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Conference turris::womannotes-v2

Title:	ARCHIVE-- Topics of Interest to Women, Volume 2 --ARCHIVE
Notice:	V2 is closed. TURRIS::WOMANNOTES-V5 is open.
Moderator:	REGENT::BROOMHEAD

Created:	Thu Jan 30 1986
Last Modified:	Fri Jun 30 1995
Last Successful Update:	Fri Jun 06 1997
Number of topics:	1105
Total number of notes:	36379

1040.0. "No Longer Afraid..." by HENRYY::HASLAM_BA (Creativity Unlimited) Tue Mar 20 1990 17:16

    I debated entering this in the string on child abuse/incest and
    decided to do things this way instead.  As many of you know I was
    a battered and abused woman with battered and abused children. 
    I had to face up to the fact that I was as much to blame by feeling
    helpless and not preventing that abuse--aiding in it even in that
    sense.  It was, and still is, hard to do, but being a realist, that's
    the way it was.  Part of my outgrowing this feeling of helplessness
    has been to learn from the past and move ahead into the future with
    head held high and to look back only long enough to see how far
    I've come from then to now.  The only thing that seems to hinder
    this "progress" has been the past that recently has returned to
    "haunt" me.  It cropped up again about two weeks ago when my long
    ago abuser and ex-husband managed to find out my married name, where
    I work and my direct line.  I don't know if you can imagine my shock
    to discover that the person on the other end of the line was my
    legally insane, former husband, but I was glad I answered while
    I was sitting down.  He was doing his best to be rational while
    trying to enmesh me in a battle for over his mother's will.  When
    he discovered I wouldn't cooperate, he changed the subject.
    
    Without dragging this out too much further, I wanted to share with
    you how I finally said things to him I've wanted to say for the
    past twelve years.  It was the first time in my life that I've been
    able to be "in control" of a conversation with Tom and I let him
    have it.  The momentary remembrance of fear and terror that returned
    to my mind when I first realized to whom I was speaking, evaporated
    and in it's place was the "new" unafraid, confident woman I've
    struggled to become.  My friends, especially those of you who have
    been through the beatings, torture and humiliation, I just wanted
    to let you know that it *can* be done.  I feel that if I ever come
    face-to-face with Tom again, I can hold my own----finally.  Keep
    on strengthening yourselves with networking, counseling and support,
    and you really will be able to go on.
    
    In Sisterhood,
    
    Barb

T.R	Title	User	Personal Name	Date	Lines
1040.1	Here's to you...	FENNEL::GODIN	Hangin' loose while the tan lasts	`Tue Mar 20 1990 17:27`	9
	Congratulations, Barb. I'm sure it has been a long road, but today you can say with confidence you've traveled it and have arrived at a wonderous destination. What a powerful example for your children and to other battered and abused women. Warm hugs and a hip-hip-hooray! Karen
1040.2	Hip, hip hooray!	REGENT::BROOMHEAD	Don't panic -- yet.	`Tue Mar 20 1990 17:28`	2
	Hip, hip hooray! Hip, hip hooray!
1040.3	hugs	TLE::D_CARROLL	Sisters are doin' it for themselves	`Tue Mar 20 1990 17:44`	7
	Congratulations. How good it is to hear a success story, to know it can be done. Hold your head up! D!
1040.4	cheers	CLYPPR::FISHER	Dictionary is not.	`Wed Mar 21 1990 04:30`	3
	Good for you. Hang in there. ed
1040.5	nothing but admiration	LEZAH::BOBBITT	the phoenix-flowering dark rose	`Wed Mar 21 1990 07:37`	4
	Bravo, Barb.... -Jody
1040.6		WAHOO::LEVESQUE	Istiophorus platypterus	`Wed Mar 21 1990 09:21`	3
	That's fantastic! All the best to you. The Doctah
1040.7		SONATA::ERVIN	Roots & Wings...	`Wed Mar 21 1990 10:05`	11
	Barb, That is, indeed, a magnificent achievement! It sounds like your honest self-process has taken you from a place of victim, then survivor to fully empowered woman. I hope that you can really enjoy and celebrate this wonderful transformation. Hugs, Laura
1040.8		PARITY::DDAVIS	Long-cool woman in a black dress	`Wed Mar 21 1990 11:23`	7
	Way_to_go_Barb!! YAHOO! - Dotti.
1040.9	Kudos	SUPER::EVANS	I'm baa-ack	`Wed Mar 21 1990 12:16`	8
	Allow me to add my heartiest congratulations! I'm taking a workshop currently that posits that the thing that keeps us stuck is nothing but fear, and once we face it, we're free. Looks like you faced your fear and went right through it. Same you, same guy, same bizarre circumstances, but you forged ahead, courage in hand, and faced it all down. Huzzah for you!
1040.10	mucho "atta-gyn's"!!	STC::AAGESEN	what would you give for your kid fears?	`Wed Mar 21 1990 15:33`	7
	barb, the point that you have reached in this struggle is something to be very proud of.... ~robin
1040.11	Not to make light of positive change...	TLE::D_CARROLL	Sisters are doin' it for themselves	`Wed Mar 21 1990 15:45`	7
	> -< mucho "atta-gyn's"!! >- Or attadude(tte)s. :-) Er...sorry. D! (sheepish)
1040.12	Wonderful!	CSC32::K_KINNEY		`Wed Mar 21 1990 18:14`	5
	CONGRATULATIONS! kim
1040.13	huzzah! (thanks Dawn, what a wonderful word!)	LEZAH::QUIRIY	Trying to change from sad to mad!	`Wed Mar 21 1990 18:57`	13
	Congratulations, Barb! I love the expression used by "river runners" to explain their strategy to get through a tricky stretch of water -- damn! -- I don't remember it exactly right now. The sense of it is that you have to face what you want to avoid, before you can take any action to avoid it -- so, to avoid being swept into a sheer rock face, you have to turn your raft towards the wall, then you can pull away from it. Christine
1040.14	hugs	WMOIS::B_REINKE	if you are a dreamer, come in..	`Wed Mar 21 1990 20:08`	1

1040.15	***** stuff	SA1794::CHARBONND	if you just open _all_ the doors	`Thu Mar 22 1990 06:41`	3
	Pour yourself a drink, the top shelf stuff that's only brought out on special occasions. Sip a toast to yourself. Your self. Nobody else's. Way to go.
1040.16	;-)	RAB::HEFFERNAN	Juggling Fool	`Thu Mar 22 1990 09:09`	5
	:-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-) :-)
1040.17		CSC32::DUBOIS	The early bird gets worms	`Thu Mar 22 1990 19:12`	3
	Wow! Carol :-)
1040.18		SNOC01::MYNOTT	Hugs to all Kevin Costner lookalikes	`Thu Mar 22 1990 19:50`	5
	Hugs and smiles Barb, and I think you know why (^' (^' Wish I was able to finally meet you in May... ...dale
1040.19	WOWSER!	BSS::VANFLEET	Keep the Fire Burning Bright!	`Fri Mar 23 1990 14:42`	8
	Oh, Barb, I'm so proud of you! What a lot of growth you've had to go through to get to this point of peace. :-) :-) :-) :-) Hugs and a toast to your strength! Nanci
1040.20	YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!	USCTR2::DONOVAN		`Fri Mar 23 1990 22:55`	11
	Wow, Barb. What a growth experience for you. I remember a line from a song that keeps echoing through my mind....."Feeling stronger every day.....Ya know it's all right now". Beatles maybe? ^ ^ O O > \__/ Kate
1040.21		LUNER::MALLETT	Barking Spider Industries	`Sat Mar 24 1990 10:15`	4
	What a marvelous story of strength and hope. Thank you for being a wonderful power of example, Barb. Steve
1040.22	Just thinking...	WFOV12::BAIRD		`Mon Mar 26 1990 13:18`	7
	Hope HE was sitting down on the other end of the phone line!!!:-) Bravo!!! Debbi