Conference 7.286::digital

5263.0. "Another difference somewhere" by WOTVAX::16.194.208.3::warder.reo.dec.com::sharkeya (Who am I now ?) Sat Apr 26 1997 17:02

OK - How about this - passed to me last night.

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Right! I run System V on my VIC-20!
 
Hmmmm...well, I am getting SVR4 for my HP 48SX.....
 
HA! _I'm_ just finishing up a port of VMS for my Timex Sinclair!
Top THAT!
 
I'm running NextStep on Atari 2600 Video Game System.
 
Just last night I was able to get Windows to boot on my Sears PONG
game.
 
I am replying to this message with my built-in VAX Mailer on my
Game-Boy.

I just installed a 10 Gigabyte Drive to handle all the replies!
However, it only runs at 230,000 Baud due to the large drive
slowing it down.
 
I fear I will not be getting news any longer... The batteries on my
calculator-watch are running out.
 
My calculator-watch is solar... And if I turned off the lights, NO
ONE would be getting news...
 
Feh. I'm so slick NASA just awarded ME the TERADATA contract to run
on my TV remote! They liked my proposal mainly because I'm ALSO able
to shoehorn in the TEXAS SUPERCOLLIDER computations between
commercials! Beat THAT!
 
Well, well, well. SSC calculations, huh. I built a system out of 2
inches of wire, 3 pennies and a AA battery that does realtime
calculations of particle vectors during the Big Bang. A complete
simulation of the first 2 years of the life of the universe,
accurate to the theoretical limit, takes about 5 seconds.
 
And you guys think you are so great. I just spent the last half hour
getting X11 to run on my slide rule. I am still having problems
connecting it to the net around here, but I would welcome any
suggestions.
 
So what!!! I'm running Xinitrc, TWMRC, Internet, and 27 muds off of
a paperclip. Not to mention the fact that I am designing a new form
of television with 7000 pixels based off a piece of tissue paper.
Next!!!
 
Man, that's baby stuff. I'm running a particle accelerator utilizing
matter-antimatter reactions in my doorknob, and calculating
everything in the fourth dimension using a single dip switch and a
large glass of water.
 
Child's play, I have an old piece of cheese that is, at this very
moment, raytracing an actual model of the universe five hours from
now, while at the same time calculating the heat produced from the
new intel Pentium.
 
And you people think that you are hackers! I'm currently engaged in
a project which involves simultaneous simulation of multiple
universes (To see what would happen if various constants change.
Pi=8.4 is an interesting one.) My hardware consists of a single
wooden pencil (no paper). With it, I can do real-time simulations of
2^32 universes in parallel.
 
You guys are wimps!! I've just finished converting a microwave oven
into a paradimensional teleportation device. The only problem I'm
having so far is that my breakfast bagel keeps disappearing!! May
have to eat it raw . . .
 
Sorry, that's my fault. I'm afraid that the high-energy laser-pumped
negentropic vortex generator I made from my own nostril hair, which
is currently cranking out entire new universes at the rate of 7.6
per picosecond, was breaking the FCC emissions limits and gronking
your microwave's control panel. It should work properly now. Also,
my cat Arthur was FTPing hundreds of terabytes of PD software from
Epsilon Eridani in the year 4741 A.D. over the faster-than-light
Ethernet interface I built for him, and this may have been loading
the Net a little yesterday. My sincere apologies to everyone who
noticed any performance degradation.

    .....so what do you do for a living?
    
    horne