| I can appreciate this note also. On Oct 6th, my now-ex-wife and I
would have been married for 17 years. We've been a divorce statistic
for 6.5 years instead. Now we both agreed to the divorce and she was
seeing someone else, but around this time I get just a bit sad. I can
still remember every word of the wedding ceremony and what happened at
the reception and honeymoon. I remember setting up our 1st apartment
and buying our home. I remember her being pregnant and how excited we
were. The birth of our children. Just being together and taking
pleasure in each other's company. I could go on and on.
I remember the bad times most of the time. In fact, so much that I
actively avoid anything that looks like it might even remotely have the
slightest chance of maybe being more than a casual aquaintance and I
know that isn't right.
I'm glad for this chance to remember the good times too. There were
many. Just not enough to keep us together for eternity and they didn't
last long enough. Sad but true.
Phil(who's a bit misty right now)
|
| Well, today is my tenth wedding anniversary. Tomorrow I will sign and have
notorized the divorce papers. I haven't seen my husband for 7 years, and
walking out on me really was the best thing he ever did for me, yet . . .
When I married, I didn't do it with the expectation of getting divorced. I
married Richard because I loved him, deeply. I, too, remember every detail
of our wedding day. I, too, remember him drawing his breath in when he saw
me at the altar, and whispering "My God. You're *so* beautiful." I, too,
remember the private jokes, the nuzzling, the playing.
I, too, remember how he changed almost literally the day after the wedding.
I, too, remember the verbal and emotional abuse. I, too, remember being told
that I was F***ing ignorant. I, too, remember being told I was too fat, at
130 pounds, to make love to. I, too, remember taking 10 laxatives a day, and
exercising compulsively, just so he would love me again.
I wish those were the only things I remebered. I wish I didn't remember ANY
of the good things. It would make today easier. But, I guess no one ever
said life would be easy.
Oh. Before _anyone_ decides that I am being too one-sided...yes, there were
things that *I* did wrong also. I just never became abusive.
E Grace
|
| Ouch. October 17th would have been my 10th anniversary. Instead, the
divorce has been final for 5 1/2 years.
I sometimes have nightmares that I will awake and be next to him and
not be free afterall. I sometimes have dreams that I will awake and be
next to him and all the sh*t was the nightmare.
The freedom of being single again was not something I sought, I'd had
years enough of it before we married. I wanted a strong and enduring
marriage with the man I loved deeply.
I wanted us both to achieve all we wanted and grow with each others
full assistance and support and love, I wanted our children, I wanted
our home. We made plans before marriage and talked often about our
dreams and plans and our future. We went through pre-Canna with our
priest and all felt we were headed for a good union.
Once married...
I feel sad it did not work. I feel suspicious of myself that I choose
a man so utterly wrong for me, so two-faced. I feel sad that for a
year I went to marriage counseling without him and finally he joined me
and blandly told the counsellor I'd been lying, that he was faithful
and was employed, and we did have sex often.
I feel angry that he told me I was responsible for the divorce because
I had gotten the lawyer. I feel angry that I was left with huge bills
that I struggled for three years to pay off because I was the employed
one with the credit and checking account that he abused.
I have put my life back together. I felt a pang of sorrow for loss of
my single life when I moved in with my sweetie a few months ago. I am
still afraid to marry him. Still will not do a joint account. I am
trying to trust, I am largely succeeding.
I can forgive my ex for breaking my heart and for breaking his marriage
vows. I can even forgive him the debt load. I have a hard time
forgiving the loss of trust. I went to him so open, I am left closed.
Margaret
|
| Reading all of the previous replies reminds me of how sad I felt after
seeing the movie, "On Golden Pond." As I watched the characters,
Katherin Hepburn and Henry Fonda, reminiscing about their lives
together, when they were first dating and first in love, and married,
and looking back on a lifetime together with one person, I realized for
the first time that it was something I would never have.
But, there are other kinds of happiness.
Lorna
|
| I know what your mean, friends. I am currently the only married
single parent I know. Michael and I live apart and will probably
continue to do so. We see each other most weekends, but it just
doesn't mean the same. I love him, but I'm no longer "in love"
with him. When I see couples who are obviously happy, it really
hurts inside. Although I try to get past the pain and accept the
changes Michael is so obviously trying to make (and succeeding),
I have admitted that I'll never let him get *really* close to me
again.
What we have is a marriage of convenience for both of us. I wonder
how many more years it can last...
Barb
|