Conference 7.286::sports_91

>>    Hockey pucks? $20 - $35(Gretzky)  How do they sign a puck?
    
Clearly, the higher the price, the lighter coloured ink they use.

For 20 bucks, they use black, and you have to take their word that Gretzky
signed it since you cain't really see it.    

HTH, 

rick

    Please send me the phone # @ uswrsl Chernoff_Cr or call me at DTN
    521-3752

I saw a button the other day:

                            God made grass
                            Man made booze
                          Who can you trust?

Mike JN

Friday at 8:11:06 PM all the Unix machines in the world will 
register 666,666,666 seconds since the start of Unix time.

�               -< like ~21.14 years ago?  Big deal-still junk*) >-

Guess you can always tell those who like to play and those who don't ;^)


'Saw
    

    
      Under "FOR THE RECORD" in the latest SI
    
      The contract that Roger Clemens signed is worth $400,000 more than
    the then-record sum that Nelson Doubleday paid for the New York Mets
    in 1980.
    
    Bull~
    

    If you enter a reply and realize there is a mistake, it is very easy to
    correct.  Simply delete that reply (by typing DELETE at the Notes>
    prompt) and then type REPLY/LAST.  I think this will also work for
    errors in a basenote - delete then type WRITE/LAST.
    
    It will recreate your reply which you can edit to your heart's delight. 
    If you make a mistake in the title of your reply (or topic).  Simply
    type SET NOTE /TITLE="new title"

From: [email protected] (Nigel Allen)
Newsgroups: comp.dcom.telecom
Subject: SaudiNet: Sending Email to Servicemembers
Date: 21 Feb 91 05:17:00 GMT
Sender: [email protected]
Organization: 52 Manchester Avenue
 
 
Volkhart Baumgaertner asked about getting e-mail to U.S. troops in the
Gulf.  This message from [email protected] (Ken McVay) should help.
 
 Newsgroups: can.general,bc.general
 Subject: SaudiNet: Sending mail to servicemembers in the Gulf
 Message-ID: <[email protected]>
 Date: 19 Feb 91 08:25:18 GMT
 Distribution: can
 Organization: 1B Systems Management Limited
 
 
                        The Saudi Connection
 
                             Guidelines
 
  The Saudi Connection is copyright 1990 by Mark Niwonger. It is a
  private net which 1B Systems Management Limited has accessed by
  accepting the terms and limitations imposed upon all member systems
  within SaudiNet. It is not available on any network backbone.
 
  Users are not permitted to read messages posted to SaudiNet, since
  they are of a private nature, but those wishing to show support for
  servicemen in the Gulf area are encouraged to contact them.
 
  There are NO guarantees that any message will be delivered to Saudi
  Arabia. Every effort will be made to do so however. At this time
  approximately 98% of all messages entered in the SAUDI group are
  being delivered to Saudi Arabia.  The ones not being delivered
  are due to address errors.  All properly address letters are being
  delivered to the Military Post Office in Dhahran, Saudi Arabia.
 
  1B Systems Management accepts no legal responsibility for messages 
  posted to the net, but will do it's best to see to it that they
  are delivered to the SaudiNet distribution centre in the United
  States within 48 hours of their receipt here.
 
  All outbound messages are censored at the distribution site at the
  request of the United States Department of Defense, and racial slurs,
  incitement to war, etc. will be removed from messages prior to delivery
  to Saudi Arabia. SaudiNet reserves the right to reject inappropriate
  messages without explanation, should they be outside the operating
  guidelines set by the Department of Defense.
 
Address your messages to: [email protected]
 
Message text entered must be in the following format:
 
<for specific individual>               <for any serviceman>
 
  LOCAL FORCES				LOCAL FORCES
  {receipients name}{receipients SSN}   Any Servicemember
  {receipients Unit}DEPLOYED            Operation Desert Storm
  [APO/FPO] New York, NY {Zip Code}	APO New York 09848-0006
 
               NOTE:  If you know the recipients' Zip Code *use* it
                      otherwise use the generic Zip Code for the US
                      Military Post Office. For service personnel
                      stationed on ships in the Gulf, use FPO
                      NY, NY 03866-0006. For 2nd. Marine Division,
		      use FPO NY NY 09502-0204.
 
  {Body of Letter (ie, the message)}
 
 
Are these messages censored?
 
Yes, they are censored by SaudiNet originators for such things as:
racial slurs, profanity, incitation to war and obvious things of that
nature.  This is at the direction of the Department of Defense of the
United States. (Regulations from the Canadian military, when provided,
will also be adhered to.)
 
Will there be two-way mail?
 
Eventually there will be.  At this time there is not but we are
working on it.  We are in the process of sending volunteers to Saudi
Arabia to set up receiving staations.  We are working directly with
the US Command Central, specifically through Lt.  General James
Cassitty and his staff.
 
What's in it for me?
 
The feeling that comes from doing a nice thing for someone.
 
Is there any charge for sending a message?
 
No - SaudiNet is a public service offered by bulletin board operators
throughout the world. 1B Systems Management Limited delivers messages
originating here without charge.
 
We have contacted the Canadian military, and our local MP, with regard
to establishing liaison between the American mail depot in Saudi
Arabia and Canadian forces serving in Qatar and elsewhere. If you have
Canadian FPO addressing information, use it in the format shown above,
and we will do our best to deliver it for you. When we have received
word from the military, we will advise everyone via a post in
can.general.
 
Adopt a Marine Pen-Pal today! Send your mail| ANY MARINE                    
via [email protected], and use the | H&S Co.Maint.Plt.2nd. LAI Btn.
address on the right to reach our 'adopted' | (Deployed)                    
unit. (Email me for instructions reaching others)| FPO NY NY 09502-0204     

    
    The Worcester (MA) Auditorium has a card show this weekend with guests
    Dick "Night Train" Lane, Paul Warfield, Billy Herman, Enos Slaughter,
    Bob Feller, Otto Graham, and Johnny Unitas.  (401) 826-2419 for times
    and details.
    
    Heard this morning that Johnny U. has filed for bankrupcy.  Too bad.
    
    In other news, ACC officials are reviewing an alleged altercation
    between two sprinters on the award stand at the league's indoor
    championship meet.
    
    Kevin Braunskill of NC allegedly hit James Trapp of Clemson in the head
    with the championship trophy he won for taking the 200-meter dash. 
    Trapp finished third.  Trapp suffered a mild concussion and required
    three stitches.
    
    Dickstah
    

    TTom,
    
    Better get over here in this note.... 
    
    What's with the ACC anyway???
    
    Cap :-) :-)

Wow, 

Too bad about Johnny Unitas.  I saw on HBO's Inside the NFL that
he was a successful marketing manager for a firm in Baltimore.

Could that report concern him or his firm?

'Saw

    What I read is that the City of Baltimore is reneging on a promise to
    pay off a loan or forgive a loan or some such nonsense, so Johnny U has
    turned around and declared bankruptcy.
    
    John

    Dickster,
    
    Is it both days?  Know which days the guests will be there?

One of Johnny U's latest business ventures was to put his name on a
betting service. Call up his 900 number and he'll tell you which way to
bet. As soon as he did this, a lot of other business ventures immediately
went sour. It precluded any workings with the NFL. Maybe Baltimore's
actions followed this.

RE: ACC. No Carolina hitting/being_hit_by Clemson. Somebody better
investigate soon, assuming some one gives a rats ass...

TTom

    
    Walt,
    
    Saturday
    11-2 Night Train
    12-3 Warfield
    1-4  Herman
    4-7  Johnny U
    
    Sunday
    11-2  Train
    12-3  Enos
    11-2  Feller (time could be a misprint)
    1:30-4:30 Otto
    

    
    Oh, and another item from the sports page:  Crystal Topps (72-24-36)
    is appearing next Monday at the Fuzzy Grape in Webster, MA.
    
    For safety's sake, I'd avoid the first few rows if I were you.
    
    Dickstah
    

    Dick "Night Train" Lane was one of my favorite players back then.  He,
    and Leon Hart were some pretty tough characters on the field.
    
    You'd never know I was a Lions fan back in the 50's, huh.
    
    Lee

    
>    You'd never know I was a Lions fan back in the 50's, huh.
    
 Sure we would Lee. Just have to add your love of the Tigers and a
 certain statistically figure together...

 ;^)

 John U. with a gambling service hahahaa what a joke. I have a few friends
 who used to get tips from Johnny (he was good friends with the owner of
 a bar where they worked) and from what they tell me, Johhny had a track
 record that compared to Elway and Tarkington's superbowl records combined..

 mike

    re.18  I could think of many worse ways to die!!!
    
    
    JaKe
    

Subj:	faster mail to our troops........
Subj:	email to troops from Digital

An Internet address has been established to route personal messages to U.S.
military personnel involved in Operation Desert Storm and can be addressed
from within Digital.
 
Since there is presently no known direct Internet route to
Saudi Arabia, these messages will be uploaded to the Saudi Connection,
a BBS network. Traffic on the Saudi Connection ends up with a sysop in
Saudi Arabia who prints the messages on a laser printer and delivers
them to the U.S. military postal system there.
 
Although the routing is very complex, these messages are now
being delivered to the addressee in Saudi Arabia in less than a week.
In comparison, there have been reports that snail-mail is taking six
to ten weeks.
 
While the contents of these messages are not available for
public viewing, they are also not private. One or more sysops in the
system will censor the messages for racial slurs, profanity and
obvious things of that nature. The Saudi Connection is a private
endeavor and those involved in it feel strongly that it should only be
used to send "positive" messages. No message will be passed which
might adversely affect the morale of the recipient.
 
This is presently a one-way deal. No system has been
established for return mail, so be sure to include your snail-mail
address, especially if you are writing to ANY SERVICEPERSON.
 
To send a message via Vax Mail, using the following addressing ...
 
To: nm%decwrl::"[email protected]" 

(You SHOULD use NMAIL, as DECWRL is often very busy and sometimes not
available.  To do so, put nm% in front of decwrl.)
 
Include the serviceperson's name and address in the body of
your message as shown below:
   
        Specific Individuals:
 
        Name, Rank, Social Security Number
        Operation Desert Shield
        Organization/Unit (Deployed)
        APO NY ZIPCode
        Local Forces <----THIS MUST BE INCLUDED OR IT WILL GET SENT
                          TO NEW YORK AND THEN BACK TO SAUDI!!!!!
        Any Serviceperson:
 
        Any Servicemember
        Operation Desert Shield
        APO New York 09848-0006
        Local Forces <----THIS MUST BE INCLUDED OR IT WILL GET SENT
                          TO NEW YORK AND THEN BACK TO SAUDI!!!!!
  
It is important that you put "Local Forces" as the last line
of the address. If you don't, it will take a very long time,
indeed, to reach the addressee.
  
Please try to limit messages to 20 lines.

I'll have to try that with Nick.

While it could be a while since I'd hear back from him, I might hear
in a regular letter (although he's so far into Iraq ANY mail might
take a while to get there).

I'll let you know how it all goes!

Oooh-Rah!

'Saw

    Question...
    
    	Is someone going to do the NCAA 5 man team pick'em contest? You
    know like we did last year where you pick 5 players and what they score
    is what you earn. I thought that was alot of fun.
    
    B.A.

    woops...
    
    	Guess it was 8 players instead of 5...
    
    B.A.

second

    Let's not forget where we are working.  We are at DEC where those who
    propose get immediatel responsibilty for the project!

Here, here!

Mac's right.   All you proposers make up the contest, eh?

8^)

I will run the NCAA scoring tournament on two conditions:

1) Everybody SENDS me their entry, so we all don't have to wade thru
   a bunch of notes.   

2) Every entry conforms to the following format:

------ cut here --------------------------------------------------------------

Your name: Doug Ross        VAXmail address: DUGROS::ROSS

Player Name         Team
-----------         ----
King Rice           North Carolina
Henrik Rodl         North Carolina
Eric Montross       North Carolina
Brian Kelly         Georgetown
Eric Riley          Purdue
Kenny Anderson      Georgia Tech
Shawn Bradley       BYU
Damon Bailey        Indiana
------------------------------------------------------------------------------


P.S.  I don't remember if there were lineup requirements regarding positions,
      I'd rather not have to figure out who qualifies where.  Just give me
      eight names.

      Oh yeah, to make it more interesting:

	Only one player from any team {this is the Anti-UNLV loading rule}
	
      Remember, the winner is the person whose team scores the most total
      points over the course of the tournament.

Hey, I liked the part of putting them into their real positions.

The only problem with that is someone has to know where everyone plays.

How's it gonna be?

TTom

Seems like lasted year we had to have one person from each position as
starters..  then we could have three off the bench. I was thinking
overall it was like 1 center  3 forwards  4 guards.... and there was no
stipulation about more than one player from a team (cause lasted year I
had TWO players from UNLV, but I still didn't win!).

Meanwhile, I'm not making any picks until I find out what the regional
matchups are.

Also... I don't mind SEND-ing my picks to the Scorekeeper, but I think
it's also neat to put your picks in here... then everybody has a feel
for how everybody else is doing, and it's more fun.

Mike JN

    
    	I'm glad you guys remembered this stuff....so let me get this
    straight. 8 players,but not from the same team, right? O.K. Positions
    do NOT matter, right? O.K.
    
    	Send all entry's to the score keeper, right? O.K. I'm in...
    
    B.A.

Well, since I started this thing and ran the first contest, I guess I should
pipe in.  Unfortunately, I don't seem to have kept the rules.  And all I have
is a note from Nazz from 1988 (see below).  When I started it, it was one
center, two forwards, and two guards.  Don't remember the reserve scheme but I
think any three could be picked regardless of position.

Just for kicks, here are my first choices...

Troy Lewis, Purdue
Mark Macon, Temple
Rex Chapman, Kentucky
Danny Ferry, Duke
JR Reid, North Carolina
Sean Elliot, Arizona
Harvey Grant, Oklahoma
Mitch Richmond, Kansas State

              <<< ASABET::RUBY1:[NOTES$LIBRARY]SPORTS_88.NOTE;1 >>>
             -< Byte for Byte, the best entertainment on the Net >-
================================================================================
Note 75.23             NCAA Tourney Player Points Lottery               23 of 66
DELNI::NAZZARO                                       27 lines  16-MAR-1988 11:47
                            -< Here's the format! >-
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    OK - the author of this note is back!  Imagine having to go to
    meetings!  And me having much more important things to do!
    
    Thanks for all the input.  The new format is as follows:  everyone
    can pick whoever they want, only restriction only one player from
    each team.  Then as a tiebreaker, guess the total points scored
    by your selections.  I like the idea of choosing a center, two
    forwards, and two guards, but we'll also add three reserves.
    
    Post your teams in here by noon Thursday.  That gives you all 24
    hours to choose.  I'll start off with my team.
    
    C - Danny Ferry, Duke
    F - Sean Elliot, Arizona
    F - Lionel Simmons, LaSalle
    G - Byron Larkin, Xavier
    G - Hersey Hawkins, Bardley
    
    Reserves
    
    Mark Macon, Temple
    Gary Grant, Michigan
    Jeff Greyer, Iowa State
    
    Total points by my players:  621
    
    NAZZ

As the guy who ran it the last two years I'd be more than happy to let someone
else have the honor this year. As already stated 8 players, 3 guards, 3 forwards
and two centers all from different teams with a total points scored by your 
team guess as the tiebreaker. Two years ago Jim Tracy won it and last year it
was Dan the Tan Schneider by about a bucket over 3 or 4 other guys. Last year 
we did have some player posistioning bickering as half the folks in here wanted
to play Lattiner at Forward and the other half at center. Also some folks were
miffed that they couldn't play Anderson Hunt at Forward. Must be atleast 20 or
30 6'1" 190 LBs power forwards in the league...;^)

If you're going to run it I hope you got EVE or better as your Editor../..

mike

I've got a pretty good list somewhere of positions.  Perhaps I'll post it one
of these days soon and we can just take it as gospel.

j.

>I've got a pretty good list somewhere of positions.  Perhaps I'll post it one
>of these days soon and we can just take it as gospel.

Sorry, Jeff, but someone beat you to it.  It's called the Kama Sutra and
it is Gospel ;^)

Saw

>As already stated 8 players, 3 guards, 3 forwards
>and two centers all from different teams with a total points scored by your 
>team guess as the tiebreaker. T

Okay, them's the rules.   

	8 players : 2 centers, 3 forwards, and 3 guards all from different
	teams.


Let's get some positions cleared up now:

	Mourning      : F or C?   I say F
	Jimmy Jackson : F or G?   I guess F is best
	Pete Chilcutt : C or F?   I say C
	Eric Montross : BS-WMD {big stiff, white man's disease :-)}

>if you're going to run it I hope you got EVE or better as your Editor../..

I'm going to write up a quick RALLY application to do all the totals...
That's why I'd appreciate it if everyone used the same format.  Plus, I can
then generate a report of all entries into a single note, rather than putting
them in here one at a time.

Send to DUGROS::ROSS {node 34193 if it's not in your net database} 


------------------------------- cut here ----------------------

Name :           


      Player                  Team
    --------------------------------------------------
C :
C :
F :
F :
F :
G :
G :
G :
    --------------------------------------------------
    Predicted total points scored :

Sounds good. Now let's get a topic and we can post our teams. That way we
know if everyone's legal in terms of roster composition.

TTom

    Okay, I don't remember where the topic of taxing beer came up, so I'm
    posting this note here.  The discussion wasn't under the right topic
    anyway.
    
    I'm currently doing a residency at Miller Brewing Co.  Yep, the High
    Life people.  BTW - They really do have some things good.  Free soda
    and donuts all day long, monthly quotas of REALLY cheap beer.  To bad
    VAXs aren't cheap enough to really take advantage of employee
    discounts.  ;-)
    
    Anyway, the subject of taxes on beer came up.  So this noon I thought
    I'd get it straight from the horses mouth, and asked some the engineers
    about it over lunch.  Really started a conversation.
    
    Now, all of this info it strictly round numbers, guys speaking from
    memory, but: 
    
    $1.25 / case Federal Tax
    $1-$3 / case State Tax depending on the state
    $ .50 / case Advertizing
    $1    / case Transportation
    $1.50 / case Glass Bottles
    
    You get the picture.
    
    A couple of other tid-bits:
    
    After brewing the beer and selling the sold remains (yeast) to 
    pharmisutical (sp?) companies -  12 oz. of beer cost about 1/2 cent. 
    Talk about extraneous expenses!!!  And they are trying to re-market the
    byproduct in a higher grade catigory - so brewing beer could end up
    having a negitive production cost!?!
    
    They are milling aluminmum cans so thin that the paint on the can is
    the only thing keeping a sizable percentage of the cans waterproof. 
    The paint routinely covers pin-holes in the can.
    
    SKK

    Well, Massachusetts must really pump up the max for their tax.  Last
    night, I spent $18.19 (including $1.20 deposit) for a case of Miller
    Genuine draft.  2 weeks ago, in Florida, I spent $11.99 for the same
    beer.  Mass. is a rip-off!                         
    
    RTG

�       <<< Note 97.41 by ANGLIN::KIRKMAN "Yeah, I get StarTrek jokes." >>>
�                              -< Taxes and Beer >-

Aye Coptun! I'm afrrraid the Di-lithium Crrrystals arrre degrrrading at
an alarrrming rrrate! Now wherrre did that grrreenblooded, pointy
earrred spawn of satan get hi`self to?!

Mike `Commander Scott' JN

    Hawk,
    
    You are probably right about the store raising the prices.  It was in
    Stow.  I wasn't actually looking for a deal either.  When I got to the 
    cash register, I had to do a double take.  Of course, dying for a beer
    as bad as I was, price became no object.  I'll have to remember to
    stock up next time I'm in Nashua.
    
    RTG

    re:  44
    
    With a name like SCOTT KIRKman, seems like for years that everyone I
    met tried the "Beam me up, Scotty" line.  Nice to know dat some things
    don't change.  >:-)  Finally gave up and tried to enjoy it.
    
    Commander Scott  (Hmmmmm sounds kindda right)
    
    P.S. Better impersonation than most.

 Very small item in the paper today said that Sergei Bubka, the Soviet
 Union's top pole vaulter, broke the 20' mark last Saturday in a meet in
 Spain and then did it again in some meet in his home town of Donetsk in
 the USSR.
 
 Anybody else have any other information ???   That's quite a feat.   20 of
 'em as a matter of fact.
 
 Bob Hunt

    
    Bubka said he raised the bar well above his winning vault the first 
    time for the people of the United States, because of course 20 feet 
    means nothing to the rest of the world.  He said he knew it would 
    get attention here...
    
    I hadn't heard he'd repeated the feat.  Now *that's* amazing.  I guess
    it just shows what you can do when the pressure's off and you're in the
    mental groove...
    
    glenn
    
    

    Not only that, but Bubka got a $30,000 bonus for breaking the 20'
    barrier.
    
    Funny, but Glenn's right. The rest of the world is metric - I wonder if
    some European group will have a bouns if he clears 7 meters ?

    His second jump cleared 20' 1/2".
    
    lEe

    Bubka has been near the 20' mark for quite some time.
    
    Oh, and Glenn, the high jump record is already over 8'.
    
    Doc - not surprised Sergei  got a bonus for hte world record.  Look for
    him to break it a few more times - by say 1/4 to 1/2 inch at a time -
    and
    each time collecting a bonus.  
    
    JD

    I was listening to a sports talk show here in Pittsburgh on the radio
    the other night.  One of the callers was complaining about the local
    newspapers not giving major coverage to the WWF and other "pro
    wrasslin'" results.
    
    The talk show host proceeded to tell the caller about how the WWf is
    choreographed and outcomes of the events are known well in advance and
    that it is all planned.  Well, this caller acted like he had just been
    shot in the ass with rock salt.  The talk show host burst his bubble.
    
    The caller couldn't believe the "set up" part about the WWF and sounded
    like he was ready to cry.  While the talk show host was talking, the
    guy blurted out something aobut the host being a liar and said (in 5
    year old style), that he didn't believe the host and then hung up on
    him.
    
    Meanwhile, I just aobut wrecked my car cause i was laughing at the
    caller's reaction.  HILARIOUS!!!
    
    
    JaKe
    

Nope, it comes out of a bottle.

And the guy that has been dispensing that bottle is facing up to 44 years
for doing so....


Ah Testosterone.... the juice that wrecked a thousand careers.....


'Saw

    
    I'm not into wrasslin', but I was appalled shocked to find out that my
    wife is a closet WWF fan.
    
    It started when I found the cancelled check made out by her to the WWF
    and marked 'donation'.   Next thing I know there's all this WWF
    literature coming to the house featuring stuff like "The Life of the
    Bengal Tiger."  Now I said I don't follow wrasslin', but I figure the
    "Bengal Tiger" is just another stiff on steroids like the "Junkyard
     Dog."
    
    Then because it's the *World* Wrestling Federation, she got this
    sticker of the Globe with the big letters WWF under it stuck on her car
    window.
    
    How embarrassing.
    
    Dickstah
    

JEEEE-- ZUSS, Dickstah!

Nexted thing you know, you'll be tellin us she suffers from Candlepin Madness!

I mean, I know she's a Redskins fan...that's tough enough to bear, but
now a closet WWF fan?????  You best be lookin' out when they're givin'
the steroids to those tigers.....


'Saw

    
    The life of thr Bengal tiger????? 
    
    R u sure that she didn't donate money to the Wild LIFE Federation?
    Or was it the Wild WIFE Federation, we have heard stories u know!!
    
    8^)
    
    
    Steve

    	That's the *Wallace* Civic Center Hawk.  And REK 'rassled there
    once as the Masked Marvel.
    
    				/Don

I went to wrasslin' once in Hartford when Hulk Hogan and Randy Macho Man
Savage were running their series of Title Bouts.  You could tell that if
there weren't NO TV cameras, the title weren't gonna change hands....

Anyway, that ticket was free, and I had a good time, even though the
section of the Hartford Civic Center I was sitting in was the "English as
a Second Language Only" section 8^)

I went a second time with a date who really liked wrasslin....  Anyway, it
turns out that like Hawk, the two of us got a bigger kick out of watchin
the True Believers in the crowd than we did watchin' the wrasslin....

QUESTION:
	
	Whats the difference between a WWF Match and an old time
	revival meetin'?

ANSWER:

	Nobody is rolling on the floor and speaking in tongues at the WWF
	match....


I think I saw REK once on wrasslin' on TV when I was in FRANCE.  But
I've heard since that he's off steroids, his hair is growing back in, 
and his teeth are better 8^)

'Saw

    
    	My brother-in-law happens to live real close to the old
    "Executioner."  In fact he has struck up a decent friendship with him
    and hopes to be invited to one of his Thanksgiving Day parties that 
    involves all the heavies from the WWF.  So far, he's got the chance to
    meet a few of the guys...maybe he'll ask me over too!!
    
    	What ever happened to "Jumpin Johnny DeFasio"(sp)?  Used to love
    "Chilly Billy Cardilly" doing the play-by-play back in the Steel City.
    
    	Which reminds me, bring back Chiller Theater!!!!
    
    
    								bill..g.
    

    REK always reminds me of Pete Dohery, The Duke Of Dorchester.  Spitting
    Image..
    
    
    I went to a few matches at the Gahden.  Great fun.  Saw REK, aka The
    Duke, actually win a match.
    
    JD

In case you missed it, Jim McMahon got traded (sometime or other).....

    re bill g
    
    "Chilly Billy" Cardille is now the weekend weather guy on channel 11 in
    Pittsburgh.  He aslo does some kind of radio show on one of those
    stations that at any one time, only two people are listening to, and
    one of those is on "scan".
    
    
    JaKe
    

    
    	Thanks Jake.. Chilly Billy WAS hip..
    
    	Now the $1,000,000 question.  Where's Paul Shannon these days?
    Adventure Time was a real highlight of my childhood.  Those appearances
    of the 3 Stooges, and good old Nosmo King were simply to much!!
    
    								bill..g.
    

Does anyone out there in SPORTS note land know how I can get in touch
with a group called the Colorado Trail Foundation? It's based somewhere
out there. They're developing a trail somewhat like the eastern
Appalachian Trail.

A phone number and/or a_address would be much appreciated.

Thanks,
TTom

    
    >>	Now the $1,000,000 question.  Where's Paul Shannon these days?
    >>Adventure Time was a real highlight of my childhood.  Those appearances
    >>of the 3 Stooges, and good old Nosmo King were simply to much!!
    
    >>								bill..g.
    
    Bill
    
    Paul Shannon went to the big "Adventure Time" in the sky about a year
    and a half ago.  He's with Curly and Moe and Larry now.
    
    
    JaKe
    

    I go on vacation and my poor name gets dragged through the mud...
    
    WWF DO you know whatvthat really stands for???? 
    
    Wacky Waste Follies !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111
    
    REK

       Anyone know the wherabouts of Wil Mcdonough? His Sat. and Sun.
    columns have been missing from The Glob for a few weeks now.
                                            Denny

    he got tapped on the shoulder

    I heard he rushed out to the Left Coast to try and win the rights t
    write Alzado's memoirs. after all it takes one a##hole to understand
    another a##hole. JMO
    

    Re: 1.14
    
    I don't know what your manglers have done, but keep it up!  The
    response today is the best its been (for me) since you've been host.
    
    Mike

Well, I know a while ago we actually replaced a node in the CAM cluster,
with a faster node.

My guess however, is that the net problem up in Western Mass finally got
cleared up.

As I've mentioned before, we're kind of in a little backwater tributary
on the net, and you need a couple of extra hops to get here.  (Nothin'
like bein' all hopped up, right?)

Glad to hear the response time is good (knock on wood)....


'Saw

    The response has been an improvemnt for me too. Thanks, Saw !
    
    Doc

Well, I didn't do anything 8^)

Seriously, if anyone is experiencing performance problems (with CAM and
SPORTS I mean ;^)) then chances are it's the network.

When we first moved here from Enfield, our net was set up kind of 
screwy.  I believe we have to make 2 hops before we're on a main line
of the net, and a lot of other place don't have to do that...

As always, if you have any problems, let me know...

later,
'Saw

    Response was pretty slow for me latter part of last week, but seems OK
    today...
    
    
    py

    
    'saw's right, he had nothing to do with the improved response time. 
    I've been busy lately, and hadn't gotten into the notesfile.  When I
    got in today, I saw the complaints about the response time, donned by
    moderator's beany, and did some massive network tuning.  Found the bug
    myself, it was in the bi-valve cuspid NFT address access blocks.  I
    implemented a radial serial protocolusing an object oriented structure
    reference and symbolic address synchronizers.  It seened to have truned
    the trick.
    
    If anyone has any questions, just call.
    
    Bruce

    re.77
    
    Bruce, 
    
    Is that another way of saying you powered it off and back on?????
    
    (8^)*
    
    JaKe
    

    
    Whatever I did sure screwed up my spelling.  I thought "err" Brooks got
    into my account for a minute.
    
    Bruce

    Response time has been absolutely HORRIBLE today...   I haven't been
    in a over a week, but catching up has been painful - 
    
    Shoot, I cleaned up my entire office, ate lunch, cleaned out my
    briefcase (and if you knew what a slob I am, you'd realize how long I'm
    talking about ;-), duplicated all the phone numbers in my little black
    book, and wrote 5 checks!   (Its taken over two hours to read probably
    fewer than 100 notes)
    
    This buffer window took at least two minutes to appear, and wait times
    of up to 5 minutes between notes has been common as I nexted unseen
    all over the place...
    
    I work in Acton, MA, so I wonder why its taking so long - hayle, I kin
    get to a conference in Japan faster than this one!
    
    Just thought you'd like to know,
    
    ML

So do me, ML

(by the time he reads this I'll have a three state head start ;^))


Sorry, don't know what the problem could be.  There might be some 
documentation builds on CAM today or something....


'Saw

I think it was yest'day some weenie (;^) claimed to have done a
technoidee thang to speed up the network.

Mebbe somebody could do a "off-on" thingie again?

pretty s l o w  t o d a y .......

Kev

    
    Sorry guys,  I screwing around with some legal folks over getting some
    ppreannounced disk drives shipped to my customer.  I did the salesman
    thingy to them (the L word) and told them I could get them here this
    week.  It looks like it could happen.  Don't have time to put on my
    network guru beany, especially if the problem might be on CAM.  Frank,
    you guys need me to come in and do some tuning?  
    
    Bruce
    
    P.S.  No Jeff, I implemented DECnet PHase II�, the smell of beer.  What it
    does is get Hawk all riled up and he transefers all these packets in
    his car between sites real fast. 

    FWIW, George "Norm" Wendt is 43 today.
                      
    
    
    
    JaKe
    

Article 1324 of clari.news.religion:
From: [email protected] (United Press International)
Newsgroups: clari.sports.baseball,clari.news.religion,clari.news.law.civil,clari.news.interest.people,clari.sports.top
Subject: Cincinnati Reds sued over Bible sign
Date: 16 Oct 91 18:53:59 GMT
Priority: major


	An evangelist filed a federal lawsuit Wednesday claiming his free
speech rights were violated during a 1990 World Series game at
Cincinnati's Riverfront Stadium because security guards prevented him
from displaying a Bible sign.
	The suit was filed by the Rev. Guy Aubrey of Cleveland, Tenn., in U.
S. District Court in Cincinnati with the help of attorneys from the
Charlottesville, Va., based Rutherford Institute. The institute, a
conservative counterpoint to the ACLU, specializes in religious freedom
issues.
	The 33-year-old minister was on his way to his seat in the stadiuim,
holding a sign that read, ``John 3:16,'' when a Burns Security guard
stopped him.
	Aubrey claims the guard grabbed him by the jersey and said: ``I'm
taking you to police headquarters. Your sign is against the rules of
Major League Baseball and the Cincinnati Reds, and you can't have it in
the stadium.''
	The lawsuit says security guards, backed by city police, threatened
to throw Aubrey out of the stadium unless he relinquished his sign,
which he did under protest. The incident occurred during Game Two of
last year's World Series.
	Aubrey argues in his lawsuit that the stadium is a ``public forum''
where diverse messages are allowed, and officials may not single out a
particular sign simply because it is religious.
	Named as defendants were the city of Cincinnati, the Cincinnati Reds
and Burns International Security Services, which provided security at
Riverfront Stadium during the 1990 World Series.
	``Fans don't shed their First Amendment rights at the stadium door,''
said Rutherford Institute attorney James Knicely of Williamsburg, Va.,
who heads a team of four lawyers defending Aubrey.
	``A stadium is public property, and constitutional rights prevail
there just as they do in other public places.''
	The Rutherford Institute will be monitoring the 1991 World Series for
similar incidents of religious discrimination, Knicely said.
	In 1989, Knicely settled a similar case brought by the Rutherford
Institute against officials at RFK Stadium in Washington. That case was
brought on behalf of two men whose Bible signs were confiscated during
NFL games in 1984.
	In the settlement, stadium officials recognized the men's right to
display religious signs and agreed to pay legal fees. Also, CBS Sports
apologized in writing for its role in tearing down one man's ``John
3:16'' banner.

    	Giants Stadium did the same thing to our "Hoffa Knows End Zones"
    sign two years ago!  I'm calling Bucky B. right now and we're getting
    a lawyer!
    
    				/Don

I can see a couple of sides of this.

In terms of rights, I think the guy has the right to advertise or promote
whatever he wants. Free speech and all that. I also subscribe to his
right to flash his ideas on TV.

However, I do have a concern about his obstucting the view of others
who've also paid to watch the game. I'm not familiar with this case but
you see a lot of people with these signs that stand up and block others
view and generally impede their rights to enjoy the game.

TTom

    Censorship is always a dangerous issue. Where do you draw the line? One
    could argue about obscene messages, but a banner proclaiming "[visiting
    team] SUCKS!" Would probably get confiscated, yet this expression has
    made inroads on all levels of the American mainstream. 
    
    We always hear stories of fans with anti-management banners being harassed 
    by the Goon Squad. Didn't the Padres' GM get in a bunch of trouble
    (can't remember if he got fired or not) for giving the finger to fans
    with an uncomplimentary banner a few years ago? 
    
    Personally, I think these "John 3:16" and "Jesus Saves" people only go
    to these events to reach a wide audience with their message, not
    because they are genuine fans. It pissess me off that these people get
    the tickets, instead of REAL fans. Proof of this is at the soccer World Cup
    last year in Italy. The guy with the big mulit-colored afro was there
    with his John 3:16 sign. I doubt a lot of people in the stadium had a 
    clue what he was talking about. At least if it said GIOVANNI 3:16, some
    of the locals would have known. Yes, it would annoy the hell out of me
    if he was infront of me, blocking my view. Let 'em buy a bill board if
    they want to get their message out. Free speech is fine, but if it has
    nothing to do with the event, leave your sign home. Next thing you'll
    see is political signs if you let this slide...
    
    Tom

    I pretty much agree.  I've heard that this is an organized group of
    people that do this, not just anybody off the street.  Maybe that's how 
    they get all the good tickets.  They've also been doing this for at 
    least a decade.
    
    Mike

If it's OK to publicly "advertise" religion or religous belief, I guess
it's OK to publicy "advertise" against religion or religious belief. I
doubt if this same group would take up this cause. If they wouldn't it
makes them distinctly different than ACLU.

Just a thought.

TTom

    Let this group, no doubt well financed, buy some air time and advertise
    their views.  
    
    If the TV camera's simply stayed away from showing *all* banners during
    events, then these groups would stop doing it.
    
    "Jesus Saves!.....But Esposito Scores on the Rebound!"
    
    JD

    This group HAS to be well financed/connected just to get those kinds of
    tickets to every top sporting event. 
    
    The problem with the cameras staying away from ALL banners is that the 
    best way to get on TV is to mention the network or TV station,
    especially if it's a clever acronym. The networks love to toot their
    own horns and show that "the people" "love" a huge mega corporation,
    when in fact, all these people love is the chance to be on TV.
    
    Absolutely correct a few back about this group not supporting free
    speech if it comes to anti-religious messages at sports events. Say
    what you want about the ACLU, but they at least recognized that, as
    much as it pained them from a_ideological viewpoint, they HAD to
    support rights of Skinhead/Neo-Nazi/KKK/Jesse Helms to express their
    views.     
    
    Tom

    
     I whole heartedly agree.....  I really get fed up with this kind of 
    crap!!!  There are groups and organizations throught the contry and the
    world that make these guys pale by compairision.  The problem here is
    that only the fanatics will get out and do these things.  It's just
    like the Thomas nomination thing....  If you listen to the poles 93%
    of the black population supported his confirmation....  Well let me 
    tell you what...  not one of my minority friends thought it was good
    for the contry or their progress in equal rights.  I say ban anything
    that dosen't have to do with the event and let the rest pound sand !
    
    Big Game

Last year, after the big Ronnie Francis trade to Pittsburgh, when
Hartford fans were vehemently down on Richard Gordon and EJ,
Pittsburgh came into the Civic Center to play a game.  My brother went.


Tons of people brought banners.  The Civic Center folks, on 
orders of Whalers management were not allowing any banners, other than
the stupid little slogans the Booster Clob puts up.

My brother said that more than half the crowd was wearing Pittsburgh
jersies, most with Francis' number and name.  Never one did the TV
cameras pan the crowd, which was a first for that season....



Regarding censorship and views etc, a couple of replies back.
Yes, the ACLU seems to be cognizant of the fact that free speech really
applies to all individuals in the country regardless of the message.
Other places puport to support these types of things, yet they fail
miserably if the message isn't one they want to hear.

As an aside, I've long wondered, what with our Valuing Differences
policy and all, just how long a note written by a Neo-Nazi,KKK,White
Supremicist employee would allowed to sit unhidden, before nuclear
war started from personnel.   (Personally, I abhor the message from
those types of people, yet I would defend their right to say it)


And finally, as to the John 3:16 sign thing....  I suppose they have
a right to display their sign -- until displaying it interferes with
someone else's right to see the game....


Heavy issues though,
'Saw

    Anybody think they could get a message through to the 
    
    placard folks with a resuest to change their suggested reading
    
    list????
    
    I'm getting tire of the same ol' John 3:18 chapter!
    
    ;^)
    
    

    
     Religious fanaticism is one of the most dangerous things in 
    the world today......  Fanaticism in general tends to have 
    bad effects on society no matter what form it rakes, religious
    or otherwise.  Don't get me wrong,  I don't think these groups
    are fanatical by any stretch of the imagination but they do
    represent a movement in that direction by american society.
    I think the `Saw is wrong when he says "Heavey Issue's".  I 
    think SCARY is more like it !! censorship is not a good 
    thing, in fact it's very bad but fanaticism is worse. Especially
    that of the religious type.....  Just ask the poor people of the 
    middle eastern nations and for that matter Ireland as well.
    
    Big Game

    re .99
    
    Agreed, but to "censor" people from bringing religious messages from
    sporting events is not much different from the mods in here "censoring"
    us toward keeping the conversation sports-related. Religious messages
    are fine, but they have no bearing on the game at hand. If people want
    to have banners for players, teams, in the game, etc. fine, but getting
    the "word" out to the masses at a ball game that they should read the 
    bible is totally inappropriate.  
    
    Suppose the AmerIndian group had enough money and power to buy a huge
    block of tickets for the World Series and placed banners all over the
    park carrying their message. I think a lot of people would say (at
    the very best) "I can see their point, but this isn't the place. Watch 
    the game, or if you have no interest, let a real fan go in your place" 
    Next thing you know, you'll see political messages...
    
    Speaking of religous zealots....
    
    What do you get when you cross a Jehovah's Witness with a Biker?
    
    
    Someone who knocks on your door and tells you to F*&% Off!
    
    
    Couldn't resist
    
    Tom                                                  

    Re: fanaticism

    I think every form of that extreme is dangerous, even sports fanatics.
    The soccer tragedies in Europe are a prime example.

    Mike

     I wonder....  What is the policy in Denver around Banners..????
    I've been to many games and watch almost everyone on the Tele and
    really can't recall seeing the John:316 garbage in the stands.
    Oh well...  
    
    Big Game

 That's because 316 was Elway's SAT scores combined.....

 Management confiscates all signs so as not to hurt the Biff...

 mike

     Boy....   You're on a roll aren't you Mikey......  Guess
    it takes a `9er victory over the most over rated team in the
    NFL to get you pumped up !!!  Elway played well yesterday
    and I don't know of another QB in the league that couls have thrown
    that ball to Jackson.  
    
    Big Game

 The sorry part about that pass was/is how many times is Marty going to let
 Biff beat him with that across the field pass. Sheez I knew what was coming
 the minute Biff went to his left....

 stupidass defenders...

    Biff Is God !!!!
    
    God Is Great !!!!
    
    ;^)
    
    Big Game

    [forwardings removed]
    
                       THE IRVINE EIS ADMINISTRATION GROUP
                                 HOME-OFFICE PILOT  
                           October 1990 - January 1991
    
    
    SUMMARY AND BACKGROUND
    
    	In October 1990, the EIS Administration Group in Irvine, California 
    began a Pilot program enabling employees to work from home on a full- 
    time basis. Based on our successful experience during this four month 
    pilot, everyone who participated is now continuing to work from home on 
    a permanent basis.  Because of the great interest in Home Office 
    Management, the Administration group wanted to share its success with a 
    larger audience, allowing others the opportunity to learn from this 
    effort.
    
    
    RECOGNITION
    
         First of all, the support and encouragement from our management 
    helped make all of this possible.  The IS organization was also 
    instrumental in helping us with the logistics of communications set-up. 
    The Human Resources Organization encouraged us to publish this 
    document, followed our progress closely and provided good advice along 
    the way. 
    
    
    HOME OFFICE MANAGEMENT          
    
         Since first described by Jack Nilles in the 1970's as 
    Telecommuting, or working from a remote location (the employee's home 
    or a sattelite office of the organization) with the aid of 
    telecommunications tools (phone, computer, fax, etc.), both the name 
    and concept have undergone several changes.  Our definition of Home 
    Office Management is consistent with Digital's corporate strategy of 
    H.O.M.E (Home Office Management Effectiveness) which is being 
    implemented internally as well as being offered to customers on a fee 
    basis.  Home Office Management is the substitution of the employee's 
    dedicated cubicle or office for a personal office in the home.  It 
    provides for appropriate resources within a company facility for any 
    face to face work that is necessary.  An employee uses their home 
    office to do the kind of work that requires stretches of uninterrupted 
    time free of distractions, and uses space within a company facility to 
    do work which requires special equipment and information as well as 
    face to face interaction such as meetings, conferences, etc.
    
    
    WHY HOME-OFFICE?
    
    	There are many good reasons why it makes sense for some people to 
    work from home. In our particular case, several factors triggered our
    initial interest in the program.  Particular among these was wanting to 
    contribute to the reduction of air pollution, reducing expenses, and 
    minimizing employee stress. 
    
     	Approaching the year 2000 and living in Southern California means
    looking at the workforce and the workplace in a different light. 
    Freeway congestion and air pollution are well-known problems that we
    deal with on a daily basis. Three out of four in the Administration
    group spent anywhere from 30 minutes to, in excess of, one hour each 
    way driving to work. By getting us off the freeways we were personally 
    motivated to save wear and tear on ourselves and our automobiles. We 
    would also make a difference in Digital's commitments to the Southern 
    California Air Quality Management District's (AQMD) requirements.
    
    	By consolidating our individual work-spaces to a much reduced but
    functional common work-space, we would be able to off-load facility 
    space and save expense for Digital.
    
    	We had expectations of being able to concentrate better, be more
    productive and experience less stress when working from our homes.
    
    
    
    INITIAL CONCERNS
    
    	One of the main concerns was the potential social impact; would we 
    miss the personal contact with our coworkers? Would we be forgotten 
    because we would be less visible,  and might that impact our prospects 
    for future advancement into other positions? 
    
    
    
    THE PARTICIPANTS
    
    	The five participants included three EIS District Administrators, 
    their Manager (the author) and another individual contributor, the EIS 
    Resource Manager, who reports to the EIS Regional Business and 
    Operations Planning Manager. The District Administrators process 
    invoicing and revenue information and provide business support to the 
    EIS Districts, as well as Sales Support Groups. Administrators receive 
    their work on a weekly basis rather than daily. This factor made the 
    home-office concept possible in the first place. In addition to 
    managing the Administration group, I also provide business support for 
    the Software Business System (SBS) which involves a considerable amount 
    of time on the telephone. 
    
         The EIS Resource Consultant works with Unit and District Managers 
    to ensure that all EIS employees are fully utilized.  She also works 
    with vendors to acquire temporary consultants.  Her work involves a 
    great deal of time on the telephone, as many of her contacts are 
    located all over the country. 
    
    
    WORKING CONDITIONS AT HOME
    
    	Most participants have set up an office in a dedicated room in 
    their homes where they can close the door and leave work behind them at 
    night. Only files, reference materials, or any information that we are 
    working with currently is kept in the home office.  Everything else 
    stays at the Digital facility or is archived. Confidential trash goes 
    back to Digital for proper disposal. It is important to keep the same 
    sense of confidentiality in the home as one would in the office. 
    
         None of the participants have small children at home, although one 
    of the Administrators has two teen-agers.  This certainly involved some 
    adjustments on their part to get used to having Mom at home much of the 
    time.
    
    
    A TYPICAL HOME-OFFICE SETUP
    
    	Although, Home Office Management does not require that a computer 
    be in the home office, in our case a great portion of our work is done 
    by computer. In addition, participants have a modem, a terminal, and a 
    printer at home. The modem is a 2400 baud Scholar modem which, although
    slow, is quite acceptable. Each participant has two telephone lines, 
    one for the modem and one for business calls. Standard features need to 
    include "Call Waiting", "Call Forwarding", and "Circular Calling" which 
    allows us a 30% discount on calls placed within a certain radius of the 
    home, (i.e. between 15-41 miles.) Distance may vary according to the 
    individual vendor. 
    
    	In the home office environment we have found ourselves sitting for 
    longer periods of time than while in the office. (A testimony to the 
    ability to stay focused longer in this environment.)  An average 
    kitchen chair will not do the job. It is very important to have a chair 
    with enough support that can also adjust to the right height and angle 
    for the back.
    
    	Up until now we have managed quite well without fax machines or 
    answer-machines. We have each found a service nearby that accommodates 
    our needs for making copies or sending/receiving faxes. Depending on 
    each situation, however, it might be worthwhile investing in an 
    answer-machine, rather than utilizing the "Call Forwarding" feature of 
    the office telephone system.  A charge is incurred for any incoming 
    call that is forwarded, based on the distance and time for the call  
    being forwarded. 
    
    	Book-shelves, file-cabinets and desk space all need to be 
    considered basid upon the individual's particular job needs. I have a 
    built-in L-shaped desk that accommodates both reference books,  
    work-space, some files, and supplies.
    
    
    STARTUP COSTS
    
         The installation of a new telephone line cost approx. $150.00 and  
    $36.00 for the jack. We learned that you will save $150.00 if you 
    install both lines at the same time. A two-line instrument can be 
    obtained for somewhere around $65.00.
    
     	Everyone has been very flexible and creative in setting up their 
    office. As a result, minimum expense has been incurred. One of the 
    Administrators bargained at a swap-meet and got a desk for $45.00.
    
    	Once I learned to turn the printer and terminal off, as well as
    unplug the modem, as soon as I did not need them for a while, my 
    electricity bill only increased $5.00/month. Naturally my heating bill 
    went up during the winter, but that was more than offset by my savings 
    on clothing and gasoline expenses.
    
    
    IS IT REALLY POSSIBLE TO WORK FULL-TIME FROM HOME?
    
    	We found that four days a week is about as full-time as practical. 
    Once a week each employee picks up mail, does filing, and participates 
    in meetings at the Digital facility.  In this way a sense of belonging 
    to the Company is retained, something that is very important to us. We 
    all have found that our sense of belonging has not lessened. When we do 
    go into the office we look forward to it. Interestingly, there seems to 
    be a general feeling that when we do go in, we don't seem to get as 
    much done in comparison to working at home. The interruptions and the 
    spur-of-the-moment meetings that come about while in the office become 
    more noticeable now that we have better control of our time.
    
    
    HOW HAS HOME-OFFICE CHANGED THE WAY I MANAGE?
    
    	The main difference is that the majority of the interaction that 
    used to take place face to face is now handled over the telephone. I do 
    not feel any less informed or in-touch than I was when we were all 
    located together. The Administrators feel the same way. We continue to 
    get together in the office for staff meetings, con-calls or individual 
    meetings three to four times a month. This allows us to catch up as 
    necessary. I can easily measure the amount of work and get a sense for 
    workload by utilizing the many system reports that are at my disposal.  
    
    
    	One of the Administrators pointed out that any frustrations that a 
    manager might detect by observing an employee are not as readily seen 
    now. Instead, I must listen carefully when talking on the telephone to 
    see if I detect something other than a satisfied employee. The 
    employees miss the opportunity, now and then, to blow off steam to 
    their manager.  Instead, they must reach me by phone, which at times 
    does not allow an immediate contact.
    
     
    SUCCESS FACTORS
    
    	All of the employees that are involved in this program are 
    self-motivated and dedicated, and they like what they do. Furthermore, 
    they have all been in the position long enough allowing them to operate 
    quite independently. As manager(s) and employees we already had a good 
    relationship, with trust established, before we set out to work from 
    home.
    
    	The work itself is very structured and contained within a frame of 
    deadlines.  This allows me to manage through results and not have the 
    need for anyone to be in plain sight and supervised at all times. The 
    system will tell, or the clients we support will, if we do not perform.
    
    	As previously mentioned, the support from our management and 
    various external groups helped make this possible. We held biweekly 
    Home-Office meetings during the Pilot to discuss learnings, work 
    through any obstacles and share the latest information regarding 
    telecommunications. Human Resources, Facilities, and IM&T attended. The 
    IS people did us a number of favors when we ran into problems with a 
    modem or a keyboard.  They were great.  Telecommunications keep us 
    informed of the latest developments and what various networks we might 
    be able to use.
    
    
    CLIENT REACTION
    
    	During the Pilot we did not inform our clients that our work 
    location had changed.  Most clients are remote anyhow, and we continued 
    to direct them to the voice-mail telephone number in the Digital 
    office.  We picked up our messages frequently enough to avoid any 
    delays.  As it turned out, no one noticed the difference.  We did this 
    in order not to bias the clients one way or another.  Once we decided 
    to permanantly move to a home office arrangement and announced this, we 
    received only one negative reaction from one Unit Manager.  He was not 
    sure that it would be such a good idea.  When informed that his 
    Administrator had been working from home for the prior four months, and 
    asked if he had noticed any difference, he indicated that he had not. 
    He has not experienced any problems since, either. 
    
    	When new business numbers were given out so we could be reached 
    directly at home, some callers appeared to feel a little awkward.  They 
    would apologize for calling us at home, as if we were were not "at 
    work". We matter-of-factly told them that there was no need to 
    apologize.  On occasion, I suspected that there might have been some 
    cynicism there.  Was there possibly some resentment that we were 
    working at home, but they were not?  With time, however, those comments 
    seem to have ceased.
    
    
    PARTICIPANT REACTION
    
    	Initially, only two of the participants were outright enthusiastic 
    about the idea of changing the working arrangement.  Two were neutral 
    and one was quite skeptical.  In order to overcome these initial 
    concerns participation was made completely voluntary with everyone 
    having the option to return to working from the office at any time. 
    Everyone stayed in the program, though, and all realize how much sense 
    it makes to do this. The group now wonders why we did not do it sooner.  
    We had not imagined that our jobs would be so well suited to working 
    from home. Once we tried it we realized how well it worked.
    
    	Overall, employees have reported reduced stress, improved sense of
    well-being and a feeling of more control of their work-day. Generally 
    speaking, we have greater flexibility to choose when we want to be 
    interrupted. That allows for better concentration and enables us to be 
    more efficient. In certain areas I have seen tasks accomplished sooner, 
    which has enabled us to spend time in other areas previously neglected. 
    We can now take time to think and plan, not just react and fend off the 
    interruptions.  
    
    	Overall, I believe that our quality of life has improved. I 
    purchased a new home a year ago, and now have two more hours in the day 
    to enjoy it.  One of the administrators is currently having some major 
    remodeling done to her home.  Rather than having to leave work for some 
    emergency, she is able to deal with that without major disruption in 
    her work day.  Many other examples of how Home Office has positively 
    impacted this group readily come to mind.
      
    
    SOME DO'S AND DON'TS.
    
    	It is important to make the distinction between work time and 
    personal time and between work life and personal life.  Initially, 
    employees made the mistake of making that "quick call" to the East 
    Coast before getting dressed.  The next time they looked up it might be 
    11:00 A.M. and they were still in their bathrobe.  One employee tended 
    to lose track of time in the middle of the day and often neglected 
    taking lunch.  It is much easier to lose a sense of time when those 
    traditional business cues are not present to remind us that we are "at 
    work".  
    
    	Some employees found it tempting to sneak a little extra time at 
    the terminal after dinner or during the week-end. Others found the 
    regrigerator just a bit too convenient.  These are other examples of 
    the need to create clear boundries and rituals which allow one to 
    consciously separate "homework" behavior from home behavior. 
        
    
    
    Unknowns.
    
    	We have not had the experience of working in this manner with a new 
    employee. When that time comes, I foresee a transition period, whereby 
    the initial training is done while in the office and then, gradually, 
    the new employee spends more and more time on his or her own and 
    working from home. 
    
    
    Technology.
    
    	Residential telephone lines are not capable of keeping the network 
    free from disturbances. There are good days and there are bad days. 
    Some days require dialing in to the system over and over, because of 
    interference on the screen sometimes causing the terminal to "freeze 
    up."  The solution might be for the telephone company put in local 
    loops so that they can identify where there might be a problem.  It is 
    not enough to have them check the wiring from the pole to the house, 
    though they might try to get away with doing just that. So, there is 
    some aggravation.
    
    	There are only so many modems that we can dial into. We encounter 
    busy signals, no answer, or getting dropped in the middle of a session.  
    When dialing back in, a busy signal is often encountered.   So we do 
    something else and try later. If conditions are so bad, or if the 
    system is down, employees may go into a satellite office nearer to 
    their home and find a place to work for the day.  
    
    	Two of the participants dial in to the system locally. The
    rest of the group (3) incur toll-call charges. We are looking forward 
    to some improvements in this area whereby we would have local Timenet
    access and would utilize 9600 baud modems. we are constantly attempting 
    to find ways to reduce costs and improve efficiency.
    
    	We would also benefit from having DTN access in the home.  This 
    would allow employees the advantage of Digital's long distance rates to 
    reduce our expenses.
    
    
    Recommendations:
    
    	There is no doubt that the benefits of Home Office Management to 
    the company and the employee far outweigh any drawbacks when all is 
    working as it should.  Should performance problems occur, it may well 
    mean that the employee in question and the manager go back into the 
    office for some time until the problems have been resolved.  For this 
    reason and for the orientation of new employees there should always be 
    some type of workspace available in the office; even if it involves 
    sharing. 

IT'S NOT FUN AND GAMES ANYMORE...IT FIGURES
    
reprinted without premission from the Pittsburgh Press
Thursday 11-7-1991

By 

Gene Collier

	Occasionally, this column is accused of being whiny and even grim, but
only because it is  occasionally whiny and even grim.  We get other complaints,
too, but most of these we dismiss as legitimate concerns expressed by informed
readers with nothing better to do than help us improve the product while 
expecting not so much as a thank-you in return.
	Don't you hate people like that?????
	Generally, though, we endeavor to serve no whine before its time.
	Guess what????/    IT'S TIME!!!
	It seems like here in the sports department, all our toys are broken. 
They're cracking at the seams or their batteries are dead or several dozen of
their several million moving parts are missing or somebody spiiled
retro-mutagent ooze all over them.  Or something.
	We're supposed to be having great sinful gobs of fun over here, and
although watching and writing about games and players is still enormously
preferable to actual work, there are just some weeks when you want to name the
word processor "Lucille" and join B.B. King on the road.
	Yesterday, I'm sitting in here all day and half the night, often
brushing right up against actual work, waiting for the National Hockey League's
Board of Governors to rule on the inpending sale of the Penguins.  Now although
this tension might tittilate somebody on the business desk, or for that matter
anyone with even a cursory financial or business sense, it only reminds me that
all I know about the Board of Governors is that I'm bored of governors.
	Bored of lawyers, agents, lawyer agents, agents for lawyers, lawyers
for agents, vice presidents, general counsels, chairmen of the boards, chief
executive officers, marketers, merchandizers, spin doctors, aftercare
coordinators, brokers, mavericks, general managers, managers in general,
arbitrators and other purveyors to be named later.
	The Penguins aren't Mario and Ulfie anymore, they're Baldwin and
Belzbourg and J. Paul Martha and Spectacor II: The Heretic.
	The Pirates inspire more angst in their off-season than passion in
their in-season.
	The Steelers aren't nearly as depressing as Don King, but only because
nobody is.
	Pitt's Panthers are clawing each other in the night.
	But as they say at those great whine and cheese parties, "One whine 
at a time, Muffy."
	I suppose the major whine, the Coors Light CNN/USA Today Northwest
Airlines Whine of the Week has to do with money, and the extent to which money
has to permeate your consciousness to allow you to be even more conversant in
sports anymore.
	Identify the following"
		
		* $25 million for five years.

	Right, the amount Bobby Bonilla will supposedly get in the free agent
market.

		* $16.8 million for four years.

	Right again, the Pirates' best offer.

		* $31 million
		
	Right again, the sale price of the Penguins.

		*$24 million

	Right again, the price Spectacor paid to lease the Civic Arena.

		* $7 million

	Right again, the total still-prospective Penguins owner Howard Baldwin
at one point hoped to raise by liquidating certain "assets".

	You're awfully good at this.
	On to the next round.

		* $100 million

	Right again, the amount any of several dozen women can sue Mike Tyson
for transgressions beginning with his classic righht to the buttocks.
	You're unbelievable,  Try this one:

		* $13,415,928

	Ha, you know-nothing.  That's the amount in compensation somebody paid
the Cleveland Indians to play "baseball" last summer.  They only lost 105
games. Very reasonable.
	Even before we got to that figure, you had to admit that incessant
moneyspeak is depressing.  I know money talks, but in sports it never shuts up. 
For someone whose eyes glaze over at the mention of any amount more than
$100--except, of course, for mention of my own $700,000 salary--it has been
kind of a hazy week.
	But, hey, it's not your problem.
	In fact, let's end this on the upbeat.
	Aren't you glad that Don King had the chance to clear his name this
week by categorically denying that he had ties to organized crime?? You bet.  I
mean, imagine, a guy who virtually runs a sport like boxing, which stages its
biggest events in casinos in Las Vegas, Nev. and Atlantic City, NJ. tied to
organized crime.
	I mean, come on people.
	You talk about a witch hunt.
	Boy, am I glad that's over.



JaKe

	
	

    
>	The Steelers aren't nearly as depressing as Don King, but only because
>       nobody is.
    
    Gene Collier once again proves he should be a national columnist.
    
    	--dan'l
    

    The Sports Marketing Group of Dallas has released the results of a
    survey which lists the 114 most popular sports in America.  The
    interviews were supposedly conducted in over 2,060 homes located in
    over 175 areas of the United States.  Participants were asked to give
    positive, negative or neutral opinions of 114 specific sports "of a
    spectatorship and viewership nature" and the frequency of participation
    in 71 sports.
    
    I don't have the entire survey.  I just read about it in an article
    published in "Rugby".  Here are the results cited by the article.
    
    1.  NFL Football
    2.  NCAA Football
    3.  Winter Olympics
    4.  Summer Olympics
    5.  Major League Baseball
    30.  Pro Wrestling
    31.  Tractor Pulls
    66.  Australian Rules Football
    75.  World Cup Soccer
    76.  Arm Wrestling
    102.  American Gladiators
    103.  Rugby
    104.  Fencing
    114.  Squash 

    So where's college BBall?

�    So where's college BBall?
    
    Like I said, that's all the info I have.  The article I read didn't
    reproduce the entire survey results.

    Tractor pulls at #31??
    Must be a whole lot a DD's droolin' out there. Cripes!
    
    MikeL
    

    Scary, ain't it Mike?  Based on these results, fishing probably made
    the top 10 and the lumberjack contests were probably in the top 50.

    Mac and Mike -
    
    It's even worse for track fans like myself.  Track was something like
    130th or so.  Even though part of the Summer Olympics draw would have
    to be considered Track and field.
    
    I saw the whole list somewhere.  Simply amazing.  Auto racing = all
    types - was up there.  Fishing.  Hunting.  Water Skiing.  
    
    Tractor Pulling - 30th...that says it all.
    
    JD

       Hay!1 Wares Monstr TRUX!!!1?
                                             Denny
    

    	Hey what's wrong with tractor pulls.  At least the tractors
    aren't on steroids.
    
    				/Don

    Yea, Slash, but the spectators are all a bunch a hemorrhoids
    
    MikeL
    
    
    
    

    
    
    As I recall from a rec.sport.hockey discussion, hockey was 41st!
    Amazing.
    
    
    Charlie

    
>   As I recall from a rec.sport.hockey discussion, hockey was 41st!
>   Amazing.
    
    Yeah, Charlie, but that's because the NHL's credibility (if not 
    hockey's) really is hovering around that of boxing, pro wrestling,
    tractor pull and the like...
    
    glenn
    
    

    Too bad the entire list isn't shown.  I was wondering whether or not
    Groin Pull was ahead or behind Tractor Pull.  Since Squash is last,
    then Tomato musta come ahead of it.
    
    lEe

    
    
    NHL credibility is low, I agree.  But, for me, the game itself easily
    transcends the fighting, the officiating, the owners, and the 
    administration in the NHL.  Fastest game on earth (jai alai doesn't
    count; the ball moves faster, the players move slower).  I don't
    care about credibility when the game is on.
    
    Plus, college hockey and highschool hockey and women's league hockey
    and whatever hockey league the little 5 year olds are in that skates 
    before the DEC league all have complete credibility.  Those games are
    fun to watch too.
    
    IMHO
    Charlie

>         <<< Note 97.82 by CAM::WAY "Call her up on the spank line" >>>
>
>So do me, ML
>
>(by the time he reads this I'll have a three state head start ;^))
    
    You're probably right! :-)
    
    Response is MUCH better today, thanks so much for your prompt
    attention! :-)
    
    ML

    An informed public is a healthy public(or some BS like that), and in
    keeping with my NEW tradition of helping people stay informed, I
    thought this would be a good place to put this informative, yet
    entertaining, article that was originally printed in last Sunday's
    Pittsburgh Press.
    
    
    
			INTERNAL COMBUSTION
    
from The Pittsburgh Press, 3-15-1992
By  Marlene Parrish

	Ok. wipe that smurk off your face.  Though the topic of flatulence may
result in a veritable eruption of crude comments, it is a common byproduct of
eating various foods.  Here are some facts on a problem that is with us from
birth until death.

	Did you ever have an uncle ask you to pull his finger?  The resulting
explosion is guaranteed to set off ripples of giggles from the youngsters.  Say
"beans, beans, the musical fruit" and almost anybody on the street can finish
the rhyme.
	Though the subject isn't one that most of us talk about, the truth is
that all of us have some gas in our intestinal tracts.  You can call it gas,
bloating, or indigestion, or use the common four letter word for passing gas,
but the correct medical term is flatulence.
	Flatulence may be a common complaint, but it's also a confirmation that
your digestive system is healthy.  These days you can't pick up a newspaper or
magazine without reading an article about the virtues of eating more fiber. 
And low-fat, high carbohydrate diets wuickly have become a key element in our
ongoing search for a healthier, longer life.  But the "internal combustion"
that often accompanies these foods is enough to make even the most avid
vegetarian or carbo-loading athlete dread going out in public after eating.
	Who knows how scientists measure this, but normal healthy people eating
ordinary foods release a quart or more of gas from below each day.  That's
about 15 to 25 expulsions of varying magnitude.  Anything over that is air
pollution.  When a vulnerable person eats gaseous food, gas production can
soar.

A NORMAL CONDITION
------------------

	When human beings were designed millions of years ago, there were few
confining walls, so gas wasn't the social problem it's turned out to be. 
Today, the complaint of "too much gas" is one of the leading problems brought
to doctors who specialize in bowel diseases.
	"Gas in the lower bowel is a normal human condition and it's never
killed anyone, but that's about the best that can be said about it," says Dr.
Robert D. Fusco, a gastroenterologist at the Sewickley Medical Association. 
"Millions of people spend too much time worrying about foods they shouldn't eat
and noises they shouldn't make.  Gas isn't dangerous.  Its worst consequence
might be embarrassment.  Everyone has intestinal gas.  The newborn infant is
gasless until its first breath, after which air begins to appear progressively
down the digestive tract.  Gas, like sin, is with us until death."
	Where does gas come from??  
	"The two main sources of gas are swallowed air and gases that are
produced within the intestine," says Fusco.  "Some people swallow airt when
eating or drinking.  Carbonated drinks contribute, too.  Most of the swallowed
air is belched.  But many foods produce gas during the digestive process."
	Among the most common gas generators are dried beans and peas,
broccoli, cabbage, carrots, celery, onions, apples, bananas, grapes, bran,
high-fiber cereals and, suprisingly, bland white wheat products like bagels,
pretzels and pasta.

HOW GAS IS PRODUCED
-------------------

	All these foods contain cellulose and other compounds that chemists
call complex sugars.  But don't think of them as sweet.  They're not completely
digestable, so they go through our systems as fiber.  When they reach the small
intestine, bacteria attack and ferment them, producing gas as a byproduct.
	If dietary fiber is so important, couldn't we just nibble on twigs??
After all, if termites can feast on wood, why can't we??  It's all a matter of
enzymes, those body chemicals that help things happen.  Termites have an enzyme
that helps them digest cellulose.  Humans, unfortunately, don't.  Gas is one
result.
	Adds Dr. Wayne Peternel, chief of the division of gastroenterology at
Mercy Hospital:  "We used to think that carbohydrates like dried beans and peas
were the major culprits.  But in recent years, it's become appreciated that all
grains are poorly absorbed.  Rice is the least offensive.
	"Patients come to me complaining that they have gas, and they think
something is wrong.  Many of them are simply embarassed.  After evaluation for
the presence of any organic disease, we take a diet history.  If there is no
disease present, we suggest dietary management."
	there's no hard evidence, but its generally believed that people
produce more gas as they get older.

LACTOSE INTOLERANCE
-------------------

	In addition to swallowed air and undigested complex sugars, people also
get gas because they have difficuylty digesting milk and milk products, a
condition that is known as lactose intolerance, says Peternel.  He warns that
the effect of eating these foods is highly individual, so don't assume that
someone else's reaction will be yours.  Gas may be more of a problem for people
who eat beans infrequently.  Regular consumers of dry beans and high-fiber
diets, such as begetarians, may find that the body adapts to minimize the
problem of flatulence.
	Both doctors agree that fiber should be added to the diet gradually, to
give the intestinal bacteria time to adapt to THEIR new diet.  They also agree
that eliminating gas-producing foods completely from the diet is not
advisabel--not only because it is impractical, but it would mean missing out
on too many nutrients that are recognized as reducing the risk of heart disease
and cancer.
	More than 99% of gas from below is made up of odorless vapors--carbon
dioxide, nitrogen, oxygen, hydrogen, and methane.  There are traces of such
horrid gases as hydrogen sulfide, however, that give odor and character to the
flatus.  These gases are so pungent that people can detect them at levels of
one half part per billion parts of air.
	Methane, hydrogen and hydrogen sulfide are flammable.  Fraternity boys
have for years ignited their emissions, but it's more than a party trick.  A
simple experimant, too obvious to describe, will show that when a lighted match
is placed in the vicinity of the eruption, one can see a flutter of activity
around the flame, and the odor disappears instantly.

MANNERLY QUESTIONS
------------------

	Because flatulence is unpleasant, it may well be the last taboo to be
brought into the open.  Judith Martin, who writes the syndicated column "MISS
MANNERS,"  doesn't make it any easier.
	Pain and agony not withstanding, she says that passing gas--or even
worse, making a noise while doing so--is simply unacceptable.  "There are
noises that are acknowledged by neither the noisemaker nor the noise recipient,
because socially they do not exist," she says.
	"Many subjects are socially unacceptable, and most of them have to do
with the body," says Mark King, a psychologist at the University of Pittsburgh.
	"Other cultures are freer about talking about bodily functions such as
gas.  And in our society, men seem to deal with the problems bettrer than
women.  Anyone who has attended a stag party or seen the movie "Blazing
Saddles" might agree.  Women might as well lighten up and tolerate this
necessary function."

ANTI-GAS PRODUCTS
-----------------

	But can anything be done to minimize gas??
	Various over-the-counter products are available, but with varying
degrees of success.  One type claims to break up bubbles in the stomach. 
Another contains charcoal, which absorbs gas.  A substance called simethicone
is the basis of many "anti-gas" products on the market, usually combined with
an antacid, but there is some disagreement about its effectiveness.
	And now there is Beano, a new product that has become very popular
since its introduction two years ago.  Its a natural source food enzyme that
works to prevent the production of gas from gassy foods.  The enzyme acts
specifically on the complex sugars in foods, making them more digestible and
less likely to cause bloating and flatulence.  The manufacturer says Beano will
not affect fiber or interfere with its benefits in any way.  
	Beano has a slight soy sauce flavor, and it's easy to use.  You just
add 3 to 8 drops to the first spoonful of gassy food that's to be eaten.  
	There's a solution to your pet's gas problems, too: a product called
CurTail.  The manufacturer claims that there are no side effects with either
product.
	For a free sample of Beano, call 1-800-257-8650 during business hours
weekdays.

NATURAL SOLUTIONS
-----------------

	Other cultures have dealt with the problem of gas in a variety of
natural ways.
	An increase of yogurt and buttermilk in the diet increases friendly
bacteria in the colon and is said to "sweeten" the gas.  Lemon juice and
vinegar aid in breaking down cellulose.
	Herbs such as anise, fennel, caraway and peppermint, called
carminatives, stimulate digestion by increasing the secretion of gastric juices
while decreasing the action of digestive bacteria.
	Many after-dinner cordials contain these herbs in alcoholic solutions. 
Familiar ones are anisette and Creme De Menthe.

    This is one of my favorite articles of all time...
    
    
    

                <<< VISA::USER:[NOTES$LIBRARY]JOYOFLEX.NOTE;1 >>>
                              -< The Joy of Lex >-
================================================================================
Note 124.0                         On Farting                          3 replies
BABEL::SAVAGE                                       291 lines   9-DEC-1985 15:53
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

                          **************

  The following article (slightly abridged by me) was written by 
  Michael Kimball an elementary school music teacher from Maine, and
  first appeared in the summer of 1982, in a magazine called the "The
  CoEvolution Quarterly."  I know not of the exact whereabouts of the
  author or the editor (having been simply handed a faded photocopy by
  person unknown) so I haven't tried to get permission for this
  distribution.  The text is very long for this file, so you should
  'extract' before reading: 
                          
                          **************

      '...[the] piece you're reading is a strong candidate for the 
  definitive modern work on intestinal gas and its socio-scientific 
  place in the world.

  'Fart, itself, is considered vulgar and unacceptable by our diction-
  aries.  Flatulence, an acceptable word, is defined: "The presence of
  excessive gas in the digestive tract."  But who cares about it, 
  really, when it's still in the body?  The word flatulent is an
  adjective describing the condition of having excessive gas in the 
  digestive tract.  Flatus, gas generated in the stomach or intestine, 
  is another noun.

  '...here's an excerpt from a letter defending the word fart, a 
  breath of fresh air as it were, written by a Dr. Robert J.L. Waugh 
  to the New England Journal of Medicine: "...such awkward phrases as
  passed flatus or excreted gas are always used in instead of farted.
  And a fart - as a noun - can be visualized on X-ray."

  '...others in the medical profession, would-be etymologists...
  weren't quite ready to accept the verb/noun fart.  One suggestion
  for a better verb was crepitate.  Now, crepitate means literally, 
  "a creaking or rattling sound," and may be fitting, albeit conde-
  scending, for older folks; but it's certainly not the universal verb
  we need.  How about exogust?  Actually, that's not a bad noun, but 
  it makes a fairly awkward verb.  Boomerate?  A good British-type verb
  for a certain genre of fart, but overstated in most cases.  

  A logical entry was flatulate; the only drawback is the pomposity of
  its three syllables (or four, as in, "Who flatulated?").  Another  
  one was B.M. burp.  I hate that one.  It's lewd and it's tasteless. 
  Exmeteorate?  Sounds like what Jor-El used to do before Krypton 
  exploded.  Then there was gaseous intestinal discharges, and an 
  entry from Harvard Medical School for deflate as both "pleasing to 
  the ear and etymologically satisfying."  Not bad, but we might stop
  and consider the reputations of balloons and tires.  And, finally,
  someone humorously suggested the term flatus advance by rectal 
  transport, or its acronym, FART.

  Fart, for me, says it all.  It's derived from the Greek word perdix,
  meaning partridge, a bird that makes a sharp, whirring sound when 
  flushed.  The root, perd, easily changed to pherd, then to the more
  staccato Germanic fertan, then to fartan in Old English, and finally 
  to its present refinement, fart.

  Fart is unpretentious, simple, and above all, onomatopoetically 
  right on target - especially here in New England, where a dialec-
  -tical pronunciation is closer to faaht, which is pretty darn close
  to the real sound (a little off target west of the Mississippi;
  though, not even native Californians roll the R when they farrt).

  The dead bullseye, onomatopoetically speaking, of course, is the 
  children's word poop, from the noun poopyhorn.  This is easily
  demonstrated by tightly pursing the lips and expelling a short burst
  of wind through them.  Society, however, chooses to leave poop
  behind in the nursery of baby words such as doo-doo, pee-pee, 
  bum-bum, nay-nay, and mousie-with-(or without)-the-hat.

  Fart also tops all other countries in onomatopoetics.  In Russia, 
  you don't fart, or even poop.  You {word with eighteen Cyrillic 
  characters}, and if that's onomatopoetically satisfying, it must be
  physically jarring.  In Germany you furz...  A fart in Italy is 
  flato...  In Paris, they pet, a neat little verb, when you think 
  about it - pet - well fitted to the cosmopolitan Parisian and to the
  villager alike.

  It's no surprise, really, that France would be right up there 
  contending in fart linguistics.  After all, she gave the world Le
  Petomane, the greatest exponent of the "pet" that ever lived.  Le
  Petomane (his real name was Joseph Pujol) rose to fame and fortune 
  on the stage of the Moulin Rouge in late nineteenth century Paris,
  where at the height of his unusual career he was earning more than
  double the box office of his celebrated contemporary, Sarah 
  Bernhardt.  Pujol's remarkable talent was his ability to inhale and
  exhale fresh air through his anus, an odorless performance of music,
  mimicry, and other dubious feats such as blowing out candles from 
  two feet away.  (Naturally, if his gusts were gaseous, he would have
  torched the people in the good seats.)

  Decked out in a red coat, white bow tie, and gloves, and sporting 
  black satin breeches, Pujol's most popular routines were his amazing
  imitations: "The one...a little girl...; this...the mother-in-law;
  this...the bride on her wedding night; this...the dressmaker tearing
  two yards of calico" (a ten second rip that was reportedly an 
  uncanny imitation).  Other standards in his popular routine were, of
  course the sounds of thunder and ("Gunners, stand by your guns! 
  Ready - fire!") canons.

  Le Petomane not withstanding, humans have taken remarkably few 
  strides through the ages in understanding, let alone accepting,
  the fart.  Way back in 400 B.C. Hippocrates wrote in his Book of
  Prognostics: "It is best when wind passes without noise, but is it 
  better that flatulence should pass even thus than it should be 
  retained; and when a man does pass thus, it indicates either that 
  the man is pain or delirium, unless he give vent to the wind spon-
  taneously."  Delirium?  Perhaps that is why, even 2000 years later,
  proper Victorian ladies would swoon dramatically if an audible fart
  sneaked out past the rustling of their bustles.

  Insanity and drunkenness have also been singled out.  In Chaucer's
  Canterbury Tales, the miller claims, "First, I want to declare that
  I am drunk; I know it from the noise I'm making...."  And in 1577
  another Englishman, Hugh Rhode, wrote in his Booke of Nurture and 
  Schoole of Goode Manners: "Be not lowde where you be, not at the 
  table where you syt; Some men will deems thee dronken, mad, or else
  to lack thy wit."

  Inevitably, the lowly fart became the object of breezy underground 
  satire.  In 1722, in the tenth edition of anonymous author's pamphlet,
  The Benefit of Farting Explained, was printed, "Wrote in Spanish by
  Don Fart in Hando, translated into English by Obadiah Fizle."  And
  Mark Twain, in 1890, wrote a privately printed parody which was 
  dubbed by fans "A Fart in Queen Elizabeth's Court."

  The eighteenth and nineteenth centuries, indeed, proved dark years 
  for the fart, knocking it down the social ladder to the bottom rungs
  of acceptance.  It had become the object of street slang and 
  derision.  A parasite was now called a fart-sucker;  one's footman 
  or valet, his fart-catcher.  Trousers were your farting crackers.  
  In Ireland, your jaunting car was a farting-trap, probably a sly dig
  to the horse that pulled it.  And if the horse became restless and
  began walking in circles, he was "like a fart in a colander" - that
  is, until the later part of the nineteenth century; then he was 
  "like a fart in a bottle."  If you "couldn't trust your arse with a 
  fart" you had diarrhea, same as if you "let a brewer's fart, grains
  and all."

     . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

  It wasn't until 1976 that serious attention was finally given to the
  fart.  In Minneapolis, a Dr. Michael D. Levitt, professor of 
  medicine at the University of Minnesota Hospital and Associate Chief
  of Research of the Minneapolis Veterans Administration (and probably
  the world's leading authority on the fart), was contacted by a 
  28-year old man who complained that his excessive gas was ruining 
  his sex and social lives.  Dr. Levitt and his associates took the 
  man's case and in the process of treating him made several important
  observations concerning the fart, which they detailed in a paper 
  entitled "Studies of a Flatulent Patient" (New England Journal of 
  Medicine, July 29, 1976).

  In the article, the doctors pointed out that the fart is composed of 
  five gases:  hydrogen, carbon dioxide, methane (methane is inexplic-
  ably produced by only a third of the population, and it is this lucky 
  group that has floating feces), and smaller amounts of oxygen and 
  nitrogen.  The oxygen and nitrogen accumulate in the intestines when
  air is swallowed, while hydrogen, carbon dioxide, and methane are 
  produced in the large intestine as the body's last resort in its 
  digestive process....
  Undigested foods...are [mostly] complicated sugars that cannot be 
  absorbed by the small intestine, such ... sugars [are] found in
  cabbage, radishes, and apples;  it is the bacteriological breakdown
  of these sugars in the large intestine which produces gas, giving us
  the fart, with all its thrust and characteristic odor.

  The doctors found further that the average 28-year old man farts 14
  (plus or minus 5.6) times a day, quite a bit less that the unfortu-
  nate man who originally contacted Dr. Levitt.  By his own flatograph-
  ic estimates, he had been averaging 35 farts daily for two years.  
  Dr. Levitt performed a flatoanalysis of the man's gas and found it 
  was 70 percent hydrogen, indicating intraluminal production (that is,
  produced by the lower intestine).  Sugar was the suspect, specifically
  the lactose found in milk.  So to test that suspicion, the patient 
  was ordered to drink nothing but milk for two days.  Sure enough, on
  the second day he nearly exploded, farting an incredible 141 times,
  including a four-hour roll of 70 blasts, a probable world record!

  Bizarre as it may seem, surgical patients with gas actually run the
  risk of exploding.  Anyone who has ever struck a match to a fart can
  testify to its flammable properties, but when the gas is hydrogen,
  trapped in an intestine, look out.  Dr. Levitt tells of a surgeon 
  who was cauterizing a rectal polyp on a patient when a spark touched
  off the patient's intestinal gas.  The explosion blew the doctor   
  backward into the wall, jammed the patient's head into the table, 
  and ripped open six inches of his colon.  Fortunately, the doctor
  recovered and patient survived.

  You may ask why do I fart more than my neighbor?  Certainly the food 
  you eat and the way you eat it are the two major contributors to 
  farting.  If you are an air swallower - if you gulp your food and 
  drink, or take a breath before each swallow, or if you drink from a
  bottle - you will fart more.  Carbonation and chewing gum will also
  put more air into the fart, hence, more fart into the air.

  The lactose in milk can cause lots of gas in people without enough 
  of the enzyme lactase to break it down.  Other foods which are known 
  gas producers are bran, onions, cucumbers, raisins, cauliflower, 
  lettuce, coffee, and dark beer.  And, of course, the infamous baked 
  bean, which contains the indigestible sugars called trisaccharides.

  Look, if you really want a fartless bean, all you have to do is 
  remove the trisaccharides.  Simply soak the beans for at least three
  hours and drain off the water before cooking.  That'll do it, mostly,
  but for extra fart-free beans, keep changing the water the beans are
  boiling in.  The only problem with this method is that along with 
  removing the gas, you will be removing some nutrients....

  But why do all that to the baked beans in the first place?  
  Everybody farts, right?  ...why the secrecy?  Why the taboo?  Why 
  does society officially not believe in farts?  Why, for heaven's 
  sake, in Emily Post's Etiquette, is there never a mention of passing
  gas?

  It would have been an easy task for her to offer some rules for 
  flatulence;  simply by taking a cue from Steve ("Mind if I smoke? 
  No, mind if I fart?") Martin, and substituting fart for smoke (or
  cigarette) in Chapter 64 of Etiquette, "For Those Who Smoke" becomes
  a workable code of gastric behavior.  For Example:

      FOR THOSE WHO FART

  o  One may not fart in a church or during any religious service or
     ceremonial proceedings.

  o  One may not fart in a sickroom unless the patient himself is 
     farting or unless he specifically says his visitor is welcome to
     fart.

  o  Good taste still forbids farting by a woman on a city street.  It
     should be unnecessary to say that no one should think of farting 
     or lighting a fart when dancing.

  o  Farting is still forbidden on local buses and on some coaches on 
     the railroad.  These cars are clearly marked "No Farting."

  o  Farting is permitted in the mezzanine or loge seats in some movie
     houses, but never in the main orchestra.

  o  Farting is forbidden in most museums, although some have 
     designated areas where it is allowed.

  o  Legitimate theaters do not allow farting in the theater proper.
     It is usually allowed in the outer lobby, and those who wish to 
     fart during the intermission go there to do so.  It is perfectly
     correct for a man who wishes to fart to leave a lady who doesn't,
     but he should hurry back, and not leave her too frequently.

  o  In private situations when there might be some objection, before
     lighting your fart, always ask, "Do you mind if if I fart?"  If 
     there is any in the reply, do your best to refrain from farting 
     until you leave.

  o  A man should light a woman's fart if he is close to her, but not
     if he is on the other side of the table or if it would be awkward
     in any way.

   
  Not bad.  Aside from the obvious gender double-standard, pretty 
  sensible advice, wouldn't you say?  Too bad she missed the boat.  
  Well, I didn't.  We're in the eighties now, a time of radical 
  conformity, and it's high time people had a little farting etiquette,
  so here it is.  Cut this section out and tape it to your refrigera-
  tor, 'cause it's official - and it's modern!

  
  A WHOLISTIC APPROACH TO ANAL-GASTRO-SOCIAL SYSTEMS

  1  Fart is an acceptable verb and noun.

  2  It is generally appropriate to fart in the presence of one's 
     friends and/or immediate family, so long as the area is 
     ventilated.

  3  When in the company of those other than close friends or family,
     simply move to an open ventilated part of the room, fart and say,
     "Excuse me" or if you prefer, "Canadian geese."

     Never fan the fart back at the others unless specifically asked to 
     do so.

  4  It is often unnecessary to comment on the volume, timbre, pitch,
     and or olfactory strength of your fart unless someone else 
     comments.

  5  There is little to be said for the rascal who farts in close 
     proximity to an infant emerging from the womb or a person on his
     deathbed.

  6  It is seldom necessary to fart into the telephone.
    

    You guys are heading for ph.d's in proctology. Youns Pittsburghese
    must be anal-retentive.
    
    And if youns need new career, with your knowldege of anti-flatulence,
    sell Beano. What a theme song 
    "Beano, Beano, makes old rectums new.
    "You'll sell a million bottles,Woo,Woo,Woo,Woo,Woo".
    
     You'll also be ready for stage.
    
    HTH
    

    Ha ha ha, Dan'l I got tears in my eyes.  Nope, not from a fart, but
    from your replies.  Man, they are great.  Gotta copy them for the wife.
    
    lEe

YOu know what has always fascinated me is why some words in a language
are considered off-color, and others are not.

[please note any words in this reply are here for evidenciary purposes only
and not to cause offense to anyone.  this is a lexical discourse]


For example, the word feces is a commonly accepted word, and is on you
could use in a meeting.  Suppose that on the way into the building you
inadvertantly positioned your wing-tips into a pile of dog doo.  
Upon entering the meeting you could say "Darn it, I appear to have some
dog feces on my shoe".

But the word "shit" is not accepted.  If you walked in there, and
said "Darn it, but I appear to have stepped in dog shit", everyone would
be offended, and they'd start saying things like "Gee, this guy is just
like that Chainsaw fellow".


The word "fart" seems to be unacceptable, yet you can say, with a grin,
"I just pooped", "I just tooted", "I just passed gas" or "I just broke
wind".


Included are words describing genitalia.  I won't print them here,
but some words, especially the anatomical ones, are okay,  yet the
slang ones are not....


Does anyone know why this is?


'Saw

re -2

I dunno, but the TV and Radio media in Holland and N. Belgium had a real hard 
time during the Gulf War. Seems the pronounciation of the word "SCUD" (sounds
a little more like "Scoot") is a rather vulgar slang expression for the female 
genitalia. They ended up spelling it out saying "Ess-Say-Ooh-Day" since it 
really is an acronym, than risk saying a naughty word on TV/Radio.

Tom

Well, it's kind of like someone down under talking about a fanny pack.
Up here it's a harmless little piece of equipment great for carrying your
lunch while hiking.

Down under, fanny is a naughty word for female genitalia....


Whew!


'Saw

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>>>For example, the word feces is a commonly accepted word, and is on you...
                                                                ^^^^^^^^^
Interesting typo there, 'saw.  No feces on you.
    
    Speaking about breaking wind, I taught my two year old daughter, Alex, 
    to say "Mommy's toot toot" every time I break wind.  
    
    
    Bruce

>Interesting typo there, 'saw.  No feces on you.
>    
>    Speaking about breaking wind, I taught my two year old daughter, Alex, 
>    to say "Mommy's toot toot" every time I break wind.  
    
You could call it a Freudian Shat I suppose...8^)


'SAw

    
    I guess this Le Petomane guy was the French Male equivalent of
    Honeysuckle Divine then, No??
    
    
 >> o  A man should light a woman's fart if he is close to her, but not
 >>    if he is on the other side of the table or if it would be awkward
 >>    in any way.

    Thanks for clearing this up for me, I always wondered what the proper
    etiquette was in this situation.
    
    JaKe
    
    

reprinted without permission:

			Bottom line on buttocks	

by Steve Marshall
USA TODAY

	Webster's defines buttocks simply as "the rump".

	But lawmakers in St. John's County, on Florida's northeast 
coast, needed 136 words and female mannequins to flesh out a law 
regulating display of the buttocks.

	An anti-nudity ordinance debated Wednesday night defined the 
buttocks as:

	"The area at the rear of the human body which lies between
	two imaginary lines running parallel to the ground, when a
	person is standing. The first or top of such line drawn at
	the top of the cleavage of the nates (i.e., the prominence
	formed by the muscles running from the back of the hip to the
	back of the leg) and the second or bottom line drawn at the
	lowest visible point of this cleavage or the lowest point of
	curvature of the fleshy protuberance, whichever is lower. And
	between two imaginary lines on each side of the body, which
	lines are perpendicular to the ground and to the horizontal
	lines described above, and which perpendicular lines are
	drawn through the point at which each nate meets the outer
	side of each leg." 

	The proposed law would be the county's answer to skimpy bikinis, 
lingerie fashion shows and waitresses' attire at the Cafe Erotica.

TTom

    
    "Hey, Joe, check out the fleshy protrubences on that one."
    
    "Yowsa, Mike, the horizontal area in relation to the linear dimensions
     of the perpendicular sector which runs from the ground  through the
     point at which each nate meets the outer side of the leg is most
     bodacious."
    
    "Duh... what are youze guys talkin about..... Hey!  Yo, sweet mama!
     Nice ass!"
    
    Dickstah
    

    If anyone would like a photocopy of the Reading Phillies (Phillies'
    double-A farm team) 1992 schedule, send me mail.


    py

    PY, I thought that Philles were smoked, not read?
    
    lEe

A local "atlernative" rag has come out with its April Fool's Day edition.

On the cover:

	Jesse's Visage Appears on Wingate Bovine

Jesse Helm's that is; Wingate, SC, that is; The cow's name is Besse.

The owner, Roscoe P. Mapplethorpe claims: "When she twitches her butt,
Jesse kind of looks like he's talkin', don't he?".

Another banner story is about a charlotte woman who claims that Elvis
isn't dead. "He's living in my cleavage".

TTom

    
    The ball that Bill Buckner let dribble through his wickets in that
    (in)famous World Series game in 1986 sold at auction yesterday for
    $93,000.  It was only expected to fetch $8 - 10 thousand.
    
    Charlie Sheen bought it.  He outbid me, he did.
    
    Dickstah
    

At that price, I guess you didn't have to take Buckner with the ball,
huh?

TTom

Ty Cobb's uniform went for over $100K!


'Saw

    Maybe it included Bill's glove.  He certainly didn't need it.

These auctions just illustrate how absolutely stupid this memorabilia crap
has gotten.

Someone actually paid for a toothpick Tom Seaver used!  Something like $400.00

Next thing ya know they'll be auctioning off George Brett's old PreperationH
tubes.

JD

    I want to know how much dat WP/passed ball by Stanley/MPH went for.
    That was jest as bad.
    

    Before youse guys go ballistic, be aware that a percentage of the
    proceeds of this auction went to charity.
    
    Mark.

    
    >    proceeds of this auction went to charity.
    
    The Bill Buckner Center for Hand-eye Coordination Disorders?
    

    
    
    The kicker is, Buckner claims HE HAS THE BALL......
    
    Lou

       The 93K ball has Mookie Wilson's signature on it. And he also wrote
    something like "The ball that won it for us, 10/xx/86" on the ball.
                                      Denny

    
    I wonder how many of those balls Mookie made up?
    
    I hear Jim Garrison is working with Oliver Stone to bring to film the
    "Second Ball Theory."
    
    Dickstah
    

    
    In the For-What-It's-Worth Ho-Hum Department, somewhere near the bottom
    of page 9 in section C of the noozepapah, it is mentioned that Bobby
    Fisher beat Boris Spasky in the 30th game to take their latest
    head-to-head contest.  Compare this to the front-page, top of the 11:00
    news hype and coverage of their first meeting a few years back.
    
    Dickstah
    

�                  -< FWIW= a cool $ 5 mill! Whar's my rook? >-
    
    I heard that $5 mil was the total purse.  Fischer received something
    like $3.2 mil for winning and Spasky received the balance.

    
    	Didn't know where to put this, so I guess this is as good a place
    as any.
    
    	Nice piece in USA TODAY on another of my "lookers" from High School
    that I talked about some 4 years ago.
    
    	Seems Cary Kolat, the wrestling phenom from SW Pa. has started his
    college career (Penn St.) with a bang.  In his first college match, 
    seems he pinned a kid from Iowa (ranked No. 1) who Dan Gable thought
    was a good wrestler.  Kolat is rated 3rd best in the nation at his
    weight (134), and folks are starting to murmur about the possibility
    of 4 NCAA titles.  If you remember, Kolat was only the 9th wrestler
    in Pennsylvania wrestling history to win 4 state titles.  He also set
    a state record for consective wins at 137-0.
    
    
    	BTW, Penn St. is wrestling in the Big Ten and is currently No. 2
    in the nation and 3-0-1 in the Big Ten.
    
    bill..g.