Conference 7.286::sports_91

    
    Isn't there some kind of objective requirement that a certain
    percentage of the winners' contributing notes must still be standing 
    at year's end?  I, for one, didn't get to read most of MrT's...
    
    glenn
    

>    I hereby proclaim myself 1990 NoTY.  

Considering that MrT has no authority for this action, I proclaim that
this proclamation is null, void, invalid and otherwise irrelevant.

>    Thank you all for your help during the past year.  I couldn't
>    a accomplished this feat without ya.

No thanks needed. This ain't a_accomplishment, yet.

However, I'd be glad to support the position that MrT should be
considered for NoTY. Similarly, John Hendry and Bob Hunt, and Frank Way
also merit similar consideration.

TTom

    NoTY:==Numbnuts of the Year
    

    
    >    I hereby proclaim myself 1990 NoTY.  
    
    
    Right.  And I'm the frikken King of the Jews.
    
    Dickstah
    

Dickster, 

If you're the frikken King of the Jew (KOJ), then how do you
explain the following?  (And would you care to comment?)


-------------------------------------------------------------
From: [email protected]
Subject: New Look and Feel case
To: [email protected]
 
In a surprise move today, Judaism filed suit against the Catholic Church,
claiming Catholicism copied the "look and feel" of the religion.
Judaism, which has held the patent on the concept of a mono-theistic
religion for over 3500 years as well as the copyright on Yahweh(R), The
Old Testament(C), and the use of "CH"(tm) for the "H" sound, is suing for 2000
years of back royalties.  They are also asking that the court disallow
the use of the term "Judeo-Christian" from all textbooks.
 
The Pope was unavailable for comment, but a spokesman from the Vatican
stated the suit was unfounded as the patent on the concepts shared by
the two religions has long expired, and that the suit violates the
separation of church and state.  More news as the case develops.

 

On a more serious note, perhaps the moderators could come up with
a scheme for naming the NoTY of 1990.

What do you think fellow mods?

'Saw

Entered without comment...

>From:	XXXXXX::XXXXXXXXXXX   8-JAN-1991 16:49:32.24
>To:	DUGROS::ROSS
>CC:	
>Subj:	deal
>
>Got a_offer for ya: I'll mail you my geek-pak if you'll get in 51.* and
>offer up slavish novenas for me.  We're all fully aware of your capacity
>in the bark-like-a-dog-for-profit dept. so woof woof!
>
>MrX

    
    I filed the frikken suit on the advice of my frikken lawyer, a
    whiskey-swilling souse with foul breath who trudges himself into court
    in a wheelchair.  Said he needed the work, hasn't won a case in a
    while, and enjoys frivilous suits that waste the court's time.
    
    
    For the eternal life of me, I just can't remember where I've seen
    this guy before.
    
    Dickstah
     

�What do you think fellow mods?
    
    Sports awards are always simply a popularity contest ;^)

    .10��What do you think fellow mods?
    
    	Let the jury decide!
    
    B.A.

    not necessarily popularity in a kinder, gentler sense ;-)

re Mac:

	Keelt me wif my own blade 8^)

re NoTY:

	Well, if *I* don't get it, I should at least get SNSoTY
	(Sports Notes Saviour of the Year)...

re Dickster:

	Firken, the word is Firken, and it was a unit of measure in 
	the olden days.....


'Saw

>	Firken, the word is Firken, 

I thought it was fargun, like in Johnny Dangerously, "fargun icehole".

Yeah Frank, we should all reserve some local disk space in honor of your
noble gesture.

TTom

No, it's firkin 8^)

As in "Rock Island Line" from "The Music Man":

		Gone are the hogshead cask and demijohn
		Gone are the <something> and the <something> and the firkin,
                Whatya talk, whatya talk, whatya talk, whatya talk...


Best musical ever written,
'Saw

    
    	This just in:
    
    	"In the final UNP (United Noters Poll), MrT has been ranked #1.
    	In the final ANP (Associated Noters Poll), FranSaw Chainway has
    	been ranked #1."
    
    	Let the debate begin!  I vote for Francis cuz he had the tougher
    	schedule (all those Broons(tm) fans ya know).  Whereas MrT only
    	had to engage the lowly regarded ACC fans.  ;^) X 1e09
    
    	Claybroon

    
    re -1
    
    Does this means SPORTS needs some sort of playoff system?  

    � Whereas MrT only	had to engage the lowly regarded ACC fans.  ;^)
    
    Hey, engage *THIS*, Claybroon.  :-) :-) :-)
    
    T for Noter Of The Year, eh ???    Hmm, could be.   I guess with
    Colorado winning the mythical with a fifth down and a phantom clip,
    it's sorta poetic that T should bring home the gold.   He would
    definitely win the "Revolving Door Noter Of The Year", though, hands
    down.
    
    Have you deleted .0 yet, T ???
    
    Frank Way is a contendah, fer shure.   There are others, though.   We
    should do a Top Twenty instead of just a single honoree.   Then we can
    rate the conferences and make predictions for next year and all that. 
    Rathole extravaganza ...
    
    Bob Hunt

Bob --

I think you're on to something.  I mean, we could have a plethora
of NoTY awards....Consider the following:

	PNoTY:  Physical Noter of the Year
	LNoTY:  Logical Noter of the Year
	VNoTY:	Virtual Noter of the Year

	INoTY:	Insane Noter of the Year

 Then, we could have a plethora of polls...

	The Technoweenie Poll
	The Engineers Poll
	The RON Poll (But who would enter it?)

	The /Don Video Poll


This is amazing stuff, truly,
'Saw

    
    Regardless, 'saw, you are SNoTY (Saviour Noter of the year).  Actifed
    might help, though. 

Ain't MrT on probation and thus ineligible for postseason awards?

RE:  0

	Sure, MR. T,  you can be NOTY today.

	Now why don't you just go with these nice men in the white suits, and
	they'll take you back to your very own PADDED CELL.

	And if you're a good boy, you can be Queen Elizabeth next week,  OKAY?

Mac

    Ross, your .8 is a low blow.  You insult the noting public by thinking
    that they haven't got wise to the old phony mail trick.  Btw, reprinting
    private mails is a violation of DIS policy & procedure so watch it.
    
    Here's why I have earned and therefore rate 1990 NoTY:
    
    - Won Bob vs. Smif' debate (finally)
    - Saved baseball & won DG debate with Fay admitting to biz mistake
    - Successfully tried and convicted insane-fan/contest-fixer Monty Knorr
    - Revealed the Moochy Matt movement as a self-serving egomaniac exercise
    - Provided a dimension of moral leadership otherwise missing in here
    
    MrT

I must applaud T for having the filberts to schlep forward and volunteer
to assume the onerous mantle of NoTY. It's a burden that few would be
willing to shoulder, and is indicative of the nobility and self
sacrifice we have come to expect from this paragon of humility.

I would also like to propose some additional nominations

Frank Way   - PLoTY - Poet Laureate of The Year
John Hendry - SNoTY - Statistical Ninja of The Year
Dick Hamel  - KoJ   - King of the Jews (HUGE Conrats, Dickstah)

Also, in the spirit so ably embodied by MrT's gesture, I am willing to
assume my rightful place as:

Mike JN  - SIDJNoTY - Supreme Imperial Dragon Junk Noter of The Year
         or just JNoTY would be okay, I guess, but I think 
           SIDJNOTY ( sidgenotty ) has a much nicer ring to it.

yurs trewly
Mike JN

    I'll put in another vote for 'Saw.
    
    In addition to previous accomplishments already listed, there are
    his holiday essays and his excellent reporting during The Trial.
    
    A&W 

    Hey wait a minute... what's with the voting crap?  I told you, I'm
    1990 NoTY per personal presidential procalmation and that's just the
    way it is like it or not.  
    
    And I don't wanna hear any moany woany bellyaching.  If Metzger cain
    buy the crown with a lousy six pack a beer I cain appropriate it via
    preemption.
    
    MrT

    
    T,
    
    	I called my buddy George and he said he would interrupt his
    war drum practice to personally call and tell you,
    
    
    
    "Mr. T I know NoTY's and your no NoTY yet. You must do battle with
    fellow noters as I did with that Dukakoid fellow and let your fellow
    noters decide"

    Let the campaign begin...
    
    

    MrT,  Who da ya think ya_a, Jackie Presser?  Or has the real Jimmy
    Hoffa surfaced in Minnesota?
    
    It's gonna take a lot of payoffs to bribe this bunch.  No self
    proclamations!  
    
    					Steve  

    Close /er

    
    "Baby Doc" Shaughnessey invades CAM::bodia.  United Noters council
    gives Jan. 15 deadline to relinqhish his title and withdraw.
    
    "Sanctions have not worked on him in the past," said UN President,
    noting that "Operation Node Shield" will likely end in the use of
    force."
    
    Film at 11:00
    
    Dickstah
    

    Actually with all the T-ster's self-congratulatory, Onanistic,
    one-handed applause for himself, we really ought to equate him with a
    slighty more appropriate celebrity ...
    
    	Mr T	:==	Buddy Ryan
    
    Bob Hunt

Well, after all my co-workers wanted to know why I was hysterically
roaring with laughter over here, I just had to tell you guys that
you are all too funny.

MrT surely is ripping off his "proclamation" from that famous little
french guy Napolean -- you know, he crowned himself Emperor.

But, the rest of you folks are just way too funny....

'Saw

    I vote Noter Dame for no. 1.
    

    This just in - the latest NoTY Top Twenty:
    
    	 1) Frank Way
    	 2) Mike JN
    	 3) John Hendry
    	 4) Dickstah
    	 5) Bob Hunt
    	 6) Hawk
    	 7) TTom
    	 8) A&W
    	 9) Jeff Needle
    	10) Metz
    	11) Lee Timmons
    	12) Walt Ashe
    	13) NAZZ
    	14) Ross
    	15) Mike Childs
    	16) /Don
    	17) Russ Schott
    	18) Kev Farley
    	19) Karen Derry
    	20) Ken Olson
    
       998) Doc Midnight
       999) ACC_Chris
    
    Mr. T once again didn't make the Top 1000.
    
    NAZZ

    I finished 19th?  Wow.  I remember when Walt and I just about won 
    the NoTY a couple of years ago... Mr. T spazzed and Metz bought the
    crown.    

sheeeeetttt....


I still got the crown. Ain't nobody "won" an election since then that I can
recall. Doc tried to take it but failed, Mr T. tried to Napolean it but failed.

Heck, I took the thing cross country. Whomever wants to pay the shipping can
have it.

Anybody for an election/trial?


Metz

    re NAzz
    
    You'll pay for that one Nazz ... when my loyal subjects overthrow the
    Mr (pre)T(ender), just line yourself against the nearest convienent
    wall.
    
    doc

    When Metz has the guts to wear a fluorescent green soccer jersey,
    I'll say he might deserve to be ranked ahead of me....

    I am your brilliant gleaming lightning rod
      your hip hunk courageous sage, your anti-mod
    
    I am the unflinching analyst supreme
      your textual corroborated dastistickal (tm) dream
    
    Why oh why do you reject me so
      when it was *I* who dared to tail you no?
    
    Do you want naught but pabulum and good news
      to avert your eyes from my necessary objective views?
    
    I am your professional facilitator now
      a discussion group leader with many theories to plow
    
    And you are my purty sheepish flock
      don the mascara, blush, and NEVER again MrT mock!
    
    Do you deny my throaty vigilant sheepdog bark
      and want to make your bed in the thorned hedges to which I hark?
    
    I am your handymain, your garbage main, your roach control
      the pubic servant who rinsed away Dan's ACCaught's Midnight's vitriol
    
    This place needs security, discipline, and leadership
      a firm, Bob-hand to quell the mistaken, the fake, and the flip
    
    Hark-hark-hark and woof-woof-woof 
      barking, I hear a clippetty-clop... is that your hoof? 
          
    Come to papa, to daddy, to your main main
      O, to do otherwise is but to endorse the insane!

    Obey your ruler, straighten up, and toe the party line
      or I'll make the ton-ton macoute seem like a reel good time

    MrT - NoTY 1990                                  

MrT makes a move for Poet Laureate status in SPORTS.  Film @ 11.....

I think that I shall never see,
	A dork as big as MrT.

    reply .24 sure sounds like a take-off of the Matt Sewell note last
    year.
    
    Waa waa, I deserve it.  Give me my unifor, err, NoTY award.
    
    Anyone got a copy of T's replies to that note?
    
    Lee

    I don't think we need dredge up the Matt Sewell episode again.  It
    was one a them unforturnate deals for everybody, except for one 12
    year old mooch whom shall remain unnamed.
    
    MrT

    And just how old is our present mooch?
    
    lEe

    Well, with all the controversy in here, it's obvious that we
    desperately need a note-off to decide NOTY.  Shall we make all noters
    eligible?  Should we take the top 16, to make an easy draw?  Or should
    the top two noters battle it out, mano a mano?  Or should we leave it
    to the bowls, and the AP and UPI polls?  ;-)
    
    NAZZ

    Or Royal Rumble!!

    Nazz,
    "...take the top 16..."?
    
    >> 13) Nazz
    >> 18) Kev Farley
    
    Wanna drop out 'cause of a vested interest???
    
    Guess who ;^)
    

>    Anyone got a copy of T's replies to that note?
    
    Due to the current budget crunch DEC has decided to use Mr. T's 
    superfluous notes as toilet paper for the womens' bathrooms.  This
    comes from a reliable source.
    
    John "D Cowboys" R.

Hey,

What's wrong with a Bobby Knight Day in Charlotte? I know of several
Noters who may feel that this would be a nice alternative to the constant
Dean Hype to which we are subjected by the ever powerful Tar Heel Fascist
Media Conspiracy, 1991 Version.

TTom

Name the time and place, TTom... I'll be there with my Screw_IU cap {circa
1981} on.

The more I watch Montross, the more I wish he had gone to IU.   He'd be a 
better player already.

    re .57
    
    And the wags sneered that God would never reward me for my work!
    
    O Lawdy, thanky for delivering me unto my much macho main's heaven!
    
    MrT

    Hey Shagnasty, I think I should be noty for my objective analysis over
    in the Giants conference.
    
    JoJ

    Jim Wardle, one of my all-time favorite noters!  GO WARDLE!!!

    Lee Timmons, one of my all-time favorite noters!  GO TIMMONS!!!
    

    In a time of war there is a lot of stress put on SPORTS noters and
    their families.  Worries about soldiers being hurt or killed, rising
    energy prices, nuclear missiles, terrorism, poor service at the local
    7-11 - pressures all around.
    
    As newly installed NoTY MrT would like, as a public service, to extend
    the offer to any of you or your families to turn to me for counseling,
    advice, or just someone to talk to - a friend - in this time of stress.
    
    To call out for help from MrT just send me mail.
    
    MrT - 1990 NoTY  

>    As newly installed NoTY MrT ...

Did I miss something here? I musta been distracted worrying about Saddam,
King Rice and them kinda issues.

TTom

    
    
    	I nominate T for "spin doctor" of the year.  He does a better job
    than most of those "quacks" in Washington.
    
    	

I know I'm going to take T up on his generous offer....


I think everybody should send t mail expressing your problems...I think I'll
dig up an old command procedure that sends mial every 5 seconds or so to tell
T all my problems....

Metz

>From:	******::****         24-JAN-1991 14:01:17.99
>To:	MUSKIE::SHAUGHNESSY
>CC:	
>Subj:	help me...
>
>Dear MrT,
>
>I have a big problem.  I've just met a girl who could be "the one" for me.
>We've dated a few times and now I feel ready to let her in on my secrets.
>You see, my father is a drunk... never made an honest dollar in his life.
>And my mother sold herself for spare change up until several years ago when
>the running sores made her too unattractive to anyone but Ray Charles. Mt
>younger brother spent most of his youth in halfway houses and now is pulling
>10 years at Sing Sing.   All that has got me thru these rought times has
>been my love of Indiana basketball and my reverence for Coach Bob Knight.
>I really want to marry this girl...
>I respect her...
>
>The only question is:
>
>Should I tell her about Bob Knight?
>
>=confused and loathesome in SC

Dear =confused and loathesome in SC,

No.  Introducing a strong, proud male role model like Coach Bob Knight into 
your pathetic sordid life will only confuse her and perhaps cause her pain.
If you doubt this just axe your brother up in the big house.  I would suggest
this course of action: Enroll in a "adult children of alcoholics" 12-step
seminar/encounter group and have your girl friend participate as a support
person.  Share with the other members of your support group your theories on
why Ray Charles *really* has that stupid-ass smile on his face all the time,
and what disease caused his spine to seize up like it has.  Then invite your
mother out to dinner to meet your girl friend at a fine restaurant (I suggest
Perkins, the Jumbo Flap Jacks are "tres bon" there).  After dinner, as the
three of you sit there digesting in the romantic flickering 200 watt light,
dare to tell them the currently vogue joke about "What's James Worthy's idea
of Xmas presents?  Ho, ho, ho !!"  See if this sparks any interest.  If your
girlfriend doesn't exhale a hot breath and inch across the naugahyde booth
towards your Ma, this means you're not in James' league.  At that point cut
your losses and reach across the table, grab your Ma by the hair and slam
her face down into the shallow pool of Aunt Jemima's maple syrup with flap 
jack scraps floating in it.  Rip off your Ma's jacket and point to the wide
circles of moisture on the back of her blouse and proclaim to everybody in
the restaurant, "she's a disgusting bug and has the AIDS!!"  This will allow
you to run off with your Ma's purse (and to skate without paying the check)
and steal her Gremlin.  Your girl will be favorably impressed at both your
moral fiber and resourcefulness.  Then, to show her that you don't necessarily
come from bad seed drive over to your Pa's house and take him out for a few
drinks.  When he conks out you cain roll him for whatever dough he might have
to help defray the $299 cost of the "adult children of alcoholics" seminar.
Your girl at this point will admire how you have taken charge of a bad situation
and made the best of it.  Immediately haid for a classy sports bar with a big
projection TV.  Unless its Monday night there will be a_ACC hoops game on, and
that means beaucoup close-ups of 'Snuffy Smif' snivelling at the officials (or
his players).  During these shots point at coach Smif' and loudly deride him
as a_overrated bum and choke artist.  This will demonstrate to her that you are
a discriminating main not easily fooled by charlatans.  When she flutters her
eyelashes demurly, she's hooked.  At that instant pull out your plasticized 
photo of Bob, lay it out on the table before her, look up into her eyes, and
axe, "will you marry me?"  Guaranteed yes and guaranteed happy marriage.

MrT 

 Rollward, absolutely rollward.  The tears they are a_flowin'.
 
 '... the Jumbo Flap Jacks are "tres bon" there ...' is the best line of
 the year so far.
 
 I bow to the master.
 
 Bob Hunt

    
    If the self-proclaimed (or is that self-propelled) NotY MrT has not in
    fact won the legitimate title, that last note of his certainly puts him
    in the running for the top dog spot, with a leg up on the competition.
    
    Dickstah
    

    I nominate that for Note of the Year!

DAMN, MrT, you must've intercepted that shipment of SPORTshrooms(tm)
I sent out to Spud!

Whoee, it musta been a strong batch too....8^)

Bet Bob's Xs and Os were As and Bs after you ate that shipment....

'Saw

Good one T!

I liked the part about ` and steal her Gremlin '.

One short phrase can speak volumes. 

I can picture you writing that.... thighs shuddering, white-shoed toes
tapping, leisure suit beginning to reek with the creative fumes which
are the byproduct of SPORTShrooms (tm).

You are a caution.

Mike JN

Go ahead, MrT, tell 'em who inspired you...  the Abbott to your Costello,
the Burns to your Allen, the Aykroyd to your Belushi, the Bush to your
Reagan...

    >Go ahead, MrT, tell 'em who inspired you...
    
    Why sure: I was inspired at a rally at the state house last night.
    No, not a_anti-war rally.  A rally held by the feminist strap-on
    crowd demanding that all women currently doing prison time for 
    killing or maiming men be pardoned by the Govenore cuz they were only
    defending themselves.  After the rally the gals went over to a nearby
    Perkins to warm up and chat.  I thought it might pay off to tag along
    given that I was the only human male in the group.  The gals of course
    got to talking about recent dates they'd been out on (plus the ususal
    tall tales of abuse and maladjustment) and so I just concantanated 
    some a the better ones together... and voila !!
    
    *You* certainly had nothing to do with it buddy.
    
    MrT

    >After the rally the gals went over to a nearby
    >Perkins to warm up and chat.  I thought it might pay off to tag along
    >given that I was the only human male in the group.
    
    
    So I guess that means you were mistaken for one a_the women dat was
    there? Were they that butch or were you that girly_looking? 8^)

    re .79
    
    I was the one carrying the backpack full of spare EverReadys.  They
    always make the submissive human male do the grunt work.  A_excellent
    question, though.  Sounds like you spent some time in Berkeley!
    
    MrT