Conference 7.286::digital

    we have winner folks.......it is true

    ... deep, throaty voice...  You sound **SO** cute...  And Tammy,
    Rochelle, or Victoria are just ***GRABBING*** at the phone...  They
    just can't ****WAIT**** to chat with you about the latest in DIGITAL
    techniques...  No, girls, get BACK...  "Mr. CuteVoice" on the line here
    just has to give me an eentsy-weentsy little VISA or MasterCard
    Number... 
    
    :-)
    

    Gives a whole new meaning to Customer Satisfaction. :-)
    
    Bright Blessings,
    
    PJ

    Digital has sent a postcard to all INFORM addresses stating the
    correct number
    Mark
    

    Hrmph.  If we REALLY wanted to ensure customer sat., as .3 implies, we
    ALSO should've enclosed a certificate for a FREE call to the "other" #.
    
    -- Only Kidding!!!  :-)
    

    One thing for sure - since the article appeared and this note was
    posted, the "other" number sure got a lot of calls!

    Which number does Hell have now ?

    
    As .3 mentions, a postcard with the correct number was sent to all
    recepeints of inFORM over a week ago. Additionally, it should be mentioned 
    that the one incorrect number was in relatively small print and that the 
    correct 800 number appears about 20 times in this 20 page publication.  
    Those of you unfamiliar with inFORM should check this out and in the 
    process look over some of the articles.  In its three publications to date
    inFORM has received excellent feedback from customers, it's worth checking
    out.
    
    

    I guess this put a new dimension to the statement that Digital sucks.
    And we leave it to the readers to decode that 3825 extension into a
    four letter word ..

    >Per

Seems like it must be pretty easy to get a sex line by mistake.

I called Aetna health insurance a couple months ago and accidently used
the 3-digit PO Box number as the prefix.  Surprise, surprise.

:-). Liz

    sorta related, I read in the news that a plumber had pulled a fast one. 
    He called the phone company and asked them to forward several phone
    numbers to his phone.  Turns out that they were his competitors!
    
    Mark

RE .11 - I guess this shows the relative proportion of phone sex lines to other
phone uses. The phone companies may have to create a new 739 toll-free area code
just to accomodate them all when the 800 code fills up. One can envision the
statistics:

	800-Number Distribution

	Phone-Sex Lines          72%
        Catalog Order Lines      18%
        Customer Complaint Lines  8%
        Technical Support Lines   1%
        All Other                 1%

	Source: my imagination ;^)

    
    Please be aware that "inForm" is an internal technical publication 
    and has nothing to do with our new Corporate ad campaign.  We should 
    not use headlines from the Digital Branding advertisements in an 
    inappropriate manner.  The correction has been made.
    
    
    Pam Novitch
    Corporate Advertising
    
    

    Thanks for the laughs
    

    re .14, .15 - 
    
    Please be aware that inFORM is not an "internal, technical
    publication".  It is a world-wide customer publication, translated into
    several languages, with (I believe) a total circulation of over 100K.
    
    The editor of inFORM is Joan Kerr and she is located in ZKO at
    VMSMKT::KERR

    I'm glad to see that the trademark police have also taken on corp.
    advertising.  :-(
    
    Mark

    
    	This whole thing is too much funny. I can't wait to see who says
    what next ;-)
    
    		the Greyhawk

        Such telephone number mistakes are not unique to Digital. About ten
    months ago we had set up an 800 number 1-800 -OEM-RISC (1-800-636-7472 ) for
    potential Alpha OEMs. I was pleasantly surprised when several people
    called the number to ask for the special upgrade advertised in the
    mailing campaign. Soon we found out that IBM had used this number in
    their campaign by mistake ( typo). Initially in some cases I talked to
    them in detail asking for their needs etc and finally told them that
    they have reached Digital instead of IBM..

    This is a situation that calls for a 
    VICE President if I ever saw one. I would suggest a stand up kinda
    gut...but EEO and all...

    >I would suggest a stand up kinda
    >gut...
    
    Yeah, ain't it funny how some people have, uh, larger size waistlines
    that flop downwards, and others have 'em sticking straight out?
    Must be something to do with stomach muscles.
    
    

    I should remind you that some countries, like the one I live in, do not
    have letters on the phone dials. (It would take at least 4,000 buttons
    to get good coverage of the 'alphabet') so when calling USA 800 numbers
    we have to trust the advertisement.
    
    The new Digital clearly needs a 'translation of phone letters to
    numbers' committee and signoff procedure.
    

    
    These 800 numbers are not free so watch out ... carriers forward these
    numbers to 900 numbers . 

    
    
    RE: .18  What next.......
    
    
    Mike

    RE: .16
    
    Thanks for the information.  I was told it was only internal.  That
    explains why Infoworld commented (base note) on this in their 
    publication.
    
    Well, although I agree it's humorous, I hope it does not
    effect the Brand image we are trying to build. 

    
    Pam Novitch
    Corporate Advertising
    

Actually, I think it's a bit of free advertising.  People laugh at things
like this but it doesn't make them think less of the company which made the
mistake.

					Steve

Gives new meaning to the term "HOTLINE".

:-). Liz

    thanks for -.1. that made me laugh and I really needed that today.
    
    Chuck

Perhaps this could be taken as an opportunity...
	What not an entry into the "Audio Server" market.

	"SmutServer 1000, featuring DECTalkDirty..."?

		(%^))   Dick

    ;^) ;^) ;^) ;^) ;^) ;^) ;^) ;^) ;^) ;^) ;^) ;^) ;^) ;^) ;^) ;^) ;^)
    
    the best way to look at an error...
    
    with humor...
    
    I'm still laughing!
    
    ;^)
    

Portland, Oregon:

People who call a toll-free numbers listed for the
Internal Revenue Service in a local directory are
greeted with this message: "Hi, sexy."

"You're connected to the hottest line in America," the
voice purrs.  "Our one of a kind service lets you
choose your own fantasy."

People who call the number listed in GTE's 1995-94
Washington County/Portland West Hills phone book
connect to a service that offers "phone fantasies" for
$2.50 to $3.99 per minute.

Callers are invited to hear even more by calling
another number: "You won't believe what you hear."

Neither did the IRS, which until recently was unaware
of the misprint.

Maybe it's the latest plan to reduce the budget deficit?

Not to worry, it's all part of a plan to privatize the IRS. After all the
private sector does everything better and more efficiently than the government.
Besides the government has no business being in the tax collection business and
competing with all those fine hard working repo men and women and collection
agencies.

					Tom

    Privatization requires the ability to sell off an entity.  Buying the
    IRS would be like buying the IRA, only with less public support.
    
    - the IRS has been faulted by the GAO for failing to keep the minimum
      records required for auditing a business. (kinda ironic, huh?)
    
    - regular businesses have to follow due process of law, thus the
      private purchaser wouldn't be able to use the same terroristic
      tactics or have their own court systems and judges, a major drawback
      in winning a case.
    
    - its "customer service reps" can only answer, at best, 4 of 5 simple
      questions (such as, and I'm not making this up, "Can I declare my
      dog as a dependent?").  This is not a stellar record.
    
    - the GAO reports that, after an $8 billion modernization effort, the
      internal systems are as bad as they ever were.
    
    Privatization, as we've continually preached to our Commie brethren,
    works better than centralized government planning (see: Cuba, former
    USSR, North Korea, ad nauseum.  Good reference work is "The Teachings
    of Che Guevera", special emphasis on when he was the Minister of
    Industry).
    
    Now, if you simply look at the function, which is funding government, I
    feel certain that the majority of Digits could come up with a scheme to
    revamp the whole process and completely do away with the agency as we
    know it.  F'rinstance, sales tax collection, flat tax, VAT, etc.  All
    with their kinks, but each working well somewhere in the world as we
    type.
    
    Lastly, we gotta remember that this fine organization is brought to you
    by the same wunderkind that brought you cheap nuclear power, health
    care reform, a balanced federal budget, funding for Marcos, the Khmer
    Rouge, and Somoza, democracy in SouthEast Asia, Agent Orange, ad
    nauseum, ad nauseum, ad nauseum.... :^]
    
    					Tex (not a big Federalist fan)

This (privatizing tax collection) was normal practice in pre-revolutionary France.
The tax farm was organized as a group of investors who paid the royal treasury
a fixed sum for the right to collect taxes due. As a result of highly unpopular
taxes (e.g., on salt and bread) the members of the tax farm became as popular as
the IRS.

During the revolution, the entire membership of the tax farm was sent to 
Madame la Guillotine.  The chemist Lavoisier perished in this fashion.

\dave

    Also, the tax collectors (such as Matthew) of the New Testament era
    were private individuals on "commission" (whatever you and your Roman
    soldiers could extract above the required amount).  They, too, were
    sufficiently unpopular that Jesus says something like, "Don't even the
    *tax collectors* do [some 'good deed']?  Why do you boast about doing
    the same?"