Conference turris::womannotes-v3

    >> Why do boys get to do things that girls are not allowed to?
    
    Like what, for instance??  I was such an avid tomboy as a
    youngster and did whatever the boys did...(except write
    my name in the snow! :-) haha)
    
    HRH

    re -1, like, be president of the United States, for instance.
    
    Lorna
    

>Suggestions, please!

What's the truth, Sara?  What do *you* think are the answers to her 
questions?  If she can't get the truth from you, she'll know that you're
hedging, or holding out on her.

Errrm, I don't mean to be harsh.  I'm living with a 3 year old now,
and because I'm not his father, I've tried to be very cautious about
how I approach the 'male adult role model' figure in this young boy's
life.  We haven't quite started the "why's" of everything yet, but it
will be happening soon.  I intend to share what I see as truth.  When
I don't know something, but just think about what "probably" is the 
truth, that's the hard part...but on the three questions your daughter
raised, I'm fairly comfortable with the truth of my answers ;-).  When
there is no right answer, all I can do is say what I know and what I 
don't.  It's kind of fun, in a way, not having to live up to the stereo-
type Meigs sketched out for us ("tall white men who know everything, its
the RULE, right?")  Trouble is, the older I get, the less I know for sure.

DougO

Sara, just tell her the truth.  If she gets angry because of the injustice,
then it is her anger.  All you have done is present her with the facts.
How she feels about the facts, and what she does about them is her decision.
Don't shield her.  She is already finding out the hard way about being
a "minority."

     Carol

    
    My mother told me that she never explained sexism and racism to me, so
    as not to cripple me. She just told me to get out there, be what I
    wanted to be, etc. That's not quite how *I* remember it, but it still
    seems like sound advice. If you don't want to teach your child
    patriarchy scare stories, you don't have to. But instead, you do need
    to instill in her some strength of character. If she asks why SHE can't
    do something, help her overcome the obstacles. Let her know that its
    okay to be exceptional, if she's doing something that makes her happy.
    That way if she wants to do something traditionally done by men, she'll
    have the balls...
    
    My mother made sure I had opportunities to meet women who were doing
    things similar to what I was interested in. So that's a start. If your
    daughter says how come there aren't any..., reply with "Well, actually,
    I know one. Wanna meet her?"  Show her women who are accomplishing
    things, and let those women tell their own stories.  
    
    At least that's how MY mom did it...
    
    My mom also emphasized, though, that I was an idiot if I thought that a
    man was going to take care of me for life. So she wasn't completely
    able to avoid the scare story. There are some women who DO succeed in
    finding men to financially support them... if that's what your daughter
    wants, just let her know that it does take some very special skills,
    along with a healthy dose of luck. Ask Joanna Carson, Robin Givens,
    Ivana Trump...

I think I disagree with your advice, 'ren...

If my (hypoethical) daughter came to me and said "Why are only men in powerful
positions?" I think it would be an implicit lie to say "That's not true,
let me show you a woman who *is* in a powerful position."

It is a lie because by evading the question I am giving her the idea that
her observations are wrong.  A counter example might be useful to help her
believe that it is possible, but to deny that indeed, very few women hold
positions of power is to tell her that her observations about the way the
world is are invalid, and an (implicit) untruth.

yeah, *technically* you aren't lying, because *technically* there are 
counter-examples, and therefore the word "all" is incorrect.  But the *spirit*
of the question is still left unanswered.  She has been led to believe 
that in fact there *is* no sexism.  This can be very damaging to her - not
just because of the "rose-colored glasses" phenonmenon, but because when
she *does* encounter sexism, she is more likely to internalize it, feel
something must be wrong with *her*, since Mommy told her (by implication)
that sexism doesn't exist.

I would provide the counter exaple - but I would also say "Yes, it is true
that fewer women are in positions of power than man.  That is because..." and
I would tell her what I percieve to be the truth of the matter.

D!

IMO:

this is such a difficult topic because, on the surface, sexism looks like it
benefits the men and denies the women, and all is cut and dried.  Fine.  Let's
change it.....but, in so many ways, men are denied many things because of the
way things are, just as women are denied many things because of the way things
are.  Idealy, there should be a "middle ideology" where we can stand as equals,
in mutual respect, with equal opportunities....but, the difficulty in 
establishing this ideology is inherent in the manner in which men and women
are indoctrinated.  Worst of all, because the human animal feels safest in 
the midst of the herd, we are all, at some level, the product of the attitudes
and biases of those around us...whether we have spent our time deciding to 
rebel (in order to join that tribe of rebels we admire) or trying to conform 
(in order to join the larger herd).  

So, how do you explain to a girl why she will have a more difficult time 
achieving goals that are perceived by "those around her" as "male goals"?  
I think you have to explain that the perceptions are not necessarily the 
realities...BUT, that as long as these perceptions exist, those
who choose to "go against the tribal traditions" will have to work extra hard
at reaching their goals.  You explain that this isn't fair, but it IS.  If
she wants to change it, tell her to start with her OWN perceptions of what
is RIGHT FOR A GIRL and what is RIGHT FOR A BOY to do/want/think....and let her
know that as she grows into womanhood, these perceptions of what is OKAY for
a man and a woman to feel/think/do/want must be continuously re-evaluated
so that she is AWARE of what she believes and not blindly driven by her
beliefs.

and you keep fighting the good fight to make sure that she has more flexibility
in her future than you have had in your past...

    there are some very good children's books out that i think help kids
    explore alternatives to the mass culture they get fed from an early
    age.  by offering difference on the page, they expose children to
    counter-cultural messages, and, hopefully, give them tools with which
    to challenge the majority.
    
    Two titles are favorites of mine:
    
    "The Paper bag Princess"  (message:  Prince Charming can be a real
    loser...don't be fooled by nice clothes and a crown)
    
    "Heather Has Two Mommies"  (message: well, pretty obvious isn't it?)
    
    I can't remember the authors...has anyone else encountered these?
    
    \D/

    
    It really depends on the question... I didn't answer Sara directly.
    When it comes to the specific questions being asked, then there are all
    kinds of answers you can come up with which range from those which
    paint the sexism in bold colors to those which damp it out.
                      
    Although I'm not advocating lying, or even evading things, I can
    definitely respect a mother's hope that she doesn't paint everything
    too dark too early.  I'm not sure I want to just tell my child about
    sexism and racism and let anger be their motivation for success. Or
    worse still, have their knowledge of sexism and racism become reasons not
    to try to succeed.  There are other ways to raise kids besides the "its
    a tough, cruel, unfair world out there..." approach.  
    
    My personal jury is still out on the age at which I kid needs to hear
    from his/her parents that the world sucks, but they still have to live
    in it.

    
    I get the sense that if her daughter is already asking these questions,
    she already has some idea of the answers and would like to hear more
    from her mother, whom she respects and knows has lived in this world
    longer than she has.  I know that I am often quite cynical and angry,
    but I don't think the answers to Sara's daughter's questions need
    be only dark.  I think one of the greatest gifts a mother can give to
    her daughter is a sense of history and perspective - where we've been,
    how far we've come, and the work we have yet to do.  I think I'd answer
    the question about why all the books say "he" with something like:
      Because men have tended to have most of the interesting jobs throughout
      most of our history.  More and more women are doing different kind of
      work, jobs that used to be considered for men only (insert counter
      examples), but the books and some people's attitudes haven't caught up
      yet, and that's what we still have to work on.    
    
    I think that answer tells the truth and gives some reason for hope and
    leaves the door open for her daughter to ask more about the things
    she's ready to hear.
    
    Justine

    I'm remembering that 9 is probably between 3rd and 4th grade this
    summer?  (Maybe 4th and 5th?)
    
    On why books use "he", the best explanation that I would come up with
    is because English is structured such that "he" can refer to either
    gender, while "she" must always refer to someone or thing which is
    identifiable as female.  Doesn't make a lot of sense, but that's how
    the language works.
    
    On why girls can't do "x", but boys can.  My answer would depend on
    what "x" is.  The explanation can run from "girls can, but it has been
    very uncommon for them to want to, so it's harder for people to believe
    that a particular girl really is interested and capable of "x" " to
    "sometimes we want to do things with other people of the same sex, and
    the experience is so different when girls (or boys) are included that
    it isn't the same thing at all".  The latter would be my explanation
    for stuff like Boy Scouts, single sex schools and the like.  
    
    Historically, women in the U.S. (and other parts of the world)
    *haven't* been able to do things.  It isn't a bad thing to let your
    daughter know some of the history of feminism, the legal challenges
    that have stood in our way, and how hard and long some of the battles
    have been.  It may help her understand just how much better things are
    than they were, even though we still have a long way to go.  Pointing
    out that exceptional women have succeeded at individual goals even in
    the face of these legal challenges can help her realize that she can
    make her own choices later.
    
    Most of all, be truthful.  Be willing to admit when things don't make
    sense to you, either.  If you can, tell her both how *you* feel, and
    the argument of those who don't feel the same way.  It can be
    challenging, light may shine into corners you haven't thought through
    for yourself.  But I grew more trying to answer my son's difficult
    questions than I have in any other way.
    
    Alison

    re: the age at which to explore the nasties of the world with your
    child...
    
    Well I don't know either, but I am quite sure when your child actually
    makes hir own observations, s/he is sending you a message that the time
    is NOW.  There is a difference between not instilling your own anger
    and resentment in your child, and not truthfully and fully answering
    their *questions*.
    
    I really believe that children have a much better grasp on reality, and
    a much better of their *own* maturity, than adults give them credit
    for.  If a child is asking, then the child is probably old enough to
    know the truth.
    
    I think the fact that Sara's daughter has made these observations
    indicates that she is definitely ready to deal with some of the hard,
    ugly facts.
    
    When it comes down to it, I really think this question is moot.  You
    communicate your values and feelings about the world is more ways than
    just verbal.  In fact, what you tell *to* your child pales in
    comparison to what your child learns by listening to your tone of
    voice, observing your reactions, reading your books, listening to your
    conversations with other adults, either.  If you doubt this, just think
    of how many values you got from your parents, with them ever having to
    say "this is the way things are."
    
    If you believe the world is anti-woman, and you are resentful and
    angry, you will communicate that.  Period.  What you actually answer to
    her questions doesn't really matter, because she will know.  She
    probably knows already, and just wants to talk about it.  If you
    believe the world is a fair and beautiful place, you will communicate
    that, too - regardless of what words you chose to say to her.
    
    I suggest you let *her* guide the conversation.  She has already made
    some astute observations - instead of saying "boys can do things girls
    can't because x, y, and z" why not try "what things would you like to
    do that you think you can't?  Why do you think the boys say you can't? 
    Do you think they are right?"
    
    D!

    
    re .11:
    
>    On why books use "he", the best explanation that I would come up with
>    is because English is structured such that "he" can refer to either
>    gender, while "she" must always refer to someone or thing which is
>    identifiable as female.  Doesn't make a lot of sense, but that's how
>    the language works.
    
    To me, this seems to be a cop-out of an answer, unless it's followed
    with the explanation of just exactly *who* (translation= what group in
    power) made English that way and is most interested in keeping it
    that way.  Languages *do* evolve.
    

    re:.13
    
    The problem with that is that it doesn't explain why the German
    third person plural pronoun is the same as the third person singular
    feminine pronoun: *sie*. I don't think the Germans mean to suggest
    that any group of more than one person is always female-only. The
    German powers-that-be are unlikely to be any less sexist than the
    English powers-that-be.
    
    --- jerry

    
    re .14:
    
    Whoops, that one must've slipped through the language cops!  ;-)
    

>--howcome the books always say "he"?

 I like Alison's answer to this question.

>--why do boys get to do things girls aren't allowed to?

 It depends on what "things" she is talking about. Whenever my emotional
response to something my daughter(s) want to do is "girls don't do that" I
remind myself that my daughters' role in the propagation of the species ought
not interefere with their right to do stuff. One thing to ascertain is who
is doing the allowing- is it you or others? If your daughter feels you or your
husband are not allowing her to do things she wants to do because she is a girl
perhaps you need to figure out why and possibly change this. If it's others
that don't allow her to do things, the answer is usually easier. I would say
(to a nine year old) "Well, not all adults are used to the idea that boys
and girls are really capable of doing the same sorts of things. It used to be
that boys did boy things and girls did girl things and everybody pretty much
followed those rules because it was expected. Now people are starting to realize 
that many of these kinds of rules existed with *no good reason*, so many of
us are trying to change things so that you can do anything you want to do.
When you meet an adult that thinks you shouldn't do something because you are a 
girl, it's just that they haven't learned to let go of the traditional rules
yet." Of course, expect any explanation to simply foster the development of 
more difficult questions. :-)

>--why do men have so much more power than women?  why is it like that? has it
>  always been that way, and why?

 Tough to find a good way to answer this one on ther level of a nine year old,
isn't it? :-)

 The Doctah

I ran into a similar sort of thing with my almost 7 year old last week.  

While I was at the _WN_ festivities she stayed with her paternal 
grandmother who, unbeknownst to me, sent Emily to Southern Baptist Bible
school for a week.  (On Wednesday of that week Emily broke out in chicken
pox and infected the whole Bible school but that's another story.)  When
I picked Emily up from her grandmother's I asked her what she'd learned
and we discussed what the Bible verses she'd learned meant from the
perspective of Southern Baptists as opposed to  our church, Religious 
Science.  Some of the issues that came up were the churches' stand on
feminism and homosexuality.  I told her that she was free to decide what
she chose to believe and how to live according to those beliefs.  After a
while of thinking she started to ask me surprisingly mature questions
for a 6 year old which involved not only the churchs' stand on issues
but also why society is the way it is!  As far as answers were concerned
my focus was to avoid taking a stand on the issues but to give her enough
historical and factual background to allow her to make up her own mind.

As far as I'm concerned the best we can do for our children is to give them
a healthy sense of self-esteem, a respect for cause and effect and to 
teach them how to think for themselves.   

Nanci  

I don't know if I agree with you or not on that one, Nanci.  I think I would
have to know more about the facts that you presented.

I've always been one to take up a cause for minorities, and would want my
son/children to grow up to be understanding of minority problems.  I would
*hate* to take the risk of my child becoming a bigotted adult.  I present
the facts, too, (with other children, since mine is only just beginning to ask
questions) but I try to present information in ways that makes it personal
to the kids.  When talking about the Holocaust recently to two blond daughters
of a lesbian mom, I told them what it would be like for *them* growing up in
such a situation - how they would be shunned if they played with their 
Jewish friends, how if they lived in Poland then they might be taken away from
their family to be adopted by a German family, how their mom would be taken
from them and sent to a "labor camp", probably to be die there.  I explained
how it was for Anne Frank, etc, etc.  This really opened their eyes, because
they were able to see that if they lived under these circumstances it would
still affect *them*. 

With sexism, I would not hold back the facts, but I would try to hold back
my strength of anger, just as I do any time I am really trying to get through
to someone.  I would explain how it used to be, how it is now, and what
types of things we can do to make a change.  Whether my child/ren ever 
decides to actively work toward that change will be his/their decision.

    Carol

I really don't think it is necessarily, desireable or even useful to withhold
one's personal views from one's children.

I don't think you should enforce your views, but I think it is okay to state
them!  For one thing, other people will state their views, it isn't like the
child is growing up in a vacuum.  For another, a child needs guidance and
expsoure to different ideas, including yours.

It is natural for a child to adopt hir parents as role models - and part of 
being a role model is having opinions on issues!

Kids are *people*.  It *is* possible to *discuss* views with your children
without imposing those views - you are doing so right here in NOTES, you can
do so in a limited manner with your children.

Mostly, though, as I stated before, I don't think it is useful to not 
tell your kids your views because they will know ANYWAY!  My parents never
once told me they were athiests, but I knew!  I knew because of the subtle
nuances of words they chose when speaking about religion, because of the
looks on their faces when encountering talk or shows or books about God,
etc.  

Eventually i asked them about it, and they said that I was welcome to
believe in God, either in a Christain sense or a different sense, and that
they would help me explore options, but that they themselves did not 
believe in God, and here is why...

I think people tend to forget that both kids and parents are *people*, and
as such have opinions.  You can interact with your children as if they were
Real People because they *are*!

D!

Maybe I didn't explain what I meant by "facts" well enough.  Some of that
which I include in "facts" is that which I have experienced with/through
friends and also the persecution issues that have arisen in history.
That was one reason I took Emily to the Anne Frank exhibit at the Denver
Museum of Natural History.  It gave her some perspective on what people
have done in the past in the name of religious and political beliefs.

Nanci

    Look everybody....
    A girl, or a boy, at that age is all "questions"! at that age, their
    minds are quite awake to anything around them and it is only too
    natural that they enquire about everything!
    
    Whow... I wouldn't suggest that their clean minds become worried with
    OUR problems and insecurities... a woman can do whatever a woman sets
    her mind to do, just like any man does too! a girl... is not worried
    for that, just curious about whatever is in her mind, and there's nothing
    easier than answer with straight, honest answers too.
    
    Kids are wonderful and, so smart!
    
    My son killed a beautiful plant because he burried a bar of soap in the
    soil... he was curious and wanted to know what was inside the soap to
    make the hands white, so he broke it in two... and inside was the same
    as the outside, white stuff... so he hided it into the soil so I
    woundn't find out that he "broke" it... imagine the gelatinous mess
    inside the soil!...
    
    My daughter once asked me "Mommy why can't I go to the bathroom
    standing up just like boys do"? I said, yes you can, but you will make
    a mess and be all wet, do you like that? it is easier to sit, don't you
    think? and she said, Ah yeah, but boys haven't found out! so she
    was as happy as a lark and not a hint of either superiority or
    inferiority or stuff like that. None of the kids were "ever" bothered
    by any sings of inequality among their peers, later they became what they
    decided to become in their lives.... they were very happy kids and at
    present, are very happy adults. (I am an optimistic at heart and thanks
    God, they've followed my steps and love this world with all its joys
    and sorrows... and boy do they enjoy it) 
    I love kids. Ana
    
    

I agree with D! comments about talking to kids about this.  Other
questions/discussion areas are how do adults treat boys and girls
differently.  Is it fair?  How would you like to be treated?  Kids
under a certain age have trouble with abstractions and
conceptualizations so it's good to keep things concrete and discuss
their experience and things they (or you) see and experience every
day.

Of course, first thing I would do is sing this song!

As soon as your born grownups check where you pee
And then they decide just how you're going to be
Girls pink and quiet, boys noisy and blue
Seems like a dumb way to choose what you'll do

Chorus:
It's only a wee-wee so what's the big deal
It's only a wee-wee so what's the big fuss
It's only a wee-wee and everyone got one
There's better things to discuss

Now girls must use makeup, girl's names, and girls clothes
And boys must use sneakers and not panty-hose 
The grownups will teach you the rules to their dance
And if you get confused, they say "Look in your pants"

If I live to be nine, I won't understand
Why grown-ups are tot'lly obsessed with their glands
If I touch myself, "Don't do that" I'm told
They treat me like I might explode

Now grownups watch closely each move that we make
Boys must not cry and girls must make cake
It's all very formal and I think it smells
So let's be abnormal and act like ourselves

 - Peter Alsop 

    re .19, I agree that there's nothing wrong with sharing our personal
    opinions with our children.  The rest of the world is constantly
    attempting to influence our children's thinking in various ways, why
    shouldn't parents be able to as well?
    
    Besides, kids can pick up on their parents personal views without
    always being explicitly told.  When Melissa was little she surprised me
    a couple of times by coming out with things in groups of people.  For
    example, once when we were at somebody's house a woman was showing off
    a new fur coat, and Melissa, at about age 10, spoke up disgustedly and
    said, "My mother and I don't believe in wearing fur!"  
    
    I feel that I've had to explain a lot to my daughter about prejudice,
    too.  I've had conversations about how, yeah, there are some people who
    say rotten things about various minorities, but they're bigots, etc.
    
    I've told her things similar to what both Justine and Mark have
    mentioned here in regard to sexism, too.
    
    Lorna
    

When I was 8 I encountered racism for the first time...

A big-bad-boy called my best friend (who was black) a N*gger and she started
crying.  I had never heard the word, so I went home and asked my Mom what
the word meant.  As best I can remember (since the conversation changed my
life, it is pretty vivid) the conversation went something like this:

me: "Mommy, what does nigger mean?"

mom: "It is a mean term that some people use for black people."

me: "Why would someone want to be mean to someone because they are black?"

mom: "I don't really know.  Some people don't like people who are different;
      some white people don't like black people, and say and do mean things
      to them."  (easily readable from her face: this is a Bad Thing.)

me: "That's terrible".  (pause while light dawns over D's head) "Wait a 
     minute...Daniel [my brother, 2 years old at the time] is black, does
     that mean people will be mean to him because he is black?"

mom: "Some people probably won't like him because he is black.  Some people
      may do or say mean things because of that. "

me: "That's awful!!  If anyone calls my brother a nigger I'll kick 'em!"

Looking back, I think the situation was quite well handled by both of us.

D!

> D! .19                 
> I really don't think it is necessarily, desireable or even useful to 
> withhold one's personal views from one's children.

Well said.  The sanest thing, in all directions, is to say
what you think.  Among its many virtues is that, by doing this, 
you help make your child's world a place where one can 
speak and think freely.  I would like to have tried one of those.

 Meigs (who knew the taboos before she felt the questions)

    
    re: .22  John, thanks for posting the words to that song!  I loved it
    at the =wn= party!  (And yes, I sang along a little bit. :-)
    
    CQ

Here's another song I have been learning that reminds me of this
question.  [I updated the pronouns a bit].

Day Is Done

Tell me why you're crying my child
I know you're frightened like everyone
Is it the thunder in the distance you fear
Will it help if I stay very near?/ I am here

Chorus:
And if you take my hand, my child
All will be well when the day is done (repeat)
Day is done (when the day is done) (4x)

You ask me why I'm sighing my child
You shall inherit what your elders have done
In a world filled with sorrow and woe
If you ask me why this is so, I really don't know

Tell me why you're smiling my child
Is there a secret you can tell everyone?
Do you know more than those who are wise
Can you see what we all must disguise thru your loving eyes?

   - Peter Yarrow

    Re: .27
    
    John, how about "young one" instead of "my child" as a substitute for
    "my son" in Peter's song?  That way it still scans as rhyming couplets.
    
    We now return you to your regular topic.
    
    -d

    
    Excerpt from "Everything Possible"  by The Flirtations
    
    reprinted without permission (no duh!)
    
    "You can be anybody that you want to be
    You can love whomever you will.
    You can travel any country where heart is
    And know I will love you still
    
    You can live alone,
    You can gather friends around you,
    You can choose one special one.
    And the only measure 
    of your words and deeds
    Will be the love left behind 
    when you're gone.
    
    Some girls grow up strong and bold.
    Some boys are quiet and shy.
    Some want to lead and race ahead
    Some follow and walk behind.
    Some women love women
    and some men love men
    some raise children 
    and some never do.
    But the only measure
    of your words and deeds
    is the love left behind
    when you're through."
    
    I like the message here...it seems very quiet and simple, but also very
    important:  we are ALL possible.  I think a child would learn a lot
    from a song like this.
    
    \D/

    Nit:  "Everything Possible" is by Fred Small.
    
    Justine

    
    a thousand pardons to Fred Small!
    
    the close harmony version by the Flirts, by the way, is *AMAZING*

    
    I agree with most of what's been said here.  My .02 cents....
    
    Besides discussions and books, two of the greatests influences on
    children today are TV and movies.  I know that it is difficult to
    always monitor what children watch, but if you steer them toward
    shows that you know are a good influence, then half the battle is
    won.  I would watch those shows with her and then discuss afterward
    what was good *or* bad about the program.  If there is sexism in the
    program, then point it out and go from there.  If there are good 
    role models, then point that out and discuss from there.  As 
    someone wrote earlier, children learn from what they observe.  If 
    you think that TV is not a good teacher, then consider this story.
    Back in the sixties there was a little black girl who didn't have 
    much and didn't have any positive role models to look up to in the
    poor section that she lived in.  But then one day, she came upon a 
    TV show with a character that she could relate to and believe in, and
    she got excited!  The show that she was watching was Star Trek.  And
    even though it was a product of it's time, and even though it was 
    *incredibly* sexist (looking back from now!), there was still that
    role model to look up to.  That character was Uhura, a black female
    communications officer who was quite capable of doing her job and 
    fit in well with the other crew members.  This young girl was 
    extremly influenced by the character.  It gave her hope that one day
    in the future, all people would work together and that it would not
    be considered *unusual* for a black female to work side by side with
    all other people.  That image sustained her while she was growing up,
    and helped her to achieve what she has today.  In fact, she joined 
    the cast of the new Star Trek show to "pay back" what the original
    had given her so many years ago.  That woman of course, is Whoopi
    Goldberg!  She feels that by being another role model on the new
    show, she might influence at least *one* person to do better, and
    that will be worth it.
    
    	If you don't already watch the show, I would watch it with a 
    child and explain to hir that this is a show about the future.  It
    is not the way that things are now, but that it is a world that
    *might* be one day.  And here is what we need to do to achieve it....
    A good jumping off point for discussions on roles and what you can
    strive for, which is anything.  In this show, it is the norm to show
    women in roles of authority (other ship's captain), roles of intellect
    (the person who *designed* the ship's engines was a woman), roles of
    intelligence and skill and compassion (chief medical officer).  Other
    jobs are seen being performed routinely by both men and women in the
    background, and this matter of factness about the roles can only be
    absorbed as well.  (Can you tell I *really* like the show???).  TV
    and movies wield so much power and influence over children as it is,
    why not make it as positive an influence as you can??!!
    
    
    Debbi
     

I think that the reason we have such trouble answering kids' questions is
that kids ask such d*mned BASIC questions!  Kids' minds aren't cluttered
with the connections and complications that adults perceive, so often
their questions cut RIGHT to the heart of the matter.

This often makes adults uncomfortable because we haven't settled these
issues for OURSELVES, never mind for our kids!

[this issue was brought up in PARENTING sometime back as well along the
lines of how to talk to kids about uncomfortable or ugly things such as
street people or urban decay... most parents just retreat into a shell:
"Oooh, that's ugly; don't look at it, Johnny!"]

Strangely enough, I (a male) often asked the same questions as a kid
that the basenoters' daughter did:  why could GIRLS do some things
that BOYS "couldn't" do?  Why couldn't BOYS jump rope?  Why couldn't
BOYS play jacks?  Why couldn't BOYS tell the teacher on bullies and 
instead had to fight for themselves?  Why couldn't BOYS knit?

But like I said in another note:  I'm trying to multitask XX AND XY
software on strictly XY hardware... this tends to send the support
folks into conniptions 8-)  "No heterogeneous configurations!" they
keep telling me... 8-) 8-) 8-)

--jim