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Conference turris::womannotes-v3

Title:	Topics of Interest to Women
Notice:	V3 is closed. TURRIS::WOMANNOTES-V5 is open.
Moderator:	REGENT::BROOMHEAD

Created:	Thu Jan 30 1986
Last Modified:	Fri Jun 30 1995
Last Successful Update:	Fri Jun 06 1997
Number of topics:	1078
Total number of notes:	52352

576.0. "Mid-life crisis: Mom needs help" by ASDS::BARLOW (Me for MA governor!!!) Mon Dec 10 1990 10:33


Helpful Advice Needed for my Mom:

My Mother will be 49 in one month and she's going through
what I would call mid-life crisis.  Basically,
her problem is, I think, that she dedicated her life to her
kids and now that I'm 10 hours away and my brother is 3
hours away, (but might as well be 10), she feels a sense of 
loss.  Plus, I think the fact that mothering is a de-valued
job is weighing on her.  In some ways, I think that she
feels she hasn't done what she wanted to with her life.  Yes, she 
raised two healthy, happy, self-sufficient children but
they are not around.  Also, she and my Dad are having money
problems and I think she feels guilty.  So that's the
background.  

Now, she wants to get a job but she has no idea doing what.
She's a smart woman with an excellent vocabulary, good at
teaching and organizing.  She's average at math but great at
making people happy.  Alot of the time she acts sort-of like
a child, with that carefree, silly innocence.  She likes 
attention and change.  

Her past employment history includes the following:
she was a secretary until I was born.  She
has a CFP, (Certified Financial Planner), certificate
that she earned through courses while she worked at
IDS, (Investors Diversified Services), as a financial
planner.  (She doesn't want to do either of these jobs
again.)  She was chairperson of the YWCA town hall lecture series
for two years and was responsible for bringing in and accomodating
such celebrities as F.Lee Bailey and Joyce Brothers.  (They
gave speaches.)  She helped the church assimilate Hungarian
refugees into the US.  She's in charge of a womens organization
that's affiliated with GE, (where my Dad works.)  She and my
father also assist in teaching ballroom dancing.

I've asked her to make a list of the 10 things, prioritized,
that she likes to do.  They follow:
	change
	part of major events, ie: political, social and fun
	people
	world-wide travel
	warm weather
	organizing
	motivating
	swimming pools
	money, working with
	teaching


Does anyone have any suggestions about what she can do for
a living?  And How she can feel better about herself?

Thanks,
    Rachael

T.R	Title	User	Personal Name	Date	Lines
576.1	A Few Thoughts	BATRI::MARCUS		`Mon Dec 10 1990 11:03`	24
	Hi Rachael, Forgive me for stating the obvious (and yes, I will share some suggestions), but your mother appears to be an amazingly talented and accomplished person - she has every reason to feel good about herself now. That statement may not have helped as everyone has their own feelings for their own reasons, but I simply could not help saying that. I wish we would not be so quick to devalue people. At any rate, this may sound a little crazy, but the first thing that pops into my mind from reading your mother's list is some form of Travel Agent. Either with groups as a leader - some interesting trips could be planned into previously forbidden Eastern European spots that would combine many of the priorities on your mother's list - or just as the arranger. Another thing that comes to mind is to get into political campaign's first as a worker, then as an organizer/head. I'm sure your mother would rise to the top in a flash. Of course, your mother could also embark on her own political career. Her top four priorities clearly speak to this type of career. Hope this has been of some help. Barb
576.2	Find a way to do what she loves -- where is she?	CONFG5::WALKER		`Mon Dec 10 1990 11:41`	9
	The first thing that occurred to me was for her to find someplace that she would really feel useful, and to focus on monetary rewards later. But. . .the previous reply opened the exciting possibility that she could plan and lead trips to now-opened European countries. In the past, people who could arrange for so many paid travelers traveled themselves for free. I don't know about nowadays. Briana
576.3		ICS::STRIFE		`Mon Dec 10 1990 13:10`	18
	Rachel, If your parents are near a college or university, your mother might want to check and see if they have programs for women entering/reentering the workforce -- sometimes they're categorized as programs for displaced homemakers. While these programs may be primarily focused on getting women into educational programs to prepare them for the job market, the counselors might be able to help your mother understand what she's prepared to do today as well as what she could be prepared to do with a little more training/education in the future. My Mom was 51 and had raised 8 kids when she went to work as a social worker. It did amazing things for her self-confidence and self-esteem. Good luck to your mom. Polly
576.4	thanks!!	ASDS::BARLOW	Me for MA governor!!!	`Mon Dec 10 1990 14:03`	7
	Thanks all, so far. I forgot to mention that my parents live in Fairview, PA, a suburb of Erie, PA. There are a couple small colleges there. Rachael
576.5	More Ideas	HENRYY::HASLAM_BA	Creativity Unlimited	`Mon Dec 10 1990 16:34`	9
	My first thought was of working in or operating a day care center. I would also strongly suggest taking some career tests and classes at a local community college. A community college is designed to meet the needs of all it's varied populations rather than a specific age group. It is also easier to obtain admission as a student. Best of Luck to your Mother! Barb (who started college for the first time at 36).
576.6	another way of looking at this	DSSDEV::GOUVEIA		`Tue Dec 11 1990 14:23`	11
	Well, just having just about come through the other side of my own mid life crisis, I would suggest that your mother needs to do this on her own. Rather than get family members to help, has she thought of serious career counseling. The problem with family members "helping" is that they are often too close to the person to be really objective. Also, family members often have personal interest at stake when they give advice. Hope this works out well for all of you. Nancy
576.7		MOMCAT::CADSE::GLIDEWELL	Wow! It's The Abyss!	`Wed Dec 12 1990 01:08`	12
	my take -- forget school. plunge into the world. And why don't you research the hospitality industry for her? Hotels, convention centers, and corporations have people who spend their lives arranging parties, gatherings, ceremonies, ... And when you get all the research done, send me a copy. My neice sounds like your mom, and I've been meaning to find out this info for her. BUT it's so much easier if you would do it. :) Meigs
576.8	counseling, school	PARITY::ELWELL	Dirty old men need love, too.	`Thu Dec 13 1990 12:43`	12
	not having read the replies....... Is there any COMPETENT career counseling available? I her position there is nothing wrong with going back to school. I'm sure there are MANY things she could do if she could decide what she WANTS to do. She needs to talk to someone who can give her ideas, because there may be many things she never thought of......... ....Bob