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| Title: | CAM::SPORTS -- Digital's Daily Sports Tabloid |
| Notice: | This file has been archived. New notes to CAM3::SPORTS. |
| Moderator: | CAM3::WAY |
|
| Created: | Fri Dec 21 1990 |
| Last Modified: | Mon Nov 01 1993 |
| Last Successful Update: | Fri Jun 06 1997 |
| Number of topics: | 290 |
| Total number of notes: | 84103 |
220.0. "Chainsaw's Christmas Message" by CAMONE::WAY (I believe I'll dust my broom) Wed Dec 11 1991 13:10
Well, I know this is kind of early this year, but I wanted to do this
while I had time to work on it, and post it early enough so that folks
might enjoy it. Yes, it's the Annual Chainsaw's Christmas Message....
Enjoy!
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
The Night Before Christmas
'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through SPORTS
not a creature was stirring, not even old MorT;
The topics were strung through the tavern with care,
In hopes that SPORTS revellers soon would be there.
The St Johns Redmen were home, nestled snug in their beds,
so Kev could come party, in his "Louieee" sweater, red,
And /Don in his baby-blue robes, along with Denny and Chap,
had just come in early to hear Doc's Christmas rap
When in through the door, there arose such a clatter,
Hawk, behind the bar, wondered what was the matter.
Away from the far end, he sprang for a good view,
when he saw who came in he shouted "I wanna party wif you!"
Walt Ashe, Waug-a-main, Ninj, and dan'l in a group,
looked for all the world like the guys from F-Troop,
Hot on their heels came one rider on his mount,
ACC Chris and Pepper made us all look around.
All laughing and drinking some good Christmas wassail,
we were waiting for Lee, the SPORTS-tavern old fossil,
and Dinz, whose typing made us wish for decoder rings,
And Dickstah, with his wife, doing ummentionable things.
When what to Hawk's wondering eyes should appear,
but Mac the Moderator, creating SportsNoting fear,
Looking for Noters who would not come unbidden,
"Doc, Groaner, Jake, Mort, you are all SET HIDDEN!"
More rapid than eagles his Brother Mods they came,
And he whistled and shouted and called them by name:
"Now Basher, now Riggen, now Bruce May and Needle,
Start moving those notes, don't dawdle or deedle!"
And a hush fell o'er the tavern, from wall to wall,
As the Mods moved the topics, moved them every one and all.
Junk Notes by the doorway, Hoops up near the roof,
They did it so quickly with nary a goof.
By the time they were done, Hawk had barely turned around
When in came Karen Derry, at a leap and a bound,
She said "Pour me three strong ones, pour them quick, in a blink",
Hawk poured her three neat ones then gave her a wink.
A lull in the action, some quiet seemed quite near,
but A&W came in, ordering up two root beers,
"one for me, one for my guy, the one from the Point",
after that, it was finally quiet in the joint.
And then, in a twinkling, we heard near the chimney,
someone shouting and swearing, something like "Geez, criminey!
These damn LATS are too big I can't get down this way"
Next thing we knew JD came in the doorway.
Right behind him all laughing about his lat girth,
came Big Game and Claybone full of Christmas mirth,
they sat at the bar, said to Hawk, "we're on a bender",
but please said old Claybone, keep me away from that blender,
When the dust finally settled, they were almost all there,
but they didn't see the Chainsaw, didn't see him anywhere.
With wonderment and questions, they looked at each other,
we hope he's still with DEC, we hope we haven't lost another.
At that moment the door opened and in came one more,
it was Chainsaw, the one they'd been waiting for,
He was dressed in rugby gear from his head to his cleats,
and covered with mud, he didn't look too neat.
A cut on one eyebrow, black tape on his ears,
a busted little finger, but he was holding a beer,
He threw his head back and he laughed like a nut,
and his body it shook, even his big ol' prop butt.
A wink of his eye, and a nod of his head,
soon gave us to know we had nothing to dread,
He spoke not a word, but got down to business,
passing out a small handbook, "The Rugby Way to Fitness"
And then laying some greenbacks down on the bar,
he gave a cheery nod to all near and far,
"Drinks all around", he said, then he whistled,
and the Swedish Bikini Team appeared with "toe of mistle"
And we heard him exclaim with all his might,
"It don't get any better, at least not this night
Merry Christmas my friends, and a Happy New Year,
Hawk, my good barkeep, draw the Chainsaw a beer....."
| T.R | Title | User | Personal
Name | Date | Lines |
|---|
| 220.1 | Another Classic | GENRAL::WADE | the buck of the Irish | Wed Dec 11 1991 13:22 | 5 |
|
I always look forward to 'Saw's holiday messages. You've
outdone yourself again FranSaw. Thanks for the chuckle.
Claybone
|
| 220.2 | Unreal | HPSRAD::RIEU | Read his Lips...Know new taxes | Wed Dec 11 1991 13:43 | 2 |
| Great stuff 'Saw! Don't know how ya do it!
Denny
|
| 220.3 | | GOMETS::mccarthy | Mike McCarthy MRO4-3/C11 297-4531 | Wed Dec 11 1991 13:43 | 5 |
| Saw,
You left out the Deliverence Dude, stuck on the Island of Misfit Fans.
Mike
|
| 220.4 | | CAMONE::WAY | I believe I'll dust my broom | Wed Dec 11 1991 13:49 | 16 |
| >You left out the Deliverence Dude, stuck on the Island of Misfit Fans.
Mike,
You ought to TM that whole expression! That's too funny.
The hardest part was trying to fit EVERYONE in. I only had a couple
hours to work that out last night. If I'd have tried to fit EVERYONE
in, I'd still be working on it.....
Sorry to those I didn't work in....
'Saw
|
| 220.5 | | LJOHUB::CRITZ | | Wed Dec 11 1991 13:50 | 5 |
| Frank,
In all seriousness, that was very good.
Scott
|
| 220.6 | Frank, Parcells probably would've written a better Xmas message... | AXIS::ROBICHAUD | GE Bowl? | Wed Dec 11 1991 13:54 | 1 |
|
|
| 220.7 | Addendum | SHALOT::MEDVID | sing your life | Wed Dec 11 1991 14:05 | 17 |
| Thanks for the mention, 'Saw, south that I am
But I do believe you forgot one fine, great man.
Leader he is, to one and to all
At DECUS now, as he is every fall.
He's led us through ratholes, junknotes, and bashing
Yes I speak of Bob Hunt, he of IgKnorr(tm) fame and smashing.
But I doubt Bob would view this as a slight,
because his aura is with us all day and all night.
No, Bob knows he's the omnipresent leader of weasels
The Waahoo fan with a passion for Hornets and Eagles.
Bob wouldn't feel the lack of mention as bad luck
as long as we said...
...Dean Smith still sucks!
|
| 220.8 | | HPSRAD::RIEU | Read his Lips...Know new taxes | Wed Dec 11 1991 14:17 | 3 |
| It woulda been a conflict a interest for 'Saw to mentiom Bob. Seeing
he's a fellow UVa fain.
Denny
|
| 220.9 | | CAMONE::WAY | I believe I'll dust my broom | Wed Dec 11 1991 14:17 | 13 |
| Thanks dan'l....
I sat down last night with my copy of the original, and I made a list
off the top of my head of all the noters I could think of.
As I said, if anyone wasn't included, please don't feel slighted. I
had a lot on my mind last evening (including one apparently busted
furnace which ain't running) so if I forget anyone it's simply my
own inadequate memory synapses...
'Saw
|
| 220.11 | | FDCV06::KING | Be nice to me, I'm a Pheresis Donor!! | Wed Dec 11 1991 14:59 | 7 |
| Gee Weinie, I didn't see me mention in there with dogs or wrastling....
Thanks!
REK
It was great Chainsaw!
|
| 220.12 | wish I could write 1/2 as good...... | CST17::FARLEY | Ski Drood(tm) Valley-Great Moguls! | Wed Dec 11 1991 14:59 | 7 |
| 'Saw,
You truly have a SPECIAL TALENT! Thanks for a most enjoyable note
& btw, second billing ;^)
Kev
|
| 220.13 | | QUASER::HUNTER | Bad_Boy of ::SPORTS | Wed Dec 11 1991 15:00 | 3 |
| Good stuff... I'm honored to be included...
BG
|
| 220.14 | Another slightly twisted addendum ;-) | RIPPLE::DEVLIN_JO | Isiah Stole Christmas! | Wed Dec 11 1991 15:25 | 39 |
|
Saw -
You forgot how it ends:
Then the door opened with a frightful slam
Siloutted in it was the man who was to blam
The patrons looked at him, struggling with fear
In strode the man, grinning ear to ear
On another night, it might have been a messiah
But instead from Detriot(tm) it was THE Isiah
He jumped over to CHilds, his cheek he kissed
While he pummeled the Slasher with his right fist
He bashed Wagamain's haid with a sickening sound
And thorougly bashed Claybone on the rebound
He grabbed the soup cauldron - full of beef barley
And threw it over the slouching form of Kev Farley
Driving the lane he grabbed a Budweiser
And flew over a table to whack at Mike Heiser
JD through the wreckage slowly crawls
Isiah has kicked him right in the .....
Before he can turn to see the commotion
ACChris' neck is getting massaged in fast motion
After a punch Chappy loses his lunch
While Tommy is the victim of a sucker punch
Grabbing bottles of whiskey and gin
He smacks the Chainsaw right in the chin
With a smile and a sickening whine
He puts Mac's haid through a table of pine
With abandon, the patrons do flee
Isiah nipping at their knee
Hawk from the bar, tells Isiah to get a clue
"You keep this up, I ain't partying wif you!"
|
| 220.15 | ya forgot the scalp massage tho :^) | GENRAL::WADE | the buck of the Irish | Wed Dec 11 1991 15:34 | 4 |
|
Rolling Sarge!
Claybone
|
| 220.16 | no contest for a real main | DESERT::HEISER | lovespeak | Wed Dec 11 1991 15:48 | 1 |
| I'd waste that little Princess!
|
| 220.17 | | CAMONE::WAY | I believe I'll dust my broom | Wed Dec 11 1991 15:52 | 3 |
| JD, that was priceless!
|
| 220.19 | | RIPPLE::DEVLIN_JO | Isiah Stole Christmas! | Wed Dec 11 1991 15:58 | 5 |
|
ANd please folks - that was in fun - no harm intended
JD (with BIG ear-to-ear grin, and tongue hanging out - the Isiah/Jordan
look!)
|
| 220.20 | | PTOVAX::JACOB | Playin with the Box the kids came in | Wed Dec 11 1991 21:55 | 6 |
| 'Saw, --dan'l, and JD, Great notes.
Wish I could rhyme things like that
JaKe
|
| 220.21 | | CAMONE::WAY | I believe I'll dust my broom | Thu Dec 12 1991 07:18 | 12 |
| >
> Wish I could rhyme things like that
>
Jake, I'll give you a tip... rhyming ability goes up slightly with a few
beers....but past about four it drops off sharply....
hth,
'Saw
|
| 220.22 | | COMET::JACKSONTA | The 9 hitter | Thu Dec 12 1991 07:48 | 6 |
| Great stuff 'Saw & JD!! Here is another reason why ::Sports is my
favorite conference!
Happy Holidays, and keep your tush warm 'Saw......
Tim
|
| 220.23 | Happy holidays, y'all! | ICS::FINUCANE | Shiny happy people laughing | Thu Dec 12 1991 09:29 | 11 |
|
Good job, 'Saw, dan'l and JD!
You guys are too much!
Cath
|
| 220.24 | Most excellent Saw ! | EARRTH::BROOKS | I've been dead before .... | Thu Dec 12 1991 10:34 | 1 |
|
|
| 220.25 | | DESERT::HEISER | lovespeak | Mon Dec 16 1991 11:36 | 3 |
| I'll have to say it sucks until I hear the music.
:-)
|
| 220.26 | | CAMONE::WAY | I believe I'll dust my broom | Mon Dec 16 1991 11:41 | 7 |
| > I'll have to say it sucks until I hear the music.
So write some and I'll come record it wif ya......
8^)
|