Conference 7.286::digital

2197.0. "NEW EXPENSE GUIDELINES!" by NWD002::REED_BO () Wed Nov 04 1992 12:43

    THEY'RE HERE!!  THE NEW EXPENSE GUIDELINES JUST RECEIVED!
    
     "Due to budget constraints the following corporate policies are
    announced regarding employee travelling on official business. The
    policies are effective immediately.
    
    TRANSPORTATION
      Hitchhiking in lieu of commercial transport is strictly encouraged.
    Luminescent safety vests will be issued to all employees prior their
    departure on company business trips. Bus transportation will be used
    whenever possible. Airline tickets will only be authorized for purchase
    in extreme circumstances and the lowest fares will be used. If, for
    example, a meeting is scheduled in Winnipeg, but a lower fare can be
    obtained by travelling to Calgary, then travel to Calgary will be
    substituted for travel to Winnipeg.
    
    LODGING
      All employees are encouraged to stay with relatives or friends while
    on company business. If weather permits, public areas such as parks and
    parking lots should be used for temporary lodging sites. Bridges may
    provide shelter in periods of inclement weather.
    
    MEALS
      Expenditures for meals will be limited to the absolute minimum. It
    should be noted that certain grocery chains, such as Save-On-Food and
    Safeway stores often provide free samples of promotional items. Entire
    meals can often be obtained in this manner. Travellers should also
    become familiar with indigenous roots, berries and other protein
    sources available at their destination. If restaurants must be
    utilized, travellers should seek establishments offering 'all you can
    eat' salad bars. This will be especially cost effective for employees
    travelling together, as a single plate can be used to feed an entire
    group. Employees are also encouraged to bring their own food while on
    company business. Cans of tuna fish, spam, pork-n-beans and beef-a-roni
    can be conveniently consumed at their leisure, without the unnecessary
    bother of heating or other costly preparation. Road-kill cookbooks will
    also be provided to all employees.
    
    ENTERTAINMENT
      Entertainment while on travel is strictly discouraged. If such
    extravagances are required on customer contacts, the customer should be
    encouraged to 'pick up the tab'. Such action will save the organization
    money and convince the customer that we are concerned about spending
    money on providing a good product, not useless frivolities. The
    hospitality provided to our customers who visit our facility should be
    tasteful, yet cost effective. In lieu of extravagant dinners, a picnic
    bench will be placed in the parking lot near the dumpster and a garden
    hose will be made available so that liquid refreshment can be provided
    for our guests.
    
    MISCELLANEOUS
      All employees are encouraged to employ innovative techniques in our
    team effort to save corporate dollars. One enterprising individual has
    already suggested that money could be raised during airport layover
    periods which could be used to defray travel costs. In support of this
    idea, 'red caps' will be issued to all employees prior to departure so
    they may earn tips for helping other travellers with their luggage
    during such periods. Small plastic roses will also be made available to
    employees so that sales may be made as time permits."
    
    
    Sounds to me like it just might work!
    
    BOB R  
    

    How many miles do you have to hitchike for a plan A vest?
    

    recommended reading for all Digital aircraft and land vehicles, on the
    back of expense vouchers, and travel requests.
    
�j� 
    

   I am angered over the tone of these notes.  You make Digital sound as
   if they are cold, heartless, and uncaring when employees needs during
   travel are concerned.  I have it on good faith that Digital is going
   to modify the policy so that an employee can buy a newspaper (must
   not exceed $.50) so that they can cover themselves as they sleep on
   park benches.

    DEC THUMB ANNOUNCEMENT: Effective immediately, the preferred PLAN A
    option for travel will be DEC THUMB. This will prove a cost effective
    and highly interactive mechanism for sales, support and service
    personnel to hitch hike to their established customer engagements.
    However, due to the recognized and inherent danger with this mode of
    transportation, all eligible employees will be issues a DEC GUN.
    
    Bear in mind that the first 30 bullets used per week are deductible as
    a personal usage charge.
    
    That is all

    	Reminds me of a poster created in '84 when the DECwagon was in
    vogue (NOT):
    
    	Showed a person with roller skates wearing a flying helmet and
    goggles in coveralls with "the logo" on back crouched down with a 
    lighted match under their a**.
    
    	Caption: Announcing the 1984 DECwagon Plus....
    
    	Also, as mentioned before, a wayward grocery cart on a DEC loading
    dock with a "1993 Car Plan Proto." sign.
    
    Phil

Hmm - seems to me I read these "new" guidelines a few years ago...

		Steve