Conference turris::womannotes-v3

    
    I got my own apartment for the first time the summer of 1983.  I was
    alone in my college town - all my friends gone home, trusting only
    myself - taking care of myself - taking care of all the bills, the
    finances, my first job, trying to figure out what to do with my time -
    wondering whether I could handle it, whether I could really fly or
    what.
    
    And of course, being me, I wrote a poem (not a great one, but it
    embodied the feelings really well)......and here it is....
    
    
    Movin' Out            (yes, that's the original title....)
    ----------
    
    
    These are the ropes
    So climb them....
    Yes....alone....
    No one's going to give it to you
    On a silver platter
    ....So succeed!  Now!
    
    Suddenly left to arrange
    A new life
    So grown up
    But not really
    .....(yes, another kleenex, please)
    
    Dammit - it's all so hard
    But people always made it look
    So easy
    Get a job
    Get an apartment
    Get a ride
    Get a phone
    Get a life
    Buy everything
    	(is this really me?....)
    
    Letting go of all the fears
    All the lost dreams
    Feeling alone on the planet
    	(so get your mind off it, okay?....)
    
    The tapes sound the same
    Staring at the same four walls
    Go for a walk
    	(Where the hell to?  nobody lives here anymore...)
    
    And everything goes wrong
    Left and write
    Everything goes to pieces
    	(And this time I'm alone....)
    
    These are the ropes
    Climb them
    Tie them
    Grab what's within reach
    
    Walk the ropes
    But look out
    You have become
    Your only net
    
    				jb - 7/2/83
    
    
    

    I didn't live as a single person until I was 36.  When I did move
    out on my own, I had five of my seven children with me, and I don't
    mind telling you I was scared.  Up until that point, I had always
    had the illusion of marriage to keep me from facing the fact that
    the burden of care had always been mine.  Off and on during the
    first month or so, I would wait until the children were in bed asleep,
    then I would sit on the sofa staring out the window and crying because
    I felt so alone and afraid.  It took many months before I became
    comfortable with the idea that I was alone and on my own.  Perhaps
    this was more difficult because the children would ask me "You'll
    take care of us, won't you, Mommy?" with scared looks on their faces,
    but it really helped to settle my resolve to succeed.  I couldn't
    disappoint them.  I *had* to succeed so they would never have to
    ask that question again.
    
    At first, it may seem awkward and uncomfortable, but before too
    long, you'll begin to feel proud of yourself for doing so well.
    
    Congratulations!
    
    Barb
         

    I think that living alone is a good experience. It might be difficult
    at times, but there are a lot of advantages. I think that it makes you
    more open to meeting new people and having new activities because you
    are more independent with what you do with your time.
    I think that living alone gave me greater self-confidence in later 
    relationships, because I knew that if the relationship broke up then
    I would still be OK living alone since I had succeeded at it before.
    Carol

    When I lived on my own, I realized that I could finally define my own
    space and didn't have to worry about where things were stored or
    clashing tastes or craving some goodie, only to find it had been
    consumed by a roommate.
    
    There were times where being alone was scary, but I also learned that I
    could live *with* myself and when I wanted to, could invite others in
    to share my "space".
    
    Take the time to explore!
    
    Judi
    

    Just a little over a month ago I separated from my husband of 11 years.
    Yes it's scary.  It's also empowering and exciting.  The realization 
    that for the first time in my life I am the only one responsible for my
    decisions is pretty amazing.  As time goes on the decisions come easier
    and living alone seems more natural.  There have been moments of
    confusion, moments where I thought I was nuts to be on my own.  But
    there are also moments of strength and self confidence that I've never
    felt so powerfully before.
    
    I've found that there are a remarkable number of people who are in the
    same situation, or who have been through it before.  Find them.  Talk
    with them.  It helps a lot.  But most of all, trust your own instincts.
    Lots of people will be full of advice.  Do what feels right to YOU.
    
    If you want to talk more feel free to contact me.  I've found some
    books that have been helpful for me, and feel that this time in my life
    has involved more self discovery and growth than any previous period in
    my life.
    
    Take care,
    Karen.

    I think living alone is the perhaps the best thing I've ever done.
    Time alone is necessary for true adulthood, I think. It's wonderful,
    because you find out that you can do it! The fact that you are
    willing to do it proves you can do it. If you couldn't, you would
    never have tried, because it's fear that makes us think we
    can't do it.
    
    Good luck to both of you.
    
    Eileen