| T.R | Title | User | Personal
Name | Date | Lines |
|---|
| 505.1 | How many Tom Swifts fit in the back of... never mind | STAR::BECK | Paul Beck | Fri Nov 02 1990 15:13 | 1 |
| "What's next, elephant jokes?" sighed Tom neverforgettingly.
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| 505.2 | More, more! | XCUSME::QUAYLE | i.e. Ann | Fri Nov 02 1990 15:19 | 10 |
| "I prefer cloth handkerchiefs," Tom sniffed.
"Cornbread dressing is the *only* kind I like" said Tom, stuffily.
"Give me those scissors," Tom spoke cuttingly.
"The thermometer's at 0," said Tom icily.
"I'm going to the apiary," said Tom busily.
|
| 505.3 | | GEMVAX::KOTTLER | | Fri Nov 02 1990 15:43 | 7 |
|
"I'm returning the pick-up I borrowed," said Tom truculently.
"You're just a big fake," said Tom euphoniously.
"Can't win 'em all," said Tom winsomely.
|
| 505.4 | :-) | REGENT::BROOMHEAD | Don't panic -- yet. | Fri Nov 02 1990 16:03 | 1 |
| "This is discussed in another conference," she said pointedly.
|
| 505.5 | =:-} | GEMVAX::KOTTLER | | Fri Nov 02 1990 16:32 | 3 |
|
"We can't stop now," she said stickily..
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| 505.6 | | OXNARD::HAYNES | Charles Haynes | Fri Nov 02 1990 16:55 | 39 |
| Offensive (?) or at least *sick* and *digusting* Tom Swifty follows...
I warned you. Don't you dare complain if you keep reading.
I've always enjoyed homosexual necrophilia, said Tom...
... in dead earnest.
-- Charles
P.S. Don't get me wrong - it's the bad puns that are sick and disgusting... :-)
|
| 505.7 | | VALKYR::RUST | | Fri Nov 02 1990 16:58 | 4 |
| Re .6: Hey, that's my favorite Swifty - *I* wanted to put that one in!
(She said, disinter-estedly...)
-b
|
| 505.8 | About 1/3 of the series. | CSS::FRASER | Hypnotist: 10 cents a trance. | Fri Nov 02 1990 19:12 | 150 |
| From VNOTES days... before we were married - we were 3000 miles apart.
Amazing what folks do for fun!
PARVAX""::DISK$SYSFILES:[NOTES]ONELINERS.NOT;2
Note 126.0 Tom Swifties?? 40 replies
JANUS::FRASER 9 lines 28-FEB-1986 17:39
"Knickers!", he said...briefly.
"Get out of my camp-site!", he said...tentatively.
"Get off my lorry!", he said...truculently.
"Pass me the gravy!, she said...saucily.
WOOKIE::SANDY Have you heard the one about... 1-MAR-1986 08:21
"Have another soda?" she asked . . . coaxingly.
"I've dropped the toothpaste!" he said . . . crestfallenly.
"I've remarried Joyce," he said . . . rejoicingly.
JANUS::FRASER Have you heard the one about... 1-MAR-1986 10:06
"Give me the sandpaper!" he said...abrasively.
"I'd like some wall-brackets," she said...parenthetically.
"I love Sex!" she said...coquettishly. (the devil made me do it!)
"I want to hear the chimes!" he said...belligerently..(appealingly?)
WOOKIE::SANDY Have you heard the one about... 1-MAR-1986 10:29
"I missed 'Good Sex' last night," she said . . . ruthlessly.
"Who's buried in there?" he asked . . . cryptically.
"Watch me climb the bell tower," he shouted . . . aspiringly.
"The devil made me do it!" he said . . . fiendishly.
JANUS::FRASER Have you heard the one about... 1-MAR-1986 10:43
"Alas!" she said...with alacrity.
"I've mislaid the shopping requirements!" she said...listlessly.
"I wish I could join the Navy!" he thought...fleetingly.
..re:"Who's buried in there?".. - ..gravely??
WOOKIE::SANDY Have you heard the one about... 1-MAR-1986 10:50
"Wanna play some hockey?" he asked . . . puckishly.
"What a trip!" he exclaimed . . . acidly.
"I don't know what attracts me to you," she said . . . magnetically.
"Let me tell you a story," he said . . . bullishly.
JANUS::FRASER Have you heard the one about... 1-MAR-1986 11:02
"But I want to keep fish!" she said...carpingly.
"Do you think my boobs are pretty?" she asked...titivatingly.
"I am an animal lover," he confessed...sheepishly.
"I am not ugly!" she said...doggedly.
("puckishly"..ar ar ar ar! :^) )
WOOKIE::SANDY Have you heard the one about... 1-MAR-1986 11:10
"What's this fuse for?" he asked . . . explosively.
"But I've been stung!!" she yelled . . . waspishly.
"We must amputate!" the doctor said . . . disarmingly.
"You missed me again!" she said . . . evasively.
JANUS::FRASER Have you heard the one about... 1-MAR-1986 11:23
"I enjoy it now and again," she used to say...occasionally.
"Can i lean on you?" she asked...obliquely (she was inclined to)
"You're flattening me again!" she complained, feeling repressed.
"Gawd it's hard!" she exclaimed...tumescently.
WOOKIE::SANDY Have you heard the one about... 1-MAR-1986 11:27
"I've been to Three Mile Island," he said . . . glowingly.
"Please pass the parmesan," he said . . . gratingly.
"Wanna come up to my place?" he asked . . . wolfishly.
"Anytime, baby!" she answered . . . tartly.
JANUS::FRASER Have you heard the one about... 1-MAR-1986 11:41
re: "Anytime baby"...
"As long as you have $50" she answered...tartly
"Why do you keep giving me these green stone carvings?" she asked...
jadedly.
"I love this cloth," she said...materially.
"I feel haunted," she said...dispiritedly.
"Ohhh darling!..he ejaculated.
WOOKIE::SANDY Have you heard the one about... 1-MAR-1986 21:31
"Stay away from those sheep!" she bleated.
"This tastes like dog food!: he barked.
"It's time to get up!" she crowed.
JANUS::FRASER Have you heard the one about... 2-MAR-1986 06:09
"I'm leaving you!" she said to her boyfriend..with abandon.
"I'm leaving you!" he said to his boyfriend...with gay abandon.
"Let's not dig that up again!" she said...disinterestedly.
"My boobs hardly droop at all!" she said...sagaciously.
"Do you think I'm as pretty as Bo Derek?" she asked...tenderly.
RSTS32::KRUPINSKI Have you heard the one about... 2-MAR-1986 22:03
Note 126.13 Tom Swifties?? 13 of 13
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Good replies", he noted.
Tom_K
|
| 505.9 | | RUBY::BOYAJIAN | One of the Happy Generations | Sat Nov 03 1990 05:25 | 9 |
| "Let's build a starship," suggested Tom enterprisingly.
"And afterwards, we can travel to the Dog Star," he noted seriously.
"I prefer my potatoes french fried," said Tom indefatigably.
--- jerry
P.S. The one Charles entered is *my* favorite, too.
|
| 505.10 | | GEMVAX::KOTTLER | | Mon Nov 05 1990 08:06 | 6 |
|
"I probably shouldn't have started this, but hey, it was Friday," she
said in a weakened voice...
D.
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| 505.11 | pointer | LYRIC::BOBBITT | COUS: Coincidences of Unusual Size | Mon Nov 05 1990 08:35 | 8 |
| in addition to the oneliners conference, please see also:
JOYOFLEX
255 - tom swifties
468 - swifties?
-Jody
|
| 505.12 | | NATASH::WALKER | | Mon Nov 05 1990 10:53 | 3 |
| I hear Voices from Beyond, she said spiritually.
Briana
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| 505.13 | it's an illness | DECWET::JWHITE | joy shared is joy doubled | Mon Nov 05 1990 11:14 | 5 |
|
the sunday new york times crossword puzzle gimmick was 'croakers':
clue:'there's a storm coming'
answer:'he thundered'
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| 505.14 | Guess he couldn't contain himself. | XCUSME::QUAYLE | i.e. Ann | Mon Nov 05 1990 11:33 | 2 |
| "The dam has broken!" he shouted, bursting into the conversation.
|
| 505.16 | :-) | COLBIN::EVANS | One-wheel drivin' | Mon Nov 05 1990 14:28 | 7 |
|
"Damn!" he said, Grandly and Cooly
(I admit it. I *love* these things!)
(Hm. Maybe that's a True Confession...)
|
| 505.17 | | GEMVAX::KOTTLER | | Mon Nov 05 1990 14:49 | 3 |
|
"I think Ms. Earhart was the greatest," Tom ameliorated.
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| 505.19 | There is no cure. | RANGER::LARUE | An easy day for a lady. | Mon Nov 05 1990 14:58 | 3 |
| "I'll take that pair of blue trousers," he panted.
|
| 505.20 | My favorite | BOLT::MINOW | Cheap, fast, good; choose two | Tue Nov 06 1990 09:49 | 3 |
| I learned a lot in Paris, he said indifferently.
Martin.
|
| 505.21 | oh gawd now I'm doing it! | SA1794::CHARBONND | but it was a _clean_ miss | Tue Nov 06 1990 10:14 | 1 |
| "I _hate_ exams," Tom said testily.
|
| 505.22 | Oh, gawd! I'm sooo embarrassed! | GWYNED::YUKONSEC | aaaaaahhhh, the gentle touch | Tue Nov 06 1990 11:16 | 1 |
| "Ooohhh!...what a cunnin' fox *he* is!", she said slyly.
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| 505.23 | Ok, I did it, I admit it, fine. | NOVA::FISHER | Rdb/VMS Dinosaur | Tue Nov 06 1990 13:32 | 1 |
| "We'd better stop." he said haltingly.
|
| 505.24 | | GEMVAX::KOTTLER | | Tue Nov 06 1990 14:57 | 5 |
|
"The masked marauder strikes again," she said, batting her eyes..
D.
|
| 505.26 | Help, I've fallen [in a rut] and I can't get up. | NOVA::FISHER | Rdb/VMS Dinosaur | Wed Nov 07 1990 07:47 | 3 |
| "What a beautiful sunrise," she beamed.
ed
|
| 505.27 | | SA1794::CHARBONND | but it was a _clean_ miss | Wed Nov 07 1990 07:57 | 1 |
| "I love soaring," Tom said airily.
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| 505.28 | For us women | NATASH::WALKER | | Wed Nov 07 1990 16:20 | 2 |
| "What a pretty pussy, she purred."
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| 505.29 | inspired by a phone conversation. Hi! (*8 | GWYNED::YUKONSEC | aaaaaahhhh, the gentle touch | Wed Nov 07 1990 16:24 | 6 |
| I need help. Is there a T.S.A.? (*8
"You'll have to walk briskly", she said, breezily.
E Grace
|
| 505.30 | | RUBY::BOYAJIAN | One of the Happy Generations | Thu Nov 08 1990 05:22 | 9 |
| re:.25
� "What wonderful pastry tonight," he retorted. �
Actually, shouldn't that be:
"I think I'll have another pastry," he retorted. ???
--- jerry
|
| 505.31 | no offense intended!!! | TLE::D_CARROLL | Hakuna Matata | Fri Nov 16 1990 17:06 | 7 |
| (I was sort of perversely hoping that E Grace would put a note in the
Goodbye Note so that I could do this one...[I don't want you to leave,
E Grace, really! I just love puns...])
"Fine! Goodbye!" he said gracelessly.
D!
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| 505.32 | (*8 | GWYNED::YUKONSEC | aaaaaahhhh, the gentle touch | Fri Nov 16 1990 17:09 | 1 |
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| 505.33 | That's *really* reaching. Are we getting desperate? :-} | COLBIN::EVANS | One-wheel drivin' | Fri Nov 16 1990 18:58 | 1 |
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| 505.34 | | BOLT::MINOW | Cheap, fast, good; choose two | Sun Nov 18 1990 11:50 | 3 |
| I agree completely with the author of 505.31, he said decidedly.
Martin.
|