[Search for users] [Overall Top Noters] [List of all Conferences] [Download this site]

Conference 7.286::digital

Title:The Digital way of working
Moderator:QUARK::LIONELON
Created:Fri Feb 14 1986
Last Modified:Fri Jun 06 1997
Last Successful Update:Fri Jun 06 1997
Number of topics:5321
Total number of notes:139771

3165.0. "Clinton consults with Palmer, film at 11" by QUARK::LIONEL (Free advice is worth every cent) Mon Jun 13 1994 19:44

From:	US2RMC::"[email protected]" "Jon Callas" 13-JUN-1994 12:18:20.46
To:	[email protected]
CC:	
Subj:	Clinton consults with Palmer, film at 11

(forwards downsized)

    The May 16, 1994 issue of PC Week has an article titled: DEC to Consult
    with Clinton about National Debt and Downsizing.  Clinton sought out
    DEC's Bob Palmer to learn about cutting costs and improving the
    nation's "bottom line".

    After private talks,  Clinton called in his cabinet and set a new
    direction for his national agenda.  While there have been no
    official announcements,  the following proposals have leaked out:


    Federal business units:                        status:

    Armed forces                        Core business but to be reorg'd.
                                        Self-managed teams to replace
                                        current chain-of-command.

    Supreme Court                       Chief Justice to be retained,
                                        remaining positions to be filled
                                        by contractors

    Senate                              Could be sold.  Duties to be
                                        handled by a smaller "senior
                                        leadership team".

    House of Reps.                      To be downsized to about 24 members,
                                        Will still pass laws but actual
                                        writing of laws to be outsourced to
                                        law firm in Arkansas.

    Post Office                         Could be sold or spun off.

    National headcount                  Must be cut by  min. 20%. Clinton
                                        would like to see a smaller, more
                                        profitable US. TFSO package for
                                        people to move to Europe and
                                        Mexico.

    National Health Care                Clinton will contract with Canada
                                        to add all remaining US citizens
                                        to their system.  Cost savings
                                        anticipated due to prohibitive
                                        travel distance from most of US
                                        population.


    Texas                               unlikely to be sold

    Massachusetts                       Likely to be merged with other
                                        New England states and then
                                        "rightsized".

    Florida, California                 No new development.  Customers to
                                        be migrated to Arkansas.

    New York,  New Jersey               To be shut down.  Talks already
                                        underway with third party buyer
                                        interested in creating a geriatric
                                        center on these sites.

    While unavailable for comment,  rumors are rife that VP Al Gore may
    soon leave to "pursue other interests."  Speculation is that
    Clinton would like to replace Gore with Hillary Clinton but
    that his advisors see Chelsea as a more politically viable choice.

---
Jon Callas, Director of Technology   World Benders, Inc.
[email protected]                 (603) 881-5432 (voice & fax)



% ====== Internet headers and postmarks (see DECWRL::GATEWAY.DOC) ======
% Received: from inet-gw-3.pa.dec.com by us2rmc.bb.dec.com (5.65/rmc-22feb94) id AA27154; Mon, 13 Jun 94 12:13:57 -040
% Received: from mv.MV.COM by inet-gw-3.pa.dec.com (5.65/27May94) id AA06545; Mon, 13 Jun 94 09:08:31 -070
% Received: by mv.mv.com (8.6.9/mem-931109) id MAA06610 for eristocracy-ll; Mon, 13 Jun 1994 12:05:27 -040
% Received: from [198.3.36.55] by mv.mv.com (8.6.9/mem-931109) id MAA06578 for <[email protected]>; Mon, 13 Jun 1994 12:05:05 -040
% Message-Id: <[email protected]>
% X-Sender: [email protected] (Unverified)
% Mime-Version: 1.0
% Content-Type: text/plain; charset="us-ascii"
% Date: Mon, 13 Jun 1994 12:05:01 -0500
% To: [email protected]
% From: [email protected] (Jon Callas)
% Subject: Clinton consults with Palmer, film at 11
% Sender: [email protected]
% Precedence: list
T.RTitleUserPersonal
Name
DateLines
3165.1ARCANA::CONNELLYfoggy, rather groggyMon Jun 13 1994 23:596
If this is really from PC Week (and not a total put-on), then you have to admire
how perceptive they are about the method behind our [down|right|dumb]-sizing!
Of course, our customer base probably doesn't really need to see more of this...

- paul
3165.2WhoaDPDMAI::ROSETue Jun 14 1994 01:237
    The previous issue of PCWeek had the article about DEC buying Windows
    NT?  What's going on there?  This is not the usual venue for our rumors
    and ribbings.
    
    Did a former Digit land there?
    
    ..Larry
3165.3No recommendation about the VP slot?OPG::TORPEYM&quot;16years without a Stock option&quot;Tue Jun 14 1994 07:433
I would have thought that in order to create the right balance in the new
administration, RP would have recommended splitting Al Gore's VP position
between about 150 worthy citizens.
3165.4Now wait a minute......TOOK::GASKELLTue Jun 14 1994 11:304
    A few years ago I would laugh at this, being certain that it was
    written in humor.  Now, with the world being the way it is, I am not so
    sure.  Just to keep on the safe side, for the time being I will keep my
    ears glued to CNN for updates.
3165.5It's true, all too truePOBOX::CORSONYOU CALL THAT A SLAPSHOT....?Tue Jun 14 1994 13:3419
    
    	Actually, the source I use stated that Clinton originally began
    the conversation with RP "Let's talk about what one needs to do to get
    a 40% salary increase, while convincing everyone else (who isn't)
    you're worth it." That started the whole ball rolling downhill.
    	After a time (and my source swears this is absolutely true) Hillary
    entered the room and requested the VPs slot right-off with the comment,
    "Since it appears to be working so well at Digital (the downsizing), 
    why don't you boys help Al (Gore) find the door."
    	One small correction, however, outsourcing the Supreme Court was
    only touched upon. What was agreed was that judicial review needed to be
    streamlined, and that the appropriate response should be to create an
    outside task force to develop new policies and procedures to be acted
    upon at a later date.
    	Otherwise, my source confirms .0 as totally accurate.
                                  
    		the Greyhawk
    
    
3165.6Remember the Constitution?RUTILE::DAVISTue Jun 14 1994 13:536
OK.  I'll bite.

There may be a teeny problem with having the Executive branch of the 
government trying to streamline the Legislative branch.  

There's the matter of separation of powers, as noted in the U.S. Constitution.
3165.7DCOPST::TONYSC::SCOLAROA Spoonful of Sugar ....Tue Jun 14 1994 14:526
The date on that pcweek should have been April 1, not may 16!


:)

Tony
3165.8laughing all the way to lunch...SWAM2::GOLDMAN_MABlondes have more Brains!Tue Jun 14 1994 15:219
    That was the most ridiculous thing I've ever read, and the best laugh
    I've had since...since...the 31st of May!  Of course, it can't be real, 
    because it's too stupid for even our government to try...besides, 
    it doesn't seem to be working so well here, so why try it on a 
    larger scale?!  Well, then again, it wouldn't be the first time the 
    government set itself up for failure...Interesting concept, 
    very interesting...
    
    M.
3165.9IMTDEV::BRUNOFather GregoryTue Jun 14 1994 16:087
RE:      <<< Note 3165.8 by SWAM2::GOLDMAN_MA "Blondes have more Brains!" >>>
   
    >>Of course, it can't be real, 

     It's already circulating as authentic.

                                    Greg
3165.10Even the article isn't realQUARK::LIONELFree advice is worth every centTue Jun 14 1994 16:144
I can't find this in the May 16 "PC Week", nor in any issue since that.
I'm presuming it's a hoax, though a funny one.

				Steve
3165.11Left-handed screwdriver?USOPS::CLELANDCenterline violation...Tue Jun 14 1994 16:411
    	Please, don't search for the article, please don't...
3165.12QUARK::LIONELFree advice is worth every centTue Jun 14 1994 22:077
    Re: .11
    
    I had figured that this was a humor piece that had actually
    appeared in PC Week.  But it didn't; someone invented the
    attribution, which is unusual.
    
    				Steve
3165.13ODIXIE::MURDOCKTue Jun 14 1994 22:148
    
    
    Re: .*
    
    It's alarming to think that ANYONE would have thought of the article
    as * real * ...  :-)
    
    
3165.14the alarm's been going off for ages...SWAM2::GOLDMAN_MABlondes have more Brains!Wed Jun 15 1994 00:4011
    What's really alarming is that anyone would write it in the first
    place.  To have a venerable, respected manufacturer such as Digital
    become the fastest-growing joke material in the industry is not only
    alarming, but equally depressing.  Unfortunately, it is indicative of
    what our customers and our competitors are thinking...
    
    Personally, I (obviously, from .8) never thought it could be real.  On
    the other hand, it's great that (at least) we few survivors can laugh
    at ourselves, too!
    
    M.
3165.15Read it, didn't see it.VMSNET::M_MACIOLEKFour54 Camaro/Only way to flyWed Jun 15 1994 10:426
    > Just to keep on the safe side, for the time being I will keep my
    > ears glued to CNN for updates.
    That's about as informative as putting your head in the toilet.
    
    ;^) of course.
    MadMike
3165.16An Interesting Change of WeatherMONTOR::GLASERWed Jun 15 1994 11:577
    What I found interesting about .* is that Mr. Palmer is the butt of a
    joke in a Digital wide forum.  This tells me that the rank and file of
    this organization is soo disenchanted with Mr Palmer that they 
    accept/contribute/distribute public denigration of his activities.
    
                                     
    	-David
3165.17KLAP::porterjustified and ancientWed Jun 15 1994 12:118
Not necessarily. It is not true for me that, if I make jokes
about X, then I must therefore have a wholly negative view
of X.  I am quite capable of making jokes about people
I like and whose abilities I respect.   It's called "having a 
sense of humour" where I come from.

I plead the 5th Amendment on comments relating to the
people appearing in this notes string, though!  :-)
3165.18report to my office...NOWWMOIS::HORNE_CHORNET-THE FALL GUYWed Jun 15 1994 12:425
    
    .....rumour has it that even Mr. Palmer has a sense of humour
    
    hornET
    
3165.19Please, Mr Principal...POBOX::CORSONYOU CALL THAT A SLAPSHOT....?Wed Jun 15 1994 15:2513
    
    	No kidding. You have to these days, or else the tears won't stop.
    
    	Having some fun is OK. Most of us out here in the field still
    maintain our sense of humour in spite of all our problems. Sales people
    always believe that problems present opportunities. I personally have
    the greatest respect for RP ( even had lunch with him at COE last year)
    and am convinced he has the toughest job in corporate America today.
    
    	However, Bill Clinton doesn't know diddly, so why won't RP try to
    straighten him out?
    
    		the Greyhawk
3165.20Origins are lost to the bitbucket of Jon Callas' PowerBookSMURF::BLINNSpin yourself dizzy.Wed Jun 15 1994 15:2812
        I checked with Jon Callas (who posted the topic note to an
        Internet mailing list he maintains), and although he no longer has
        the original, he recalls receiving a couple of different copies,
        each of which had the "original forwarding nuked" notation.  He is
        not sure he knows who wrote it, and suspects that the author may
        be the person who included the "forwarding downsized" comment.  It
        may even have originated at Digital :^)
        
        So, can we turn this into an urban legend?  Steve is usually very
        good at spotting (almost wrote stopping) those..
        
        Tom
3165.21OKFINE::KENAHEvery old sock meets an old shoe...Wed Jun 15 1994 15:331
    I saw this posted in another conference -- it was in the "humor" string.  
3165.22QUARK::LIONELFree advice is worth every centWed Jun 15 1994 17:4815
Re: .20

This doesn't classify as an "urban legend" to me.  It was clear from the
outset (at least to me) that this was a humor piece.  The only oddity was
the attribution to PC Week.

I suppose, though, that this could be likened to people who hear that,
for example (and I'm just making this up), Bob Palmer appeared on Geraldo and
admitted that he's a closet philatelist.  (And he perambulated his sister,
too!)

I suppose the notion of Palmer meeting with Clinton is itself at least
plausible, but the rest?  Come on!

					Steve
3165.23Had to be a DigitDPDMAI::ROSEWed Jun 15 1994 20:0211
    The reason I believe it must have started at Digital is the reference
    to TFSO, which would have been called layoff anywhere outside DEC.
    
    ..Larry
    
    >>National headcount                Must be cut by  min. 20%. Clinton
    >>					would like to see a smaller, more
    >>					profitable US. TFSO package for     
    >>                                 	people to move to Europe and Mexico.
    
    
3165.24Fire vs Layoff vs TFSO vs Involuntary ResignationAKOCOA::BBARRYLaudabamusne RexThu Jun 16 1994 09:1010
Re. Note 3165.23 DPDMAI::ROSE 
>    The reason I believe it must have started at Digital is the reference
>    to TFSO, which would have been called layoff anywhere outside DEC.
    
>    ..Larry
    
Actually, "fired" is more accurate. Layoff implies a temporary condition.
    
    
    /Bob
3165.25So much cynicismANGLIN::WOOLLUMSRuss WoollumsSun Jun 19 1994 23:487
    Of course the basenote is authentic. I suppose no one believe what they
    read in  "National Enquirer" either.
    
    BTW,
    I have some metric crescent wrenches for sale to anybody interested.
    
    Russ
3165.26Look Ma, No HandsHLDE01::VUURBOOM_RRoelof Vuurboom @ APD, DTN 829 4066Mon Jun 20 1994 12:2726
    The European edition of the relevant PC Week also quotes that Clinton
    was also seriously thinking of downsizing the US to 80 million or
    so.
    
    The rest would be moved to the outer islands of Polynesia and would
    recieve a 4 week training as TV evangelists. Apparently Digital
    is being asked to provide a bid for its leading edge video servers
    and networking to supporting the exponential increase in evangelist
    services that this move would create.
    
    They would also be provided with free soccer balls and a complimentary
    brochure: Now I've Got The Ball What Do I Do With It? A simple
    multiple choice questionair guides the reader to a thorough knowledge
    of the sport. Sample Question:
    
    Now I've Got The Ball What Do I Do With It?
    
    	a. Kick It.
    	b. Eat It.
    	c. Sit On It.
    	d. Take It Home.
    	e. Shout "Look Ma, No Hands"
    
    
    re roelof
    
3165.27This has much meritPOBOX::CORSONYOU CALL THAT A SLAPSHOT....?Mon Jun 20 1994 23:1812
    
    	This makes perfect sense, Roelof.
    
    	Since SUN is the "proud computer sponsor" of the world cup, we
    should be much more active in tele-evangelism. Maybe get Jimmy
    Swiggert, or Tammy Whatsherface (with the heavy make-up) from the PTL
    Club, to do our ads.
    
    	Personally I believe Digital is downsizing to JUST managers. Then
    they can blame each other.
    
    		the Greyhawk