Conference 7.286::sports_91

    But he is on a razor thin line between AAA and MLB

    Can he play first base?  Since Pittsburgh lost Bream, I've been having
    these nightmares about Carmello Martinez and Gary Redus, defensive
    sieves, at first base.
    
    	--dan'l

I think Wilkerson has the edge.  No one else around seems to have
his mettle, you know?

He's forged quite an excellent career, and can be quite incisive
at times, especially if mishandled by managers.

'Saw

    Too bad we aren't up to note 204 yet so I could direct you there, you
    jerks!
    
    PUNS SIP!

    re dan'l:
    
    I thought I heard or read somewhere that the Bucs were going to try
    Bobby Bonilla at 1B.
    
    
    py

    Wilkerson might give the Pirates the edge that could really help their
    infield gel.
    
    Dan

Puns, and the ability required to juxtapose the required and related
abstract concepts have been proven psychologically to be indications
of superior intellect......

hth,
'Saw

    I ask a serious question and you guys just pun it to death.
    
    Cut it out!
    
    ;-)
    
    	--dan'l

Perhaps Wilkerson will be able to shave a few errors off the team total...

    
    Will youze guys put a strop to this nonsense!
    

Dickster, you're within a whisker of really getting me p*ssed!

;^)

And if we have too much to drink at happy hour, I'm sure we'll
just stubble on home...

    Does anyone have Wilkinson's...um...stastiptics?
    
    	--dan'l

       		If I were punished
    		for every pun i shed,
    		they'd have to find a puny shed 
    		in which to lock my punnish head.
    
    George Bernard Shaw

    as for those Wilkerson puns, I've beard enough, already!

Oh, I don't know. I sword of like `em.

Mike JN (SIDJNOTY)

�    Answer:  The Felt Forum, part of the Madison Square Garden complex.


And every morning when I got up, I felt forum to make sure they were
still there.....

>And every morning when I got up, I felt forum to make sure they were
>still there.....
    
    Puns like these tear at this conference's moral fabric.
    As the Church Lady says, "Is this the work of SATIN !?"
    
    -Paul
    

SATIN?

??????
MIKE JN

    
    He meant SATURN.
    

    SATIN you ask ?  Yeah satin,*felt*,burlap,denim,polyester...
    
    

    I thought it was a pretty smooth response

As Shakespeare would say:

	Twill do, Twill do.....

'Saw

    No,No,No
    
    He meant Satin Youngman,the ancient prophet of Judea( lived somewhere
    between the prophets Daniel and Ezekiel) who was stoned to death because
    he was caught worshipping a Golden Thigh( or was it Calf) while playing
    a rotten violin.
    
    
    
    

    Were his last words...
    
    Take my life, please?

I understand the Book Of Profits is required reading for Digital Se�or
Staff (Thy Rod and Thy Staff they shall comfort me, right?).

Ready???

Here's my Jimmy Carter impersonation:

{with a falsetto voice}

	"Here Pluto, here Pluto....  c'mon boy"

Pretty good, huh?
Mike JN

Rivers will keep on rolling... he'll just keep rolling along.

Mike JN

    Rivers is all wet!
    
    lEe

    Rivers do get polluted.......(^)
    
    A�

>	Jerry Seeman, a 16-year NFL official, will referee Super Bowl XXV,
>his final game before he replaces the retiring Art McNally as NFL
>supervisor of officials.
>	Seeman was the referee in Super Bowl XXIII, San Francisco's 20-16
>victory over the Cincinnati Bengals at Miami.
>	Seeman will leave his post as a school district administrator in
>February to move to New York to direct the League's officiating office.
     
    
    Appears to me that Seeman could end up in some "sticky" situations!
    
    JaKe
    

(say this with thick southern accent)

	Yeah, but he could also make some impotent decisions!

    
>    Appears to me that Seeman could end up in some "sticky" situations!
>    
>    JaKe
    
    "Eh JaKe, You late!"  
    
    I thought you would reply with the pun a lot faster.  You're slowin'
    down.  I thought your mind was more fertile.
    
    -Paul
    
    
    PS- Don't take this too personally.  I wouldn't want you to get teste.

Paul, you missed the boat.  I think we should erect a monument
to Jake.  Instead of an obelisk, we could erect an Onanesque, 
in the middle of the pubic square, say in Pittsburgh.

It'd be quite the place where people could go nad see our
tribute to Jake.

Perhaps would could put it next to the statue of Lyndon JOHNSON,
or the big cannon with the ball out in front of it....

Gotta love this note.  What a place for fertile minds....

'Saw

�Paul, you missed the boat.  

Then again, perhaps we should erect the monument at the Naval Yard, 
where there more tar on which to place it, and the old salt spray
gives you a feeling of rebirth.....

'Saw

    Frank,
    
    I thought my puns were bad, but yours take the cake.  The NERVE of you
    flaunting such bad taste puns in pubic.  You should be locked up in a
    penal colony.  Maybe there, you break break somebody else's stones.  Your 
    type are starting to spermeate all aspects of society.  I don't think
    this activity is under the consent of the king.
    
    -Paul

    Paul, Frank has my CONSENT!
    
    King King

    
    Bud Light was really hopped up for this one, and looked like they had
    Bud over a barrel when they capped their second drive with a TD.  Light
    made great improvements in their team through their draught picks, many
    of them labelled "can't miss", and through the team simply getting
    better with age.
    
    Bud, however, was able to get something brewing in the second half,
    and had the Lights pretty much bottled up and kept their offense
    contained.  They appeared to have canned their original game strategy,
    and managed to control the flow for a while.
    
    The overflow crowd drank it all in as the game reached a head in the
    last quarter.  The Lights by that time were still high, and lit up the
    scoreboard with the game winner, which was a trick play they had stored
    away and expected to tap into just in case they needed it.
    
    It was one ale of a game!
    
    Dickstah
                  

    
    Didja open a beer Karen?
    

    
    I thought it was gas.
    
    Dickstah
    

    Re. Jerry Seemans
    
    At Seemans age, he probably won't work every day.  His energy only
    COMES in spurts!!!!
    
    JaKe
    

So, would you say that Bud was wiser for having lost the Bowl, or 
could it just be chalked up to beech wood aging?

'Saw

    Re. Seemans
    	I won't ask the obvious question, why is he always smiling?
    
    A case of permanent "in rictus"
    
    MikeL
    

    
    Wasn't Mark Vlasic in some kind of pickle?
    

    Dickstah,
    
    Yeah, Vlasic was in a dilly of a fight, someone was gerking him around,
    he didnt' relish the roll, and know he has a chip on his shoulder.
    
    JD

Yeah, but I heard his bread and butter was the picklepuss face.
That would sour many an opponent on fighting with him....

    Is it true he did porno films, under the stage name of "The Polish
    Spear?|  Doens't sound kosher to me....
    
    JD

>    Is it true he did porno films, under the stage name of "The Polish
>    Spear?|  Doens't sound kosher to me....
>    
>

JD, 

You're just gherkin us around!

    Digger, what about his partner Oates?  "Hull & Oates" for MVP!
    
    lEe

>    Digger, what about his partner Oates?  "Hull & Oates" for MVP!

If Hull & Oates win the MVP, I bet they will be able to make a rich girl
named Sarah smile... even if she is a maneater. 

    
    LeE, I can't go for that! Woh oh oh..
    
    
    
    
    DiGgEr

    You guyz are living in dreamtime...

    John, isn't there a Naval base in South Orange?
    
    Mark.

    Mark, don't try to head this topic off on a tangelo.
    
    Dan

    Dan and Lufay,
    
    What, are you guys juiced or something?  
    
    JD

    Dunno, JD...sounded kinda appealing to me.  
    
    Mark.

You guys are a bunch of pips.

Further, I can't take the acidic nature of your notes anymore.

I think you should all grove up, or I'll beat you to a pulp.


'Saw

    Saw, that would be a fruitless task on yer part.  Boy, has this 
    blossomed into a rotten note.  Leave it to JD to squeeze his own note
    in.  
    
    Mark.

�    Saw, that would be a fruitless task on yer part.  Boy, has this 
�    blossomed into a rotten note.  Leave it to JD to squeeze his own note
�    in.  
    
yeah, but if we got a fiddle we could make it really Special.

Orange you ashamed you started this whole thing?

'Saw

    	
    	This string of puns is a real plum.  And Mark, that was a
    	great pear of puns you came up with.
    
    <as the crowd groans>
    
    	Claybroon

    I'm big on fruit.  Why, nothing gets my interest more than an nice girl
    with a big pear.
    
    Lee

>    I'm big on fruit.  Why, nothing gets my interest more than an nice girl
>    with a big pear.
    
bet it's raisin, right?

>    I'm big on fruit.  Why, nothing gets my interest more than an nice girl
>    with a big pear.
    
    Yeh, and nice hooters too!

    	I think the guy's name is Sandy.  He had a brother Sunny who
    played for one of the Florida teams.
    
    				/Don

    
    Slashah,
    
    	Don't they have a cousin named Sunuva?  
    
    Claybone

    
     Beach, he just can't hit it.

             <<< Note 29.474 by AGNT99::MACNEAL "ruck `n' roll" >>>
                             -< Who is Dan Petry? >-
    
    Wasn't he little Timmy's uncle in "Lassie"?
    
    Mark.
    

    RE: Dan Petry
    
    No I think it was Rob Petry's brother on the Dick Van Dyke show.

    
    I hear his wife is a dish.
    

       Is he related to Rico Petrycelli?
                             Denny

    Petry's wife is a dish, however.
    
    JD

    Boy youse guys are really putting this guy under a microscope.
    
    Mark.

>    <<< Note 69.90 by RIPPLE::DEVLIN_JO "Sheain'tpretty,justlooksthatway" >>>
    
    cool song JD!

    JD's a quitter!
    
    lEe

�Anyone know anything about the Trojans besides their upset of Ohio St.?

Mikey

Try isle 5, right next to the Minoxodil...

>                         -< quit RIBBING me Bob   8^) >-

    
This is really TICKLING me, which is why I was talking FRENCH in that
other note!

    Stop it 'Saw, I'm splitting a gut, I'm about to BURST under PRESSURE,
    and LUBRICATE the screen. I feel so SHEEPish
    
    MikeL
    How soon b4 this gets moved ta junk?
    

>    Stop it 'Saw, I'm splitting a gut, I'm about to BURST under PRESSURE,
>    and LUBRICATE the screen. I feel so SHEEPish
>    
>    MikeL
>    How soon b4 this gets moved ta junk?


I was gonna say I'd move it a little LATEX, but it seems that Mac
has put and ENZ to this where it was, and moved it to SPORTS puns.

Guess he didn't want any CONDOMnation of his moderating style...


'SAw    

>    I'm freakin' rolling!
    
       Ah! That's your problem. You're supposed to UNROLL those thingies.
                                         Denny

Guys,

Maybe it's about time we WRAPped this conversation up, eh?

I mean, it might be unsafe to continue it....


'Saw

    Sounds like Cone should be traded to the Expos or the Yanks.
    
    Dennis
    

    
    I'm sure we'll here more on this as this issue comes to a head.
    
    Brews

    
    If only Cone had even one stroke of genius this allegation wouldn't be
    hung over him.
    
    jd

    I was hoping that cracks like this would peter out...
    

But, doesn't Cone usually warm up in the pen?

Perhaps he was working on his knuckler?

daryll

    
    >PPV2 and SPICE channel have been reserved.
    
    The SPICE channel?  When does their new SEASON start?  Do they show
    a lot of BASIL Rathbone movies, PEPPERED with SALTY language?  Is it
    fully or just PARSLEY scrambled?  What THYME does it come on?
    
    Wow, a station devoted to 24-hour cooking enhancers.  I'm calling my
    cable company right now!
    
    Dickstah
    

Dickstah -

SPICE shows lots of shows offering SAGE advice.   ROSEMARY is one of its 
big stars, and she's in MINT condition.  It offers lots of variety - a PINCH
of comedy, a SMIDEGEON of drama, a DASH of sex, and a few SPRINKLES of mystery.

JD

    Yup,
    Saw Neil Young doing "CINAMMON Girl" live from Portland, OREGANO.
    

       Bet they don't show VANILLA movies on that channel. Glad to see it's
    available in da NUTMEG state.
                                        Denny

Yeah, but GINGER is the best actress they have.  She really cuts the MUSTARD
as an actress.....


'Saw

Yeah, she's a real SAVORY character, all right.  I love it when she wears
that SAFFRON cape..

JD

    ...and saffron's wild about me!

    Is Dan'l's friend Pepper on that station?

�>     The Dickstah is on a roll this week !!!



�Sesame seed or poppy seed?  (see Dickstah's p-name)

yea, Dickstah, the Kiaser of ::SPORTS

Yeah....

All the *dough* he's makin' certainly has *soured* him.....


'Saw

but I bet he can still rise to the occasion...

>but I bet he can still rise to the occasion...


Rising is the yeast of his problems....

�Rising is the yeast of his problems....

That's right, he can do it anytime he kneads to...

       If'n he keeps eating all this bread, he'll surely start getting a 
    little 'bulkie'!
                                      Denny

    >   If'n he keeps eating all this bread, he'll surely start getting a 
    >   little 'bulkie'!
    
    ...especially if he just loafs in front of the TV and doesn't get any
    exercise. 
    
    
    py

>    ...especially if he just loafs in front of the TV and doesn't get any
>    exercise. 
    
Yeah, he'll turn into a crusty old man.....

    but cain he peel the crust off his loaf?
    

       IT's a good thing Dickstah has a 'rye' sense a humor.
                                      Denny

    that's because he's seedy!
    
    Kev
    

 and considering it's Dickstah he'd turn into Krusty the Clown not a crusty
 ole man....

 ;^)

    You cain sure tell it's Friday!!
                                         Denny

I thought he'd lost his marbles...

    Just remember, Dickstah might a been bre(a)d in ol' Woostah, but
    he's only a crumb up here.
    
    MikeL
    

    And they're made by the Krusteaz Bread Co.

    Lipps Stuck on waivers.
    
    JaKe
    

    Steelers part Lipps
    
    jd

       Stihlers have split Lipp!
                                       Denny

Lipps sucked off roster...

Lipps kissed goodbye by Steelers

    
    Steel Lipps gets empty pucker
    

Will Lipps stick with another team?

I hear Lipps wants to wear the Ruby Red of the Cards this season....
    

    
    Enuf Already!!!!
    
    JaKe
    

    
    	Steelers Lipp Pit Burgers!!!
    

    Maybe LIPPs will be playing in BALMy weather
    

LIPPS is no CHICKEN.  He'll sign on with another team, maybe one
that CHAP likes and he'll STICK there, no doubt.


    

Trouble wif Lipps is he had no bite.  He was all glossy.  In the cold
he cracked.  He could take a licking, however, and he got sticked a lot.

Kiss Lipps goodbye....

JD

Everyone seems to be just paying Lipps service to this situation. Anyone
can mouth off.

Yeah, but TTom, I'll bet all the owners are saying "Don't give me any
Lipps!"


'Saw

    meanwhile, George says "read my lipps"!
    

The Steelers don't really need him. They can be the Milli Vanilli of the
NFL and Lipps sink.

I heard Louis' wife is afriad he'll get fat now.

JD

	Steelers performed a Lipps-osuction on their roster..

	Jim M

I heard they have to give him Novacaine to play, and when they
do, Lipps dribbles the ball all the time.....

�The Steelers don't really need him. They can be the Milli Vanilli of the
�NFL and Lipps sink.

Loose Lipps sink Steelers.

    Lipps sux! 
    
    I heard that himand Barry word were going in the talk show circuit.
    They'll call it "Kiss and tell".

          
�    I heard that himand Barry word were going in the talk show circuit.
�    They'll call it "Kiss and tell".

Oh, not "Word of Mouth"?

    Did the Suns really want Miller, or someone else?  I mean was it really
    a Miller Genuine Draft?

That's it Walt, getting to the Coors of the issues...

And don't forget, on a beer day you can pee forever...

TTom

    I guess I've seen the Lite...

    Miller was always the choice to separate the barley from the wheat.
    
    Bud Heiser

You guys sound like you're all hopped up.

Worrying about Miller is the yeast of your worries.....

I wonder why BREWS hasn't joined this discussion...

    >Miller was always the choice to separate the barley from the wheat.
    
    Don't you mean Barkley from the wheat?