Conference turris::womannotes-v3

    I think Freshman year in college was the best year of my life.
    
    Of course, I can't be sure because I don't remember most of it.  :-)
    (or should that be a 8-( )
    
    No, seriously, despite the fact that I was drunk half the time, it
    really was a good year.  For the first time in my life, I was
    surrounded by friends who really liked me, who talked to me, who wanted
    to spend time with me.  We ate together, we drank together, we slept
    together (ie: same dorm), went to classes together, etc...it was like
    an extended family and it was wonderful.
    
    Of course, all good things come to an end, and it eventually soured. 
    *sigh*  I really miss it.  
    
    The next best time in my life is...
    
    RIGHT NOW!
    
    Because I am surrounded by wonderful people, I am slowly making friends
    again, I am healing myself and making huge leap forward, I am learning
    a whole lot in both work and non-work activities, I am busy and never
    bored, yet I have time to pursue activities I enjoy, I have money to
    buy things I like and no have to constantly worry about how I am going
    to pay ofr next semester, I have a bright future and a bright present
    and...well, I could go on in this vein, but it would get dull...
    
    D!

    	One of the very best times of my life was when my son was a baby
    	and we spent a year visiting and traveling, followed by my first 
    	years in college.
    
    	We had money saved and lived in a sort of co-op house in Berkeley
    	for the first 4 1/2 months after Ryan was born.  Then we spent two
    	months visiting my parents in Hawaii.  We walked 3 miles to the
    	beach early every morning - then we set up a blanket on the grassy
    	area by the ocean in Waikiki and played/nursed/lunched/napped/
    	played/nursed/conversed_with_other_Moms_and_babies under the shade
    	of a nice tree.  Then we walked 3 miles home (or actually, I walked
    	and Ryan rode in a stroller with a light beach blanket positioned to
    	keep him out of the sun.)
    
    	When he was 6 1/2 months, we went on a free-form trip to Europe for
    	3 1/2 months - then we visited family in Massachusetts for a week 
    	or two (we stayed in a cottage with my Mom who flew out from Hawaii 
    	to meet our plane from London) - then we spent a few days in L.A. 
    	and another week or two in Berkeley.  After that we went back to 
    	Hawaii to celebrate Ryan's first birthday and to get me ready for 
    	college.  (It was quite a year!)
    
    	In the next year, I was in college during the day (and I worked 
    	during the evening after Ryan went to sleep) - but I scheduled my
    	classes to take 3-hour (or longer) lunches every day.  I would
    	ride my 10-speed home from class to pick Ryan up from the baby-
    	sitters next door.  We'd ride to the same beach area as before
    	to spend an extended lunch together by the ocean every day.
    	Ryan *adored* riding in the chair on the back of my 10-speed -
    	one of his first favorite phrases was, "Faster, faster!!"  :)
    
    	The rest of my college years were very busy and very wonderful
    	- I loved being a Mom and it felt fantastic to be investing in
    	the future by putting myself through college while raising a
    	child on my own.
    
    	My other most favorite time (like D! said) is RIGHT NOW!
    
    	I'm enjoying the direction my life is taking at the moment!  I'm
    	filled with gratitude for the wonderful friends I've made in the
    	past few years - including Ryan, who is now 20 (and who gets nicer
    	and more a true friend to me every day.)
    
    	I'm learning C (at last) - and I love it, even though I never
    	thought I'd care for any language as much as I grew to love Pascal
    	last year.  Live and learn.  :-().

    Yet to come!
    
    Kate

    There are times when this job has me thinking back to '72, I was
    pumping gas for two bucks an hour, driving an old van, always
    stoned on pot. Now I make more money, don't touch drugs, have
    a better car. Also a job that may or may not be there tomorrow
    in a factory that may or may not be there in a year.

    It doesn't seem like I can have a best of times without throwing in a
    little drama and trauma.
    
    The most amazing times in my life were freshman year in college and
    NOW (the past 4 months or so).  Anytime I'm growing is a wonderful
    time.  Anytime I'm REALLY learning is a wonderful time. Any time I'm
    challenging my preconceptions is a wonderful time.
    
    -Jody
    

    Probably my sophmore year of high school.  I had my first real
    boyfriend.  I was part of a group of kids who were achievers.  There
    was a freshness and newness and sense of possibilities never-ending
    that was just wonderful.
    
    There have been lots of good times since.  But now is feeling a little
    grey and blah, as I kind of wait to see what comes next after getting
    my son through high school and out on his (mostly) own.
    
    Alison

    
    	My junior year in HS.  That was the year I got rid
    	of the glasses and got contacts and the braces were 
    	gone!  The kids I so wanted to be friends with started
    	paying attention to me (even though I see now that most
    	of them weren't true friends), had my first boyfriend
    	and performed in West Side Story.  That in itself made
    	the year.  I was a Puerto Rican dancer and since I don't
    	have a great voice that was the biggest part I had ever
    	gotten in any of the school musicals.  It was fun.  I
    	loved performing.  To this day I feel closest to my
    	'theater' friends even though I hardly ever see any of
    	them anymore.  If I could turn back the hands of father
    	time that's where I'd go....I'd do West Side all over again.
    
    	JJ
    

    My days as an undergraduate. Yes, all four years. I made many close
    friends. I loved living in a dorm and being with friends most of the
    time. It was the closest thing to Utopia! Oh it wasn't all very easy.
    We had our share of problems. The academic part was very tough and did a
    bit of damage to my self-esteem. And a lot of boys were jerks. [ No
    comments on language please. Where I come from undergrads are boys and
    girls.] But it was a time of tremendous growth. I learnt a lot.
    
    manisha

    Me too!  All 6 years of college.  Like D! I finally found a group of
    friends who really cared.  I didn't do much drinking and no drugs, but
    the comradarie and sharing of our lives was fantastic!  It's something
    I've been searching for since that time, but with little luck.
    
    Mary

Hmmm! Interesting...almost every reply in here so far has centered on 
"good times" as those being when we are surrounded by many close friends
and a sense of cameraderie...

And, not so coincidentally, they have all stressed school (either HS or
college.)

Why do we love groups of friends so much as "kids", and spend so much of
our lives lonely as adults?

D!

    In many ways this is the worst time of my life.  But!  In many ways it
    is the best!  I have never in my life been surrounded by the love and
    acceptance by which I am now surrounded.
    
    I mean, I actually have people calling me up, wanting to have lunch
    with *me*!  And sometimes I'm *already booked*!!!!!!
    
    *This* is unbelievable to me.  I keep expecting to hear "Ha ha, fooled
    ya!!!!!"  (*8
    
    
    E Grace

    Well E, you'll wait a long time, 'cause it's not going to happen!
    
    Just keep a lunch space available for me once in a while....ok?
    
      -HA

    Last year...just around May to June of 1990...
    
    After years of hating myself and not understanding why my friends liked
    me at all ("They say I'm a good person...but really, if they knew me,
    really knew me...they wouldn't like me.  I know I'm awful..."), I
    finally turned around and thought "Hey, all these people whom I love
    can't be completely wrong...I don't always see it, but I'm pretty
    good."
    
    I think for the first time in my life I really thought I was worth
    having such lovely friends, I enjoyed what I did and how I did it.
    
    I really, *REALLY* want that feeling back.  But I know that I did feel
    that way, that I made it there once, so I guess I can do it again.
    
    -daniel

    One of the best times of my life was when I was first married and my
    daughter was small, from around 1973-1976 maybe.  I was young, in love
    with my husband and loved being the mother of a small child.  It didn't
    last forever but it was fun while it did.
    
    I recently had one wonderful week when I visited a friend in San
    Francisco!  I'd never been there before and loved it.  I want to go
    back!  Everything good I've ever heard about S.F. seems to be true, a
    beautiful place, and it was good to spend some time with one of my
    favorite people again, too.  (I wish Boston & S.F. were only a few
    miles apart!) :-)
    
    Lorna
    

    Lorna, have you ever visited Northampton, Mass ? 

    re .15, why, is it like San Francisco?  :-)
    (if it's as nice as S.F. how could it have been kept a secret all these
    years?)  :-)
    
    Lorna
    
    P.S.  Does Northampton have a bay, a bridge, and a China Town?
          (I *loved* China Town!)
    

    I can probably come up with the least awful...
    
    S.

	Junior year in high school (I was involved in *everything* then),
	and, in college, my Junior year (again! hmmmm) and the following
	summer, 'cause Ihad few worries and many people to hang out with.

	Of course, now isn't bad either, just not as exciting.



	*A*

    D!
    
    > Why do we love groups of friends so much as "kids", and spend so much
    > of our lives lonely as adults?
    
    That's a good question and one I think about a lot.  It was so easy for
    me to find friends in school and now its so hard for me.  I think that
    its our basic social structure that's messed up.  Families no longer
    stick together both geographically and emotionally.  We are lacking in
    community.  Our neighbors are strangers or aquaintences.  I believe
    that humankind is tribal in nature.  Our modern society thwarts our
    basic nature to band together in family and tribal groups that support
    each other.  The church has probably served that purpose in the past
    and still does for many.  But, of late, the churches are dwindling and
    nothing seems to be replacing that loss.  I would love to get together
    weekly with a small group of people who are on the same spiritual
    wavelength as me and just talk.  But I guess I'm digressing.
    
    Mary

    
    I think one reason is because -- very often -- we no longer live and 
    work in the same community.  Commuting and working take up a big chunk
    of time.  You may have friends at work who stay just that because they
    commute an hour in the opposite direction from which you, also, commute
    for an hour.  Just think how different our lives would be if we all 
    *walked* to work in the morning.  What if a a goodly percentage of us 
    either walked, rode a bike, or took a bus to work?  What if the same
    was true of our neighbors and co-workers?  The relationships I enjoy
    most are the ones that arise from casual, fairly regular contact; I
    like "bumping into" people.  I have to fight (with myself) to schedule 
    and plan "getting together" with friends, and if we're all located in
    different geographical areas, oy!  It all feels so rigid and contrived
    to me.  I hate it.
    
    CQ

    
    October 24'th 1986 to now has been a BIG roller coaster.  I usually do not
    like roller costers, because they are so unpredictable, but I can not
    deny the excitement.
    
    For 3 years that my SO and I were in college together we only had to
    separate for CLASS periods and our combined 7 (One being a Dec job
    for me in MASS with commutes NYC-MASS most weekents) jobs (counting
    internships: we also shared two additional jobs [9 total]) and the 4 
    extra-cirricular clubs that we did not share (NSBE,Black Heights Mag,
    United Minorities Board for me INROADS for him).  That is the relationship
    upon which our marriage was formed. Although we spend less time
    together now, it is comforting to know that all of that wasn't just
    a "college thing" (knock on wood).
    
    I found the AMAZON WOMEN babes in WHITE of the Columbia Archery team
    my senior year.The trips, coach, and shared experiences were
    phenomenal.  I published a college Black Student's magazine that
    was well received. I got to hold a lot of offices, observe a lot
    of politics, and learned much about my heritage.  Upon graduation, 
    I managed to find ... a year apart... TWO jobs that allowed me Unix/Ultrix,
    IBM, VMS (software play techie heaven) work all together. There have been 
    Parishes and study matching the tennants of my faith throughout.
    
    All in all, it began soon after I met my SO. In the glow following
    our 1st  anniversary trip to the New Hampshire mountains, I beam with
    the knowledge that I was blessed with him.  Mostly, independent
    of what G-d has in store for us now I know he was a gift that
    completed my half to give me the base I needed to advance. This 
    october 24th will hopefully be 5 years with him.  At least that much...
    I will be able to keep forever.
    
    Cindi  
         

    The best one-shot time?  Probably my first trip to Europe when I
    was 15.
    
    The best "recurring" time. Generally at science fiction conventions,
    when I'm surround by friends (yes, a common theme to these responses)
    and indulge myself in good conversation, good food, and good music.
    
    --- jerry

    G'Day,
    
    	I think the best time of my life was when I was in sixth grade in
    primary school.  I was the school vice-captain and therefore had a
    sense of achievement for what I had done so far in my 11 years.  I was
    an excellent student (pity it didn't stay that way) and because of that
    and my VC duties I had a fairly high profile within the school.  Up until
    that year I was just one of the kids but now everybody knew who I was
    and I like it!
    
    David.
     

    Everyday.  If I look back, yesterday was the best time...but looking
    further back, anytime I can think of 5 years ago was the best time. 
    And 10 years ago, or 20, or 30.  The earliest best time I can think of
    was 1952.  I was 4, my mother was taking my brother and me downtown. 
    Just before we left, I put the plug in the bathroom sink and turned the
    water on to a slow drip.
    
    When we got home a couple of hours later, I ran to bathroom to discover
    the water right at the edge of the sink...but none had dripped onto the
    floor.  I thought I'd performed a perfect experiment...my mother had
    other thoughts (it wasn't one of her best times, I guess).
    
    Everyday is another day in the best time of my life.
    
    Jo-Ann

    
    Now.  Without question.
    
    My childhood was protected, my adolescence stormy, my early
    20s troubled ... I finally am living from a source of love.
    I have honest and fulfilling friendships, the unconditional 
    love and acceptance of my family, a wonderful partner who's
    enhanced my life tremendously, a good job, a happy dog, the
    loyalty, respect, and love of my self, and no car payments.
    
    Carla
    

        One "best time" would be my first extended stay away from
        home, at a six week summer academic program between tenth
        and eleventh grade.  Another would be the second term of
        my sophomore year at MIT.  I won't call right now another,
        but it does seem to be just around the corner.
        
        Dan

    I can't say if I have had the "best time" yet.... My son being born
    is tops right now... And if that is the best time then I'm gonna be
    disappointed.....

    REK

living in New England, working for Digital, learning new things about the
computer business everyday, about myself (early 20's) every minute, making
friends with wildly incompatible souls whom I miss to this day, 18 years after
we last saw one another....we were poor, we were full of mystery, we were
potential yet untapped.  I harbor dreams that they have all gone on to happy
and fulfilling lives - yet, I know that several of our group were doomed to
unhappiness and even an early death if things had not changed greatly.

Now...learning still.

    
    Now.
    
    It's the most unsettling, emotional, painful, fun, chaotic,
    unpredictable, and joyous of times.  Money is tight, layoffs are
    worrisome, the world around me (politics and society) are sometimes
    frightening in their coldness and uncaring, but - I'm in it, not just
    watching it from the outside.
    
    Definitely now.
    
    clb