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Conference tecrus::mormonism

Title:The Glory of God is Intelligence.
Moderator:BSS::RONEY
Created:Thu Jan 28 1988
Last Modified:Fri Apr 25 1997
Last Successful Update:Fri Jun 06 1997
Number of topics:460
Total number of notes:6198

348.0. "Adoption" by CACHE::LEIGH (Moderator) Thu Apr 19 1990 19:03

I was asked to post this anonymously.

                                    ---

My wife and I are considering adopting, outside of LDS Services, a "special
needs" child(ren).  As we live in the South, most children who fit this
category are black, and we are both white.  We don't have any problems with
this, but we are wondering if the Church has any suggestions/policy on such
a matter.  Also, we are just wondering, from your experiences, what the
reactions of people in the Church would be (not that it has a bearing on 
our decision, we'd just like to know what to expect).  Do you know of 
anyone who has tried to do this, and how has it turned out ?

I don't feel comfortable discussing this with my bishop, at the present 
time, as we are just beginning to explore the possibilities.
T.RTitleUserPersonal
Name
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348.1not official, but ...MIZZOU::SHERMANECADSR::SHERMAN 235-8176, 223-3326Thu Apr 19 1990 19:3817
    Hmmm.  That sounds difficult.  I'm not familiar with any white families
    that have adopted black children, but I think I know someone that was
    American Indian and was adopted by a white family.  She always had a
    yearning to meet her natural father, if I have my information correct.
    When she finally did meet him it was a tearful and joyful reunion.
    From what I understand, she was raised successfully to appreciate her
    heritage while also appreciating her parents.  I would assume that
    successful rearing of a black child by a white family would also require 
    similar attention.  I would, however, be quite concerned with how
    society would react even though the parents may have no problem.
    For example, both black and white children might pick up on the race 
    difference at school and they could be pretty cruel.  That could be 
    pretty hard to handle.  I'm not aware of any specific Church position.  
    But, I think that an understanding and compassionate Bishop along with 
    good professional counseling would be great helps.
    
    Steve 
348.2What I have heard SLSTRN::RONDINAFri Apr 20 1990 09:4328
    I know of one situation of whites adopting a black child, without any
    special needs.  They received the child when she was an infant,  but
    within 6 months, the couple started to have second
    thoughts about raising a black child in a white family.  They told me
    they were afraid the child would have little or no connection to its
    heritage.  After much pain and anguish, they gave the child back to the
    agency which placed it with a black family.  Today, the husband is
    almost moved to tears when he talks about this incident, because he
    loved the child quickly and deeply.
    
    I also watched a show on TV (I can't remember which one, one like
    20/20) that showed this kind of situation and interviewed the teenage
    child who said she felt adrift as far as having a connection to her
    heritage, i.e. raised with "white" values and norms, but feeling a desire 
    to know and incorporate "black" values and norms.  She expressed a
    sense of confusion, disconnection and disorientation.
    
    I was surprised in both these cases to hear these reasons because they
    seemed like reasoning right out of the 1950's.  Yet, in the current US
    situation in which we are all becoming aware of "our differences" and
    "valuing those differences", I guess a sense of identification with
    one's heritage is very important.  
    
    I hope I have helped with the above.  Remember these are not my
    opinions, but ones I heard.
    
    Paul
                          
348.3My experiences with mixed adoptionsFLATTP::MURRAY_RUMon Apr 23 1990 16:1738
    Hi,
    
    My wife and I have been involved with adoption for the last several
    years.  We went through the local LDS social services office and
    they had a series of classes we were requested to attend to help
    us with both the upcoming placement, and possible options for children
    to adopt, i.e. handicapped, mixed race, other race, healthy, etc.
    One of the volunteers had adopted many children from a variety of
    sources including Asian, black-white, black, abused, etc.
       In telling us about the black daughter that they adopted she
    discussed some of the things you asked about.  Initially, some of
    their other children resisted even having the child as part of the
    family.
       She did say that her daughter, in all aspects except color, was white.
    Socially, cuturally, etc., she thinks and acts as a white child from a
    small rural community would. There have been a few events around here
    that they have attended to help her appreciate her heritage and that
    has helped. 
        They live in a very rural area that has very few, if any, black
    residents.  I cannot remember how much trouble this caused them,
    but if I remember right, as soon as the rest of the family accepted
    the black daughter most of the problems were resolved.  
       My wife and I eventually adopted a black-white daughter and we
    have not had any problems as far as prejudice is concered.  Both
    our families have accepted her very well.  She is a very special
    daughter of God and we love her very much. 
       One of the things that helps us and I am sure will help her is
    that we have been sealed together for all eternity in the Temple.
    She is now a member of our family forever just as if she had been
    born to us naturally.  So while we must help her understand that
    she does have a birth mother who also loves her, she is a part of
    our family forever.
       If I can help answer any other questions please ask and I will
    try to answer them.
    
    Later,
    Russell Murray
    
348.4CACHE::LEIGHLet your light shineWed Dec 26 1990 11:334
FYI: Note 54 in COMET::BN$SISK:BLACKNOTES is discussing black children being
adopted by whites.

Press KP7 to add BLACKNOTES to your folder.