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Conference turris::womannotes-v3

Title:Topics of Interest to Women
Notice:V3 is closed. TURRIS::WOMANNOTES-V5 is open.
Moderator:REGENT::BROOMHEAD
Created:Thu Jan 30 1986
Last Modified:Fri Jun 30 1995
Last Successful Update:Fri Jun 06 1997
Number of topics:1078
Total number of notes:52352

143.0. "post-wedding blues" by ASDS::BARLOW () Mon May 21 1990 15:42

    
    I am asking for advice as to how to straighten myself out.  I was
    married 1 month ago today.  I planned every aspect of the wedding, even
    made the favors, mostly by myself.  The wedding itself didn't go as
    planned.  Looking at the video, it looks like I had fun, but I can't
    remember it.  (I do remember enjoying the ceremony but not the
    reception.)  I guess I expected to be a little princess on that day.  I
    expected to be the center of attention all day.  Instead I found myself
    to be the center of all things bad, like bills and some girl in my
    wedding party sprained her ankle.  (and the flowers were all wrong, my
    parents forgot their checkbook, the favors were passed out wrong, the
    video person was not at my house but at the church instead and the
    lime was late...)  My husband's view is that everything worked out
    alright -- we got married and our friends has fun.  (Those were our 2,
    spoken, priorities.)  
    
    so, here's what's wrong with me.  I don't want to answer the phone, go
    to work, work out, sing in church choir ...  I don't even want to speak
    with my best friends!  The only person I really want to be around is my
    new husband.  And my mood keeps changing.  From really happy to really
    depressed.  I know you're supposed to have a let down time but I'd like
    to get it over and done with.  I'm really sick of me!  I'd like to get
    my old personality back but I don't know how.  I think, if I could
    figure out what my problem is, I could fix it.  
    
    (Oh, I also have been having typical flu symptoms almost every weekday
    since I got back from my honeymoon.  No, I'm not pregnant)
    Also, Jon & I lived together before and we didn't move.  so my
    surroundings have not changed.
    
    Thank you, in advance, for any positive suggestions.
    
    Rachael
    
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143.1"Even Cowgirls Get the Blues"AUNTB::DILLONMon May 21 1990 15:5725
    I had similar symptoms (though I wasn't recently, or ever, married) but
    the ups/downs kept on and on until I thought I would explode!  I didn't
    want to do anything, either, or talk to anyone, etc.
    
    A good friend encouraged me to visit her doctor, a general
    practitioner, and talk with him about what I'd been going through and
    get some blood work to make sure that I wasn't suffering from a
    chemical imbalance-type problem.  My friend was diagnosed several years
    ago as being manic-depressive and has been doing VERY WELL since
    beginning Lithium therapy.
    
    I went to the doctor, we talked about physical, emotional and spiritual
    health (which in itself made me feel a little better) and I had blood
    work done.  The blood work didn't show anything up but the doctor did
    prescribe Prozac and Buspar.  I would never have believed it but these
    medications have completely changed my life.
    
    So if you think that the blues have been hanging' around too long and
    you just feel crummy...it certainly won't hurt to see a physician. 
    It's been only a month so you might want to give it a little longer,
    depending on just how intensely you're feeling.  Whatever you decide, I
    hope the very best for you and hope that you'll do whatever you need to
    do so that you can begin to experience the fulness of life every day!
    
    Happy Marriage, Happy Life!
143.2LYRIC::BOBBITTwe washed our hearts with laughterMon May 21 1990 16:0314
    Could be physical.  Could be you're just adjusting to what you may
    perceive as a "new segment" of your life - I mean, you may have been
    living together, but living-together-and-married is really quite
    different to some people and you may be working through your
    acknowledgement of that.
    
    I'd say talk to a doctor to see if there's anything physically wrong. 
    Maybe also talk to a counselor, to see if they have any insights on
    what's going on and how you can acclimate yourself to the changes that
    may be going on with you.  
    
    chin up, and crossed fingers....
    
    -Jody
143.3hugs, but nothing concreteYGREN::JOHNSTONbean sidheTue May 22 1990 15:1024
wow, 

I've been searching for some of the 'positive suggestions' you've asked for,
because I can really sympathise.

Rick & I were living together before we married, the flowers were all wrong,
the air conditioning broke, the photographer was in a chemically altered
state, and everyone else[except my mother-in-law and Rick] remembers 
an exquisite day and had a great time.

I didn't think that being married would make such a difference, but it did.
Somehow, after all the fuss and hoopla, it didn't seem right that our
normal existence would be no different.  I found myself trying to _make_ it
different, just for the sake of difference. Bad move.

It's entirely possible that the root of the problem lies in there being no
real measureable difference in your situation.  You worked very hard on this 
wedding.  We're sort of brought up to view weddings as a rite of passage, 
and there's a disconnect from the expectations we grew up with.

It's been so long now that I can't quite recall what pulled me out of it; it
just stopped after about 6-8 weeks.

  Ann
143.4many thanks people!ASDS::BARLOWTue May 22 1990 16:1718
    
    Thank you all for your suggestions, here and through my mail.  I'm
    feeling better today.  One person suggested that I might be trying to
    live up to someone else's expectations of *whatever*.  She was right. 
    I guess I was embarrassed that 'I had done such a poor job'.  And
    because of being embarrassed, I didn't want to talk to anyone who knew,
    ie: friends.  Also, .3 is probably right too.  The only other wedding I
    could really compare to was my other best friend's and she & her hubby
    hadn't lived together before.  (And he turned into Mr Romantic!)
    Also, I failed to mention that I lost a total of 15 pounds in the year
    before my wedding, about 5 in the last 2 months.  I also lost about 2
    pounds after my wedding.  I wouldn't be surprised if I'm missing some
    nutrients.  I got a book to read about health.  (I lost the weight
    through a combination of exercise and Slim Fast + lots of veggies.)
    
    Thanks again for all the help!  I feel better already!
    Rachael
    
143.5I know exactly what you're going through......WMOIS::MPELHAMI was born READY!Wed May 23 1990 13:2313
    Racheal,
    
    I was going through exactly the same simptoms!!!  I am a newlywed also,
    3 months tomorrow!  It lasted about 1 1/2 - 2 months, then al of a
    sudden I was back to my old self!  I also wrote a note about my
    depression in Dejavu notes/file, #1227.  I was having thoughts of
    death, that others claimed to be caused by the fact that I am a
    newlywed and I have lost my maiden name and taken on a "NEW" name.  The
    loss of your maiden name may be causing you to be depressed in some way
    and you might not realize it.  You should read what was written in
    DEJAVU #1227.  It might help you to understand.
    
    Melissa
143.6DEJAVU #1227.11, to be exact!WMOIS::MPELHAMI was born READY!Wed May 23 1990 14:411