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Conference turris::womannotes-v2

Title:ARCHIVE-- Topics of Interest to Women, Volume 2 --ARCHIVE
Notice:V2 is closed. TURRIS::WOMANNOTES-V5 is open.
Moderator:REGENT::BROOMHEAD
Created:Thu Jan 30 1986
Last Modified:Fri Jun 30 1995
Last Successful Update:Fri Jun 06 1997
Number of topics:1105
Total number of notes:36379

988.0. "Is it Unrealistic?" by GIAMEM::MACKINNON () Thu Feb 15 1990 09:07

    
    
    In the course of a conversation last night a question was thrown
    out that I would like some opinions on:
    
    In this day and age is it financially unrealistic for a parent to think 
    that she/he can have a child and stay home for at least two years to
    raise the child?  

    
    Personally I have a great job now and have a good income.  I would
    like to have children and stay home with them until they are two
    at which point they can go to daycare.  However, during those two
    years at home I would like to do in-home daycare for 2 or 3 other
    children so that I would at least have a source of income to help
    replace the lost income from my job.  
    
    Another scenerio I've pictured is to have both parents work at
    jobs which can allow them to work part-time in the office and
    part-time at home so that there would always be a parent 
    raising the child instead of an outside person.  I know that
    this would be something that would be difficult to find.
    I do know of several folks here at DEC who have been able to
    work out such an arrangement with their work situations.
                                                            
    
    I want to have children some day, but I want to raise them. I really
    do not want to have to rely on daycare for their first few years.
    This is not a knock against daycare or parents who use daycare.
    Just for me I would find it very difficult not being able to
    be there for the chilren when they are that young.
    
    Michele
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988.1It can be done!CADSE::CONLIFFECthulhu Barata NiktoThu Feb 15 1990 11:0923
    Yes, it can be done.  Alison (my wife) ran a Massachussetts Family Day
    Care Center out of our house during the time that our son was young. 
    This provided a nmber of opportunities, in that
    	a. our son (Iain) was exposed to other children at an early age,
    	and learned useful things like sharing, taking turns, and
    	interacting with his peers.
    	b. the money was quite nice, especially being able to write off a
    	portion of our house cost as a business expense.
    	c. she got a real sense of accomplishment out of watching the
    	children grow and change in her care.
    
     There are disadvantages, however.  These include
    	1. insurance costs.  While there are programs (such as Clarendon)
    	available by which day care providers can get cheaper insurance, we
    	had to carry several million dollars of liability insurance.
    	2. it is hard to take a sick day!
    	3. The days are LONG!!!  One of Alison's charges arrived at 06:30,
    	and the last one left at 18:00!
    
     If you want to talk further, then send mail and I'll put you in touch
    with Alison.
    
    					Nigel
988.2both part-time can workCADSYS::PSMITHfoop-shootin', flip city!Thu Feb 15 1990 11:1020
    On the second scenario (both parents work part time), I've seen that
    work.  But it can be hard to juggle schedules and find two part-time
    jobs that pay well.  Two examples:
    
    o In 1973, my friend's mother remarried and had a baby.  She was a
      doctor and her husband was finishing an internship.  When he qualified,
      they moved to Albuquerque, NM, (from New Hampshire), because that was
      the only place they both could get part-time jobs as doctors and share
      daycare.  (The kid's now 16 and he turned out OK!)
    
    o My brother and his wife had a baby while he was at college full-time. 
      Bonnie stayed home most of the time; Peter had a random school schedule.
      They lived in a group house, so there were lots of live-in sitters to
      take up slack if necessary.
    
    The "both part-time" option I think is good if it's possible.  What
    made it easier for my brother and Bonnie is that they had family and
    friends living nearby as backup. 
    
    Pam
988.3ICESK8::KLEINBERGERThems the beesThu Feb 15 1990 11:1415
    You ask if it is unrealistic..
    
    I contend NO, it is not.
    
    I know many people in the Marlboro/Maynard/Merrimack area that have
    several children, and they have a traditional home of father working,
    mother staying at home, one income, one or two cars. 
    
    Are they floating in money? No, Is the husband bringing in $75,000
    plus? No.
    
    But, they have choosen their lifestyle, and the way they want to live,
    and have executed it.
    
    it can be done.  
988.4CADLAC::ARMSTRONGThu Feb 15 1990 11:1512
    There has been a lot of discussion of providing day care
    in the HELPME::PARENTING conference.  you could do a
    dir/title="day care"
    dir/title=daycare
    (since both spellings are used)

    there are many rules and regs, I suspect different for each state.
    Its a lot of work.  I suspect you wont' want to do it until your
    child is 6 months old or so.  Having a kid is not all that expensive
    but losing your income really hurts.
    good luck
    bob
988.5pointersLYRIC::BOBBITTthere's heat beneath your winterThu Feb 15 1990 11:3811
    There are a LOT of topics in HELPME::PARENTING about daycare,
    childcare, both at home and outside the home - too many to list here...
    but it sounds like it'd be a great resource for you to scan.
    
    Also, maybe take a glance at:
    
    womannotes-v1
    topic 96 - a career doesn't have to be outside the home
    
    -Jody
    
988.6Consider job typeFSHQA2::AWASKOMThu Feb 15 1990 12:4511
    One of your considerations should be the *type* of career/job you
    have now, and whether you are expecting to return to it at the end
    of the two years.  If you are in a job which requires frequent new
    learning in order to keep up with the field, re-entry after a time-out,
    even a 'short' one, may be very difficult.  Many Digital jobs have
    this flavor.  You may be in a career/job which requires considerable
    net-working to be successful.  In that case, you should probably
    plan on spending at least *some* time maintaining your networks
    during your time-out.
    
    Alison
988.7ParentingRDVAX::COLLIERBruce CollierMon Feb 19 1990 06:059
    Yes, do see the discussions in _Parenting_.  And do be persistent. 
    Most of the "daycare" entries there are about _finding_ daycare, or
    about _problems_ with daycare provided by others.
    
    But there have also been extended discussions in recent months on
    becoming a homecare provider; on men becoming homecare providers; and
    on the relative merits of stay-at-home parents vs. daycare.
    
    			- Bruce
988.8It worked for us.TPS::SCHLAMJoseph Schlam - OLTP Systems PerformanceWed Feb 28 1990 17:0721
    It can work. My wife took 21 months off when our daughter, Alexandra
    (the first) was born. She did occassional part time work - tho'
    not daycare. I worked 2 days a week for 15 months when my son Mark was
    born. My wife returned to work full time, with a new job here at DEC.
    She has since moved elsewhere. I also left my previous employer and
    returned to work full time at Digital.
    
    An important part of this was reasonable expectations about what could
    be done on one income. The house that we were living in when the
    children were born was a one-income house. 
    
    Staying at home is a lot of work, and, more importantly, a magical
    time of sharing with your child(ren). I would recommend that you take
    on as little outside work as circumstances allow.
    
    If you would like any details or further discussion please contact me
    via mail.
    
    			- Joe 
                                         
    
988.9has anyone done it in DEC?GIAMEM::MACKINNONPro Choice is a form of democracyThu Mar 01 1990 08:087
    
    
    Has anyone been able to successfully leave a job in DEC for 6-10
    months and then return to the same job?  Also, are there any
    female engineers out there who have done this with DEC?
    
    Michele
988.10CSC32::SPARROWI Knit, therefore I amThu Mar 01 1990 10:386
    there are 3 that I can think of here in colorado springs.  one left the
    company to go to another state and company and came back to the same
    type of job with a different cost center.  nothing changed for her but
    the group she worked for.
    
    vivian
988.12Dumb, but it happened!ULTRA::DWINELLSThu Mar 01 1990 12:396
    I left Digital for eight months during 1977. Came back to the same job,
    group etc, but a different supervisor. The only drawback was that I had
    to start over with vacation time. Nothing else changed. Myhire date is
    Nov 1972, my re-hire date is Sep 1977. All retirements benefits go back
    to 1972. Vacation and continuous service awards go by the re-hire date
    1977.