Conference turris::womannotes-v3

Doesn't everyone?

Barb

    I used to have a Swiss Army potato, but it sprouted.
    
    					andrew

    of course, never know when you might need a substitute battery for your
    clock.

    you could always carry potato stix for personal protection

    only in dark parking lots and rough neighborhoods.
    
    if trouble threatens, I just break out the assault potato and the
    trouble goes away

    Of *course* I carry potatoes!  What else am I supposed to do with
    them, drag them around on a leash?

    I think anyone who drags potatoes around on a leash is weir-- um,
    I mean individualistic.

	Sharon

Oh Yes, for practical uses...

Comes in handy when you're playing shirts vs. skins...

Potato Puffs when I want to go sailing...

Curly Q fries when I'm feeling wild and crazy...

Barb

    Only on Tuesdays and thursdays

    
    re: Sharon (.8)
    
    Maybe my potatoes *like* to be dragged around on a leash.  Ever
    think of that?  Huh?  HUH?????
    

    
    
    
    Yep. Two of them. ;-)
    
    
    
    
    -Jennifer!

When I carry a potato, I always use a processed form that consists of
fermenting it and then heating the residude to separate useless water
from the true essence of potato.

Martin.

    I used to but I moved up to yams.

    	As a matter of fact, I just acquired new ones.
    
    	My old ones were retired with honors into the Potato Hall of Fame.
    

Your lines are just sooooooooooo tempting.......

Barb

    I carry the STEALTH POTATO, dipped in iodine to blend into the darkness
    of my purse.  
    
    Lisa

    Well, I would, but the last time I checked all my potatoes were growing
    funny little protuberances, and I didn't want to frighten my coworkers
    with teenage mutant protuberant potatoes.
    
    DougO

    I haven't carried a potato to work since I became a marketing manager. 
    It's better to carry none than one that obviously was dressed in a
    discount department store.
    
    -m

    our right to carry:
    
    If potatoes are outlawed, only outlaws will have potatoes.
    
    -roger
    
    

    so when you have to buy a round you can say "This spud's for you"?
    
    Personally, I carry a garlic bulb ...

    
    re: Carla (.11?)
    
    Wow, I guess I just don't have your rapport with potatoes.  But
    even if a potato grabbed me in the produce section and insisted
    that I drag it around on a leash, I don't think I would.  After
    all, you gotta show those spuds who's boss.  Let them get their
    leash fix, and the next thing you know they'll have you covered
    with cheese sauce.

	Sharon    

    
    Obviously, Sharon, your experience with potatoes has been 
    thwarted by prissy mindsets.  Where were you raised?  Have
    you ever been in a *real* produce department, where potatoes
    are potatoes and rutabagas are nervous?
    
    You should be so lucky to be covered in cheese sauce.  We
    should all be so lucky.
    
    Might I suggest Potatoes Anonymous to overcome your obvious
    control issues surrounding potatoes?
    
    Step One:  I realized I was powerless over potatoes.
    
    Respectfully,
    
    Carla
    

    No, the soil in my purse does not have the proper pH for potatoes.
    Tomatoes, however, do fine and they make an excellent weapon in case of
    attack.
    
    Mary

I think potatoes that wear earrings and dresses aren't real and I won't carry
one. liesl

re: .23 (Carla)

    Ah, another victim of the brainwashing of Potatoes Anonymous?
    Don't you know that organization is funded by the Tubers Society?
    I'll bet the first thing they teach you is that a baked potato
    can't be done properly in a microwave, eh?

    Ah, but this is only mind control.  You *do* have power over 
    potatoes.  However, the potato has a powerful will, and occasional
    force is necessary for you to assert full control over your potatoes.

    form feed for the squeamish (tough luck if you're using DECWindows 
    notes):

    If they start to sprout on you, gauge their eyes out!  Or, cut them
    into strips and boil them in hot oil!  If you do this, you'll find
    that potatoes are limp and pliable and ready to bend to your every
    whim.  (They're also delicious with ketchup).

    You have obviously been fortunate so far if you have merely been
    covered with cheese sauce.  But submitting to the whims of potatoes
    is dangerous business.  Remember the ominous line from Tuber on the
    Roof: "Playing with mashers a girl could get hurt".

    Evidently, you have not yet met your mash.  Best wishes for continued
    good fortune.

	Sharon

    hot potato, hot potato, hot potato, hot
    

    unlike most of you wimps who think that potatoes come in plastic
    or paper bags in the store..
    
    I've grown my own potatoes and killed them myself!
    
    they stay in my cupboards..
    
    BJ

    I have mashed potatoes lined in my purse to hold up all my lipsticks! 
    Makes it easier to select the one you want, by reading the little
    labels on the bottem of the lipsticks.....

    
    I carry a brother.
    
    T

    Does a packet of SMASH count?
    
    
    Tracy W

    Of course I carry a potatoe, I'm a vegetarian but I wouldn't want that
    to leek out!
    

The PLO (Potato Liberation Organization) is planning on planting spuds on all
major airlines and at selected national monuments.

I understand their leader -  Yassir Iamspud - says even au gratin is possible!

Barb

    Only on June 16.
    
    Mr. Boom, to give him for the nonce his new misnomer

    This note's reminiscent of some classic moments from SUBURB history.
    It appears that everyone has a bit of suburb in them (oo-er missus).
    
    BTW, No I don't carry a potato.  They don't make them like they used to
    - not like the war when you could have as many as you wanted for a
    ha'penny.  As long as you had enough ration coupons.
    
    Paul Simonon

    It seems like a sensible idea, but it really never occurred to me
    before.
    
    Lorna
    

    ...I did, but lately I carry just the skins.

    As one who believes in overkill, I carry a Blue Hubbard Squash.
    Distance is down, but accuracy is not an issue.
    
    Phil

    RE: .22
    
    >leash fix, and the next thing you know they'll have you covered
    >with cheese sauce.
    
    
    hmmmmmm.....Carla covered in cheese sauce?   hummmmmmmmmmmmm
    
    E  Grace

    Well, I must confess.... I used to carry a potato.  But my wife
    would see me and every time would ask:
    
    
    
    
    
    	"Is that a potato in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?"
    
    -Hamp

    
    no, i don't carry a potatoe.  i'm afraid it may be used against me one
    day.
    
    i do carry an occasional french fry around with me though... i can handle 
    it with much more confidence.
    
    ~r

    I keep a french fry behing my ear where I can get at it in an
    emergency. Handy little spudders.
    
    Phil

        A Maine potato or an Idaho potato?
        
        Dan

    No i don`t carry a potatoe - i find a flick-knife more helpful when
    mugging someone.
    
    Joe Strummer.
    

        Pointer to other conferences,
        
        AXEL::NETPARTY
        Topic 44, AAFMBp
        
        Dan

    
    
    RE: .46
    
    Don't point that thing at me unless you intend to use it!
    
    kat

    
    
    No, but I carry a cucumber!
    
    JUST KIDDING, GEEZ! What the heck are you guys talking about anyway?!
    
    M

    I carry a potato in case I get an unbearable craving for french
    fries when my PMS symptoms strike unexpectedly.  
    
    I carve them up with my swiss army knife and cook them over my
    lipstick.
    
    --bonnie

    
    Wow, I just got an idea for an addition to my office toy section
    (california raisin dudes, a Whizzer spinning top, small plastic
    dinosaurs, kooshes, (someone stole my slinky), a bouncy rubber ball, a
    small dragon with interchangeable parts so you can redesign him), and
    along the same lines, I should add a Mr. Potatohead!
    
    Whoa, coffee-hour fun at its best!
    
    -Jody
    

    I understand that Suzanne once started her car with a french fry!
    
    Bonnie

    Admission to the 5th anniversary party. One potato. I, of course, will
    have to bring a Blue Hubbard Squash. :-)
    
    Phil

    I used to carry a potato until I stopped carrying a pocketbook (which
    the court allowed me to do when i declared myself non-straight.)
    
    If I were carrying a potato, I'd like to find a pretty one, maybe with
    pink skin or intricate eye inlays.
    
    D!

    Yes, doesn't everyone?
    
    Lori B.

	Well, I used to carry one to guard my briefcase, but now he 
	insists on staying home on the couch in front of the TV.




	-Andy

    Re: starting a car with a french fry
    
    True story:  In a state of drunkeness, a friend of mine tried to unlock
    her car with her lipstick.  She didn't carry a french fry.
    
    -Mary

    I carry a Mr. Potato head with me. Sometimes he'll be the most intel-
    legent conversation of the day.
    
    Kate

    re:.34
    
    So tell me, will Spuds MacKenzie resurface as the mascot of the
    Potato Liberation Organization?
    
    --- jerry

    
    Gonna have to face it...
    
    
    
    			we're addicted to spuds!
    
    	(the vegitable, NOT the pooch!.... ;-)
    
    k
    

    ...and I even gave �it a diamond earring for one of them, just like
    Jean-Louis Gasse�, former president of Apple USA, who btw looks kinda
    pomme-de-terroid.  Even gave my potato its own Aussie Army pocket
    knoife, which it happily attached to its watch-fob.  Used to wrap the
    other end of the chain around its lipstick which I could never
    understand on account of its lack of a mouth.  Not to mention its total
    lack of pockets for the whole baggins.  Or ears for the earring, for
    that matter...  One day, however, noticing that despite its other
    deficiencies, it DID have skin, but in an apparent excess of largesse,
    I offered it the opportunity to get tattooed, but it really got fried. 
    Next thing, it'd left me feeling battered.  Now I'm a complete
    emotional hash.  Do you think it found my humor too grating?
    

    Late news from WNN -

    In Northern Ireland, the IRA has started to follow the lead of
    Iraq, and has taken to bombarding Belfast with potatoes.

    Yes, that's right ... Spud Missiles.

    I, being PI, carry Maine potatoes only.
    
    Grins

    G'day,
    
     Now if this continues un-abated, there will be a requirement to state
    the potato of choice on ones passport - or at least in the next census. 
    
    The result will be statistics about potato preferences in adults, and
    warnings about the influence of potatoes on childeren. Social studies
    will warn that watching potatoes for more than two hours a day will be
    hazardous to health.
    
    Certain potato species will come into vogue - 
    
    Reds for those of less than right wing leanings
    Majestics - for those of the 'royal' families (or aspirants of same)
    King Edwards - for those that have made it
    Whites - for those that prefer to keep colours associated with the type
    of meat they eat
    Yams - for those that prefer spatelese potatoes
    Idaho Giants for the sports  fans
    
    The Russians will orbit a couple of Spudniks, and holes in socks will
    become all the rage.
    
    Before long it is envisaged that North Carolina will again be a dry
    state and that potatoes will have to be brown bagged to the local
    restaraunt.
    
    A certain tv series set in Korea will be renamed
    
     S*P*U*D*
    
    (Surgical * Personnel * Under * Duress * )
    
    derek

re: .64

Marge, that's not a politically correct choice if you live in Idaho!

--bonnie

    Guess I'll hafta stay raht here in Cow Hampsha then, Bonnie.
    
    :^)

    I only carry one when I'm not able to hiy a Mac'Donalds on the way...

    Not yet, but I have my eye on one!
    
    -Tracy
    

    G'day,
    
    
     Yup - but you can a-peel.
    
    However some baked judge will broil you for a while, chip in some
    comments, give you a roasting and let you off. This will leave you
    boiled, mashed and generally creamed.
    
    
    
    
    derek
    

               No, but I do carry a potato chip on my shoulder!
                                    :-)

    "Her cat is named Potato and her favorite color is ultraviolet."
    
    	-- from "About the Author" in "Points of Departure", by Pat Murphy

        (Don't blame me, this came from my neighbor!)
        
        Three young girl potatoes were talking about their plans
        for the future.  This being a sexist fairy tale, their
        "future" was what kind of husband they would marry.
        
        The first potato said, "I think that I shall marry a
        Maine potato.  The Maine potatoes come from a very
        distinguished, aristocratic line of potatoes.  When I
        marry a Maine potato I shall be the envy of everyone!"
        
        The second girl potato said "I am going to marry an Idaho
        potato.  Their family made a fortune opening up the
        frontier in the 1800's.  I am going to marry an Idaho
        potato and I will be very rich."
        
        The third potato girl said simply, "I want to marry
        Walter Cronkite."
        
        The other two potatoes were horrified.  "Walter
        Cronkite!!! ..." they gasped.
        
        "But he's just a common 'tater!"

    Here's my story, sad, but true ...
    
    For a while recently, I've been noticing a peculiar smell in my car, a
    smell that smells like a potato.  I will occasionally stop by
    McDonald's and get some fries to munch on the way home and sometimes
    drop them into inaccessable places.  I was convinced that a french fry
    had gotten loose and then crawled into a corner somewhere to die.
    
    For a couple of weeks I've been trying to locate the source of the
    smell, with no success.  I tried airing out the car, but it didn't
    work.  Then the other day, I got into the car to go to work and smelled
    that smell.  I said to myself, (and I do talk to myself in the car),
    "It smells like a potato died in here!"  And just then the sad truth
    dawned on me.
    
    On the eve of Carla's visit, I brought a potato with me to the party
    hoping for a humorous moment to unveil it.  Well the joke was on me.
    I had put the potato in my glove compartment and completely forgotten
    about it.
    
    I opened the glove compartment and discovered the rotting russett
    bleeding its black juices all over the maps.  Maine and New Hampshire
    were badly stained.  Worcester was completely obliterated.  And in
    bitter irony the People's Republic of Cambridge escaped without a spot.
    
    From now on, I will no longer carry a potato.
    But, I will have a *chip* on my shoulder :-)
    
    Mary

    ... Tell us somthin' we don't already know, Mary -- anybody who's EVER
    visited Worcester KNOWS that it's already in the wet spot.  :-)  Dan

    re .76:
    
    Mary, thank you.... you may have resolved the problem of the pesky
    rattle in my car.
    
    grins,
    Marge