Conference turris::womannotes-v3

    The most significant risk I have taken has been choosing bring my son
    "into the world" knowing that I would be providing all of the support
    for him from day 1.
    
    I've said on a number of occasions that Matt (my son) is the best thing
    that's ever happened to me.  When I became pregnant I was living a very
    irresponsible, unfocused life.  As I went through the thought processes
    that brought me to my decision to rear Matt on my own I realized that
    some major changes would need to take place in my life.  Continually
    throughout the past 10 years I have been amazed at the things that he
    has taught me.  He has always had a certain insight and spirituality
    about him.  Because of our situation I have grown to be more patient,
    more understanding, and more thoughtful, specifically about how I deal
    with him but all of that has spilled over into the other areas of my
    life.  I have learned to do and made myself do things I never thought I
    could or would.  I have also learned to live quite "inexpensively".
    
    It was and is definitely worth it, although there are times when I am
    tempted for just a second to give up all the responsibility and become
    a gypsy!
    
    My age had a lot to do with my willingness and ability to take the
    risk.  I was 26 when my child was born; I had been working long enough
    to know that I could take care of myself financially and figured one
    more mouth to feed wouldn't cost that much more (Ha!  It's not the food
    that costs so much.)  But I'm sure if I had gotten pregnant at 17 or
    even 20 that I wouldn't have been mature enough or confident enough in
    myself to handle being a single parent.
    
    Did my sex affect my risk?  Probably, but I can't for the life of me
    articulate how at this moment.  That's something I want to think about
    (and will).
    
    I would do it again and have Matt and relive the last 10 years.  I am
    VERY careful not to get into a situation where it could happen again,
    though.  I do not think that I would give birth to another child,
    although if I ever get financially over the paycheck-to-paycheck hump I
    would consider adoption or becoming a foster parent.
    
    annie

    re .1 Wow, it always amazes me how these decisions are so profound for
    people and yet seem to be so right to my way of thinking. Yes having
    and supporting a child is a major undertaking. Perhaps the largest
    single thing one may do in one's life. Doing it as a solo is even more
    so. You are to be applauded for your choices and your willingness to
    take those risks and make those choices, at least IMHO.
    
    Now, my biggest risk, at least in recent memory, was letting my 15 year
    old daughter go to Europe last week. All came out all right and she is
    home now after a wonderful trip, but I have been having high blood
    pressure problems ever since I agreed to let her go. It's normal now. 
    When I think about terrorism and plane crashes and all that can go
    wrong on such a trip well let's just say I went quietly nuts for a
    while. I know one shouldn't think of such things and if it were myself
    going I wouldn't give it a second thought. When it's my "little girl" I
    can't help it.
    
    
                                   Phil

    
    The biggest risk I have ever taken is deciding to follow through on
    a decision to have an abortion.  
    
    It has affected me every day since it occured.  I have learned a great
    deal about myself through this and also about the people in my life.
    I have learned how not to implicitly trust doctors or any other
    medical personal anymore.  My pregnancy resulted from a drug
    interaction with the birth control pill I was using.  It could have
    been prevented if the doctor who had given me the drug had informed
    me that the drug reduced the effectiveness of the pill.  I am no
    longer as trusting of people as I once was.  I also no  longer take
    certain things for granted anymore.
    
    
    I often wonder about the "what ifs", but know in my mind and in my
    heart that I did the right thing for myself, the father, and the
    fetus.  I no longer feel I have to justify my actions.  That was
    something that took a long time to come to terms with.  
    
    
    
    That for me was the most significant risk I have ever taken in the
    past.  However, I am currently involved in what I would consider the
    most important risk I will ever take.  I have been involved with
    a man who I love for the past four years.  This is the same man
    who was the father of the fetus we aborted.  This relationship is
    a major risk for me because it is forcing me to look at myself
    and discover more and more about myself and how I interact with
    the world.  This discovery process is what is risky for me.  I am
    learning both good and bad things about myself.  But it is 
    most certainly worth the risk as I am beginning to fully understand
    the person I am and more importantly becoming perfectly comfortable
    with that person.
    
    
    Michele

    The most significant risk I have taken was moving aboard
    a sailboat that my former husband and I constructed from a hull and
    deck we had shipped to our backyard.  We sold our house and most
    of our possessions, gave away our (sigh) dog, and quit our jobs before
    launching Gwaihir (the boat's name).
    
    The risk, or rather, the outcome of it, was the major impetus for 
    my self-growth.  I lost my marriage and my savings, but I found 
    greater self-esteem.  It was worth it.
    
    Age definitely affected my ability to take the risk.  At 26,
    dissatisfied with my job as a library assistant, I wasn't as fearful
    of leaving as I would have been if I had been on a career path
    in a lucrative profession.  Without children, the risk of financial
    ruin was all mine.  Sex affected my risk in that I believe my 
    willingness to trust, commit, and compromise for the sake of my 
    relationship were part of the feminine ideals I internalized growing 
    up in suburban America. 
    
    I wouldn't live aboard again, because I learned that I am not comfortable
    living in small spaces and placing myself in a position where my 
    life and well-being depend on someone else's decision-making ability.  
    (Although I was well prepared, I deferred to my ex's sailing expertise
    in emergencies.) I will never again give a man so much control over 
    my finances, no matter how committed our relationship is.  I might
    leave a secure position in order to travel, if an irresistable 
    opportunity came my way, but I would go prepared to take care of myself. 
    
    Jane            

    Seems to me a lot of times that simply living is a risk and deciding
    on a daily basis to continue to live is a major act of bravery.
    
    Anyhow.  In 1984 I was in the process of ending my marriage of 4-1/2
    years duration (8 years together all told).  I realized that the only
    reason I was living where I was was because I was married to him.  I
    disliked the job I was in.  My boss had just died and things looked to
    change for the worse at work.  Job hunting wasn't getting me anywhere. 
    No interesting jobs for decent money.
    
    So.  I talked with my interim boss who was very helpful.  She laid me
    off so I'd get unemployment and so she could restructure the
    department.  I cancelled my lease and put all of my belongings in
    storage.  Then horror of horrors, my dog died!.  He'd been with me
    longer than my soon-to-be ex-husband.  Somehow that was the worst part
    of the situation.  Or at least it gave me a good reason not to be brave
    and actually let myself cry.
    
    The day after taking my dog to the vet for cremation (I had no
    place to bury a very large great dane), I got in my car and drove to
    Boston.  I sublet an apartment from a college friend who would be away
    for a few months.
    
    I found my own apartment which was very difficult as no one would rent
    to an unemployed woman.  I figured out what was happening and
    faked employment.  Found a place.  Went back and got my stuff.  Rented
    a really good typewriter and began job hunting in ernest.  
    
    This was all in August/September/October.  Things were pretty bleak and
    then, just two weeks before Christmas, I was hired by a 
    startup company. Just in time to pay January rent.  I'd run out of
    money entirely.  During this time I kept up car payments, rent,
    insurance, food, the whole kaboo.  And paid the lawyer for the divorce.
    
    Yes, this was all a risk but it seemed like the only really good
    alternative.  There were safer options but this didn't seem all that
    risky compared to the independence it might (and DID!) yield.
    
      --Margaret

    The biggest risk I ever took:
    
    Deciding to work in Europe after obtaining my MS degree.
    
    I searched for a computer science job in Germany, and found
    one after several interviews in Germany.
    I then moved to a new country, new city (where I knew no one), and
    started my first "real" job.  (I had studied one year in Germany in 
    another city 6 years previous to this)
    It turned out great, I really loved working in Germany, and I even
    decided to stay in Europe ( I am now in France).
    I learned a lot, especially about independence. But I would not
    recommend this for everybody, some people prefer USA too much to be
    content living in Europe.
    Did sex influence my decision? No, but a lot of people seem surprised
    that a WOMAN would move to a new country like this ALONE. I got 
    a lot of questions about why I don't settle down and get married. 

    In many ways I'm a risk taker, and am just beginning to realize how
    much of one.  Under the guise of "indepenence" I've been doing things
    for years that others consider risky or won't attempt because the
    action is outside of society's norm.
    
    The greatest risk I ever took was to leave a job that provided good pay
    and reasonable benefits to start my own business.  At the time I was a
    single parent (though since my ex was around, I knew my children
    wouldn't starve or be put out on the street if I failed).  The same
    wasn't true for me; no one would have provided a room or more than a
    few meals if I didn't make a go of it.  Getting commercial loans to
    help set up the business wasn't possible, so I used my savings as seed
    money.
    
    Did it work?  Unfortunately, no.  But I learned an awful lot about
    myself and my abilities in the process.  I was tough, but not tough
    enough.  I was too ethical to compete with the unethical.  I was too
    trusting to detect, until too late, who was ethical and who was not.  
    And I wasn't the constant and persistent sales person I needed to be to 
    present my wares in the market of the time.  My wares were of excellent 
    value, but without the ability to sell or the contacts to open the right 
    doors, the right people never knew about them.
    
    But it's when I was watching the business -- and my savings -- go down
    the tubes that I learned I'm also resilient and a survivor.  My
    priorities were tested and changed, and my outlook on life modified.
    
    If I knew then what I know now, would I have attempted it?  Maybe.  I'm
    a sadder but wiser person for the effort, and my children have learned
    from my example that failure in one area of life doesn't mean failure 
    forever.  Despite our best efforts, failure can happen.  But life goes
    on, and can even be worth living!  There's no denying that the results 
    hurt, and I'm much more careful today about exposing myself to major 
    risks.
    
    But I'm still independent.
    
    Karen
         

    The most significant risk I ever took was moving from Massachusetts to
    California to attend graduate school in San Francisco.  I obtained 2
    student loans, found someone who was driving to S.F. (who said there's
    no fate?) and stayed with the one person I knew in S.F. until I found
    a job and a place of my own.
    
    It was daunting at times, but it was well worth the effort.  I learned
    that I am a resourceful person and can stand on my own 2 feet.
    
    Returning to Massachusetts was another risk.  I was offerred a
    challenging job, which I accepted.  The job did not work out, and it
    was hard for me to face "defeat" in a place where I had grown up.  I
    now realize that it wasn't "defeat"...I took a risk and it didn't pan
    out.  I know that I did the best that I could, and the job just wasn't
    the right "fit" for me.
    
    I'll keep taking risks and moving forward.  I wouldn't have it any
    other way.
    
    Judi
    

    
    I think the risks I've taken pale in comparison with some of
    those I've just read and until now I've never really thought
    of some of them as risks.  But everyone who's gotten married
    (me) or had children (not me) has taken a huge risk, whether
    they've thought of it that way at the time or not!  I know I
    was aware I was taking a risk when I got married!
    
    Other things I've done may seem like they were risks, but at
    the time I did them, it was a path I *knew* I had to follow,
    and so I did these things over the course of the 80s:
    
    several jumps out of airplanes
    
    lead rock climbing at the edge of my leading ability
    
    quitting a good job to bicycle out West for several months by myself
    
    allowing myself to be lowered on a rope into a crevasse on the side
    of Mt Rainier
    
    taking numerous hiking, bicycling, and touring vacations on my own
    
    moving in with a boyfriend
    
    breaking up with a boyfriend and moving out on my own again
    
    getting married
    

    Well I have taken two major risks in my life but I never looked
    at them this way.
    
    The first was at 18 when I walked into a Navy Recuriting office
    one day and three weeks later was leaving home to join the Navy.
    I had the time of my life.  Bootcamp was a joke but I learned 
    that I was a very strong woman and that I could take a lot of
    sh**t.
    
    The second was packing up and moving with Digital to our new office
    in Florida.  I did not know anyone and had no idea what I was getting
    into.  It worked out for the first year, then I hated Florida packed
    up and moved back to MA.
    
    With these to risks I have learned that I am a very strong person
    and what ever comes my way be it good or bad I will be able to handle
    it by myself.  Although it is nice to have someone to lean on.
    
    Randi