Conference tecrus::mormonism

Hi Frank,

Because my wife and I are Stake Missionaries, we're involved in feeding the
missionaries.  We feel it is a privilege to have them in our home; we're
grateful for their influence, their spirit, and their example and influence
with us and our children.  Members who don't have the missionaries in their
home are missing an opportunity!

We're having the same problem you are.  When we first began this program, it
was just the Stake Missionaries who were providing meals (4-5 families).  
It didn't take many weeks before we realized we needed help from other
families.  One of the full time missionaries explained how it was done in a
ward he had served in, and we're trying to follow that pattern;  I can't give
a report on our success because I haven't been monitoring which families are
involved, but I will check on it and give you a status report.

This is how that ward did it.  The coordinator compiled a list of the families
who were willing to participate.  Each family was asked to host the
missionaries on a fixed schedule, e.g. the 3rd Tuesday of the month.  It was a
lot of work for the coordinator to get it set up, but once it was in operation
it needed very little attention.  Families knew in advance when they would be
hosting the missionaries (great for family planning), and the coordinator's
job was mainly checking with the families a few days in advance to see if any
conflicts had arisen.  A master list was printed giving the fixed schedule.

I would like to make a comment, and this is purely my personal opinion.  I
expect other LDS will disagree, and that is fine.  I would suggest that your
wife not feel personally responsible for the success of the program--if she
does, she may be heading for an emotional break down.  I would suggest that
the ward members are responsible for the program and that your wife is only
responsible to coordinate, plan, etc., but not to insure success.  If the
ward members want the program to be successful, then they must participate and
help it to be so.  If they want it to fail, then they can insure that.  In
either case, your wife will honorably fulfil her calling if she does as much
as she can to encourage the members, to teach them why they should participate,
to plan and organize the efforts.  If your ward refuses to make the program
a success, she may have to report to the Bishopric that they can only provide
meals for "x"% of the time, and in making such a report, she is honorably
fulfilling her calling--it is the members themselves who have the problem.
I would suggest that she be aware that the members have their free agency to
participate or not, and that their decision does not affect how well she
fulfills her calling.

Along with Frank, I would appreciate both successful and unsuccessful ideas
from others about this program.

Allen

>I would like to make a comment, and this is purely my personal opinion.  I
>expect other LDS will disagree, ...

	I think your comments were right on!

	Charles

    Last evening, the missionaries showed up at our door ready for dinner,
    my wife answered and said "Oh was that tonight, I guess I forgot, Well
    It looks like we will be having pizza (the frozen kind)."  Then the
    Missionaries said "Is this the Miller's" (that is the family we bought
    the house from which moved down the street a block). It turns out they
    were working from an old copy of the directory. Thanks to my wife for
    being sweet about it, and it was aparently an honest mistake, but I
    could not help referring to the calendar, it was of course "April fools
    day".
    
    Having fun along the way,
    
    Len

    Just thought I would pass a few comments along.

    I am not sure how others do it.  Back in our ward in Munich, a list 
    was circulated once a month and members who wished could enter their 
    name by a date.  The elders would call ahead to find out the best time 
    (if you didn't catch them in the halls during/after church) and would 
    call to cancel if they had an meeting with an investigator on short notice.

    This plan was instituted about a year ago (I think).  Before then, we 
    had the missionaries over about once a week since @ July of '85.  The 
    plan kind of put a damper on things because our regular appointments 
    would conflict with that of other members.  We solved the conflict by 
    writing our names on the list (I think we had the 27th) and gave the
    missionaries an open invitation to drop by if another appointment didn't 
    work our.  Our tradition of having the elders over started when my wife 
    was investigating the church (I learned about her church (Catholic) and 
    she learned about mine).  There were some real interesting discussions 
    during my wife's investigation of the church.  It was a learning experience
    for both of us.  I learned about gospel doctrines as taught from another 
    perspective as they would try to explain the gospel while taking her 
    background into account.

    After I baptised my wife about 2 years later, we continued the tradition.
    Last year, one of them dressed up as Santa Claus (don't tell my son) and
    presented our two children with treats after telling them what they had
    done good/bad during the year and what they should be good during the 
    coming year.  

    We invite them over for a couple of reasons.  One is that we are sort of 
    paying them back for helping my wife on the road to baptism (2 years is 
    a lot of missionaries).  The main reason is that we enjoy their company.  
    They bring a sweet spirit with them when they visit and they are grateful 
    that we have taken them under our wing.  They always praise my wife's 
    cooking (which she really likes) and they are particularly good with the 
    children.  (Most of the adult visitors tend to ignore the children when 
    they visit).  Our children instinctively sense the goodness in them and 
    are not shy when they come over.  They always leave with a lesson and a 
    spiritual thought.  I can't really put into words what they mean to us.  
    They are sort of like an extension of our family - even though the faces 
    change every couple of months ("I can't place your name, but your faith 
    is familiar").  The missionaries have had an open invitation to drop by 
    if something comes up and they don't have a meal for that evening.  Right 
    now, the dollar is very weak and it is _very_ expensive for them to eat 
    out - even at McDonalds.

    The missionaries mean a lot to us.  We enjoy their spirit and company.
    For us, it is not a chore, but a blessing and a privilege to have them 
    visit our home.  We will continue the tradition here in Stuttgart (as 
    soon as we get all unpacked - about another week or two).

    I would really like to recommend that you invite the missionaries over.
    Don't let the visit be formal.  Open your homes and your hearts to them.
    You will be glad you did.


Best Regards,

Frank

    
    We also have the missionaries over and do enjoy them very much.
    I like the excellent role model they show to my teenage sons.  Here
    are young men just a few years older, who, while spiritual, are
    also authentic human beings, exhibiting the best of young manliness.
    
    I like to have my sons brush up against their spirits, personalities
    and "manliness".  My wife enjoys seeing them eat, and  eat and eat.
    
    I enjoy the stories of "back home" they tell.
    
    And of course, I relish the spirit they bring and leave in our home.
    I am grateful that in this world I have the means to provide a safe
    haven for them, a place where the welcome mat is always out and
    where they will always find love, acceptance and a good meal.
    
    When my sons go on their missions, I will take great comfort knowing
    that they will encounter the same thing.  I feel that I am pre-paying
    all those good people who will welcome and feed my boys on their
    missions.
    
    I have a non-member friend who does the same thing for all missionaries
    who knock at her door, no matter what faith they are of.  It is
    her way of seeing goodness prosper.
    
    Paul

    I love to fix dinner for the missionaries, and usually do so twice a
    month.
    
    It can be tough, partly because my [somewhat antagonistic non-member]
    spouse doesn't like the idea.  I make a point of inviting them on his
    nights out - should I invite them on his night in, I imagine he'd
    suddenly add another night out  ;)  Another difficulty is doing this on 
    top of working full time and going to school (A+ on my Amer Lit mid term, 
    A on my marketing mid term, and A on my marketing case study!) and 
    trying to spend some time with my 15 year old daughter.  
    
    Every single time (so far) that the Elders have been invited, there's been 
    a problem.  Once they were stuck in Massachusetts getting their 
    car repaired and were quite late.  Once my only sister called, distraught,
    shortly before the Elders arrived, as I was frantically trying to 
    finish preparing dinner.  The latest challenge was when my oven broke 
    down the day before a planned missionary dinner.  I called the 
    repairman and arranged to work from home the next morning; he
    arrived promptly only to tell me that he would have to order a
    part... sigh.  That night we had Papa Gino's pizza, veggies and dip,
    top-of-the-stove fudge sauce with ice cream, and a wonderful evening. 
    Nevertheless, I hope the next round goes smoothly, if only for variety.  
    
    In our ward, we use a sign-up sheet.  A day or two prior, the host family 
    calls the Elders to confirm the appointment.  I would like to see regularly
    scheduled date/times, but so far that isn't happening.  Also, our ward
    encourages families to provide, if possible, investigators for the 
    missionaries to teach in conjunction with the dinners.  That's been 
    impossible for me, at least so far and I feel guilty about it.  (More 
    prayer and faith called for at this point.)
    
    As has been mentioned by others, I very much enjoy the spirit the 
    Elders bring into our home, and (in spite of my murmuring, above) 
    am glad of the opportunity to serve.
    
    aq
     

Hi Ann,


>    Also, our ward
>    encourages families to provide, if possible, investigators for the 
>    missionaries to teach in conjunction with the dinners.  That's been 
>    impossible for me, at least so far and I feel guilty about it.  (More 
>    prayer and faith called for at this point.)
    
I know your home situation and understand part of the reason why you feel it
impossible to have had investigators so far.  Take it to the Lord and see if
he feels it is an impossible situation at the present time.  If so, then 
you don't need to feel guilty.  If not, then ask him for help in getting
investigators into your home.  Just a thought, FWIW.

Allen

Our ward has two companionships of missionaries.  This of course doubles the
work of coordinating their dinners.

The person responsible for coordinating their dinner appointments came up with
a good system.  A list was passed through R.S. and Priesthood asking people to 
make a commitment for a specific day of the week, and week of the month (i.e.,
first Thursday, or third Monday of each month).  This way he didn't have to
keep going back asking for a commitment each month.  Then the missionaries would
contact their dinner appointments about a week beforehand to confirm that the
date was still solid for that month.

This left very few adjustments to be made; let (or got people to) make a single
commitment for a standing appointment; and keeps the load spread across more 
ward members.

My night used to be first Monday of each month.  However, I'm single and my
job has me on the road a lot, which caused me to cancel a few months in a row.
I always told them to reschedule me into another evening which was free in the 
month, and they never had a free time which corresponded to mine; so I'm pretty
sure that this system was working pretty well.  By the way, I think the Elders
finally gave up on me, because I seem to have been dropped from their list.
Your note has prompted me and I will probably talk to someone about it this 
weekend at conference.

Jim

    Good counsel, Allen, thanks.
    
    RE -1: I neglected to mention that our ward also has 2 sets of Elders
    assigned.  I invite all 4 missionaries each time because that way I
    don't have to remember who/which/when...  :)
    
    aq
    

The system described in a couple of replies of having members sign up
for specific days of the month (same days each month) is working very
well in my Ward.  I was told the method is almost running itself--the
coordinator mainly has to add/remove families who come and go.

Allen

    Hello,
    
    I just wanted to say Thank You! My Best Friend AnneMarie West was
    called to Hondurst sp? for her mission right at this moment she is 
    in Utah learning her spanish she will be leaving for Hondurest
    7/21/92. It is wonderful to hear that so many people will be looking 
    out for her welfare. 
    
    Just my two cents.
    Donna

    Hi,
    
    This is a real problem in our ward.  As the ward mission leader, I know
    just how many times the missionaries are being invited to dinner.  On
    the average, it is about 4 times a month.  Not too good.
    
    I've appreciated everybodies comments regarding how their wards are
    handling the dinners.  My only question that I would like to ask would
    be this.  How long are the missionaries spending in your homes when
    they come over for dinner?
    
    Here, they are told not to spend more than an hour.  I believe however
    that they are frequently there for more than two hours. Sometimes there
    is a good reason for it, but if they are just sitting around chatting,
    do you expect them to take the initiative on their own to leave or
    should the host family encourage them to get back to work?
    
    A touchy issue for most people I'm sure.  I believe that if we want to
    see the missionary work progress, as local members we need to support
    the missionaries and help them 'be' missionaries.  To me this includes
    encouraging them to follow their own mission rules as closely as
    possible.
    
    Does anybody have any other thoughts?
    
    Thanks,
    
    /Don I.
    
    p.s.  My mission was very strict about dinners.  In fact we could only
    accept a dinner at the same members home no more than once per month.
    Perhaps my views are somewhat skewed as a result?

    Here is my response (former Ward Mission Leader).
    
    The Missionaries should be encouraged to keep their mission rules.
    Some of the problem may be the members.  Often times the Missionaries
    arrive only to find that dinner is delayed.  This could be anywhere
    from 1/2 hour to an hour.  Then dinner, then the visit.  Missionaries
    should be encouraged to teach is there are no appointments to go to 
    that night.  And that could include a Member Missionary Lesson.
    (How members can help the Missionaries)  If a certian family is
    inviting the missionaries over all the time, then the "Reward"
    should come with some committments.  Have the Host family invit
    an inactive family as well as the Missionaries, or even better yet,
    have the Host family invite a non-member.  The non-member/inactive
    should arrive before the Missionaries, then the teaching after the
    meal, then the missionaries leave, then the Non-member/inactive
    leaves.  Following this guide line will produce 2 out of 3 conversions.
    The Missionaries know this.
    
    Maybe this will help with the problem of the Missionaries staying too
    long.
    
    
    The next problem to tackle is the frequency of the meals.  If your ward
    is not hosting the Missionaries enough, you might try having the
    Missionaries make appointments with "Active" members and challange them
    to be missionary oriented.  Another that works well is to visit the 
    hometeacher family and discuss what the Missionaries can do to help the
    hometeacher with his inactive families.  A third that also works well
    is to get a list of all of the families that have not been visited in
    the last 2 months and have the missionaries look them up and set an
    appointment with them.  See if any of these don't increase the number
    of DAs that the Missionaries get.
    
    I have lost more, but will refrain from this notes conference.  If you
    wish more you may contact me.
    
    Lee

Here are a few thoughts.

I'm suspicious that part of the problem is because people aren't taking
responsibility for their own lives--they are still behaving as children and
expecting "parents" to do things for them.

If the missionaries are staying too long, they need to realize that *they* are
the problem; following mission rules is *their* responsibility.  It's time
for them to grow up and become responsible adults.

If the missionaries aren't getting many invitations, they need to realize that
it is *their* responsibility to establish bonding with the members such that
the members want to invite them to dinner.  Similarly, Ward leaders need to
realize that it is *their* responsibility to teach Ward members why they
should invite the missionaries, being careful to inspire the members to want
to do it instead of making them feel guilty if they don't do it.  Ward
members need to realize it is *their* responsibility to develop love for the
missionaries and to share with them.  If Ward members love the missionaries,
they will invite them to dinner.  If the missionaries love the members, they
will receive invitations.

If dinners aren't ready on time, the members need to understand that the
missionaries have their time scheduled pretty tightly and a schedule-slip in
a dinner appointment can cause the missionaries to miss an appointment.  If the
members commit to provide a dinner at a specific time, *they* are responsible
to have the dinner ready; of course, unavoidable problems can come up at the
last minute, and I'm talking about trends over time.

If the same members are providing dinners over and over again, I would say that
if those members don't have resentment in doing that, then as far as those
members are concerned this isn't a problem.  Ward leaders need to recognize
*their* responsibility to help motivate other members to join in.  If the
Ward members providing frequent dinners do have resentment, then they are
probably operating out of guilt rather than out of love, and *they* are
responsible to change that around and be motivated by love.

I guess that what I'm trying to say is that we need to avoid "owning" problems
that really belong to others.

/Allen

Coupled with all of the suggestions given in previous replies is the need
for clear and honest communications.

Suppose the missionaries are invited for a 2 pm dinner.  They accept with
the comment that they will have to leave at 3:00 because of a 3:30 appointment.
They arrive at the house and dinner isn't ready.  2:30 comes and dinner isn't
ready.  2:45 and dinner is finally ready.  At 3:00, the missionaries stop in
the middle of the meal and explain that they must leave for an appointment.
They thank the family and leave.  The family feels guilty that the missionaries
left without finishing the meal and were probably still hungry.  Hopefully,
the family thinks and talks about the situation and understands why the
situation turned out the way it did and resolves to be on time next time.

If the missionaries had not told the family of the 3:00 departure time, they
would have been in an awkward position--having to leave unexpectedly rather
than leaving at a planned time.


/Allen