Conference turris::womannotes-v3

    for the most part, I'm generally flattered.  If I really
    don't know the person and there are sexual overtones, I'm
    not thrilled, but I'll live.
    
    Christine

    
    I have no porblem aaccepting compliments and I usually smile 
    and say Thank You.
    
    Desryn.
    

    I'm thrilled by compliments.
    
    Don't mind if _either_ men or women want to compliment my looks or
    attire.
    
    Don't even mind if there _are_ sexual overtones ... I respond to those
    as the mood strikes me, varying from the flirtatious to the oh-give-me
    a-break-not-_just_-now.
    
    I tend to be dubious of compliments on those days when I feel like
    gilded sh*t, but all contributions are welcome.
    
      Annie

    As with almost anything, it depends on how it's done. If one is 
    sincere and without hidden agendas, there oughtn't be any problem.
    Where trouble starts is with a certain (or should I say "cretin"?)
    subset of folks who think "Hey Baby, Nice Knockers" (or something
    similar) is a "complement")
    
    "Gee, that's a nice <sweater/shirt/dress/tie/haircut/necklace>" always
    sounds good!
    
    --DE
    

    I just say thank you and appreciate it, if it's sincere and
    appropriate, as in "You look nice today."
    
    -Tracy
    

    I have on occasion been offended by compliments men have made about
    my clothing.  Not usually, but in instances where they've added 
    statements such as "I like it when ladies dress up in skirts," or
    "That's how women should look... feminine."   I suspect that most
    people would not consider these remarks to have "sexual overtones",
    yet I feel threatened by comments like this, particularly in work 
    contexts.

    Jody, I don't think this is fair to label this as a self-esteem issue.
    Sure, if someone responds to a compliment with self-deprecation, it may 
    indeed be a result of low self-esteem.  But there are other cases where 
    someone's not taking a compliment well could be indicative of genuine 
    discomfort.

    I know a couple women who don't like to be complimented on their clothing
    because they feel that they're only being noticed for their appearance, 
    not their talents, and they don't like the idea that people think of them
    as mannequins.  Call this the Vanna White syndrome - ever meet someone
    who wondered what Vanna was *thinking* today?

    I generally smile and say thank you before I've evaluated the comment
    too closely.  After all, there's always time to get offended later. ;-)

	Sharon

    There are -- at least -- two basic kinds of compliments:
    
    	That's a nice <mumble>.
    	That <mumble> looks nice on you.
    
    The latter can easily have `sexual overtones'.  Some people with
    self-esteem problems have trouble even with the former.
    
    I usually say "Thank you".
    
    						Ann B.

    I love complements! I grew up with them... and appreciate and also
    notice if the complement is a complement or an innuendo of something
    hiden... women tend to have a "six sense" and KNOW sincerity when it is
    there.  I think it is a nice thing to express appreciation to whoever
    is around, apreciation brings up apreciation...
    I am from southern Europe and down there women get complements all the
    time and NONE get offended by them, but the opposite, by the lack of
    them! we like to be appreciated, and found atractive, nothing wrong
    with that!
    I find nothing wrong to say "Oh you look great with your new haircut"
    or any other comment on appearance, I've received them all my life and
    I also give them, if I like a person I say so! that never got me into
    trouble but the opposite, it gave me many friends.
    
    (I am happily married and I think nothing of saying "you look terrific
    in that suit" to a man around me who DOES look terrific) what I
    normally get is a "wonderful, thankful look, and words like: well thank
    you, you look terrific too! I never imply or mean more than that, I
    don't see any threat in it (except if the recipient has a low self
    steem and gets embarrased because does not know how to react). Luckily,
    I don't dispense complements so freely, just to people I care and so
    far not ONE has been offended by my words yet...
    
    Complements? I am all for it. 
    
    

    Compliment away!!!!!  There are days when a "I really like your hair"
    or "Great dress" or "You look terrific" can turn the day around for me.
    
    Some of the compliments I've taken to be the most sincere have been
    from strangers who have come over and said "I love your hair" and/or
    "Can I ask who cuts your hair?"  (Unfortunaltey for my sytlist I most
    often get these compliments in cities like NY, Washington and Chicago.)
    
    Polly
    
    PS  Lately I've been noticing that a lot of guys seem to most
    uncomfortable when complimented.  IS it that they're just not used to
    getting them?                                   

>    Some of the compliments I've taken to be the most sincere have been
>    from strangers who have come over and said "I love your hair" and/or
>    "Can I ask who cuts your hair?"  (Unfortunaltey for my sytlist I most
>    often get these compliments in cities like NY, Washington and Chicago.)
    
    	Heh!  Since I got my hair cut short, I've gotten a lot of
    those! :^)  (I was at a party not long after I first had it done,
    and a woman I'd never met before sought me out to tell me she'd
    seen me come in and wanted to tell me how much she loved my hair!
    :^) )

    	I used to have a much harder time with compliments...I didn't
    get 'em very often, and when I did I didn't feel I really deserved
    them.  Once I started feeling better about myself, I dealt with
    them much better (and got more of them - nice how that works!).
    Now, they can really make me feel good.  

    	I was talking with some friends not long ago, and we were
    talking about compliments.  And how sometimes they can really be
    taken the wrong way.  Like when someone says how nice you look
    today, and the person replies "Oh, and I didn't yesterday?!" :^)

    	amy

    As long as its sincere, compliment away.  If you know in your mind that
    you aren't doing it for ulterior motives, then don't worry too much
    about the reaction you'll get.  Some people will like it, some won't.
    For me, sincere compliments actually help build self esteem and self
    confidence.  I certainly think of myself as a person with low self
    esteem, but I do like complements and I also give them.
    
    Mary

    I smile and say thank you.
    
    it wasn't always that way, though.  I grew up as the favorite child,
    and always felt that I had done nothing to deserve the favored status.
    So when people complimented me, I'd dodge, slide out from under, make
    an excuse, say it's an effect of the makeup, or the observer's bad
    eyesight...  Far into adulthood, I thought my brothers and sister must
    hate me, because I had been the favorite; I am incredibly lucky that
    they don't.  It took me even longer to see that people thought I was
    being falsely modest.  They just didn't know my history... and so I
    learned to try not to assume the motives of others.
    
    Sara

    
    I had to work pretty hard to learn to accept compliments gracefully -
    I agree, it's a self-esteem related thing.
    
    Now, I would be pleased to receive one. 
    I'd just say "thanks" as gracefully as I could, and smile :-)
    
    If there were sexual overtones, and I didn't want to encourage these,
    my reaction would vary according to mood - from totally ignoring the
    comment to bitter sarcasm and, occasionally (when I'm feeling really
    energetic), a little "unsolicited feedback and education"...
    
    'gail                                                   
    

    Please, compliment away!!!!
    
    I LOVE to receive compliments!!  Actually, work is really the only place
    I receive compliments.  The 'significant other' rarely doles them out
    as often as he used to.  The grocery store, church or shopping malls
    are almost **never** the place to receive flattery either.
    
    When I'm complimented it not only lifts my spirits, but, makes me feel
    that all my morning efforts were not in vain.  Therefore, I try even
    harder the next day to 'look my best'.
    

    As with just about anyone...I love to get compliments...even though the
    slightest one brings a *blush* to my cheeks.  They either confirm the
    way I feel about myself that day or they help bring me out of the
    doldrums...either way...they are only positive!
    
    Shi

    I love to get sincere compliments.  I generally don't mind if
    there are sexual overtones and will often respond in kind as long
    as it's flirting -- the "I know I'm an attractive woman and you
    are definitely an attractive man, and if I weren't married I
    might . . . " sort of thing.
    
    I used to try to deal with backhanded, manipulative, harrassing,
    or power-based compliments by responding with anger, satire, wit,
    or some other attempt to put the jerk in his place.  But in the
    past couple of years I've found that a plain, simple, "Thank you,"
    offered just as if the remark were sincere and innocent, is the
    most effective response.  Nothing disarms a co-worker who's
    looking to put you in your place like having his supposed victim
    completely miss the insult.  What's he going to do now, explain
    it? 
    
    --bonnie
    

Well, you all look wonderful ;-)

john

    
    
    	It took me a long time to take compliments as sincere. I was
    	insecure through most of jr. high and high school.  Having
    	glasses, retainers and braces all at the same time doesn't
    	do much for the self esteem.
    
    	So it's been only recently that I can really smile and say
    	"Thanks!" when someone compliments me on my appearance.  It
    	was a struggle for *me* to finally like the way I looked so
    	having others notice makes me feel like I've accomplished
    	something.
    
    	JJ
    
    	

    Simply mahhhhvuhlous.
    
    D!

    re.21  -< it isn't how you feel, it's how you look >-
    
    does this mean you've seen Judith Black do 'What a Year, What a
    Decade, What a Life?"

    If someone I don't really care too much about a person I don't care
    whether he/she appreciates my appearance or not. If it's someone whose
    opinion I respect or care about, then I'll be flattered.
    
    But I did have this nice guy that I know who wanted to know what kind
    of purfume I had on because I smelled "beautiful". I told him it was
    just Charlie. What I wanted  to say was ,"thanks for getting close
    enough to notice".
    
    
    Kate