Conference turris::womannotes-v3

    It's notes like .0 that keep me working within this community,
    supporting it, and keep me continuously amazed at how it supports me in
    return.....
    
    the pool of energy I give to does give back....
    
    -Jody

    E Grace, you have expressed yourself beautifully. I, too, am amazed by
    the existence of notes for personal use. I am so grateful for this file
    in particular. It is unbelievably supportive.
    
    Never say that you cannot put into words how you feel. I've enjoyed
    your input into here so very much. It is calm, lucid, to the point and
    always makes perfect sense. Thank you for being a part of this
    community.
    
    Appreciatively,
    
    Phil

    I know what you mean, E Grace.  I turn here for support many times,
    and I have never been disappointed.  All of you out there are
    wonderful!  Thanks for being you!
    
    Barb

    I just wanted to put in a little update on my father's progress.  I 
    took my mother to see him Friday, and as we were leaving, they were
    coming in to insert the "tap".  Just think of a keg of beer, and 
    you will understand.
    
    When he went in to the hospital Wednesday, he weighed 220 pounds.  I
    just talked to my mother; she says he has lost over *30* pounds.  They
    drained a LOT of fluid.  He thinks he may be coming home tomorrow, and
    we shall see what happens from there.
    
    I don't know if he needed blood this time.  The last time they had to
    give him 4 pints of blood in the first 3 days, then another 2 a month
    or so later.
    
    I'm taking my mother to see him again this evening, so I will let you
    all know tomorrow how he looks.  When we saw him Friday, my mother
    told him he looked like he was going to have triplets!  Maybe now, 30
    pounds later, he will look like he has given birth.
    
    Thank you all, again.
    
    E Grace

    Well, we went to see my Dad last night.  He was very pleasantly 
    surprised; he has been moved and didn't have a phone, so he didn't 
    know we were coming.
    
    He was all excited.  He was sitting on the side of the bed and 
    couldn't wait to show my mother that he could cross his legs now!
    Before he went in the hospital, he couldn't even put his old-man,
    slide-in slippers on by himself.
    
    When they "tapped" him, they drained 4 litres of fluid in 15 minutes.
    So he was feeling much better, and planned to come home today.  Well,
    my mother just called me, and he's not coming home today.  He has a 
    fever -- which of course means he has an infection somewhere -- and 
    she said he didn't sound "good"; I don't know in what way, just not
    "good".  
    
    So, I'll be picking her up after work again, and going to see him.
    I'll keep you updated, if you all don't mind.
    
    E Grace
    
    BTW, if anyone is looking for me,I'm heading over to The Hug Note.
    

    Well, nothing much to report as far as progress is concerned.  I 
    saw my dad last night.  Oh, I'll just be honest!  He looked like the
    ghost of Christmas future.  I talked to my mom this afternoon, and
    she said they aren't letting him go until Friday, now, because of 
    the temperature.  Very prudent.  All I can say is, thank God they 
    don't have to rely solely on Medicare.  The hospital would probably
    have had to send him home by now!
    
    Again, thanks for all the hugs and en-courage-ment.  Actually, "thanks"
    can not even begin to adequately express my gratitude for all your
    responses (and teasing, Bonnie (*8 !).  If I can ever give back 
    half of what you have all given me, I shall have become a true friend 
    and human.
    
    E Grace

    Well, here is today's update.
    
    My father is *supposed* to come home today, but he hasn't seen the
    doctor yet, so they haven't yet released him.  Earlier today, 
    someone from the hospital came to my parents house to set up an
    oxygen tank and related apparatus.  It seems they don't feel my 
    father is getting enough oxygen while he sleeps.  Sigh.  Actually,
    i gather that *that* is the problem: he doesn't sigh when he is 
    sleeping.  Anyway, thanks again, everyone.
    
    E Grace

	E Grace,

	Don't let the oxygen tank worry you.  My father has emphazema (sp??)
	and is *always* on O2.  He has a couple of big tanks for at home, 
	a small portable one for long drives, and a shoulder pack for 
	walking around.  Once *he* was comfortable with it, we barely
	notice the tube thing that goes to his nose.  (In fact, he has
	to keep reminding us to "get of the cord, dummy!  the O2 can't
	come through with your (foot, chair leg, pocketbook, whatever)
	on it!"... As you can see, it has become either a minor nuisence
	or a joke, depending on what else is going on.

	In fact, my father was carrying the O2 shoulder pack *while he was
	dancing (jitterbugging)* at my sister's wedding.  Now that was a sight!

	I hope everything works out fine for your father,  and he has as
	easy a time with "that blasted tank" as my father has had.


	Best wishes and many hugs to both of you,

	mary

    Thanks, Mary.
    
    It is not the O2 tank itself that bothers me.  I have had bronchial
    asthma for a good part of my life, so have been on oxygen maaaaany
    times.  My remaining brother is in such bad shape that he has an
    (wait'll you get *this* one!) oxygen *maker* in his home, as well
    as his travel-tank.  This thing converts ambiant air into pure O2.
    
    No, my concerns lie in wondering how much more this man's body can
    take.  He is 76.  Within the last two 1/2 years he has gotten Cancer,
    and become incontinent because of the treatments, cirrhoses, become
    insulin-dependent, and now it seems that while he sleeps, he doesn't
    breath deeply enough to keep himself alive.  The other thing that
    really worries me is that he smokes like a chimney!
    
    I'm also concerned about my mother being able to take care of him, and
    her having some kind of accident around the tank while she is drunk.  
    In another life I was a Respiratory Therapist, so I have a lot of 
    respect for the safety rules involved with oxygen.
    
    However, I know I must take this a day at a time, I must detach myself
    while still loving them, and I must accept that I have no control over
    the situation or its outcome.  Who knows, maybe this will give me an
    incentive to work on my control issues!
    
    E Grace 

    Thank you all for your love.
    
    I didn't want to enter this.  I always have an issue with self-pity,and
    whining.  You see, it is not okay for *me* to need support!  |*8  I
    would also rather not have this news to report at all.  But what the
    heck, every family should have a hobby that they can do together; my
    family's just happens to be dying.
    
    Last night one of the surgeons came in to see my father while my mother
    and I were there.  My father had had an ultrasound earlier in the day,
    and this doctor was giving us the results, his recommendations, and the
    prognosis.
    
    In the doctor's words "I didn't know where to look first, it is like a
    3-ring circus in there!"
    
    The cancer is back.  It has not metastasized, but it is back big time. 
    It is blocking a bunch of things off.  His creatinin (spelling) is way
    up, so his kidneys are ready to fail.  But he is not a good candidate
    for dialysis.  His cirrhosis had almost totally shut down his liver, so
    his serum albumin (protein) is 1.7, instead of ~6 or 7. 
    
    There is very little that can be done.  They could do something to the
    kidneys, but the doctor doesn't recommend it.  He feels it is better to
    die of renal failure in a few months, than to die of any of the other
    ailments and miserable for another couple of years or so.
    
    
    I'm tired, right down to my eyelashes.  I'm irritable (for which I
    apologise.  I have been taking it out on the file, sort of).  
    
    
    I guess I'll be chipper another day, okay?
    
    E Grace

    More Hugs E - Even though this isn't the hugs note.......It's ok to
    allow yourself time to feel bad, that is *not* self-pity.  Take care.
    
     -HA

    E, never worry about taking some of your frustrations out on us a
    little. We love you and it's all right. You have a need.
    
    Why why why!!! Why do all the best people go through such hardship. 
    E, as always, you have my support, friendship, love, and anything that
    I can do to help you, let me know.
    
    Hugs, dearest friend.
    
    PJ

    E, don't you apologize...there's nothing to apologize for.
    
    major hugs
    
    -daniel

    E,
    
    I know this is hard.  I just went through it with my father in June,
    and you have had more people losses in the last year than I.  If you
    need to call and scream, please feel free, I will happily loan you my
    broad shoulders.
    
    If it is any consolation and it may not be much, at least death from
    kidney failure is supposed to be a "good death", at least thats what
    the doctors told us.  Anything was better by that time than waching the
    pain from the bone tumors that seemed to grow overnight.  If you need
    anything from a long distance friend, please call.
    
    Meg

   Dearest E,
    
    Celebrate the time you still have now.  Don't grieve for the
    future, it not yet here.
    
    Huggs,
    Allison

>    I didn't want to enter this.  I always have an issue with self-pity,and
>    whining.  You see, it is not okay for *me* to need support!

E, I used to feel the same way... then after a few serious "crash
and burns" because I tried to handle hard times All By Myself, I
came to realize that it's OK to need support once in a while.  Indeed,
the best friendships are symbiotic; when you have extra energy and
warm fuzzies, you give them out.  During those bad times when you
need them, they'll be there for you.

You've been so wonderful to everyone, you've got a LOT of warm fuzzies
coming to you!

Big hugs, my friend.

--jim

    My mother just called, and my father is really not doing well.  He is
    catheterized again, bleeding, being given whole blood...blah, blah,
    blah.
    
    Tomorrow is their 45th wedding anniversary, the day after tomorrow
    would have been my brother's birthday.
    
    Can you say "stress"?
    
    PHIZZGIG PHIZZGIG PHIZZGIG!!!!!!!!!
    
    E Grace

    Again...This isn't the hug note....But {{{HUGS}} anyway E.  So sorry to
    hear the news isn't getting any better.  Sigh.....  :-(
    
    bright blessings (it's ok, it's a gift from a new friend!)
    -HA

Hugs E.  You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers...

john

    More Hugs E
    
    BJ

    lotsa hugs
    
    (these are faster than banana slugs)
    
    Mary

    My mother just called.  The doctor has asked that for permission to put
    "No Code" on my father's chart.  He has gotten really bad and they
    don't expect him to last.
    
    I really don't want to play this anymore.  My heart hurts so badly I
    can hardly breath.
    
    E Grace

    *megahugs* and anything else to help, E...
    
    love & hope,
    
    Daniel

    Hugs E and any strength I can send your way.  Also a set of broad
    shoulders.
    
    Meg

    
    Oh, E
    
    flocks of hugs
    oodles of hugs
    gaggles of hugs
    
    you have every right to fizzgig.
    every right in the universe.
    
    love and kleenex
    
    -Jody
    

    Oh, E, my heart hurts, too, for you.

    G'Day,
    
    	Sorry to hear about your dad, E.  Many hugs from Oz (I've made 'em
    big so they get there in one piece).  I'll give you a real one when I
    see you in six weeks or so.  Hugs to your mum/mom? too.  I know you're
    doing it tough but she must be doing it tougher.
    
    David.
    

    (((E)))

    
    E  
    
    Soft, gentle, comforting hugs coming your way.  
    
    
    Love,
    
    Debbi

E - 

hugs and strength to you and yours...

Nanci

E -

We've never met except electronically but I wish we could get together and
cry. 

Bruce

    much love and many hugs
    
    BJ

    
    	E,
    
    	big, soft, gentle, comforting hugs 
    
    	JJ
    

    
    
    ...a soft kiss on the cheek
    
    ...a soft hand on the shoulder
    
    ...a hanky for the tears
    
    ...a good thought for your and your dad
    
    
    	GJD

    
    E -
    
    Hugs and tears
    
    
    Jamd

    I want to thank all of you who have cared about my family and me, here
    and in mail.

    To that end, I would like to share a little bit of happy news.  My
    mother just called.  She had been to the hospital today (someone else
    was able to drive her), and my father was *sitting up*!  (*8   He was
    out of bed for a whole hour!

    Now, don't get me wrong.  He is still going to die (as are we all), he
    is still never going to come home from the hospital.  ***BUT***  he has
    been in such tremendous pain over the last few days, and
    so...um..."elsewhere", that it is a thrill to hear that he got a
    respite.

    And I just wanted to share that with you all, as you have been so
    generous about sharing my pain.

    Thank you

    E Grace

    (((E)))

    *megahugs*

Lotsa warm huggs, E!

--jim

    Well, here we go again. 

    This afternoon, while my mother and I were visiting him, my father
    died.

    I have been praying for this, and I really am happy.  My father was a
    handyman, and a *doer*, a man with dignity, and he was in *pain*.  The
    last couple of days he was unresponsive, nearly unconscious, but before
    that he *knew* what kind of shape he was in, and he was desperately
    unhappy.  To say nothing of what it was doing to my mother to watch him
    like that.  

    You know, my father had a lot of faults, but he was my Dad, and I will
    miss him.  That's selfish, of course, but that's okay; selfishness is
    not always a character defect.

    I am wondering how long my mother will last now.  Ahh, well, a day at a
    time, with my Higher Power's help (to say nothing of the strength of
    all you people), I will get through this one too.

    Thank you all for your love and concern.

    E Grace

    For those of you who have asked:
    
    My father will be waked tomorrow (Wednesday)from 2 - 4 and 7 - 9 at the 
    Doherty, Gately and Loker Funeral Home, 4 Lincoln Street, Natick MA 01760.
    The funeral will be at the funeral home at 10 a.m. Thursday morning.
    Burial will be at Knollwood Cemetary in Canton (Sharon? it's right on
    the line).
    
    In lieu of flowers, my mother has asked that donations be made to the
    Natick Visiting Nurse Association.
    
    I hope it is okay to put this in the file.
    
    E Grace

    
    
    Not sure if you're in here today, E.  But I'm thinking of you...
    
    Justine

    I want to thank all of you who have helped me this past few months.
    
    All of you who have hugged me here and in mail, sent me cards, came to
    the wake.....I can not begin to tell you what it meant to me to know
    you care.
    
    
    Thank you
    
    E Grace