Conference turris::womannotes-v2

    This was a great note!  I only wish we could change it a little to
    include doing both, wash your hair and read while your hair is drying!
    
    Jackie

    Picture the "Ring around the collar" ad.
    
    Now picture the Joe Garagiola/Yogi Berra car sale ads.
    
    Now picture the Energizer Bunny marching into both ads, pounding all
    participants soundly about the head and shoulders with the drum sticks,
    and marching away. <BOOM> <BOOM> <BOOM>....
    
    

    I love it!
    
    					Charlie.
    

I'd like to see ads for Tarot cards, Crystals, Massages, and all sorts of other
New Age stuff (apoligies if Massages are new age :-). I can't come up with many
good ones, but while I was digging my garden, the catch phrase "it's not just
for breakfast anymore" came into my head. It then mutated into:

Tarot. It's not just for mystics anymore.

	Mez

    Some company has a T-shirt out that says "Meditation -It's not what you
    think."  I may have to get one.
    
    Meredith
    

    
    .4
    
    You need a copy of "Good Times", the Santa Cruz "counterculture"
    throwaway newsrag...
    
    Plenty of wierd ads there...

Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny
Subject: British Compaq advertisement
Date: 19 Apr 90 23:30:20 GMT
 
(Taken from an actual Compaq ad in a British magazine.)
 
Compaq Wishes To Apologize For This Advertisement.
 
    In particular, we wish to apologize for the headline.  We suggest you
    skip it and go straight to the rest of the ad, after which you should
    simply FILL IN AND POST THE COUPON.  If you haven't got time to read
    the ad, SIMPLY FILL IN AND POST THE COUPON.  On your way to POST THE
    COUPON you may pass a COMPAQ dealer in which case simply GO IN AND BUY
    A COMPAQ.  This will save you the price of a stamp.
 
    HOW TO PROVE THAT COMPAQ RUNS 30% FASTER THAN IBM.  Buy two greyhounds,
    name one COMPAQ and the other IBM.  Feed COMPAQ on lean steak and IBM
    on old socks stuffed with rabbit droppings.  After a month, enter both
    in the 3.30 at Hackney and you will notice that Compaq runs at least
    30% faster than IBM.  Of course, this test is totally unfair and
    one-sided, but gives the same result as racing the computers in your
    office.
 
    PROTECT YOURSELF AGAINST NASTY ACCIDENTS.  (Picture of statue w/o arms
    or legs is shown at left.)  This is what happens to computer operators
    who lose all the data on an important disk.  Protect yourself with a
    built-in tape back-up safety system.  Too bad if you own an IBM or some
    other make, only COMPAQ computers have them.
 
    SIN IN STYLE -- SOFTWEAR WORLD. Sorry.  Wrong.  Terribly sorry.  Sorry
    to disappoint those of you who were hoping for something titillating,
    but this whole section is in fact the result of a silly spelling
    mistake.  Instead of softwear, please read software.  Then reach for
    any IBM catalogue, in which you will find listed thousands of programs
    you can run on COMPAQ computers.  So sorry.
 
    WHAT PERCENTAGE OF IBM SOFTWARE WILL RUN ON A COMPAQ?  By sheer
    coincidence, this is the same percentage of waiters in Indian
    restaurants who hail from the small Bangladeshi town of Sylhet.  Nearly
    100%.  For further details and first-class lamb dhansak, ring 01-836
    9787.
 
    BYTES OF RAM.  The compaq deskpro 286 offers 8.2 megabytes of RAM. 
    IBM's PC AT can only manage a 3 megabyte nibble.  Cheez, even our
    carry-away Portable does 2.6 megabytes.
 
    THE COMPAQ DUAL_MODE MONITOR.  At last, a monitor lizard that can
    display both high resolution text and high resolution graphics on one
    screen. IBM's (and all their spawn) need separate iguanas for text and
    graphics. More details from our sales reptiles.  Contact them on 01-940
    8860.
 
    SIMPLE ANT MATHS: LESSON 1.  Let one ant equal one byte of information.
    COMPAQ's built-in mass storage can hold 70,000,000 of the little
    blighters, (30,000,000 more than IBM can).  Now calculate how many ants
    are needed to fill the great pyramid of Giza.
 
    FILL IN THIS COUPON NOW.
 ______________________________________________________________________
|                                                                      |
| TO: COMPAQ Computer Ltd., Freepost, Richmond, Surrey, TW91BR.        |
| I understand that COMPAQ computers run IBM software 30% faster, are  |
| more powerful with more storage, a unique tape backup system and dual|
| mode monitor, but frankly I can't believe COMPAQ's are this good,    |
| otherwise why isn't everyone using them except come to think of it   |
| COMPAQ is already No. 2 in the States but then the Yanks are a funny |
| bunch I mean they eat raw steak for breakfast and they've all got    |
| absurd names like Chuck and Waldo of course everyone's always        |
| knocking America but where would we be without the Harvey Wallbanger |
| so rush me more details of your marvelous computers.                 |
|                                                                      |
| Name _______________________________________________________________ |
| Company_____________________________________________________________ |
| Inside Leg_________________  Favourite Singer_______________________ |
| Address_____________________________________________________________ |
|                                                                      |
| AMAZING FREE OFFER.  We'll give you a COMPAQ DESKPRO 286 ABSOLUTELY  |
| FREE when you give us 3,694.99 pounds.                               |
|                                                                      |
| (  ) tick here for FREE death watch beetle.                          |
|______________________________________________________________________|
 
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