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Conference tecrus::mormonism

Title:The Glory of God is Intelligence.
Moderator:BSS::RONEY
Created:Thu Jan 28 1988
Last Modified:Fri Apr 25 1997
Last Successful Update:Fri Jun 06 1997
Number of topics:460
Total number of notes:6198

294.0. "Tamara Dull: My intentions for participating in this conference" by NWD002::DULL_TA (You gotta love it!) Wed Dec 06 1989 00:45

Allen and I memoed today, and he agreed that this note would be a good idea 
for me to enter.

So, for those of you who are interested, I would like to take a moment to
relay a little of my background and express my intentions for
participating in this conference. I realize that there are probably 
a lot of mixed feelings about my participation, and hopefully, after 
reading this, some readers won't feel as threatened or attacked.

As I stated in my  "I'm back again" reply in Note 2.*, I participated in
this conference in 1988 for awhile while I was in St. Louis.  [You can
read my former entries under the name of MDVAX1::DULL.]  I was a very 
active Mormon.  I joined the Church in 1981 (so actually I was Mormon
for 8 1/2 years).  However, in the latter part of 1987, I began to experience
some spiritual *unrest*.  Something just wasn't setting right with me.
Well, I didn't pursue these *restless* feelings.  I continued to go to my
meetings, serve in my callings, and participate in church activities.

In May 1988, I left St. Louis to move to Seattle.  In the process of my
move, I stopped in Preston, Idaho, to visit my grandparents.  What was
supposed to be a 2-day visit turned into a 10-month stay.  I lived in
a canyon outside of Preston, and from May to October, I worked as the 
head cook at my grandmother's restaurant.  Then from October to February 
1989, I worked for the Center for Atmospheric & Space Sciences at Utah 
State University in Logan, Utah.

The canyon where I lived was about 95% Mormon (the other 5% were basically
my relatives).  I became a counselor in the Young Womens Presidency and I had 
an absolute blast!  I became engaged to an awesome guy in the canyon -- I
thought my life was set.!  Great community, wonderful future husband,
living among a multitude of relatives, lots of similar values, etc.  However 
(again), this spiritual restless feeling came back.  In November, I fell 
out-of-love with my fianc� and I *knew* it was time for me to move on.

Right now, I feel like I'm putting a lot at risk by sharing this with a
'generic' audience.  I know that this is probably producing a lot of mixed
feelings, and that's okay.  I just want you to know where I'm coming from
and provide you with some background information on what led to my decision
to leave the Church.

In February 1989, I left Idaho to come to Seattle.  The unfinished trek
across the country was now complete!  I went to the family ward, and the
second week, I was called to the Young Womens Presidency again.  I was
excited!  I continued to go to Church, serve in my calling - yet,
something was *not* right - and I couldn't figure it out.  For the life
of me, I could not pinpoint what I was feeling or why my feelings were 
so *restless*.  I talked with my leaders about it, and since I couldn't 
identify what was going on in my head and my heart, it was very difficult
for them to help me.

Well, through a 6-month process, I did a lot of reading, a lot of searching,
a lot of praying, and a lot of question-asking.  At the beginning of this 
process, God brought a Christian friend into my life (whom I will call *Joe*) 
who *had* what my spirit was looking for - and that is, a 
relationship with God.  A love for God that radiated in his countenance.  
A joy in the gospel that he had trouble being conservative about.  A peace
that comes from *really* knowing God.  The ironic thing about it is that I 
discerned these characteristics immediately when I met Joe; it was a couple 
weeks before I found out that Joe was a Christian.
                                        
Through my relationship with Joe, I began understanding what it meant to
have a relationship with God. Please understand that Joe did not *preach*
God to me.  He did not try to make me believe the way he believed.  He did
not 'rip' on Mormonism.  Instead, he did the following:

	(1) Joe learned my culture.  He took the time to understand Mormonism
	    and learn as much as he could about it. 

	(2) Joe learned my language.  (And I learned his.)  We found that
	    we were using many of the same terms, but that our terms had 
	    different meanings.

	(3) Joe loved me and accepted me.  No questions asked.

Joe has been instrumental in leading me to God.  But I have to give the credit
to God for leading me to where I'm at today.  I still can't believe that
God loves me *SO* much that He would go to so much trouble to bring me, Tamara
Jane Dull, back to Him.  The road has been long, but now, through His grace 
and His love for me, I have finally begun to experience the peace 
and joy that comes from knowing Him.  And that is something that excites
me to no end!!

So now the big question:  Why am I participating in this conference? First,
my intentions are *NOT* to:

	o  preach to you

	o  prove that I'm right and Mormonism is wrong

	o  cause contention

	o  offend the Mormons 

	o  *attack* the Church or its doctrines

My sole intent is to ask questions and try to understand the basis for many
of the LDS doctrines.  I asked many questions while I was a Mormon and I
will continue to ask many questions as a non-Mormon.  [That is my nature.]

You may have noticed above that I didn't discuss the reasons why
I left the Church, or the issues I struggled with while in the Church.
It is not my intent to publish these reasons/issues in one document
because I feel that it would be inappropriate and may cause feelings
of contention and bitterness.  However, as we continue to discuss different
issues in this conference, it will become apparent to you where some
of my issues lies.  [You may have noticed some issues already.]

As you have noticed, some of my questions are serious, and there is no easy
answer - and that's okay with me.  I realize that not every question has
an answer.  However, it's beneficial for me to at least discuss
these issues because then I gain a better understanding of my own beliefs,
which in turn, improves my walk with God.  I hope that other readers benefit
in the same way.
                                                              
If my questions are offensive or they seem out of line, please feel free
to let me know - either offline or online.  I'm not out to offend anyone
or prove anything to anyone.  
                
Please know that I *love* the Mormon people with all my heart.  I have many
good Mormon friends and relatives.  My decision to leave the Church has caused
some of them much sadness - and I have to reassure them that they don't
need to be sad, but rather, be excited that I now have a relationship with
God!

I hope I've clarified a few things for some of you.  I have a hunch that
I've probably sparked a lot of questions and concerns in peoples' minds,
and I hope that you will feel free to discuss these things with me - whether
it be online or offline.

If you've read this far, thank you for your time and interest!  :^)

Regards,
Tamara
T.RTitleUserPersonal
Name
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294.1A fellow PrestoniteRIPPLE::KOTTERRIRich KotterWed Dec 06 1989 09:0428
    Re: Note 294.0 by NWD002::DULL_TA

    Hi Tamara,
    
>In May 1988, I left St. Louis to move to Seattle.  In the process of my
>move, I stopped in Preston, Idaho, to visit my grandparents.  What was
>supposed to be a 2-day visit turned into a 10-month stay.  I lived in
>a canyon outside of Preston, and from May to October, I worked as the 
>head cook at my grandmother's restaurant.  Then from October to February 
>1989, I worked for the Center for Atmospheric & Space Sciences at Utah 
>State University in Logan, Utah.
    
    Hey! My first job after graduating from Utah State University was
    teaching school at Preston High School. I lived in Riverdale at the
    mouth of the Oneida canyon. That wouldn't by any chance be the same
    canyon would it? Small world, isn't it? 
    
>If my questions are offensive or they seem out of line, please feel free
>to let me know - either offline or online.  I'm not out to offend anyone
>or prove anything to anyone.  
    
    As far as I am concerned, you are welcome in the conference, and so are
    your questions. We may not have all of the answers, but perhaps we can
    all learn something by discussing them. I'm thankful for your efforts
    to take an an approach that is not contentious.
    
    In Christ's Love,
    Rich
294.2Can't pass this up...CASPRO::PRESTONConfront reality...Wed Dec 06 1989 10:1212
    Ok all you Prestonites, your leader has arrived!!!
    
    The first and most important rule is:
    
    	Everybody be nice...			or else!!
    
    
    
    Hey, this feels good!
    
    Ed (self-appointed and fearless leader of all Prestonites!)
    
294.3MIZZOU::SHERMANECADSR::SHERMAN 235-8176, 223-3326Wed Dec 06 1989 11:1620
Nice notes!  Hey, just to make it clear where I stand, the discussions that
I have participated in here have led to a much better understanding for me.
One thing I like about these notes is that, in general, the Church can be 
discussed and tough questions handled.  (Prestonites are *welcome* here!)
I really appreciate thoughtful questions and thoughtful responses from many
sides of questions.  I appreciate your frankness, Tamara.  I hope that as
time goes on we can all come to understanding and acceptance.  As far as
the "nearer to God" aspect goes, I remember advice that was given me at the
MTC before I left for Denmark on my mission.  It was that we would meet a lot
of people who would not be near to God, who would not even read the Bible.
But, if we could at least get them to draw nearer to God, to read and appreciate
the Bible, they would be better off than before.  We were reminded to always
love the people and listen to the Spirit.  I have no doubts that "Joe" was
near to God, perhaps nearer than many of your Mormon friends.  Though not
quite a fair comparison, I am reminded of the times in the B of M when the
Church members were not as near to God nor as righteous as those who were not
members.  Definitely a lesson that is applicable today.  Thank you for your
thoughts!

Steve 
294.4CACHE::LEIGHChrist is the wayWed Dec 06 1989 11:4818
All people, regardless of whether we are LDS or not, have to come to grips
with ourselves at some point in time, but not all of us do it.  Many of us
hide behind a facade of meetings and callings and never really seek God.  I
like the story of Enos, because he finally reached the point in his life
where he hungered after God, and he spent a whole day in prayer and soul
searching.  He finally found peace within himself and with God.  Many of us
spend days, months, years struggling with our relationship with God.
Unfortunately, many of us don't.

I think the message of Christ, that he suffered for and died for our sins
is the greatest message of all.  The message that God loves each of us as if
we were his only child is the message that brings hope and peace to us.  As
we find this peace, however, we must continue to search for God, because the
peace that we feel at any moment of time is only a stepping stone to even
greater peace that can come as we approach even closer to God in our love and
worship of Him.

Allen
294.5BSS::RONEYCharles RoneyWed Dec 06 1989 12:1917
	It is a real shame that more Mormons do not have the spirit of God in
	their lives as Joe did.  Sometimes members of the church get so bogged
	down in their daily lives that they forget the foundation their lives
	should be built upon.  This is where knowing the basics comes in.  I 
	think that every once in a while we should review the basic principles
	of the gospel - faith, repentance, baptism and receiving the Holy 
	Ghost.  If the church leadership in the wards and stakes do not do 
	this, then I think the burdens of responsibility for those under their
	stewardship tends to drag them down.  Sometimes I feel so depressed I 
	just want to cry.  Then I have to retreat and be by myself, and read 
	and meditate on the scriptures.  Praying is a great help.  Anything 
	that will give me a renewal of God's Spirit.  Like a shot in the arm.
	I do so wish that more people would remember the foundation.

	Charles

294.6The word "Preston" sparked a little interest . . .NWD002::DULL_TAYou gotta love it!Wed Dec 06 1989 13:0516
    I usually don't participate in this conference while I'm at work,
    but I'm going to make an exception right now.
    
    Regarding Rich's question in .2 - I lived in Cub River Canyon. 
    The entrance to it was 2 miles north of Franklin and 5 miles south
    of Preston.  The restaurant my grandmother owns is Deer Cliff Inn.
    Did you ever go up there?  The Boy Scout camp is in Cub River canyon
    - actually it's in Hull Canyon which is part of Cub River canyon.
    Anyways, I come from the Hull line of folks.  [Pretty strange that
    my last name rhymes with Hull, huh?]
    
    Regarding Ed's self-appointed leadership:  I *love* it!  I thought
    you might pick up on that Preston bit.  I promise to be nice ...
    
    More later,
    Tamara
294.7Count me inCACHE::LEIGHChrist is the wayWed Dec 06 1989 13:086
Hey Ed,

Can I join your "Prestonites"?  While I was an EE student at Utah State, I
spoke at Preston High School about Engineering as a career.

Allen
294.8More on Southeastern Idaho...RIPPLE::KOTTERRIRich KotterWed Dec 06 1989 17:2720
    Re: Note 294.6 by NWD002::DULL_TA

>   Regarding Rich's question in .2 - I lived in Cub River Canyon. 
>   The entrance to it was 2 miles north of Franklin and 5 miles south
>   of Preston.  The restaurant my grandmother owns is Deer Cliff Inn.
>   Did you ever go up there?  The Boy Scout camp is in Cub River canyon
>   - actually it's in Hull Canyon which is part of Cub River canyon.
>   Anyways, I come from the Hull line of folks.  [Pretty strange that
>   my last name rhymes with Hull, huh?]
    
    Yes, I have been to the Deer Cliff Inn! Excellent food, as I recall.
    Sure seems like I taught some Hull's in Preston High School. Also, my
    wife's cousin married a Woodward from Franklin. Perhaps you know the
    family. They have a big chicken ranch near there. 
    
    Side note for those who don't know, the current prophet of the church,
    Ezra Taft Benson, was born very near Preston, in Whitney, I believe. 

    In Christ's Love,
    Rich
294.9You Gotta Love Preston!!NWD002::DULL_TAYou gotta love it!Wed Dec 06 1989 19:5919
    This note is quickly diverging into a note on the community of Preston.
    I will admit -it's nice to break for a minute from the seriousness
    of our recent discussions.
    
    Rich, I'm *sure* you taught some Hull's in high school.  There are
    so many of them - in the canyon alone, there were about 40-50 of
    them, with many of the kids visiting often.  The Hull clan is about
    50% Mormon.  My grandparents who own the Inn are Mormon.
    
    My grandmother was raised in Whitney with Ezra Taft Benson so they
    are good friends.  In fact, President Benson was going to perform
    the marriage ceremony in the temple for me and my (ex)fianc�.  I
    had my chance to meet the prophet . . . oh, well!
    
    Anyways, when I get home tonight, I have a few *serious* comments
    on some of the replies that have been posted today.
    
    Until tonight,
    Tamara
294.10And Now for a Serious Note (oh, noooo . . .)NWD002::DULL_TAYou gotta love it!Thu Dec 07 1989 02:0282
Re:  .1 by Rich

>    As far as I am concerned, you are welcome in the conference, and so are
>    your questions. We may not have all of the answers, but perhaps we can
>    all learn something by discussing them. I'm thankful for your efforts
>    to take an an approach that is not contentious.

Thank you.  It makes me feel better to know that my contributions to this
conference are not viewed as contentious.

Re:  .3 by Steve 

>We were reminded to always
>*love the people and listen to the Spirit*.  I have no doubts that "Joe" was
>near to God, perhaps nearer than many of your Mormon friends.  Though not
>quite a fair comparison, I am reminded of the times in the B of M when the
>Church members were not as near to God nor as righteous as those who were not
>members.  Definitely a lesson that is applicable today.  Thank you for your
>thoughts!
                                           
[Emphasis mine.]  Yup, yup, yup!  That's the key - to love one another and
be in tune to the Spirit!

Yes, *Joe* is near to God and so were most of my Mormon friends and 
acquaintances.  I personally chose to 'socialize' only with those Mormons
who were serious about their faith.  It seemed that any time I began to
seriously socialize with any of the "less actives", I found myself in heaps
of trouble  ;^) . . . Anyways, the point I'm trying to make is that I wasn't 
lacking in Mormon friends and leaders who were strong in their faith and 
were devoted to the gospel.  I was lacking a personal spiritual relationship 
with God.  I see these as two different issues.

Re:  .4 by Allen

>All people, regardless of whether we are LDS or not, have to come to grips
>with ourselves at some point in time, but not all of us do it.  Many of us
>hide behind a facade of meetings and callings and never really seek God.

In the LDS Church, it is extremely difficult not to get distracted, i.e.
lose our focus on establishing a relationship with God, by the multitudes
of meetings and the time consumption of callings.  I admire those Mormons
who can maintain that spiritual closeness with God, while serving in their
respective callings in a way that God wants them to serve.

>I think the message of Christ, that he suffered for and died for our sins
>is the greatest message of all.  
 
Don't forget that he rose from the dead too!  This is the message of the
gospel as I was trying to point out in my 'gospel v. doctrine' note. 


Re:  .5 by Charles

>	It is a real shame that more Mormons do not have the spirit of God in
>	their lives as Joe did.  Sometimes members of the church get so bogged
>	down in their daily lives that they forget the foundation their lives
>	should be built upon.  

I don't think Mormons are the only ones 'plagued' with this problem.  I
believe many Christians struggle with the same issue - forgetting the basics.

>	This is where knowing the basics comes in.  I 
>	think that every once in a while we should review the basic principles
>	of the gospel - faith, repentance, baptism and receiving the Holy 
>	Ghost. 

Back to the basics is a concept I believe in wholeheartedly in all aspects
of my life.  It's a shame that some people don't realize how important it
is to understand the basics of *any* system or environment.

>	Sometimes I feel so depressed I 
>	just want to cry.  Then I have to retreat and be by myself, and read 
>	and meditate on the scriptures.  Praying is a great help.  Anything 
>	that will give me a renewal of God's Spirit.  Like a shot in the arm.
>	I do so wish that more people would remember the foundation.
 
Thank you for sharing that with us.  It's neat for me to see someone have
such genuine concern and love for their fellowmen.

Regards,
Tamara    
    
294.11Open EnrollmentTOMCAT::PRESTONConfront reality...Thu Dec 07 1989 12:4239
>Can I join your "Prestonites"?  While I was an EE student at Utah State, I
>spoke at Preston High School about Engineering as a career.

    Of course you may join, Allen. I would consider it a priviledge to
    have you as a member!
    
    To any and all would be Prestonites:
    
    Membership is open to anyone who -
    
    	Is named Preston (first or last - doesn't matter).
    
    	Has ever lived in Preston, Idaho or any other town or city
    	named Preston (there are several in England that I know of).
    
    	Has ever spoken to Preston High School students about careers.
    
    	Has ever even *been* to a town named Preston.
    
    	Knows anybody named Preston.
    
    	Thinks they'd like to know somebody named Preston. Or better
    	yet, would like to be named Preston themself (like my wife
    	before we were married, ha ha..).
    
    	Oh heck, anybody can join...
    
    Just remember the rules:
    
	1) Be nice.
 	2) If you can't be nice, at least try to be nice.
	3) If you blew it today, try again tomorrow. (I use this rule often)
    	      
    
    No dues. No meetings. No votes. No leaders (except me of course).
    	       

    Ed (Chief Prestonite)    
    
294.12Should've said this *first*TOMCAT::PRESTONConfront reality...Thu Dec 07 1989 12:497
    Re .0
    
    Tamara, that's what I call a testimony! Thanks for sharing it.
    
    Ed
    
294.13Still seekingSLSTRN::RONDINAThu Dec 28 1989 12:1030
    It sure is nice to see some levity amongst us all.  Maybe it is due to
    the season.  May be we can continue it throughout our other notes.
    
    Now for a little digression:
    
    Tamara has opened the question I still try to find an answer for. I
    have mentioned it before, but have never got a response I could
    understand.  Here it is:  If there is only ONE FAITH, ONE LORD, ONE
    BAPTISM, how come there are so many variations in Christianity?
    
    There are 3 people I know; Rich, Don and myself, who all hungered after
    knowing the Lord, finding his Gospel, his Church. WE  all used the same
    process, i.e. prayer, fasting, scripture study, and searching.  Rich
    became a Born Again and joined the Assembly of God, Don set up his own
    Church and now is a minister in it, and I became a Mormon. 
    
    It seems to me that God would lead all his children in the same
    direction or give them all the same answer.  Anyone suggest an answer
    other than "some of these are Satan's deceptions.", because there are
    many many people who are faithful, sincere, searching persons with a
    real desire to know the Lord who believe and exercise a Christian
    charity that is exemplary.
    
    I have an suggestion, but will listen to others before posting mine.
    
    Peace on Earth (and in these notes) and Goodwill to all
    
    Paul
    
    
294.14BSS::RONEYCharles RoneyThu Dec 28 1989 14:5464
	RE: Note 294.13    SLSTRN::RONDINA

>    If there is only ONE FAITH, ONE LORD, ONE
>    BAPTISM, how come there are so many variations in Christianity?
    
>    It seems to me that God would lead all his children in the same
>    direction or give them all the same answer.  Anyone suggest an answer
>    other than "some of these are Satan's deceptions.", because there are
>    many many people who are faithful, sincere, searching persons with a
>    real desire to know the Lord who believe and exercise a Christian
>    charity that is exemplary.
    
	I would like to take a stab at this because there are so many members
	of the church that are like the many variations in Christianity.
	I think what it all boils down to is that we are all different and each
	one of us must have different experiences in life.  As no two people
	are exactly alike, no two people have exactly the same experiences.
	Oh, some people may have similar experiences, but each person would 
	get something different out of it than the other person did.
	I think it is important to remember that God leads all his children 
	to the same opportunities.  How His children use them is their agency.
	(And whether in this life or the next, everyone will have the same 
	opportunities.)

	In talking about the terrestrial world in D&C 76, verse 75 tells us
	that "These are they who are honorable men of the earth, who were
	blinded by the craftiness of men."  Notice that it is man here which 
	leads astray and not "Satan's deceptions."  Besides agency, there is 
	the light of God.  In D&C 50:24 we are told "That which is of God is 
	light; and he that receiveth light, and continueth in God, receiveth 
	more light; and that light groweth brighter and brighter until the 
	perfect day."

	One does not have to be a Mormon to receive the light of God.  One
	does not have to be a Mormon to be healed through the power of God.
	What is the "light" which we are talking about here?  Could it not
	be righteousness?  Or understanding?  Or knowledge?  Or all of these?
	I remember reading about one of the prophets (I can't remember which 
	one right now) saying that no matter what religion a person believes
	in, they should follow to the best of their abilities the dictates
	of that religion.  No matter who or what you are, find out what you
	are supposed to do and then do all that you are able to do.  Live by
	whatever "light" you are given.  Continueth.  This is the key.  There
	are other scriptures that point out that if you do not live up to that
	which was given you, then it will be taken away.

	So I have rambled on, but the point I want to make is that there are 
	so many variations in Christianity because that is what the people
	want to hear or believe in.  They let their carnal desires over ride
	what God has for them.  It is much easier to say "I will follow God"
	than it is to do what He tells us.  I think this is why Jesus told
	Joseph that "they draw near to me with their lips, but their hearts
	are far from me, they teach for doctrines the commandments of men,
	having a form of godliness, but they deny the power thereof." JS2:19

	The "many people who are faithful, sincere, searching persons with a
	real desire to know the Lord who believe and exercise a Christian
	charity that is exemplary" will not be forgotten.  There is a place
	prepared for them in the many mansions of the Kingdom of God.  But
	I think that most of them will eventually become Mormons.

	Charles

294.15We're growing!CACHE::LEIGHJesus Christ: our role modelTue Apr 10 1990 12:217
Hey Ed,

I passed a truck on I495 this morning that was from Preston, Md. and was
owned by the Preston Trucking Company.  Glad to see that our Prestonites
are expanding.

Allen