Conference turris::womannotes-v3

    It seems to me that you have two issues here:
    
    Your own [how can I not go?}
    
    and your daughter's [is she too young for this exposure?]
    
    Perhaps she is too young, and you need to talk to the therapists
    about this.
    
    For your own issues, I'd give it a chance.  This process is just
    beginning for you, and I think honesty, and being allowed to say
    what is felt is *very* important for mentally ill people and for
    their families.
    
    You haven't said much about your daughter -- is she schizophrenic?
    Depressed?  Where is her father?
    
    Briana

	Sorry Gale.  I have to disagree with you.  I think the best
	"therapy" possible for anyone in life is to know what is going
	on out there in the world, to know that they aren't the only
	one in the world having severe problems......to know that there
	are other people willing to listen to your problems when you
	need to work thru them.

	Is 11 too young?  I don't know, does your 11 year old know about
	sex (after all, a year or two more and she could become pregnant,
	considering they find sex on grade school campuses these days)?
	Does your 11 yr old have peer pressure at school to try drugs, have
	sex......

	Do you want her prepared with OPEN eyes and a full knowledge of
	what is going on, or do you want to shelter her from what really
	happens in the cold cruel life out there?  Basically, do you
	want her making fully informed decisions?  Or not knowing what she's
	getting in to?

	You see, Gale.....despite what you hide/protect her from, those
	things STILL HAPPEN out there.  You do not have full control over
	what your child does, how she is influenced, etc when she is not
	with you.  You also do not have any control over those she comes
	in contact with away from you.

	Yes, it's scary.  Yes it's an eye-opener.  In my opinion, yes
	it's therapy...for your older daughter as well as the 11 year old.

	All I can say is that one of the BEST therapy's I've EVER had was
	the REALIZATION that I'm NOT the only one out there suffering. That
	there are people who suffer much more than anything I've ever suffered
	and ever will.

	It is comforting to know that I am not alone in my problems...and
	to know that I have support from others.  


	kath

    i am reminded of the movie Witches.....
    
    (spoiler for those who want to see it....just a little bit
    of the beginning revealed.....)
    
    
    
    
    the parents did not want the son to be told all sorts of stories
    about witches, but the grandmother told him anyways.  she also
    told a story about a little girl who lived a very sheltered life,
    her parents never told her anything, so the child was blissfully
    unaware of the threat in the cold cruel world.
    
    the little girl was caught by a witch, but the little boy
    managed to keep his freedom when he encountered a random witch.
    thanks to listening to a 'horror' story, he had some information
    to make a decision, and it ended up saving his life.
    
    i'm of the opinion that the group sessions might be scary, but
    so is real life, and children should get some doses of real
    life.  doing it through therapy seems like a better way to do it,
    one is in a controlled setting, and councilors are present to help
    work out issues brought on by hearing others stories....
    

	There are ways to present things. Granted that knowing about such
	things as come up at such sessions is probably a good idea there
	are good way and bad. The way in .0 sounds a bit rough. The "witch
	stories" in .3 were told by a grandmother. Someone who loved the
	child and whom the child felt comfortable with. That is quite different
	from hearing a story from scary strangers.

	The type of sessions described in .0 are not universally accepted
	BTW. Many Psyc professionals believe they often harm the people they
	are intended to help. Such sessions are most benificial when restricted
	to the patients and not held with every ones family.

			Alfred

    
    
    I cant believe that exposing an 11-year old to such horrific tales
    can do any good, I find the thought appalling & would not want
    my child to be subjected to such "therapy".  My idea of therapy
    is that it is a forum whereby one can discuss problems openly
    with the end-result being a step towards, if not total, resolution
    of these problems.  I feel that 11 is too young for the exposure
    you describe & that this could be more detremental than constructive.
    Would it not be sufficient to have just your immediate family &
    a therapist present without having to sit through all the rest?
    
    Hope you can sort this out...
    Angela.
    

I can't understand why your youngest daughter should be forced into
unpleasant group "therapy" just because your older daughter needs the
help.  I can see the point of those who say that children should be
exposed to the real world, and I agree.  But who says this is the best
method?  Does it offer any advantage to your youngest?  I don't see that
it does.  I suppose the advantage might be to your oldest, in *having*
her whole family there, but if it hurts the rest of the family more than
it helps your oldest, is it really worth it?

I would have a long talk with the administrators of the program, and 
explain your reservations.  Tell them if they think your presence is
important to your daugther's healing that you will be there, but you
don't want to hurt you other daugthers in the mantime.

D!

    Gale -
    
    I'm sure your youngest daughter knows most of what has gone on with her
    older sister.  I hope (and believe you have, you strike me as that sort
    of person) both of the younger girls have discussed what's going on
    with you.  I don't see how either of them are being 'sheltered' from
    the fact that there is evil out in the world.
    
    But there is also goodness out in the world, and I firmly believe that
    we are healthier when we look for the best that life has to offer,
    rather than the worst.  For Becky, these sessions may be useful.  If I
    were in your shoes, I'd have lots and lots of questions for her
    therapists and want to keep a close eye on what's going on.  To me, if
    your *very legitimate* concerns for your other children are trivialized, 
    or if they can't provide support for the rest of the family as a result
    of the trauma of these sessions, it would raise a huge red flag to me. 
    
    If you feel uncomfortable with Becky's treatment, *feel free to pull her 
    out and try something else*.  (Doing this, twice, has saved the life of 
    a young girl I know.  Her mother has also had to go to 5 or 6 different
    programs to find truly helpful help for her son.)  It's very, very
    difficult to juggle the needs of all your kids when one of them is
    going through trauma.  You are doing a wonderful job of it.  Hopefully,
    somewhere there is someone who is supporting you.
    
    Lots of hugs and best wishes.
    
    Alison

    
    Gale,
    
    This sounds like it must be very hard for your whole family.  I
    think talking with the therapist about your concerns about your 11 year
    old participating in this group therapy is a good idea.  Also, I think
    it's important for your 11 year old daughter to say how she feels being
    there.  It may be that what gets revealed in that group is very
    frightening to her, but I think it's also possible that her
    imagination about what's happening to her sister is even worse than
    the reality.  I think sometimes as adults we try to protect children
    from scary things, and we end up isolating them because we don't give
    them a place to talk about their fears.  If it's possible, maybe you
    and your daughter (the 11 year old -- I wish I knew her name, too)
    could meet with the therapist to talk about what your daughter wants,
    feels comfortable with vs. the value that it serves (to Becky) for her 
    to be there.  Good luck with all this, Gale.  I hope you're able to
    find support for yourself, too.
    
    Take care,
    
    Justine

    Gale,
      It sounds in the base note like you yourself don't want to be
    there.  I think that even if you decide to leave the 11 year old
    at home, it will help your daughter if you are there.  My own mother
    is a person who likes to believe that everything is fine, and nobody
    has any problems, including herself.  I think it's called denial,
    and it doesn't leave any room for talking about painful things.
    Have you accepted that the daughter who is getting treatment is
    in trouble?  (Maybe you have, and this is of no use to you.)  If you 
    have questions about the usefulness of the therapy, I would ask the 
    therapist what it is supposed to accomplish.  They should be willing
    to explain.
    		Linda

    My understanding is that one of the reasons for "family therapy"
    is that, if after treating a client in a therapeutic environment,
    you then send that client back to a home environment that is
    essentially the same as before the client entered treatment,
    the condition requiring treatment is likely to recur.
    
    /bruce