Conference turris::womannotes-v3

I think that's really great that you are interesting in doing this.

I'm sure they will tell you what the requirements are when you contact
them but when I looked into Big Brothers, they wanted you to get
together something like once a week for at least a year.

john

    
    I too looked into Big Sisters and couldn't make the commitment. It will
    take them a good 6 months to screen you. To weed out the weirdos, they
    will do a thorough history check on you through the references you
    provide. This is after you attend an introductory meeting. I think they
    will have a few other seminars for you to attend as well. Then there's
    the matching process, which also may take a while. After you are
    matched, they expect a 1-2 year commitment minimum. That's why I
    couldn't do it, I can't guarantee to be here 3 years.
    
    But if you feel comfortable with the probing into your background, and
    the commitment, go for it!
    
    One other thing to consider... not every BS/LS relationship works out.
    My sister has been in 2-3 and they've been awful. So, you have to make
    a decision whether what you  want to do is one-on-one work, or
    something more group oriented. But just doing SOMETHING positive is
    always better than nothing.

'ren, your experience was *totally* different than mine.

I was involved with the BB/BS program in Albany.  Maybe things are different
around here.

What they told me was that it was a one year commitment, of 6-8 hours
a week - basically, you spend an evening or afternoon a week with your
Little Sister.  There was one screening interview and one or two 
training seminars, the whole process took less than a month, then I
was assigned a child.

We discussed this in V2, where someone else asked for advice, and I will
give you the same advice I gave her: be honest with yourself and with
them!  I was feeling benevolent, so when they asked me what sort of child
I wanted (various personality and background traits) I said "The child
most in need."  

I ended up with a child who was basically incompatible with me.  I finished
out my commitment, had a good time, but things would have worked much 
better if I had thought more carefully about what child I could have the
best relationship with.  I realized that of the needy children out there,
the one I had the most to share with was the one who was most like me
at that age - withdrawn, quiet, intelligent, perhaps abused by peers and
lonely.  Those kids needs Big Sisters, and I could have helped her 
develop herself.  Intead I ended up with a girl I couldn't relate to.
BB/BS will do their damndest to set you up with a compatible child - it
works better for *everyone* that way - but you have to tell them what sort
of child you want, they can't read your mind.

In other words, don't bite off more than you can chew.  Kids who were
sexually abused, who come from abject poverty, etc, need Big Sisters, but
look into your heart of hearts and see if you can really deal with such
a kid - if not, that's okay!  It doesn't reflect badly on you at all!
Both little sister and big sister will end up much happier if the big sister
is able to deal with the little sisters problems.  

(They all have problems - that is why they are in BB/BS.  At least out in
Albany, you must be referred to BB/BS by a school counselor, psychologist,
whatever - they refer the kids they think need a lot of help.)

Contact me off line if you would like to talk to me about my experiences.

D!

    This isn't exactly about big sisters, but it's on a similar line...
    
    At MRO (and 3 other sites) DEC is sponsoring a Sponsor a Child - Back
    to School Project.  I signed up and have made a commitment to provide
    one child with the following items...
    
    Minimum purchase:
    
    o One new back to school outfit
    o Sweater/Jacket/Sweatshirt
    o School Supplies (notebooks, pens, pencils, ruler, glue, scissors,
      school bag/backpack etc.)
    
    Optional Items:
    
    o Toiletries
    o Hair accessories
    o Rain gear (umbrella, raincoat)
    
    I have not yet been assigned a child, and I don't yet know if I'll be
    assigned a boy or a girl.
    
    If any of the womannoters would be interested in chipping into this
    project, send me mail.
    
    I must have the clothes and the school supplies purchased and returned
    to our site coordinator by August 9 (the regular deadline is Aug. 16,
    but I will already be on vacation so I need to wrap this up before I
    go).
    
    So, this isn't signing up for big sister/big brother program, but it is
    one way to make a difference in one child's life.  
    
    Laura

    Michael and I are also sponsoring a child.
    
    E Grace

    My hometown had a local BB/BS program, and a family friend
    was a BS.  She totally enjoyed it, and was loved by the
    little girl and her whole family.  Jeannie had a big heart,
    and continued the relationship for many years, way past
    the 1 yr commitment.  She asked me if I was interested,
    and I looked into it.  Unfortunately, things didn't work
    out, and it wasn't up my alley, so to speak.  I ended up
    coaching girls soccer, which worked out much better for me.
    
    HRH
    

    Re .4 & .5 -
    
    Do you have any info that you could send me on that?
    
    I might bring that to my next Employee Act. Mtg.
    
    Thx-
    
    HRH

    Anyone know if there's a Big Sister programme in the UK? I haven't
    heard of it before.
    
    Alice T.
    

    re: . 7
    
    The back to school program is being sponsored by the Massachusetts
    Community Relations office and Employee Activities here at MRO, HLO,
    SHR and FXO.  I should have the phone number of the contact person here
    at MRO in a few days.
    
    I thought it was a great idea.  Sometimes it feels overwhelming to
    consider all the children in our own country who don't have adequate,
    food, shelter, health care, education.  And although a program like
    this doesn't fix the larger problem, it does make a difference, even if
    it is in small way.  
    
    Laura
    

I have been a big sister with Big Brothers/ Big Sisters in Kennebec Valley,
Maine for the past three and a half years.   It took approximately three 
months for me to get into the program.  There was paperwork to fill out 
including getting references.  Then there was a psychological evaluation 
with a social worker at the agency.  Then there was a Saturday all-day training
seminar to go through.  Within a month of my training, I was matched.
It meant a four to six hour commitment every week for a year.  A BB/BS 
caseworker is assigned to the match.  The caseworker monitors the relationship
pretty closely for the first month and a half, calling the Big Sister and the
Little Sister on a regular basis to get updates on how things are working out.
Six weeks into the match, there is a "goal setting" meeting where the Big
Sister, Little Sister, caseworker, and parent(s) get together to set some
goals for the year ahead.

I have been matched three times.  My first little sister was from a very
very poor home and had two younger sisters.  Her mother was very negligent
and eventually the state got involved.  Her mother was an alcoholic who had
been dry for a year or so.  They lived in a "filthy"..(the filthiest I've
EVER seen) apartment and Crystal always smelled and was dressed in dirty
clothes when I got her.  She didn't OWN a toothbrush and her long hair
was always snarled.  Her family moved out of the county before my one year
commitment was up, but our goal setting meeting consisted of teaching her
personal hygiene, manners, etcetera.  We also set a goal to try things she
had NEVER done before, like roller skating, bowling, going to the museum,
etcetera.  Crystal was ten years old.

My second match was much different.  I was rematched about two months after
Crystal's family moved away.  Elizabeth was ten years old also.  She was
a more typical "latchkey kid" with a divorced mother working hard to support
her two children, Elizabeth and her fourteen year old brother.  Elizabeth's
mother was also an alcoholic who hadn't drank in five years.  Unlike Crystal's
family, these people weren't living on welfare and food stamps.  Elizabeth
was very shy and we spent the year working on that.  As I am outgoing, the
agency thought I would be able to "draw out" this child.  It didn't work 
out and I felt the two of us were very incompatable.  At the end of the year
we chose to end the match, and the caseworker started looking for a more
"grandmotherly" type for Elizabeth.

I am very active and love the outdoors, and Elizabeth was overweight and
very frustrated trying anything that would cause her to exert herself so
we spent most of our time together knitting, and cooking and renting movies.
I felt like there was so much more I could offer a child,,,so my next
and final match was with Daisy.  Daisy is eleven years old and I love that
little girl so much.  She is extremely bright and top in her class which is
rare with these children.  Most do poorly in school.  She is a skinny little
thing and the other kids at school often make fun of her, because she doesn't
dress in the latest styles.  Her mom is a cleaned up drug-abuser and alcoholic.
And Daisy's uncle sexually molested her for about a year when she was six 
before anyone found out.  She lives with her mother, mother's boyfriend, and
two brothers, one older and one younger, in a dilapadated house they rent. 
Daisy's mother doesn't work.  She is on welfare and plays the system for 
everything it's worth.  I must say, that she does a lot with what little
she has.  Daisy regularly sees the doctor, dentist, and eye doctor.  She
is well-educated, healthy, clean and generally happy.  She talks my ear off
and we love spending our time together.  We shop, rollerskate, iceskate,
cross country ski, go for hikes, cook, do each other's hair.......and have
a great time.  I've been matched with her for over a year and would stay
her big sister forever if I could.  I want to know how she'll turn out 
someday.  I just got a new job in Massachusetts and will be starting in
August, so we had to end the match last month.  I plan to stay in touch
and visit her when I come back to Maine to visit.

I didn't mean to make this so long, but I hope I gave you a glimpse at what
it can be like to be a big sister.  The caseworkers were always there to help
you through problems, and I've enjoyed it immensely and plan on finding
the local chapter, when I relocate next month.

Kristen