Conference napalm::guitar

    Make sure your wife is totally supportive ... not just saying, `sure
    honey, go ahead ...', when she really means, `playing in the house is
    fine, but you ain't gonna be hanging around in the bars ...'.
    
    No need polishing up the car if ya can't put it on the road and air it
    out ...
    
    
    Scary (shootin' from the hip ...)

       I had the same problem, I broke up with my girlfriend because of my
    music. She said it was either her, or my music...   don't let the door
    hit you on the way out honey I said. She was pi*sed! Oh well, it could
    only have gotten worse in the long haul. Anyway I started dating one of
    her friends that was close to the situation so she knew the situation.
    I told her right from the start that I loved playing music and was a
    very big part of my life. She understood completely, so after 4 years
    of dating and playing we got married and this year will make 16yrs for
    us. Yes there were ALOT of bumpy roads, but you could expect that with
    any relationship. When I lost my day job in NY, music was the "main"
    money maker in my house and I was supporting my wife, two little kids,
    a house and a car payment too. It's a good thing I had the music to
    get us through. Over the years however she has become less supportive
    (OH NO), but she puts up with it in my opinion. 
      I guess as long as your wife doesn't feel threatened by thinking
    music means more to you than "she" does...   you'll be alright. That
    was my problem until we ironed that problem out. Can you amagine?
    Music meaning more to me than my wife? She gets so silly sometimes.
      Maybe you'll also need to give her the "gig" money every now and then
    too. That helps to make your S.O. realize you are getting money
    for your time and effort. One good point my wife had was that on the
    day of a gig there isn't alot of time for much else (with getting the
    equipment ready, lead sheets, replacing strings... etc) and it's true,
    but all along the way you really need to make a constant effort to do 
    the other things on the "things to do" list that aren't music related.
    
    		You "can" have a happy balance.
    
    
    				Rock on,
    					Fred
    					
    
    P.S. How about practicing...  do you ever wait until the wife goes 
         shopping and then practice tunes on your guitar for 30 mins or so... 
         just before you expect her home? Sometimes that works.

>    P.S. How about practicing...  do you ever wait until the wife goes 
>         shopping and then practice tunes on your guitar for 30 mins or so... 
>         just before you expect her home? Sometimes that works.
    
    Yeah, Fred. Only when I got a chance like that, I usually want to crank
    it up so loud I can't hear the car pulling in and the front door
    opening when she gets back. Which kind of blows it.
    
    - Ram

The drummer in HardBall just got the same ultimatum from his spousal unit.
He asked me what I'd do aout it, and with my wife sitting right there,
I told him I'd tell her to hit the bricks (mixed in with an
impressive array of expletives).  :^)

He told her to jump ship, and now she is having second thoughts...
Figures eh ? 

The bottom line is communicating your *need* for music.  Cindi *knows*
I'd croak without a band as an outlet...
jc

My wife and I've had this discussion before. It came in the form of "why do
you need 9 guitars?", and it ended in a discussion about how many years
before, a girlfriend asked me why I had 7 guitars, and that I had to make
up my mind between her and the guitars. Needless to say, I have all of the
guitars I had them, plus two more. Music has been a part of my life since
I was 9 years old (I'll be 40 in the near future), and I'm not throwing that
part of my life away. Either we share our lives, or we go our seperate ways.
My wife & I have been together since 1976, and she knows that my music is
as much a part of me and anything else. We are a package deal.

							Jens

How about a leave of absene from WORK to pursue a musical career 
opportunity/tour/whatever ?

Any personnel experts out there, or anyone who has looked into this ??

jc

    I had come very close to that decision in spring of 88 however one of
    the members we were playing with could talk the talk but couldnt walk
    the walk .we were set up to play some northwest wineries and a 20 min
    slot at the Mt hood jazz festival in AUG 88. tempers got short and
    frustration levels increased .and time passed and then I met my WIFE,I
    am not giving up hope I give it another shot .
    ps .what about practing stratagy did you use after not playing for
    awhile
    scotty.

    Well it's certainly a small world I have had almost exactly the same
    experirnces but have always stuck to my guns.I was in a band long
    before I got married and still am and there's no doubt this helps.It's 
    quite simple for me,well most of the time,you just have to as
    previously mentioned do all the other things on the "things to do
    list".
    If you think about it your "other" life outside music has to be run as
    well.Running these leaves me with almost no spare time at all - I am 
    always doing something - not that I'm complaining - it means I am never
    bored.I don't need no t.v. just my bass and stereo.
    I have known a few bands,one of them excellent,that have split up for
    this reason,you have to constantly manage and "mediate" between the two
    "factions" for want of a better word.There's so much organizing to
    do!!!

    Being a musician before marriage is a lot different than becoming one
    after marriage.  I'm not so sure I agree with the tactics in here
    though.  Rejection is an awful thing for anyone to bear.  It's too bad
    this ultimatum level is ever experienced.
    
    Mike

    
    I've got it made....my wife has a horse.  There is *no way* that my
    musical endeavors will ever suck up as much time and money as that
    horse does.  
    
    "Does the band *have* to practice this week?"
    "Hmmm, is that a new halter I see?"
    "Have a nice time, Hon."
    
    8^)
    
    Kevin
    

    
    uhhhh......I don't think that the author of .0 is asking advice on
    whether to continue with his marriage or play guitar.....
    
    I think he wants to find a way to get the rust off his fingers, so to
    speak, irregardless of his marital status.
    
    Dave
    
    PS: My *EX* girlfriend said to me when I put my guitar on the bed once
        "Thats very symbolic of the state of our relationship".....and like
        many here, I still have that guitar :^) :^) :^)

    re .-1
    
    so, what does your CURRENT girlfriend think? :-) :-) :-)
    
    - Dave

    oooooo
    
    							/Bill

    
    
    
    I've got this one dialed - the next spousal unit (#3, but who's
    counting) will be a player.  I can't even get interested in a woman
    who's not into some kind of real-time art.  I can really relate to the
    instruction the older horn player gives the kid in "The Commitments"...
    

I guess right now, I'm on sort of a BAND leave of absence, I've no idea
how long it'll last...  It's been 12 months or so now, and I've really no
intentions of finding another band, or reviving the last one.   I've been
in and out of bands since I was 15, I'm 34 now,, (My Gawd, was that
really 17 years..)

in regards to the diversion about S.O.s..
I must admit  that my wife wasn't always crazy about the  time commitment I
had to give to the bands.    I wont say she never  complained, but I never got
the 'Me or music' line though it did put a  strain on our  relationship at 
times...  

sometimes, I really had to wonder, was the struggle  to stay in a band,
and all the extra baggage that commitment carries, worth  the strain on 
a near perfect marriage.
	
To cut to the chase, I've come to realize that playing in a band really 
does carry a heavy level of commitment.  Too many people take this lightly.
It's a mistake if you do..  

As most of us know,  seems as though once a band starts rolling, is 
usually the time when the ones who can't live up to the level of commitment
that's required, fall flat on their face.   We all know what happens next..

In my  situation, I lived on the fence, for many  years.  Tried 
to keep both happy, the wife, and the band.  It was hard.  It wore me 
down. 
 
Eventually, the playing out stopped being the fun it used to be, and for
a whole bunch of reasons,,  in the end I  just couldn't see the point in 
carrying on... I always played for FUN as the #1 reason. I guess that for me, 
I guess I got played out.   Maybe just tired of the same old sh!t.. 

In retrospect, I really do believe that I got played out...   There was no 
outside influence that caused this change in attitude.. Just one night, I  
realize that I wasn't having fun  anymore.  I just wasn't there.. 

I mentally checked out --- right in the middle of the bloddy set...  I was 
going thru the motions, that's it....  That was the sign for me....  that
sign was one I simply couldn't ignore.  If it wasn't fun,,, ------  and
that has been and always will be a big part of playing for me.  I never
counted on a band putting bread on the table...

looking back...

I'm glad my wife hung in there thru the times when the band required 
more time then we thought it would.  I know it wasn't easy for her, and I
appreciate immensly, that she waited, pretty much patiently, while I played.

Had she ever asked me, point blank to stop, I guess, deep down inside,
I probably would have.  although, talk over a few beers with the boys
always resulted in my saying that "I'd walk" if that ever happened.

If there's ever one thing I'm sure of, is that I'd never find another woman 
like her. Bands come and go, good women just don't come along that easily...
Sorry, to me not worth the price..  I know it's not the same for everyone
though.. 

I'd never take a leave of absence from playing, oh sure, there's
times when I'll go a day or two with out picking up a guitar, but I'll
always play.. Always keep a handfull of guitars in stock, but as far
as bands go,,,  I just don't see the point anymore.  Plain and simple...

as for the base noter feeling rusty,, console yourself to starting over.
you'll move along quickly...  Like riding a bike...  never forget how,
rust is normal.  If you're gonna do the band thing,,, good luck to ya.
hope it works out for the best..  

/ray

    RE: .15 ...
    
    Mercy ... you took the thoughts right out of my head !  I'm almost 34
    too, must be it.  I find that now I don't want to go to clubs, period.
    My wife can't understand it, but as I explained it to her, `... if our
    son was hurt playing football (his `niche') and couldn't EVER play
    again, do you think he would still enjoy going to the games and
    watching ?'.  I miss the applause, but I don't miss the time I spent
    trying to keep a band together.  But, I also haven't quite figured out
    what to do with this newfound time either - playing was all I did !
    
    Let's talk about something else ...
    
    Scary

    Well, we could talk about getting rid of the rust...
    
    Get out a metronome or drum machine and start practicing your scales,
    arpeggios, etc. and any finger exercises you're fond of, start slow and
    try to kick up the tempo every day until you're comfortable again.
    
    							Brian

re:16

Well Scary, we could talk about other things, and we will,  
one other thought though before we go...

	If I stopped playing before I was ready, I don't know if I'd 
	feel the same way I do now...

re: New found time 

Try photography !!  Antoher expensive hobby.  Remember, he who dies with
the most toys wins!

re:17 

The helps, but it can be pretty boring.  to the base noter, how's your
ear...  Grab some of your fav albums or discs, and go note for note
on a few of your most liked tunes....

Helps the hands and the ears get back in to shape all at once!


But do take the advice and go over them finger drills at least
once a day

    Thank you all for your advice and compassion ,the little woman does not
    have any quams with the music aspect however it was my male instincts
    that felt that I should focus on this honey do ,and could you help me
    babe stuff until things stablized ,My main focus was to regain that
    flare and cofidence and I think just talking about it with my fellow
    noters in conjunction with those redundent finger exercises have
    helped.
    thanks scotty

I stopped playing with bands in 1981 and started again this year (yes a 10-year
gap!).
At the time I was completely fed up with the music business and
playing. Sometimes I would go for a month or more without getting
my guitar out of its case.

I would second the approach of getting up to speed on scales and other
practice routines, also playing along with records, and even music
on the TV and radio (I get some wicked fun out of playing screaming guitar
lines to the late night Country shows we get on TV here). Playing along with
the TV or radio means you don't always know the material, and it gives you
"busking" practice. 

I really needed to build up my confidence after such a long layoff. My
major concern was that I would be anxious about playing in front of an
audience after so long, to the point where it would affect my playing.
It helps to know that you are well practiced. In the event, my first gig
went well, and I've had no stage fright problems.
I would recommend taking things a step at a time. e.g. I decided to join
a blues band initially because I'm comfortable with that genre, and as guitar
player you get plenty of solo work to do (=good practice)! Later I would like
to play other music forms, but at least now I have taken the major step of
performing live in front of an audience again.

Hth,
*DC

    Well I guess I got it made....(so far)...
    
    I had a old guitar that I was thinking of learning to play but to
    put it back into shape would be about $100...was passing a guitar store
    and they had a univox hollow-body elect for $100 took old one got $25
    for it towards the new one,started to take lessons found it difficult
    at best to play,I was talking to Jens (from a few back.)and he was
    saying that a right-handed guitar does not a left-handed one make...
    so..she got me a lefty Fender Strat.....
    
    
    
    
                            Kevin

    re: .6 
     Yep, I had all these people saying; gee I got the right people to hear
    you guys and they want to draw up a contract and there's a tour
    involved, plus you'll be opening for (insert generic band here) and
    this and that and the other thing...  Did I mention the record contact
    crap I'd hear about once a month? On how this person, knows some guy
    who's really up there in the music business, or how someone with alot
    on money wants to invest in a band (yeah sure... like what $5.00??)...
    the story goes on and on...
      99% of it was all BS...  but how do you know? So, you go for everything
    right! YES and you should, but the bottom line is "don't do anything
    to screw your day job! Did I tell you about my brother-in-law who had
    a contract with MCA? He did one album call "Sleep Convention", the band 
    was called TREES out of the San Diego/LA area. I get a phone call
    from him saying that he wants me to go on tour with him! Here we go
    again, but since he's family, you say OK, BUT before I quit, or take a
    leave of absence from my day gig, I really would like to see something
    in "black and white", either a contract spelling out what's in it for
    me/us, how long and I'll have my lawyer look at it. Turns out MCA
    needed to loose money otherwise they'd be oweing Uncle Sam alot in
    taxes...   so needless to say it never happened. Good thing I still had
    my day job! By the way, these days if you're going out on your own
    playing originals you had better have some really good contacts and/or
    ALOT of money to persuade the radio jocks (if you haven't made friends
    with them) to air your material. The college stations are usually cool,
    but larger stations can be a problem. Play everywhere you can, even if
    it means little, or no pay (YUCK...  but whew knew?). Personally I
    wouldn't do anything to screw my main job (especially if you have a
    family). That would be financial suicide IMO.
    
    			...but, what do *I* know?
    
    
    		Keep pluggin' but be *sure* before you jump!
    
    			Rock on,
    				Fred (who's been on that long hard road)

    I'm the opposite of you people. My band is just looking into places to
    play at. I like every aspect of playing in the band. Its all exciting
    to me. Even just setting up. I am talking to a guy who has a studio and
    wants to here a demo tape and if he likes it he will find some gigs for
    us to play. We have never played in front of more than 10 people
    before. So the and is at a major turning point from practicing to
    playing at shows..
     
    Since all of you have already been thru this are there any tips or
    anything I should be ready for that I might not know? BTW, Our band
    plays angry death metal type music most of the time.
    
    

 <<Since all of you have already been thru this are there any tips or
 <<anything I should be ready for that I might not know? BTW, Our band
 <<plays angry death metal type music most of the time.
   

Better spread your material out a little bit,,,  Sorry to say, the
market for ANGRY DEATH METAL bands is quite narrow...

Better go for a ltitle top 40 rock,, on second though make that a whole lotta
a top forty rock, if you plan on working with any regularity... 

Throw some of your ANGRY DEATH METAL in for fun, but making that, the bands
main stay of material isn't a good idea.

 

    re:23
    		I still like the euphoria I get from playing live ,its just 
    been awhile. I am under the impression that ADM music would be compared 
    to bands such as Mettalica?.if you guys are set on that format you
    might try the the colleges ,oh wait maybe not you might have to get
    creative but keep the faith .advice I would pass on is be careful of
    the EGOS and communicate ,also we had a un written rule that when
    playing /practicing  performing "if your wired your fired ".we were not
    fuddy duddies by no means however you can get on that emotional roller 
    coaster and its not fair to others to pace around wondering where is so
    and so and is he sober ?? have FUN and good luck
    Scotty

    If you want to play in places where people dance, play music they can
    dance to.

     Who says you can't dance to metal/punk? 
     
    Our band has been listening with interest to the ' Saturday night fever
    ' soundtrack. IS there anybody else here who likes disco? Disco is back
    and here to stay!
    
    to...hate disco is ignorant.
     

>    Our band has been listening with interest to the ' Saturday night fever
>    ' soundtrack. IS there anybody else here who likes disco? Disco is back
>    and here to stay!
    
    Assuming for the moment you aren't goofing...  I can't really say I like
    disco -- make mine some greasy funk or rock any day -- but if you're
    scouting disco don't miss the 2 Rhino CDs "Disco Years Vols.1-2".  That
    SNF soundtrack doesn't exactly cover the disco waterfront.  I don't mind
    it when alternative rock or R&B or jazz bands show a little disco
    influence.  For me that's the enduring value of "genres" like disco and
    rap, grooves you can use.   - Jay

There is a metal band touring with Extreme (or was touring with Extreme) that
covered a BeeGee's tune quite well...  In fact, I'd say it RIPPED !

The band was called Angelic Rage, recently signed, and very heavy.  It was
a delight to hear that particular tune slaughtered by a true thrash band.
:)

I'd also heard a thrash band cover "Sweet Home Alabama", and it was rippin'...

cute.

    
    	What BG's tune Coop?  They ain't all disco, you know (of course you
    	did)!  Geez, if I was in Extreme, it'd be gooder n' good to have the
    	warm up band play BG's before I took the stage.  Nuno is probably
    	doin' high 5's when he hear it!  This conf is cracking me up today!
    
    	yukety yuk YUK!

Oh hell I dunno - It WAS a disco *hit* (aoxymoron- sp- ? :) though...  
'Cept it twas thrash !  :)

I was laughin' my butt off.

Also, JMHO, but Angelic Rage blew Extreme off the stage.  Nuno wasn't 
doin' high fives I betcha...  

jc (Who likes Extreme and Angelic Rage)

PS - Cindi will definately NOT agree with me about Angelic Rage...Thrash metal
     isn't for everyone...  They were kinda a Queensryche meets Slayer.  Thrashy
     guits and a opera_trained singer.  Tres cool !

>    to...hate disco is ignorant.
    
    I guess I'll have to blatantly display my ignorance then, 'cause I
    think DISCO SUCKED!
    
    Greg

    I'm afraid to buy Into another disco album because I feel the saturday
    night fever was the FUNKY disco.. I've heard some other Bee Gee's music
    that is too slow
    

    
    
    Can we move this disco thread into a new topic, please?