Conference turris::womannotes-v2

    We got married at a justice of the peace, then went to a nearby park
    for an informal reception.  We saved money by making most of the food
    ourselves (meaning both our family made some things).  All we had to
    do was rent the lodge.  It was really fun and casual, just the way we
    like it.
    
    Karen.

    Dear Stella,
    
        My wife and I got marrried in our house by a JP,it was GREAT.
    We got hitched on 1/6/90 and had family and friends,about 40 body's.
    
       We cooked all our own food and bought beer and wine and set it
    all up as a buffet. If it was summer we could have done the whole
    thing outside and invited more people,BUT it was our wedding,we
    invited who we want,not what everyone else wanted and we planned
    the whole thing ourselves and we will always have terrific memories.
    
      My wife wore a beautiful dress,knee lenth and I wore a suit nothing
    fancy but very,very romantic.  
    
       I wish you luck and tell you do what you want,not what others
    want.
    
                                         "Good Luck"
    
                                             JIM
    
    P.S.  "we are still on the honeymoon"    
    

    I had a friend who had a small wedding and reception (just immediate
    family), and then planned to have a huge cookout in someone's back yard
    as a party/reception/whatever gathering they could invite everyone they
    knew to, if they wanted.  It could have been bring-your-own, to save
    even more money.
    
    My point is - do what you want - it's your day - and I think anyone who
    demands you spend money on THEM for YOUR special day is out in left
    field.  Sure - celebrate - include everyone - but I think they could
    probably understand if you choose a simpler celebration for the general
    masses, and kept the "nuptials" closed to immediate family.
    
    -Jody
    

    Check out one of the Miss Manners' books by Judith Martin; it
    will tell you the approved (by Miss Manners') way of doing just
    what you want.
    
    						Ann B.

    When we got married, we had pretty much the same financial
    constraints that you do.  
    
    We decided that since it was our wedding, we were going to have a
    good time with the people we wanted to be there -- our families
    and close friends.  We weren't going to use it as an occasion to
    pay social debts or be polite to coworkers.  
    
    So we put most of the money into a nice group dinner at a good
    local restaurant and spent the minimum on other aspects of the
    wedding.  Instead of a professional photographer, we got two
    photographer freinds of ours to agree to take the pictures (two,
    figuring it was unlikely they'd both screw up totally at the same
    time).  We had bouquets for the bride and bridesmaids, corsages
    for the family, but only one small bouquet for the altar.  I got
    my dress at an after-prom sale and Neil wore a suit.  
    
    We were prepared to explain to those we didn't invite that we
    couldn't afford to have a large reception, but nobody said
    anything or acted like they felt snubbed.  I think it was because
    we didn't invite _any_ coworkers/fellow students.  If we had
    invited some but not others, there would have been problems. 
    
    --bonnie

First of all, congradulations.

I just got married three weeks ago, so this is still fresh in my mind.  The 
Miss Manners suggestion is great, she gives such practical advice.

I think you should invite whom you want to. If you want a small wedding, do that.
There will less or no hard feelings if you lay the ground work ahead of time by
casually mentioning "We've always wanted a very small wedding".  (This
may be white lie, but I guess most white lies are to spare hurt feelings).

On Plan B, if you are having the wedding at your house, it may be difficult to
shoo out the people who are not invited to the family dinner.  Usually this
event takes place the night before the wedding, I think to eliminate this
problem.

Some interesting wedding history that may trigger ideas for you; 
it used to be common that the wedding was attended by 
family and immediate friends only, with a reception given for the couple
by someone else when they returned for their honeymoon trip. 

Another possibility:  for your budget, could you recruit some friends to
contribute labor for preparing a buffet or picnic?  That will reduce the cost 
enormously. I helped with this very task recently and enjoyed it a lot.

I feel the basic rule of thumb for a wedding is to do what "feels right" for
you.  If you want a full length white dress, do it.  As a friend advised me when
I was worrying about such things, do what will make you feel special.  You will
not regret it.

By the way, for your invitations, Miss Manners suggests that for small informal
weddings, you can simply invite the guests through personal letters, which may
help the wording problems.

    Thanks for all the suggestions!  I will certainly try to check out
    Miss Manners' book and see what's 'proper'.
    
    My finace and I decided (if we don't change our mind) to invite all
    his friends and have a small reception at our place afterwards.  Kind
    of like a refreshments and cake party.  We will then take our families 
    and non-local friends out to dinner.  Hopefully if we get marry in
    the early afternoon and have reception around 4, the crowd will disperse
    by 8 so that we can go out to dinner then. 
    
    Incidentally, I am planning to make the cake and food for the reception
    myself.  My finace has misgivings, but the chances of finding a reliable
    caterer at Ithaca, NY. is not too promising.  Hopefully I will be able
    to press my friends and my parents into helping out.  
    
    Oh well.  So much for my earlier thoughts (when I was a teenager) about 
    not ever getting married and then (when I was an adult) of eloping when
    I do.  8)
    
    Thanks again.
    
    Stella
    
     

    My sister gave me two great pieces of advice:
    
    	Consult "Miss Manners" often
    	If it's not fun, re-think what you're doing and adjust the plans
    
    My fiance and I are going to have a small wedding, and decided to have
    an informal barbecue instead of a formal restaurant dinner after the
    rehearsal.  Since the wedding will be at 2:00, we'll invite people back
    to the house and have simple refreshments.  We don't want this to turn
    into a 3-ring circus!
    
    In making the plans, we've discovered how easy it is to get sucked into
    all the frills and furbelows.  My rule of thumb is NOT to make any on
    the spot decisions, no matter how attractive it all sounds!  (Are
    monogrammed swizzle sticks *really* necessary...)  Weddings are big
    business and can get out of hand too easily.
    
    I just want to celebrate a special day with special friends!
    
    Judi
    

    In the line of having fun -- 
    
    One of the things Miss Manners sometimes pointed out in one of her
    columns -- I don't think it made it into any of her books -- is
    that a wedding reception isn't a religious rite or an event
    prescribed by law, it's just a party, and you should treat it like
    any other important party -- you should invite the people you
    would normally invite, entertain at the level you would normally
    entertain at, and generally not pin yourself into the corner of
    thinking Bride's magazine is going to be scoring your party
    according to how well it fits into their checklist.
    
    If you don't normally entertain in a way that requires dressing in
    tuxedos, don't think you have to have a superformal wedding. 
    Instead, have it at the formal level you feel comfortable with --
    for us, that was suits and Sunday-best behavior.  For others, it
    might be beer and bowling, or anywhere in between.
    
    --bonnie

    Stella,
    
    Congratulations!
    
       >My finace has misgivings, but the chances of finding a reliable
       >caterer at Ithaca, NY. is not too promising. 
    
    Nonsense!  There is a WONDERFUL caterer in town.  Name is Bob Norman,
    he runs a catering service called the Movable Feast and it's wonderful!
    Phone number is 273-6223.  Very reliable according to friends who have used
    him and yummy!!!!!!
    
    Also, this sounds off the wall, the local weekly paper "The Ithaca
    Times," runs an annual wedding issue  that is _thorough_. Full of
    resources for stuff you may not even have thought about yet. Issue isn't
    out yet this year but last year's should still be useful.  Their office
    is right off the Commons and the office staff is friendly and, if you
    call first, can probably fix you up with the old issue.  
    
    Also, Clever Hans bakery is teriffic.  Made my wedding cake some years
    ago.  A quick call to a friend confirmed that they still make wonderful
    wedding cakes.  Theirs are actually fabulous, can-I-have-
    seconds type cakes.  (Mine was white buttercream frosting (decorated
    with real flowers) over chocolate cake layered with raspberry jam,
    jamoca buttercream, and chocolate buttercream.)
    
    If you marry in the park you will need a permit from the town or park
    commission (town, county or state park).  You can also marry on the
    Cornell campus.  The chapels there can be rented as can the Little Red
    Carriage house. Organ at Sage Chapel sounds better.  Organ at Anabel
    Taylor is easier to play. (Considerations if you're bringing in an
    outside organist, as we did.)
    
    Also, for dinner afterward, Turbacks (on route 13 south of town) has
    nice private dining rooms, great food, and will do fixed party menus
    for a fixed price.  Gray Stone Inn is super, too.
    
    You might look into a B&B place for yourselves that night.  Keeping the
    reservations top secret -- or course!  If you do this, reserve the room
    now, they book up fast in the summer.
    
    Best wishes,
    
       Margaret
          who lived in Ithaca for many years & still has many ties there

    .-1  Thanks for the suggestions.  How long ahead do you think I have
         to book for the caterer and the cake?  I was planning on making
    	 a tier of the wedding cake myself and see how difficult it is and
         how good it taste (it's supposed to be white chocolate with fresh
         raspberry filling).  If I think it's totally undoable,  I will 
         go to a caterer.
    
    Was thinking about Taughonock (sp?) Farms Inn for dinner.  But it's
    still up in the air.
    
    I do need suggestions for reliable florist and location for an 
    outdoor wedding.  We can not get marry in the chapel.  The only other
    location we came up with is Stewart Park, but that seems to be too
    crowded on Saturday's in the summer.  
    
    Please keep the suggestions coming.  I need all the help I can get! 
    
    -Stella (whose finace doesn't know anything about Ithaca because he is
             too busy studying... 8) )

    Hmmm... my Ithaca connections have fallen off the map since I left
    there (gads, over 6 years ago!) so I don't know anything about who's
    currently good for catering or fine resaurants.  But for a wedding
    location....
    
    Perhaps Taughanoc Falls over on the west side of the lake?  Not sure I
    have the name right, but its a neat park maybe 25 minutes out of town.
    
    Wow, I really can't remember anything else!  Thats a little scarey;
    how quickly its gone.
    
    DougO

I'm not sure how to spell "Taughannock", either, but the Inn there has a fine 
restaurant (and is a nice place to stay, if you plan far enough ahead). It's
Taughannock (sp) Farms Inn, as I recall. It's a short walk from there to the
falls, which (assuming the time of year is right and there's enough water going
over) are very picturesque.

I don't know if they cater, or fit your taste, but one restaurant in Ithaca 
worth looking into is a vegetarian place downtown - right now I'm blanking on
their name (big help!), but they are the source of a couple of well-known
vegetarian cookbooks (I think one was called the Enchanted Broccoli Forest). 
We ate there almost every night when we spent a week in Ithaca a couple of
years ago.

    I think you mean Moosewood, though it was the source of Mollie Katzen's
    earlier books and not TEBF.
    
    ed

Thanks for the correction. Whatever the connection with which cookbook, it's a 
nice place to eat, especially in warmer weather when you can sit outside.

(Sounds like it ought to be in Maine, though.)

    Some good friends of mine got married at Taugannack (sp?) Falls three
    years ago--it was abeautiful background.  They were married on the
    "lookout" in front of the falls, so the waterfall was in the
    background.  It was the most beautiful spot for a wedding.  THey had a
    barbeque the night before the wedding at Stewart Park, and the
    receprtion was at the Taugannack Farms Inn.  The reception was a sit
    down dinner for about 30 people..it was lovely.  I do remember that
    she'd ordered the cake from Clever Hans, and it never showed up--they'd
    got the date wrong.  The Inn improvised something though, and Melinda
    did wind up with a lovely wedding cake.
    
    Good luck.
    
    Susan

    Re: -1, sorry to hear that Clever Hans messed up on your friend's
    wedding date.  They are usually reliable.  (Our cake even arrived with
    a bag of croissants that had a note attached saying the croissants were
    a gift for us to enjoy at breakfast.  This was some years ago when
    croissants were rare treats.)
    
    Bools flowers on Aurora Street have always done well, especially if you
    specify exactly what you want.  You'll get that and very nicely done.
    I understand that Plantation Florist on the Commons is also good but
    can be more pricey but also more exotic if that's your taste.
    
    As for outdoor sites:  Taughannock Park is super.  So is Treman with
    it's beautiful stone pathways.  Other, more obscure sites:  Sunset Park
    in Cayuga Hights (town park), Cascadilla Falls park off Fall Hill Road
    in north Ithaca by the Fall Hill Cinema (county park, I think), Buttermilk
    Park on the south side off route 13 (also a wonderful waterfall but a
    popular swimming site and so may be too crowded.)  Buttermilk is a
    state park.  I like Stewart Park but it's not the same since all the
    shoreline willows were uprooted in a storm.
    
    As for how soon to make reservations for the place, flowers,
    restaurants, caterers, etc., I'd say ASAP.  Summer in Ithaca is a busy
    time and you may wind up with booking troubles.  You can also decide
    now on which florist (etc.) you want to use and ask them how long
    before the wedding you need to place a firm order.
    
    Another possibility is heading up the East side of the lake a bit to
    Wells College.  They rent out facilities, have _beautiful_ grounds, and
    I've been to two "rental functions" there that had nothing to do with
    the college except for location.  This gives you outdoor location but
    the safety of moving indoors if Ithaca pulls one of its notorious
    "Ithacation" showers on you.   
    
    Where is your fiance studying?  Both IC and Cornell have lots of
    non-sectarian places that they will rent to folks for functions,
    especially if you are affilliated with the college.  (My wedding
    reception was at Cornell's Big Red Barn billed as an "alumni party by
    invitation only" -- everyone in the wedding party were alumni
    and many of the guests were too.  It cost all of $50 to rent the hall
    for a entire day and the use of the garden next door for enjoying 
    the sunshine and for photos.)
    
    I still recommend you getting a copy of the wedding issue of the Ithaca
    Times newspaper.  It is chock-a-block full of info specific to Ithaca
    weddings.
    
    Stella, feel free to call or write me directly, I'm glad to help out.
    CUPCSG::RUSSELL,  DTN:  226-2406  (usually from 2 pm to 7pm).
    
    Margaret

    Thanks for all the replies and suggestions.  I am going up to Ithaca
    next weekend for househunting, so my fiance and I will check out all
    the sites, florists, etc.  
    
    Once again, thank you!
    
    Stella