on you when you think of
them many times during various David Letterman Top 10's..... 

> From London: it's THE TOP TEN LIST for Monday, May 15, 1995.
  And now, a prince in his own right ... David Letterman!
 
> From the home office in Sioux City, Iowa ...
 
TOP TEN BRITISH NICKNAMES FOR AMERICANS
 
[Presented by actual London residents]
 
10. "Star-spangled ninnies"
 
 9. "K-Mart cowboys"
 
 8. "Ameridorks"
 
 7. "Newts"
 
 6. "Velveeta-eating hyenas"
 
 5. "Regis-loving geeks"
 
 4. "Mighty Morphin pinheads"
 
 3. "Tea-dumping psychos"
 
 2. "Jerks 90210"
 
 1. "Gumps"

Funny, I've never heard *any* of those expressions before... (and
some of them sound suspiciously American in origin anyway)

Chris.

    You're hanging around the wrong pubs obviously.

    There`s is absolutely no way at all that any of those top 10 were 
    sent in by anyone who is English. Or at least anyone who lives in
    England. 
    
    You can tell a mile of they`re all Americanisms.
    
    
    

    <--- Wow, I never would have guessed. Never.

 .36  ;>

    Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit.
    
    So stick that in your pipe and smoke it.
    

What a snappy comeback.

    Yes. You`d have to be up with the worms to catch me out in a bird in
    the bush,I can tell you.
    

Sarcasm is a LOW form of wit.
The lowest is probably "funniest/worst videos of bad drivers" crud on TV.

Chele

    Actually I think that 'Just Kidding' show is the worst. It is so
    un-funny. I mean if you laugh at that I think getting a life might
    be a good idea.

    I think the new Murican show "Friends" has got to be one of the worst
    programmes about. What a sad bunch of idjits. 
    
    Or perhaps "The real world" on MTV. I`ve never seen a real world like
    it. 
    

    
    
    	I hear "Friends" is thinking about coming out with a product line
    (coffee mugs, coffee, etc). GAK...
    
    
    

>    	I hear "Friends" is thinking about coming out with a product line
>    (coffee mugs, coffee, etc). GAK...

They already have the oatmeal.

    No Jim, GAK is a Nickelodeon product. 8^)

    Hey Stu, how come you get 'Friends' over there and I ain't there !!??
    
    I love Courtney Cox, she's a babe, Schwing!...well not as much as Drew
    Barrymore...well not as much as...that's private ! :*)

    I thought this was great:
    
    CLINTON'S TOP TEN PROPOSED CHANGES IN TELEVISION
    
    10. Special chip to make Newt look like he's got food in his
        teeth
    
     9. Scratch 'n sniff TV screens
    
     8. Show about lame duck president who moves in with those
        "Models, Inc." chicks
    
     7. "Lookie here, how's about tryin' some shows in color?"
    
     6. Let Janet Reno go on "American Gladiators" & kick the living
        crap out of Nitro
    
     5. When you hit "eject" on your VCR, fried dough comes out
    
     4. More meat and nudity
    
     3. Just once, have a "Jeopardy" contestant say, "What is Bubba?"
    
     2. Every few minutes, flash subliminal picture of Bob Dole
        getting into Hugh Grant's car
    
     1. Three words: the Hee-Haw Channel

    Top 10 Anna Nicole Smith Dating Tips
    
    10.  Forget the personal ads-- try the intensive care unit
    
     9.  Wear something that, even to his failing eyes, will looks slutty
    
     8.  Always carry some "mad money" for the paramedics
    
     7.  Make sure the valet parkers understand, if he dies in the
         restaurant, you get the car
    
     6.  When he wants sex, hide his glasses and put him in bed with a
    	 car battery
    
     5.  Remind him, "Hey, when you're 160, I'll be 101"
    
     4.  Prepare candlelit dinner.  If he can blow out candle, you don't
    	 want him
    
     3.  To convincingly fake excitement during sex, just think about his
    	 stock portfolio
    
     2.  Good pick up line: "Can I pre-chew that for you?"
    
     1.  Three words:  Bring extra plasma

    Mark Fuhrman's Tips on How to be a Good Cop
    
    10	If you run out of blood to plant at a crime scene, try jelly
    	donut filling
    
     9	When stuck, ask yourself "What would Marge Schott do?"
    
     8	Plant one bloody glove:good; plant two bloody gloves:better;
    	plant three bloody gloves: you're overdoing it
    
     7	Make it your goal to win an MTV Video award in the category
    	"Most Racist Cop"
    
     6	For a change of pace, make ugly slurs against Belgians
    
     5	Leave Heisman Trophy at crime scene
    
     4	Win back trust of black community by announcing, "that Link on
    	Mod Squad is one happening dude."
    
     3	Insist you were talking about "chiggers"
    
     2	After morning of beating up black guys, beat up a Mexican to
    	"clense palate"
    
     1	Bill of Rights?  More like Load of Crap!

	Now I understand why channel 4 didn't show it this morning.... :-)

    Howard Stern might be a jerk, but he has very nice legs and excellent
    posture! 

    -1 ask him out...

<----even *I* wouldn't ask him out!

Nor I.... he is repulsive.  

    He's happily married is he not?

| <<< Note 57.56 by POLAR::RICHARDSON "CPU Cycler" >>>

| He's happily married is he not?

	oxymoron alert!

| He's happily married is he not?
    
    Yeah, to a babe, no less.

    Saw Stern on Leno and on Letterman; the man is a class A jerk!!
    
    As far as the Letterman getup; Stern might consider cross-dressing;
    he makes a better looking woman than he does a man ;-}
    
    

                               The Top Ten List

      Least Popular Christmas Carols (as sung by the LATE SHOW Carolers)


10. "I Saw Mommy Marry Larry King"
9.  "Boris The Red-Nosed Yeltsin Had An 86-Proof Nose"
8.  "I'm Searching For The Real Killers With Every Round Of Golf I Play"
7.  "Oh, Hillary, Oh, Hillary, You're Going To Jail For One-To-Three"
6.  "Influenza, Influenza, Influenza"
5.  "O Little Network CBS How Still We See Thee Lie"
4.  "Frosty The Crackhead Had A Crack Pipe Full Of Crack"
3.  "I Have An Irregular Heartbeat Pa-Rum-Pum-Pum-Pum"
2.  "O.J. Is Free Although He's Prob'ly Guilty"
1.  "Good King Clinton Dropped His Pants In A Cheap Hotel Room"

    <---- I sawer that last night. The carolers were very good and it was
    pretty funny. They were cracking up while singing the heart beat one.

	Did anyone understand the CBS one?

 I'm sure it was in reference to the fact that CBS is lowest in the 
 ratings and not going anywhere.




 Jim

    I heard that Jeff Lang appeared on David Letterman last night?

 improper use of question mark alert

    .65
    Why do you consider it improper usage? It is more of a question because
    I didn`t see Letterman last night and it was ment to confirm the rumor.

    
    If it's a question, then phrase it as a question.  Good Lord, man, don't 
    you watch "Jeopardy"?
    
    BTW, meAnt.  nnttm.
    
    
    

    
    What is "Jeopardy"?
    

    
    So that's a "no" for you, is it?
    
    

    
    agagagagagagag!
    

    According to Letterman last night; OJ is moving to Cabot Cove,
    Maine so J.B. Fletcher can assist him in finding the real killers :-)
    

| <<< Note 57.63 by CSLALL::HENDERSON "Praise His name I am free" >>>


| I'm sure it was in reference to the fact that CBS is lowest in the
| ratings and not going anywhere.


	I knew FOX was beating them, but UPN & Warner Brothers too? :-)


Glen

    Glen,
    
    Last I heard, Leno was clobbering Letterman ;-)
    

The Top Ten List

"Reasons Liz Taylor Is Divorcing Larry Fortensky"





10. He kept asking for increases in his allowance






9. He was always whining about the chicken bones and empty soda cans in the bed






8. It dawned on her that she was married to Larry Fortensky







7. "20% Off" coupon slipped under her windshield wiper by a local divorce lawyer







6. The liquor and pills finally wore off







5. He dozed off during their tenth daily screening of "National Velvet"







4. Every time they had sex she'd need a new hip







3. The "ungodly stench" he complained about turned out to be her latest 
   fragrance






2. Suddenly, Michael Jackson was available






	and the #1 reason for Liz Taylor Divorcing Larry is.....






1. Force of habit

    hey, liz just likes being married.  

| <<< Note 57.75 by LANDO::OLIVER_B "mz morality sez..." >>>

| hey, liz just likes being married.

	and divorced

    the yin and the yang of it all.

    
    	No, Liz likes GETTING married.  She doesn't like BEING married.
    

    if Liz only liked GETTING married, her marriages would only
    last a DAY.  

    
    	Oh YEAH??
    

    Did anyone else happen to watch Letterman tonight?  And if so, can you
    tell me the name of the Aria (if that's the right term) that Pavarotti
    and Michael Bolton sang?  I know the liklihood is probably very small
    that whoever may have watched Dave would have also watched skating,
    but this is the same piece of music that Todd Sands and Jenny Meno (US
    Pairs champs) used in their long program and I would very much like to
    get a copy.

    
    Chris:  I didn't see Letterman, but if you want to call me and sing the
    music, I might be able to identify it 8^).
    

    I'm just desperate enough that I *might* call you up and hum a few bars
    (I've been practicing and think I could do it) - do you promise not to
    laugh?!
    
    Please please... before I humiliate myself - does ANYONE know which
    piece of music I am talking about??

    
    I promise not to laugh.  Was it familiar, other than the skating music? 
    What language was it?  Do you remember any of the words?  Were they
    singing one after the other, in harmony, in unison?  I might be able to
    guess without subjecting you to humming to me 8^).
    

    The aria was Nessun dorma -- from Puccini's Turandot (I think).
    
    Give Michael Bolton a round of applause for trying.

    bolton attempting nessum dorma?  blech.

    John - THANK YOU!    Michael Bolton usually makes me gag, but I thought
    he actually did quite well.  Of course, that is *not* the version I
    will be hoping to find.  Any good recommendations?

    
    I recognized the aria, but I'm not an opera buff, so I can't make a
    recommendation. Maybe check the MUSIC notesfile. I'll post the node.

    .87
    
    The best recording I know of Puccini's Turandot is on a 2-CD
    London/Decca set, catalog number 414 274-2.  Joan Sutherland sings
    Turandot, and although I usually dislike Sutherland intensely I have to
    give this one to her - it's a powerful performance.  Add Luciano
    Pavarotti in a superbly imaginative outing, and it's a must-hear.

    -1:  it's on SMURF.

    The best version I've heard is on the three tenors CD.

    I think he might mean SMURF::CLASSICAL_MUSIC.  I'm the moderator.  :-)

    i like that one too.
    
    richard, not a sutherland fan?  pourquoi?
    she sends me off into the ozone!

    
    	MUSIC is on KDX200::
    
    	But try ::CLASSICAL_MUSIC instead, since ::MUSIC is supposed
    	to be used for good music.  And I'm 1 of the moderators.  8^)
    

    thanks all for your help - isn't this conference great?
    

    .93
    
    > richard, not a sutherland fan?  pourquoi?
    
    She's not an Eastern European wobbler but sometimes she comes close. 
    So much so that when Chris Hogwood went casting for his recording of
    Athalia (period instruments and performance style), he chose her for
    that very quality - he wanted her warble to contrast with the purity
    of the Israelites, who were led by the sterling-silver voice of Emma
    Kirkby.

    hahahahahah.... oh excuse me, I'm just remembering some of the
    Letterman show last night - it was a classic!  Dave is in San Francisco
    this week and was in fine form.  Started off with interviewing the
    "kiddies" (I especially enjoyed the kid who picked 'lettuce' as his
    favourite food) and then when Dave was looking for his Top 10 list, it
    was delivered by Robin Williams dressed as a bike courier (well, this
    part was not *that* funny).  Tom Hanks always provides a few laughs,
    but the highlight of the show had to be the video for "Guadalahara
    Guido"  ROTFLMAO!!

                              The Top Ten List

                             "Patriots' Excuses"

As presented on the 01/27/97 broadcast of LATE SHOW with DAVID LETTERMAN




10. Just wanted to get the game over with and watch the "X Files"






9. Too much pre-game gumbo







8. All of their defensive plays were choreographed by dance legend Martha Graham







7. Thought wearing those cheese hats was punishment enough for Green Bay fans






6. One too many late night "strategy sessions" with Michael Irvin







5. On a dare, Bledsoe played entire game with live crawfish in his pants







4. Spent too much time studying game film from Bud Bowl III







3. Players upset by rumor of surprise halftime appearance by Kathie Lee Gifford







2. Over-confident from pre-game practice with the Jets







1. With six games to go, it's still anyone's series