Conference turris::womannotes-v3

    There are also _tons_ of notes in Parenting on infertility.  Good luck.

    Yes, take it easy...it may be the best medicine.  There's no telling
    how long it takes to get pregnant and it doesn't sound like it's really
    been a long time for you.  Although it may not feel that way!  Easy for
    me to say, now that I'm five months pregnant.  It took five months
    after my last Pill for it to happen but seemed like bloody forever
    while we were trying!
    
    I had never had trouble getting pregnant when I *didn't* want to, with 
    various partners.  But there's a lot of anxiety associated with wanting/
    trying to be pregnant.  I don't know the specific biological aspects, 
    maybe someone else can fill in here.  I have heard that the stress may 
    even change the pH of the vagina so that it's harder for sperm to survive.
    
    It was hard work to pay a lot of attention to the voices in my head
    during that period.  It was harder to not act on them.  In the middle
    of lovemaking I would think, "This just isn't going to happen--I'm just
    not going to get pregnant."  And of course I'd get tense and so I
    probably didn't get pregnant on those days.  I declared several times
    that we might well have given up and adopted.  I was able to verbalize
    these fears to Danny, which was most important.  He had his own inner
    conversations as well. 
    
    I can pass along the things that I was told.  Going away for a weekend 
    may be a good way to be relaxed and romantic.  We joke that Jr. was 
    conceived on a rock in the Vermont woods!  Take a bath, have a glass of 
    wine, etc. were the types of things I heard and read.  Don't forget your 
    most fertile time of the month and use that to your advantage.  Remember 
    that there is also a great freedom in not having to worry about birth 
    control and trying to *prevent* a pregnancy!
    
    Above all, remember that months and months of trying is in no way
    unusual, even if the Dr. has said your body is working just fine.   
    Attempt to have *fun* trying!  Good luck.
    
    Nancy

	Debbie,

	I know this is a frustrating time.  You're wanting something so badly 
and people who haven't been through it keep telling you to "relax" as if you've 
made a conscious decision not to.

	If you don't mind a few pieces of advice from someone was has not 
shared your experience but who knows many people who have....

	1) Do see the specialist.  I know it's frustrating to go through all
the tests again, but if I understand it correctly, OB/GYN's who are not 
infertility specialists often perform tests incorrectly or at the wrong time.
Thus to make sure they the best chance of success the specialists want to do 
them again.    

	2) Contact your local chapter of RESOLVE.  RESOLVE is a support group 
for couples dealing with all kinds of infertility problems.  I've heard lots
of good things about them and how much they help.  Not only do they provide a 
safe place to vent some of the frustration and fear and anger with peope who 
KNOW what you're going through, but they also have excellent referral services.

	3) Hit keypad 7 or Select to Add Mrdata::parenting to your notebook.
There are already several notes on infertility there (dir/key=infertility).
Many of our members are experiencing or have experienced periods of infertility.
Parenting is a good place to see some success stories and commiserate with 
others who are "in the process".  Just as in =wn=, the moderators are always 
happy to put in an anonymous entry for you if you reach a point where you 
need that.

Tracey
Parenting co-mod

    I think this little story may help you....at least give a little
    glimmer of hope...
    
    I have a sister who in high school had endometriosis, clymadia, and
    three abortions...yes, three.  Anyway, the doctors kept checking and
    found that because of all of this, she would always have ectopic
    pregnancies...
    
    Many years later, my sister got married, and her husband really wanted
    children....as did she.  They went through all the right
    channels....the wine, the song, the loving.....and no luck.  So they
    went to a fertility specialist who told them to try invetro
    fertilization.  Part of her process with invetro was to have her
    fallopian tubes tied.  They would have no part in the pregnancy to
    begin with now, so they were only causing problems.
    
    So she had 4 eggs implanted...6 times (at a cost of at least $15K per
    procedure) and nothing worked.  My sister and her husband gave up...and
    put in for adoption.  After 6 procedures and no luck what where they
    supposed to do.
    
    They adopted a magnificent 9 day old baby boy who was half Cherokee
    Indian and half American.  Michael has brought nothing but joy to them.
    
    But there is more to the story....my sister still had two eggs left
    that had not been implanted from the last 6 tries, and when she went to
    finalize the adoption, she had the two eggs that were left implanted. 
    Now remember, she had NO fallopian tubes left, and the uterus was so
    badly battered from all the surgery that her doctor gave her a negative
    chance of the eggs taking.
    
    Pam got pregant immediately, and carried her second child full
    term....so her first was adopted, and her second was a gift of God!
    
    The entire point of this story is a simple one....please don't give up
    hope.  It would have been terrrible if Pam had....I wouldn't have had
    two of the most beautiful nephews in the world!
    
    
    Lots of luck!
    
    Jill
    

If you read some of the other notes in womannotes and parenting, you'll find 
lots of notes from me because I've been on the merry-go-round for about 4 years
now.  I would definitely recommend that you see a fertility specialist, and I
would even recommend Boston Fertility/Boston IVF in Brookline as that is all
that they do.  I've been going to Dr. Thompson for about a year now, and have
been very pleased with the way things have been handled and the thoroughness
of their procedures.  Also, there are other tests that can be done besides
what you have mentioned.  I wasn't tested for sperm antibodies until I started
seeing Dr. Thompson which was after we'd been doing the infertility work-up
for 3 years, and it turned out that I do have sperm antibodies, so any method
other than something invasive will not work to get me pregnant.

If you want more information or just want someone to talk to, you can send
me mail at AIADM::GIUNTA or call me at work at DTN 291-8042.  You'd be amazed at
the number of people that I've talked to recently (that I've met through 
notesfiles and such) who are in similar situations.  I think sometimes it helps
just to know you're not the only one going through it.


Regards,
Cathy

/       <<< Note 314.5 by LUDWIG::JOERILEY "The Birdman chirps again!" >>>
/                          -< 100 percent or nothing >-
/    
/    RE:.4
/    
/    >They adopted a magnificent 9 day old baby boy who was half Cherokee
/    >Indian and half American.
/    
/    What would he have to be, to be 100 percent American?  This kid
/    sounds more American than you.

    
    actually...to me this sounds like 50% American, 50% mongrel....
     
    jonathan (100% mongrel WASP)
    

    RE: A FEW BACK
    
    FLAME ON!!!!!
    
    CAN'T ANYONE TELL A STORY WITHOUT SOMEONE KNIT-PICKING ABOUT A
    GODDAMN DETAIL!  SH*T, DON'T YOU HAVE ANYTHING BETTER TO DO THAT PICK
    ON ONE STATEMENT OUT OF 50 ODD LINES.....TRY A LITTLE COMPASSION
    INSTEAD OF THIS SH*T!  I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS!
    
    I was just trying to make this woman feel a little better with a nice
    story...I was explaining what parentage he came from to show that it
    didn;t matter what, where or how...just who...
    
    
    Lighten up pal!  At least the last note put a little lightness into an
    otherwise stupid comment!
    
    PS - Moderators...if you would like, I will discontinue my
    participation in this file....I certainly don't need to share something
    so near and dear to me, and have one person contradict....just let me
    know!
    
    Jill

    TO WHO IT MAY CONCERN
    
    I received three very nice notes yesterday...one from the moderator,,
    one from a fellow noter, and one from Joe Reilly, who got my flame
    going!  I appreciate the heartfelt apology, and appreciate the members
    of the noting community who took the time to let me know the way they
    felt!
    
    I apology for "stepping on toes" as Joe put it....I was just trying to
    explain who my favorite nephew was....not that it mattered, but I guess
    it did.
    
    Joe has since deleted his note that made me so angry, and I will do the
    same!
    
    Jill