| T.R | Title | User | Personal
Name | Date | Lines |
|---|
| 357.1 | Feedback requested | CACHE::LEIGH | Jesus Christ: our role model | Tue Jun 26 1990 12:40 | 59 |
| I've been thinking about something, and I would like to get some feedback from
all of you.
One thing I'm very concerned about is that we adults dominate our youth too
much. I believe we need to maximize their own decision making as early in
life as we can so they learn to make their own decisions and be responsible
for their own lives.
For example, I was talking with a friend about this, and he said that if his
children were talking in Sacrament and disturbing others, he had the
responsibility and the right to tell his kids to stop. My comment to him was
"Do you want your children to stop talking because you told them to stop, or
do you want them to stop talking because they decided they should not bother
others?" From his viewpoint, his role as a parent was to discipline his
children so they have proper behavior. From my viewpoint, his role was to
teach his children to be responsible for their own lives such that proper
behavior results from their decisions.
Here is the idea I would like you to toss around so I can get your feedback.
I work with scouts (all ages) and with the Deacons (as well as my own kids).
I've been thinking I should treat them as adults not as teens such that they
are more responsible for their own lives. This is what I'm considering
doing:
1. Explain to the boys that I consider them to be adults and responsible
for their own lives. I expect them to act like adults. I realize that
physically and emotionally they are not adults, but from the viewpoint of
responsibility, I consider them to be adults.
2. Further explain that adults do not have complete freedom for their lives.
The government, my boss, the Church all make decisions about my life. Thus,
being an adult does not mean they have complete freedom; their parents will
make decisions for them. The more they are able to make wise decisions as
a teen-age adult, the more freedom they will get from their parents and from
society in general.
3. Explain that I like an informal relation with my adult friends, and I
prefer to use first names. Thus, they are invited to call me "Allen" rather
than "Brother Leigh". However, if they feel uncomfortable with that, they
are welcome to continue using "Brother Leigh"; that is their decision not
mine.
4. Now, suppose a week or so later, one of the Deacons is talking in class.
I will stop the lesson and talk with the boy, something like this. "John,
you have a problem. You are talking in class. Lets brainstorm several ways
that you can solve your problem. [I ask questions and get John and the
others to list several solutions, such as I can lecture at him for being a
bad boy, I can send him to his parents, I can send him to the Bishop, he can
decide to stop talking]. Then I say, "Ok, John, we've listed several solutions
to your problem, now as an adult you get to pick one. Which one will it be?
I'm quite sure he will pick to stop talking....
The idea behind all this is that if we treat people as kids, they behave as
kids. If we treat them as adults, they behave as adults.
Comments?
Allen
|
| 357.2 | | MIZZOU::SHERMAN | ECADSR::SHERMAN 235-8176, 223-3326 | Tue Jun 26 1990 13:31 | 72 |
| Hmm. The example about a kid making noise during Sacrament got me to
thinking. My kids are learning to have a healthy respect for me and my
wife. I make it no secret that my family is neither a democracy nor a
theocracy. It is a benevolent tyranny, ruled by Mom and Dad. When
my kid misbehaves during Sacrament I deal with him in ways that he is
capable of understanding. That is, he has a choice; he may either endure
to the end of Sacrament or experience an unpleasant time in a remote
location out of earshot of the chapel. Does he feel suppressed? No,
because he understands the rules and knows that the rules have
consequences, good and bad. When he asks why we are quiet during
Sacrament we focus on the concept that it is time to be reverent and
that we are taking the time now to pray to God. That's not deep, but he
seems capable of understanding and accepting that.
My little girl, on the other hand, does not yet understand that it is a
time to be reverent. But, she is learning that yelling or screaming in
Sacrament leads to unpleasantries outside. That does not necessarily
mean a spanking, by the way. Often it means me sitting out there
holding her in my lap and allowing her to put up a fit as much as she
wants. When she settles down, we head back in. Other times, she's
just restless and needs to do a few laps around the hallway. Then
she's ready to settle in.
The key to it is to determine what it is that your children are capable
of understanding and then to communicate with them on that level. That
is much more difficult than treating them as though they are on your
own level of maturity. Kids appreciate and respect adults who
have the ability to communicate on their level and to do so without
hypocrisy.
For the past few weeks I've been going with my 19-month old daughter
and helping out in the nursery during church. That can be difficult
for some folks. The basic trick is to play with the kids and
communicate on their level. For example, they like to hug and to
interact one-to-one. So, one thing I've done is to grab a book and to
offer to read a story. A couple of kids will come up and I'll set one
on each knee while I read a story. During the story I'll ask them
simple questions, usually pointing to pictures in the book. They love
to interact and really appreciate an adult taking interest in something
that is of interest to them.
Other times, when a kid is getting bored, I'll start playing with a toy
in front of him or her and offer the toy. They'll grab it and play.
Or, we'll play simple games like rolling a ball back and forth.
I've had situations where a kid will be running loose and upsetting the
other kids or otherwise being obnoxious. Brute force works well here.
We're not talking spanking. That's for the parents. We're not talking
about sitting down and talking with a kid. That's a bit advanced.
We're talking about picking up a kid and not putting him down until he is
ready to do what he's told. Under the right circumstances this works
wonders. I had one kid that I did this with suddenly come to respect me.
We're great buddies and it's like something just snapped and he not only
behaved but more or less joined in with the regular activities. I
think he needed not just to know what the rules were but needed to be shown
where the limits were.
I'm rambling. In my family we don't make any rules until we need to.
Kids are always pushing to see how far they can go. When they go
further than my wife and I feel is appropriate, a rule becomes created.
Along with the rule comes a penalty which is invoked when a kid breaks
the rule knowing full well that the rule was broken and that the
penalty should be invoked. We are consistent in enforcement of the
rules, which seems to help because it makes us predictable to our kids.
That, as a result, seems to help them to govern themselves. Folks who
babysit our kids often comment on how "easy" they are to babysit and on
how well they play together. We're not surprised and we are proud of
our kids. It only makes sense to us because (so far) our kids know
where the boundaries are and are not confused about what is expected of
them.
Steve
|
| 357.3 | My comments. | BSS::RONEY | Charles Roney | Tue Jun 26 1990 13:57 | 106 |
| --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>2. Further explain that adults do not have complete freedom for their lives.
>The government, my boss, the Church all make decisions about my life. Thus,
>being an adult does not mean they have complete freedom; their parents will
>make decisions for them. The more they are able to make wise decisions as
>a teen-age adult, the more freedom they will get from their parents and from
>society in general.
Society puts limits on us just as the gospel puts limits on what we
can do in the society of worldliness. But, what is freedom? Only
agency can give us the freedom to act as we desire.
>3. Explain that I like an informal relation with my adult friends, and I
>prefer to use first names. Thus, they are invited to call me "Allen" rather
>than "Brother Leigh". However, if they feel uncomfortable with that, they
>are welcome to continue using "Brother Leigh"; that is their decision not
>mine.
Respect should also be taught. Since you are the priesthood leader
with their responsibility, they should address you as Brother Leigh.
Same principle when addressing our Heavenly Father.
>4. Now, suppose a week or so later, one of the Deacons is talking in class.
>I will stop the lesson and talk with the boy, something like this. "John,
>you have a problem. You are talking in class. Lets brainstorm several ways
>that you can solve your problem. [I ask questions and get John and the
>others to list several solutions, such as I can lecture at him for being a
>bad boy, I can send him to his parents, I can send him to the Bishop, he can
>decide to stop talking]. Then I say, "OK, John, we've listed several solutions
>to your problem, now as an adult you get to pick one. Which one will it be?
>I'm quite sure he will pick to stop talking....
My only suggestion here is whose problem is it? The Deacon or yours.
Don't "we" have a problem. Too many "you" messages will make him
defensive. Beside, you should have already set down this situation
before hand as it is a common one. So why brainstorm it now? Asking
questions to make him think is good, as is presenting multiple
solutions or choices. The key is too let him make the choice. But,
what does he get if he listens to your lesson? Does he know that?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Allen,
I would like to express my opinions on this, and maybe give
what my experience has shown. The only real time I have been involved
with this age group was my two years of seminary teaching. (That
is besides my own children - 19, 17, 14, 11, 8)
First I would like to say that the concept is fine, but I feel the
approach is wrong. There are many "adults" more immature than some
"kids" I have seen. I believe that the idea should not be so much
as treating them as "adults" as treating them not like "kids", but
trying to instill in them their own acceptance of responsibility.
In seminary, I told my students that I would treat them like young
adults and that I expected them to act like young adults. Doesn't
sound so different from what you really want to do, but I then went
on to outline what I expected from them as young adults. Once that
was done, and everybody accepted the terms, then I put the whole
responsibility on them. That is the key word - responsibility. The
next key word is agency. They must be able to choose. When ever a
situation came up we would talk about it and arrive at conditions
acceptable to everyone. Expectations for both parties have to be set.
Now, it did not go over too well the first year. That year was hell.
But my concept was that we were talking about the gospel and this is
the way things were done with those principles in mind. You have to
also understand that these students were used to getting their own way.
With the help of some parents that did not truly understand the church
doctrine that was taught, things got messy to the point of a meeting
with all the students, their parents, the bishopric, and the CES
leader. If the students had their way, I would have been fired as
seminary teacher and someone else would have taken my place. As it
was, I could have pressed charges against them and their parents for
their conduct. In the end I said to the bishop, "Bishop, I will
accept whatever you decide, but I only want you to think of one
question - What are we teaching the kids?" He then suggested a
meeting. The meeting was stormy, but the basic concepts of
responsibility and agency were talked about along with D&C 64:9-11.
We worked it out. We went forward. The CES leader told me
later on that he could not see how I could continue with the class.
I told him that I really loved the gospel, my students, and what I
was doing. By applying D&C 64:10 and doing as the Lord would have
us do in "remembering no more", I finished out that year and the next.
Of those students, three of the boys went on missions and it
did not look like any of them originally would. One girl was married
in the temple, and another one will as soon as one of the missionary
returns. So I feel that the concepts work when hooked to gospel
principles.
First is love of what you are doing and love towards whomever
you are doing it to. Second is responsibility. Third is agency.
The very hardest thing a parent will ever do is allow their children
the agency to do it their way - right or wrong. Our only fallback is
to teach them what the scriptures tell us, and our own experiences.
Then they have to choose. I used the same principles in seminary that
I use at home with my children. It seems to work best when I can
exercise love by the spirit of God. This comes from obedience to the
laws the Lord has set down for us. Do I lose my freedom? No, I am
now more free to live a happier life with the blessings of the Lord.
Charles
|
| 357.4 | The view of a young person... | JUMBLY::PERRY | Jonathan Perry | Tue Jun 26 1990 14:51 | 66 |
|
It seems that most of you who use this conference are married and have
your own family etc. Well I will give my viewpoint on the subject, but
first a little of my background.
I am 18 years old and have been working for Digital for two years, I
have recently left the youth program. I have been raised in the
church.
Enough history....
A leader for the youth should be able to understand them, to be able to
time-warp back to when they were young and imagine what they would have
done in that situation. They should be able to communicate effectively
with the youth, not treating them like primary kids and not like young
adults but as youth. Between the ages of 12 and 18 you grow
physically, mentally and spritually, but all at different times, some
are far more advanced whereas some may be a bit retarded. A leader
for the youth has a great responsibility as they will have to try and
keep the youth active in the church, for those of you who who haven't
had much chance to work with the youth they can get bored very easily,
so change of surroundings and activities is almost essential to keep
them occupied and out of "trouble".
Let me now relate to you an example from my home ward. The young mens
president seems to live on a different planet to the rest of the young
mens presidency and the youth. He is a great organizer but not a great
doer, because he never seems to show much interest individually in the
boys, they show no respect to him. He is commonly known as "Frankie"
after Frankenstien, I am not trying to put the man down but more to
show you what qaulities he has and how the youth react to him. The
first counselor is a sportsman, he encourages the youth to grow
physically but sadly turns up only for those activities he thinks are
worth going to. The boys don't seem to show much respect for him
either because when one of the boys beats him in a race or in a
basketball game he will get very annoyed and damage their sense of
achievement by saying that he wasn't doing too well in that race or in
that game and will thrash the pants off them when they race or play
next. The second counselor is a fun person to be around, he never
shouts or yells at them and wants them all to have fun, but he has
problems controlling the class on a Sunday when he is trying to teach
them a serious lesson, they seem to think that he is fun all the time
but they don't seem to see the serious side of him. The teachers
qouruom advisor is the most well loved and respected of the lot. He is
always there for the youth dances and other events and gets to know
them personally, you can always find him talking to one of the boys
after church or at a social and always shows an interest in them. At a
dance you will always see him in the middle of the floor with his wife
enjoying the company of the youth and having a good laugh with them at
the same time.
Well that is my view on leaders, they have been called for a special
purpose to help the youth and each do in their own separate ways. I
hope that I haven't bored you with all this but I thought it might be
interesting for you to hear the opinion of someone much younger.
I shan't be around after this Friday as the group I am with currently
is being closed down, luckily I had already planned to go on a mission
and I am now just waiting for my call.
enjoy.
Jonathan
|
| 357.5 | | XCUSME::QUAYLE | i.e. Ann | Mon Jul 09 1990 19:17 | 31 |
| Hi, Allen, it's good to be back. The last three weeks, I couldn't
connect.
Judy and I had some discussions around the idea of reverence for the
right reasons back when she was Primary Education Counselor and
I was Primary Inservice Leader. Interesting to revisit the concept
years later and using this medium...
I feel that the best case is when one is reverent for the love of God,
the Savior, and the Holy Ghost. Second best, I suppose, would be when
one acts reverent out of respect for others in the meeting. Third, one
behaves well to avoid punishment. Worst case: one misbehaves.
However, there are grades in this too. And certainly age and condition
must be taken into account.
Now, perhaps if we as teachers/leaders can inspire those (of all ages)
under our stewardships with enough love, they will demonstrate the
best case. I am willing, though, to settle for reverent behavior.
I've heard it said, "Fake it till you make it" and I believe there's
something to be said for that. (I *have* heard that thought expressed
more elegantly, but I can't for the moment recall how...)
We're warned against having *only* a "form of Godliness", but in my own
experience the form of Godliness allowed me to hear and ponder some
things which led to my testimony. Now there's some real substance -
most of the time! :)
Interesting topic; I'm very much enjoying the entries.
aq
|
| 357.6 | One month...two months... | CACHE::LEIGH | Jesus Christ: our role model | Fri Jul 27 1990 16:31 | 22 |
| When I returned from Scout camp a week and a half ago, three scouts left
equipment in my car. I left the stuff in my car for two Sundays and two
Mutuals so they could claim them. Nothing has happened; the guys have
forgotten about the things. In one case, one boy left his stamp album, and
it has a lot of old stamps and the boy considers it quite valuable.
One of my goals as a Scoutmaster is to teach my scouts responsibility, so
I'm not reminding the boys about the things they left in my car. They are
responsible for their stuff and I'm letting them carry that responsibility.
I've put all of the stuff except the stamp album in the Ward scout closet,
and I've put the album in a safe place in my home. I'm curious to see how
long it will take them to wake up and become responsible for their things
and come and ask me about it.
In a similar vein, one of the girls in my Ward left her grandmothers
sleeping bag at girls camp, and she is now trying to track it down. Kids
do forget, but they have to learn to be accountable for their things, and
some of them are having a hard time learning that accountability. To
compound the problem, many parents don't give much freedom to make decisions
to their children and the kids don't learn to be responsible.
Allen
|
| 357.7 | It's tough being young, but old's not much better! | XCUSME::QUAYLE | i.e. Ann | Sun Jul 29 1990 12:08 | 8 |
| Good intention, Allen, but I wonder whether the young man who lost his
stamp album has truly forgotten. He may instead be figuring it's gone
forever, and dreading having to bring the whole thing up...
A thought - and you didn't even have to offer a penny!
aq
|
| 357.8 | | CACHE::LEIGH | Jesus Christ: our role model | Mon Jul 30 1990 11:11 | 15 |
| Hi Ann,
During Scout camp, the boys kept their snacks in my car to avoid problems
with 'coons foraging around around for food while we're sleeping. The boy
with the stamp book put his book in my car along with the snacks for safe
keeping, so he knows it was there when he left camp. He is "infamous" for
forgetting things (he has misplaced four or five Scout manuals during the
past three years), and I'm guessing that he has forgotten about the book.
You've brought out a good point, Ann, and I think I'll wait a couple more
weeks and then ask him how his stamp collection is coming; or I may give him
a few stamps from my "sack" (I don't have a real collection but tear off
stamps as I find them), and then see if he remembers the book. The important
thing is that this experience be a growth experience for him.
Allen
|
| 357.9 | | CACHE::LEIGH | Jesus Christ: our role model | Mon Aug 06 1990 14:20 | 22 |
| Yesterday during Priesthood meeting, I spoke to the boy who forgot his stamp
album and said the following: "Hi----, I was just wondering; are you missing
anything from scout camp?" He thought a moment and then said, "No". I said
think about it and I'll see you later on. About an hour later, I asked him
about it, and he said he was missing his sports bag. I told him it was in
the Scout closet and he could get it after meeting. Then I asked him if he
was missing anything else, and he said "No". I said think about the Post
Office. That didn't ring a bell with him. I asked him about stamps--still
nothing. Finally, I had to tell him I had his stamp book and it was home. I
told him I would be gone for three weeks and he could get his album when I got
back.
He didn't come looking for me after the meeting for his sports bag (I think
he expects me to wait on him as a parent and bring the bag to him), so I'll
leave the bag in the closet and let him be responsible to get it out. The
youth of today expect their parents to be responsible for them--tells us
something about how we parents run our homes, doesn't it....
Anybody want to guess if he will remember the album three weeks from now and
come looking for it?
Allen
|
| 357.10 | Love them... | ALLVAX::MCKINNEY | CAD/CAM Squid | Tue Aug 07 1990 17:41 | 46 |
| I have enjoyed the comments so far, and wanted to make a few of my own.
As the Young Men President in our Ward, and have given a lot of thought
to relationships with youth. I have come to several conclusions:
o Youth are mainly wierd, because of their wierd parents.
o All youth are different.
o You can't serve effectively, unless you REALLY LOVE them.
I am being a little bit facesious with the first one, but it is often
true. I wonder why a youth is so strange, and then I meet the
parents...Some of these kids are about as normal as can be expected
given the strange families they come from.
As adults, we like to make up important rules and dictums to direct
our interactions with youth. I have found that you have to deal with
them on an individual basis, just like with your own kids. Some youth
are ready to be treated like adults, and act accordingly, and some are
not. If you try to treat them all that way, they end up on the roof.
And finally, you must really LOVE anyone you are trying to serve. I
get so tired of dogmatic, dictatorial youth leaders who simply lay down
the rules, organize the events, and stay aloof; the whole time
complaining about how hard it is to work with these kids. Joseph Smith
was often criticized for getting down in the dirt, and "playing" with
the kids, which he loved to do. LOVE is the key...not "teaching them a
lesson."
"Tho I speak with the tongues of men and
of angels, and have not charity, I am
become as sounding brass, or a tinkling
symbol.
And tho I have all knowledge, and understand
all mysteries, and tho I have all faith so
that I could remove mountains, and have not
charity, I am nothing.
And tho I bestow all my goods to feed th poor,
and tho I give my body to be burned, and have
not charity, it profiteth me nothing."
(I Corr. 13:1-3)
IMO, Jim
|
| 357.11 | Children are people too. | BSS::RONEY | Charles Roney | Tue Aug 07 1990 17:58 | 17 |
|
> LOVE is the key...not "teaching them a lesson."
Joseph Smith also said something to the effect of, "I teach
them correct principles, and let them govern themselves."
Parents try to do the first, but most often fail to do the
last. The principle of agency is a hard concept for parents
to understand. It is also hard for parents to understand
that their children are people and not property. And the
parents physical children are, in reality, their spiritual
brothers and sisters. We, as parents, must treat our
children as we are treated by our heavenly parents.
Hard sometimes, but not impossible.
Charles
|
| 357.12 | Right on... | CACHE::LEIGH | Jesus Christ: our role model | Tue Aug 07 1990 18:23 | 47 |
| > o Youth are mainly wierd, because of their wierd parents.
Jim, I agree with you 1000%. I went to scout camp in July, and we had
130 LDS scouts from three stakes. On Sunday afternoon were returning to camp
from a Church outing and were hiking a couple of miles, including a stretch
along a minor highway. We were trying to keep the kids on the side of the
road, but they were wandering out into the middle of the road. I looked up
ahead and saw them all over the road with a blind hill in front of them. The
adults nearby didn't seem concerned, so I jogged up to the scouts and asked
them to move to the side. They ignored me! I finally had to scream at them
to get them to move--the danger of being hit due to the blind hill was great
enough that I couldn't let them stay in the road. I dropped back a bit
and remarked to their Scoutmaster that it was a good thing they weren't in
my troop because they wouldn't pass their next review. Then I commented that
my guess was that they came from homes with dictatorial parents who were
too restrictive with their kids. The SM said that was part of it and the
rest was parents who had no discipline in the home at all.
> Joseph Smith also said something to the effect of, "I teach
> them correct principles, and let them govern themselves."
Charles, that has been by guiding philosophy in both my home and my scout
troop. I'm real proud of the way my 10 scouts conducted themselves at camp.
I've always given the boys as much freedom as I could, and I've expected them
to behave as adults and use their freedom wisely. For the eight days at
camp, my boys were on their own; I didn't know where they were and what they
were doing. I counseled with them Sunday evening about the merit badge
classes that began the next day and made sure that each boy knew where to
go to get to his classes, and during the week I talked with them to see how the
classes were going, and I explained the need for them to follow the buddy
system and have a friend with them when they did things, but I literally
turned them loose for the week, and I spent most of my time teaching
Fingerprinting classes to the 45 scouts from my Stake. I had no problems at
all with my boys. I gave them freedom and they used it wisely. I knew they
would, because our weekly meetings and monthly campouts are that way.
Other Scoutmasters, however, kept a much tighter rein on their boys, and they
seemed to be having more problems with their boys too. I realize that their
boys come from different backgrounds than mine and that I have to be
careful in making generalizations, but I feel that if you expect people to be
mature, they will be, and if you expect them to be childish, they will be that
too. Teach them principles of righteousness and then let them be responsible
for their own lives. Let them make mistakes and learn from them (assuming the
mistakes don't destroy them...)
Allen
|
| 357.13 | | MIZZOU::SHERMAN | ECADSR::SHERMAN 235-8176, 223-3326 | Wed Aug 08 1990 14:40 | 4 |
| I've always thought it a form of freedom to be branded as "wierd".
That way, you are free to be yourself! :)
Steve
|
| 357.14 | Come on, Adults! | CACHE::LEIGH | Let your light shine | Mon Jun 10 1991 10:13 | 29 |
| I attended my Stake Seminary graduation last night and saw a sad example of
a youth who had not been trained by her adult leaders and gave a miserable
public performance. I commented to the Stake Mutual President after the
meeting (he conducted) that if the girl knew how badly she had performed, she
would be very embarrassed. I expressed my hope that the Stake would train the
person next year, and that the problem was with the adults not with the
particular youth involved. The girl conducted the opening & closing songs.
She knew what type of pattern to be used, but she didn't know how to move her
arms to give a clear indication to the congregation, and she conducted at a
very slow tempo. It was terrible! The girl playing the piano played at a
faster (and nice) tempo (due to the poor room layout, she couldn't see the
girl conducting and had to blindly play at a tempo she thought was appropriate).
In the meantime, the congregation was singing at a third tempo. I couldn't
follow the conductor and had to look down at my book so I wouldn't see her.
My two daughters commented afterwards about it. I felt sorry for the girl,
because she wasn't at fault; she was asked to conduct and did the best she
could. I believe the adult leaders were at fault for putting her in a public
situation without proper preparation.
I see this type of thing happen all the time at the weekly Mutual opening
service in which the Priests and Laurels conduct. Its obvious they haven't
met with their advisors to review the agenda--they don't know who is playing
the piano or what song will be used, they don't know what announcements are
to be given, they don't know that certain classes are to do something
different and need a public announcement to inform the persons concerned.
I really feel sorry for those kids, and I'm frustrated with the Adults
involved!
Allen
|
| 357.15 | Kids need time to get things done | CACHE::LEIGH | Let your light shine | Mon Jun 10 1991 10:35 | 42 |
| I'm not a great leader myself, but thanks to being involved in Scouting and
taking the BSA training programs, I have had some success in avoiding the
problems I spoke of in my previous reply. Here is an example; I hope no one
will think I'm trying to blow my own horn, but I think it brings out some
positive things about our training our youth leaders.
My Scout troop is having a Court of Honor in a couple of weeks. I've been
working with one of my Scouts to help him plan and conduct the Court. We
first met a month ago and formed an agenda and a list of things to do. We've
been meeting weekly to review our work and revise his list of things to do.
I've talked to him about being in a swamp and getting bitten by alligators.
He needs to recognize the beasts before they bite him. There are problems
concerning the Court of Honor that are "alligators" waiting to bite him.
He got bitten yesterday by an "alligator", but because of our early start in
the planning he had time to recover. In our second meeting, he decided who
he wanted to invite as speakers, but he procrastinated giving the invitation.
I had explained the urgency of getting that done early because adults plan
their schedule weeks ahead. I've asked him about about the invitations in
our weekly meetings. He finally got the invitations out yesterday, and sure
enough the people weren't available. We discussed two other persons who would
be good, and he got them committed to speak.
Another "alligator" that is ready to chomp on him is the refreshments. We've
discussed this for a couple of weeks, but he hasn't contacted his Patrol
leaders yet to ask the help of the rest of the scouts. I reviewed this with
him yesterday and explained that mothers need time to shop and plan the
baking--at least a week. He is planning to talk with the Patrol Leaders this
week.
I view my role with him as that of a shadow leader. I meet with him and ask
questions (in a kind way). The questions help him think through the problems
and become aware of the full picture. We always finish the meeting with his
having several, specific things to do in the coming week. A Court of Honor
is a simple project, but about four weeks is needed for planning, because
teenagers don't move very fast. I consider myself a shadow leader, because
only he and I (and my wife) know we're meeting together. My goal is that he
will step forward to begin the Court of Honor with full confidence, knowing
that everything is ready and under control. I want this experience to be
a positive factor in his self esteem. He doesn't need an embarrassment!
Allen
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| 357.16 | Mummblings on youth... | ALLVAX::MCKINNEY | CAD/CAM Squid | Sat Jun 29 1991 17:20 | 43 |
| I agree with what Allen has said, but did want to make one point.
Often we get confused between our jobs where it is important to "get
the tasks done, so we look really smart, and can get a raise and a
promotion", and the church, where we are called by God, and given a
sacred stewardship, and are trying to change the hearts and the lives
of youth.
For example, I have often attended meetings/opening exercises that
seemed chaotic, and I have taught lessons to youth when NO ONE seemed
to be listenting to what I had to say (I think the last time was last
Sunday). However, I am continually amazed that parents will come up to
me and say that their son had mentioned something he learned in class.
Youth will often decide to go on missions, not becuase the youth
program was so well organized, but becuase they felt loved, and they
really had a small change in their hearts.
I know that what I do is valuable, because I have some of my sweetest
relationships with youth in my ward. Given a choice, I would hang out
with the youth instead of the adults. I really love the youth. It
isn't always obvious to an outsider, who is use to the kind of
organization you might get with an Elders qourum, that the youth care
about what is going on at church, but I know they do, in their own kind
of MTV sort of way.
The other side of the coin are youth leaders who are so concerned that
the youth program LOOK organized, they mostly ignore the youth, they do
not spend time with them, they do not really care about the youth, they
delegate everything very effectively, and all the jobs are always done;
like the Pharrisees, they have a form of Godliness, but they deny the
power thereof; their main goal is to have a program that looks organized
from the outside, so that everyone will say, "oh, you are sooo organized,
I wish I could be like you", or "YOUR youth program is sooo excellent, you
have the nicest calendars...etc.."
This is why I am not quick to judge (anymore) the kinds of activities I
see at a youth program (unless the scouts happen to be on the roof of
the church, which has really happened), because it is impossible for me
to see what is going on in the hearts of the youth, and that is where
it really counts.
Jim
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| 357.18 | | XCUSME::QUAYLE | i.e. Ann | Sat Jun 29 1991 17:48 | 7 |
| Jim, those are good and important thoughts and not only for those who
work with the youth.
Thanks for sharing them.
aq
|