Conference turris::womannotes-v2

    Many warm hugs, Desryn.  What a rotten experience.
    
    						=maggie

    Desryn, How terrible, all I can offer right now are notes
    hugs but I hope they are some help.
    
    Bonnie

    
    DESELYN,
              Prejudice, is a handicap, that a lot of people have, in this
    world. unfortunitely, and thats, "THEIR" disability.
    
        You feel hurt, but with the disability, or ignorance, whichever,
    taken under consideration, you shouldn't!!!
    
       I feel for you, for the verbal brutality you received. It angers
    me when you did not deserve it!!!
    
    
      I feel for him too, but believe me, in an entirely different way!!
    
       I shake my head, and consider that human being to be a very, very,
    
    
                                 SAD CASE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    
    
        (If you know what I mean)

 I bet he if asked you nicely to please move up, you probably would've done
it, right? Instead, he treated you like a "lesser" person, so you refused.
Good for you! He deserves what he got. If he weren't such a jerk, he might've
gotten what he wanted. I'm sorry to hear that you encountered such an imbecile.
Try to remember that there really are some nice people out there, regardless
of what your personal experience is.

 The Doctah

    
    Let's hope that people like that are becoming more and more
    of a minority in our society.
    
    I don't blame the base noter for feeling hurt, I would feel that way
    too I guess. But then my wife would probably say that people like
    that aren't even worthy of my thoughts.
    
    							Best wishes
    
    								Hank

Wow. I often don't understand why people need to be so hurtful Take care.
	Mez

    Desryn, I am sorry....it shouldn't have happened.
    
    But the sad part is that those words that the man said to you are
    the thoughts of many people.  Prejudice will not die an easy death
    there has to be extra effort by those of us who know that we are all
    equal.
    

    
    I'm sorry to hear of the experience you encountered which is making
    you sad right now.  Your feelings have been hurt and it's
    understandable why they were.  I can't stand the racial problems
    which are taking place in this world.  I'm one of those who feels
    you're human, and only human, no matter what color you are or what 
    disfigurements you may have.  People are people no matter what.
     My husband has suttered since a young age and he's had to put up
    with a lot of crap from a lot of jerks in this world but he's learned
    to hold his head high and not to let them get to him.  He doesn't
    want the feeling that they have won by hurting him or making him
    angry.  
    
    The rude, obnoxious man you rant into this morning seems to be a
    very unhappy person - otherwise I don't think he would have acted
    in the harsh manner that he did.  Just think of what you DO have
    to be thankful for and try not to let such ignorant people get to
    you.  
    
    Cheer up!  It's FRIIIIIIIIIIDAY!
    
    
    

    Hi Desryn,
    I'm so sorry for what happened to you.  I'm so sorry it happens to
    people every day.  I'm sorry that people like him exist in the world
    and that people like him, who are so warped by anger and so bitter,
    feel that it is their right to treat other people in that way.
    
    It's a chilling experience.
    
    There is some ray of hope in that you have reached this far in life
    without having encountered someone like him before...  Most people you
    meet are NOT like that:  he is NOT NORMAL!  There are more people like
    that than we want to believe -- but that does not mean that they are
    the majority.  There are a lot of us around -- at work, at the
    supermarket, at the movie theatre, in this notesfile -- who actively
    feel that people are worth treating with respect, regardless of who
    they are or where they came from.  
    
    I'm sorry you met one of the other kind.
    Pam
    
    P.S. If it helps any, I think there *are* some positive portrayals of
    middle-class blacks on TV.  There are a number of black anchorpeople
    and journalists on major networks -- for instance the woman on
    "MacNeil/Lehrer Report."  Also, not to say they're realistic or truly
    representative, but "The Cosby Show", "Frank's Place", and that new
    comedy/thriller show with the same people from "Frank's Place" make it
    clear that someone in programming is becoming aware that there are
    blacks in other places in society other than ghettoes.  Just a few
    thoughts.

    Dear Desryn,
    
    I know how you feel.  Due to my leg disability, and the cane I use, I
    often get heart breaking criticism from others.  Some well meaning, and
    others not so well meaning, but never like this; yet.
    
    Every time it used to happen, it used to make me sad.  Now, I just
    consider the source of the comment, and make my judgement from that
    point.  The man you discuss likely slurs EVERYONE, not just you.  It
    doesn't make the hurt go away, but he has probably said the same about
    every ethnic and racial group on the face of the earth, not just you.
    
    I am so sorry for you, but consider the source.  A loud mouthed,
    obnoxious boor who will go to his grave without friends, but only
    enemies for his treatment of others.  You will grow and prosper, and
    leave him in your dust!
    
    My warmest hug to you.  Feel better.
    
    Andy
                                                         

    
    Thanks for all the support. To be honest, I feel a lot better. I
    thought about it and I have come to the conclusion that that man
    must really have a sad life to get so upset about a silly thing
    as 5 more minutes at a gas station.
    
    Also, I forgot to mention that another white male at the gas station
    was very nice. He looked at me standing in shock and said with a
    smile.." Don't worry, we're not all like that."
    
    Well, thanks again. 
    
    Desryn.
    

    Desryn,
    
    Whatever you do, don't internalize the anger.  It would probably sound
    stupid but I think that you should try to channel the anger into
    something really positive. 
    
    It really easy to slip into "I don't know why I bother to live a normal
    life, it's not worth it..." after something like this happens.  Its
    really easy to wonder why you even bother to live in the US when you
    can go home to Guyana to live free from this type of harrassment. But
    why should you!  This is the land of the free, so you have as much
    right as the guy.  He has to learn to accept this. 
    
    The guy is probably a moron.  He probably doesn't have much going for
    him in life and this was probably his way of exerting his superiority.
    But you have a lot going for you and you shouldn't let him get you
    down.  Try to make this experience better for you.  
    
    Take care, and keep haning in there. 

    I just thought of something else I was told once. I hope I can
    explain this well.
    
    Briefly, don't let em "get you". Some folks treat others rudely
    or worse and when they're done, they forget and go about their
    daily business, never giving it a thought. But often times
    the person receiving the rudeness will be so taken back by it
    that it bothers them for quite a while. I'm guilty of that.
    I'd stew on it, dwell on it half the night or more. A friend
    said to me once, Hank, they got you. I didn't understand. She
    explained that by letting it really get to me, letting it hurt,
    by dwelling on it, they "got me" or more specifically, I was
    letting them "get me", and in essence, they've won.
    
    So now, if something lousy happens I try to remember that and not
    let them "get me". I won't let rude sob's win like that with
    me any more.
    
    I do hope this makes a little sense, it's kind of hard to explain.
    
    						Hank   

    I think I went to that same gas station yesterday..... 'cept I'm
    white, and live in L.A..! The station was full of jerks...and
    non-working gas pumps... and indifferent employees....and people
    yelling.
    
    I'm sorry that you had to go through that experience. Prejudice
    is a blinder that closes people off to other people; it limits
    those who have it. It is his problem, not yours. I'm sure 
    he has many other problems as well.
    
    Hope you feel better soon.
    
    -roger
    
    

    Desryn,
    
    Sounds like the old guy was having an old-fashioned temper tantrum for
    not getting his way.  Good for you for standing your ground!!!
    
    Of course, if he were to get out of his car, throw himself on the
    ground and start kicking and screaming, I'd probably find another gas
    station.
    
    :-)
    
    Hugs!
    
    Carol
    

Sorry Desryn.  The jerk lost his temper because you stood up to him. Good
for you.  If you hadn't been black he would have looked for something else
to get at you ......fat,old,handicapped,speak english with an accent etc.
Unfortunately nothing hurts worse than something personal.

I am glad you inconvenienced him.

    I would rather deal with that jerk in .0's note than some of the
    subtler biggots. At least we know that guy's an #sshol*.
    
    Kate
    

    
    It always makes me feel sad that there are so many people that are
    so insecure about themselves that they have to resort to prejudice
    and bigotry to boost their self-image.
    
    Up until recently I never had to worry too much about this issue,
    being blonde-haired, fair-skinned, and generally quiet, I didn't
    stand out very much.  Now that I've been spending a lot of time with
    my new buddy Andy (who's Korean), some people have made comments,
    mostly just astonishment.  (It probably doesn't help that his apartment
    is in Somerville either.)
    
    Just ignore them, don't let it get to you.  It's not worth the effort
    to get upset at someone as closed minded as that.
    
    Lisa

    The most pertinent note I've seen was in the HUMAN_RELATIONS notesfile,
    it was note 819 - Tolerance.  The discussion jumped to my mind the
    minute I saw the basenote (although FINDING the topic title was another
    thing entirely....).
    
    Other information can be found at:
    
    (Womannotes V1 is no longer accessible, so I won't be posting pointers) 

    Mennotes
    75 - racism
    96 - sex linked racial issues
    
    Human_relations
    133 - when isn't it bigotry
    299 - prejudice and racism
    682 - racism or free speech
    708 - racism - does the source bias the conclusion
    
    -Jody

    Desryn,
    
    I am sorry that you had an encounter with a narrow-minded biggot.
    I Know that an appology from another person may not help, but we
    are all humans, and some may be closer to the animal kingdom than
    the rest of us.  That slime ball probably never treated another
    human being as an equal in his life.  
    
    I wish that he would have to depend upon some other person who 
    was not of his race, and then watch his change of actions.
    
    I remember a story about a Soldier who was from the south and 
    he was very predijuced toward blacks, and when the shooting was
    very intense, a shell exploded and he lost his sight.  The only
    person left alive to help him was a black soldier.  He had to
    depend upon someone that he hated... kind of strange how fate 
    will step in and put things right.
    
    Hugs,
    
    Dave

Desryn --

    How yucky!  I remember the first time I realized someone had
    an intense and yet impersonal dislike of me -- it was a
    horrible experience.  (A personal dislike is generally easier
    to deal with, imho, because it implies that I have *some*
    sort of relationship with the other person, and at least a
    chance of changing the relationship.)  Here's hoping an
    electronic hug helps!  :)  :)

    -- Linda

    PS (re .20, Dave)  Actually, some of us are *quite* pleased
    to be completely and thoroughly members of the animal
    kingdom.  Although sometimes I *do* feel like wilted lettuce,
    or maybe a lump of granite, when I've been staring at buggy
    code too long... ;) 

         
    There are many, many idiots in this world.  In your situation, I
    think that the feeling of helplessness and maybe not being able
    to do anything about it, but, TRY and go about your business.  Almost
    like there's no recourse to take.
    
    Being Gay, I've heard it all.  My mouth helps me to fight back most
    of the time, which, gives me a little "self-satisfaction".
    
    It's unfortunate, what happened to you.  I wish I was standing by.
    Maybe it would have ended up different....
    
    Many hugs, and keep your chin up...it's a new day!
    
    Nancy

    
    
    I had a "similar" experience a couple of weeks ago.  It was about a
    week before I moved out of old apartment into my new.  It was Saturday
    morning.  I was on the way out to my car when I ran into one of my
    neighbors (definitive red-neck).  I gave him a friendly "good morning".
    He responded with a hateful "shutup, faggot!!!".  Well, being the
    somewhat mouthy creature that I am, I responded, in my best church lady
    voice, with a "Well, isn't that special!", laughed out loud, and
    continued on my way.
    
    	Greg

    They've made a whole business of retribution for just such a-holes.
    Now, you can order the delivery of a pie-in-the-face just as you would
    a bunch of balloons...I'm told it's popular with former spouses/SOs.
    
    give 'em hell,
    Marge

    Marge, I'm glad YOU opened the idea of retribution.  I'd been
    hesitant to say so, but did some fantacizing of my own over how
    the ignorant buffoon might have been treated.  Desryn, I don't know
    if you're the type to exact retribution, but sometimes the fantasy
    is as almost as good as the action.
    
    My fantasy was to continue filling the gas tank, then leisurely
    stroll to the attendant to get my change; upon returning to my car
    and getting in, act like I just noticed the windshield needs washing.
    Obviously I don't know where the squeegee is, necessitating another
    trip to the attendant to inquire.  Return to the car and clean windows,
    inside and out, making sure every speck is removed.  Then pop the
    hood and check the oil.  Somewhere during this process el buffoon
    will get tired of waiting and move on.
    
    Only problem is, with the popularity of Mr. Colt's equalizer among
    some groups, you can't really tell by looking whether this particular
    buffoon is the type to exact some retribution of his own.  That's
    why I'd never suggest following through on such fantasies, but I
    enjoyed the thought anyway.
    
    And please, Desryn, take heart in the knowledge that not all of
    us are like that.
    
    Karen
                         

    Deselyn,
    That was an incredibly rotton thing for that guy to say to you!!!
    I can understand you being hurt, because there is no need for that kind
    of treatment. All I can say is ignore it. There are all kinds of jerks
    in this world, and we all come accross them. You just have to block
    them out of your mind, thats all :-)!!!!
    
    Lynne

    RE:  0
    
    Why did you not move up when he first asked?

    
    re:.27
    why didn't the dumb, jerk, bigot just go around?
    what is the point of asking this question in a topic entitled: 
    'i am hurting'?
    

    From the base note:
    
    > He shouted.  "Hey you, pull up so I can get some gas, I'm in a 
    > hurry."  His manner was very demeaning.  I said 'NO". 

    The guy was rude.  She felt demeaned by his rudeness and reacted 
    by refusing.

    CQ

    
    > why did you not move up when he first asked?
    
    Because he did NOT ask, he demanded!!!!!!
    
    Because, I have the SAME rights he has which means that since I
    was there first then I choose the first available gas pump and I
    do NOT have to inconvenience myself unless I WANT to!!!!!
    
    Because if he wanted to use that pump he should have got there before
    me!!!!!!!
    
    Because I pay taxes like everyone else, and I do NOT have to do
    what HE wants me to do. WHo the H*LL is he????
    
    Desryn.
    

    <--(.30)
    
    Right on, sister!
    
    						=maggie

This gets very sensitive, because any discussion of "proper protocol" at the 
self-service pumps can easily be misinterpreted as defense of the man's boorish
and racist invective.

However ...

Had it been me, and the car ahead of me moved before I started pumping, I'd have
moved my car ahead to free up the pump for the person waiting behind me.
It's common courtesy. He wouldn't have a *right* to the pump I was sitting in
front of, and I wouldn't have an *obligation* to cede it to him. But I would
feel guilty for hogging it when a perfectly good pump is free in front of me.
That he demanded rather than asking would not have endeared him to me any, but
it wouldn't have made me decide to not move forward. Courtesy is courtesy, even
when you're being courteous to a jerk.

(It's not always possible for the car behind to pull around a car to the lead
pump, by the say, so the person behind doesn't necessarily have any option
but to wait.)

So, in the abstract, and without regard to the manner in which he made it, the
request to move to the lead pump was not unreasonable.

His later behavior may have cancelled any sympathy anybody might have for him,
but I don't believe discourtesy must be met in kind; I don't think it helps any.

And, once more, in no way is this intended to rationalize or defend any of this
man's behavior.

	Paul

    
    re .32
    
    If you had read my note you would see that I said that I was already
    out of my car with the gas pump in my hand and not even looking
    in the man's direction when he yelled at me.
    Everyone is entitled to his/her opinion, but I can say that if he
    had asked me nicely, I probably would have moved up. I've done it
    before, but because he demanded that I move in that manner, if I
    had moved( and he did not have a gun pointing at me) I would consider
    myself a person with VERY LOW SELF_ESTEEM, to have someone treat
    me in that manner, and I stilldo whatever they asks.
    
    This would have been , to me, like the battered wife staying with
    her abuser because she does not think that she deserves better.
    If you think that you should be treated like a low life then of
    course, you are entitled to that. I do NOT think that I should be
    treated like one, so I reacted. I KNOW that I deserve better. I
    do not yellat anyone, and I would not tolerate anyone yelling at
    me. 
    
    As I said , if you like that sort of treatment, then that's your
    prerogative.
    
    Desryn.
    

The UI of self-fill gas stations is pretty awful. I wish I had taken an
industrial engineering course to speculate on how it could be better.

Hope you don't mind my rathole!
	Mez

 Now first off let me say that I  ** DO NOT **  support the *MAN's* actions. 
(and I use the term MAN loosly in this case) But I do have my own idea 
about the event. So here I will address the replies and then give my 
own....


                          ***  OPINION  ***

Ben
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Note 818.28
DECWET::JWHITE "I'm pro-choice and I vote"

>>    why didn't the dumb, jerk, bigot just go around?

     I don't know!
     - Maybe he did not have room.
     - Maybe he thinks everyone owes him.
     - Maybe he thinks Blacks owe him.
     - Maybe he was on his way to the Hospital for his kid or wife.
     - Maybe his wife had just left him or his parent(s) had died and he 
       was stressed out.
     - Maybe he was having a Bad day.
     - Maybe he is a dumb, jerk, bigot bottomhole.
     Understand???

>>    what is the point of asking this question in a topic entitled: 
>>   'i am hurting'?

      I'm trying to understand WHY she is letting a total stranger disrupt 
      her life.
   
================================================================================
Note 818.29
LYRIC::QUIRIY "Christine"

    From the base note:
    
    > He shouted.  "Hey you, pull up so I can get some gas, I'm in a 
    > hurry."  His manner was very demeaning.  I said 'NO". 

   >> The guy was rude.

      Yes he was rude. (and thats putting it nice) 


   >> She felt demeaned by his rudeness and reacted by refusing.

      Thats only one reaction. Maybe there's others?
      
================================================================================

Note 818.30
NACAD::D_DUNCAN

    
    > why did you not move up when he first asked?
    
   >> Because he did NOT ask, he demanded!!!!!!
    
      O.K.


   >> Because, I have the SAME rights he has which means that since I
   >> was there first then I choose the first available gas pump and I
   >> do NOT have to inconvenience myself unless I WANT to!!!!!

      Thats right!!


   >> Because if he wanted to use that pump he should have got there before
   >> me!!!!!!!
    
      I don't think the event warranted a certain pump.


   >> Because I pay taxes like everyone else, and I do NOT have to do
   >> what HE wants me to do.

      Thats right!!!


   >>WHo the H*LL is he????

     Now thats a good question!

    
================================================================================

Note 818.31
MOSAIC::TARBET "Sama budu polevat'"

   >> <--(.30)
    
   >> Right on, sister!

      O.K.


================================================================================

Note 818.32 
STAR::BECK "The question is - 2B or D4?"
                      
>>This gets very sensitive, because any discussion of "proper protocol" at the 
>>self-service pumps can easily be misinterpreted as defense of the man's   
>>boorish and racist invective.

  I knew it would start.


>>However ...

>>Had it been me, and the car ahead of me moved before I started pumping,
>>I'd have moved my car ahead to free up the pump for the person waiting    
>>behind me. It's common courtesy. He wouldn't have a *right* to the pump   
>>I was sitting in front of, and I wouldn't have an *obligation* to cede it 
>>to him. But I would feel guilty for hogging it when a perfectly good pump is 
>>free in front of me. That he demanded rather than asking would not have   
>>endeared him to me any, but it wouldn't have made me decide to not move   
>>forward. Courtesy is courtesy, even when you're being courteous to a jerk.

  Demanding would not have endeared him to me either! But his demanding 
  would have made me  ** REALIZE  **  "he has a problem."


>>(It's not always possible for the car behind to pull around a car to the lead
>>pump, by the say, so the person behind doesn't necessarily have any option
>>but to wait.)

  Maybe the man did or did not explore this.

  
>>So, in the abstract, and without regard to the manner in which he made it, the
>>request to move to the lead pump was not unreasonable.

  O.K., In the abstract.


>>His later behavior may have cancelled any sympathy anybody might have for him,
>>but I don't believe discourtesy must be met in kind; I don't think it helps 
>>any.

  I don't think it helps any either.


>>And, once more, in no way is this intended to rationalize or defend any of 
>>this man's behavior.
  
  Defend him?  Nope!
  Defend her?  Nope!
  Support him? Nope!
  Support her? Nope!
  Just wondering why she alowed him to hurt her with his actions.
	

================================================================================

Note 818.33
NACAD::D_DUNCAN
    
    >>re .32
    
    >>If you had read my note you would see that I said that I was already
    >>out of my car with the gas pump in my hand and not even looking
    >>in the man's direction when he yelled at me.
    >>Everyone is entitled to his/her opinion, but I can say that if he
    >>had asked me nicely, I probably would have moved up. I've done it
    >>before, but because he demanded that I move in that manner, if I
    >>had moved( and he did not have a gun pointing at me) I would consider
    >>myself a person with VERY LOW SELF_ESTEEM, to have someone treat
    >>me in that manner, and I still do whatever they asks.
    
      O.K.  ** IF ** that works for you. So why are you HURTING if you feel 
      you did the right thing??


    >>This would have been , to me, like the battered wife staying with
    >>her abuser because she does not think that she deserves better.

      We all know we deserve better.


    >>If you think that you should be treated like a low life then of
    >>course, you are entitled to that. I do NOT think that I should be
    >>treated like one, so I reacted. I KNOW that I deserve better. I
    >>do not yell at anyone, and I would not tolerate anyone yelling at
    >>me. 
    
      So you have a standard that you live by. O.K. thats good. But just 
      because you are that way don't expect someone else to be that way.    
      No one deserves to be treated bad. Not everyone has standards to live 
      by. It looks like you reacted in a negative fashion to his negative
      action.

       
    >>As I said , if you like that sort of treatment, then that's your
    >>prerogative.
    
      I don't think anyone, not even the man, likes to be treated that way.
    
    
================================================================================

Note 818.34
ULTRA::ZURKO

>>The UI of self-fill gas stations is pretty awful. I wish I had taken an
>>industrial engineering course to speculate on how it could be better.

>>Hope you don't mind my rathole!
	
  Naw! Ratholes happen.

********************************************************************************

Desryn,

 The guy was a jerk! Theres no doubt about it. WHY he was a jerk? Who 
knows! Who cares? In my own humble opinion I think your ANGER gave a 
negative responce.
 I just feel that you may have not been HURT to realize he was being a jerk 
and to build you self_esteem even more to just let the  fool go on. It takes 
a lot to look over others. But the feeling of being "better than that" is a 
lot better than being hurt. 

Ben

    re .35
    
    Maybe the reason why he managed to disrupt her life was he was living
    example of her worse fear of the few white people who despise blacks
    for whatever reasons.  Maybe he brought to the surface the constant
    threat some blacks feel at the hands of some whites.  By that I mean
    that some blacks feel that it doesn't take much for some whites to go
    "crazy".  The man demonstrated what it takes  - nothing.  Though he may
    not be the typical white person, he represented the element of society
    most blacks fear.  

    
    re:.35
    i'm sorry, call me old-fashioned, but i don't buy this 'she allowed
    him to hurt her' stuff. yeah, i know, we're all responsible for our
    own feelings, etc. ad nauseum. but, you know, sometimes somebody
    actually does something that is wrong. just plain wrong. when you
    are the victim of someone's wrong-doing, it hurts. that's part of the
    reason why it's wrong. *he* hurt her. she reacted as best she could.
    don't let's be saying that she *allowed* it.
    

    re: .38
    
    Yeah.  That's it....
    
    I second the disagreement with the phrase "you LET them hurt you".
    I mean, it sounds great that someone can't make you feel something
    without your permission, but I, for one, know of several things
    people could say to me that would reduce me to tears in seconds
    with no way I can imagine that I could mentally intervene in my
    emotions.

    -Jody
    

Since I was part of this side show, I'll "third" the disagreement with the
phrase "you let them hurt you". (It wasn't part of the point I was making.)

As for the question of self-esteem, and speaking only for myself, I wouldn't 
feel my self-esteem lowered by being courteous to a jerk. Quite the opposite,
actually.

End of rat hole, for me. There may be grist for a separate note here: what's the
appropriate way to respond to lack of courtesy in others? (But I'll leave that
to others...)

    I made a slightly rude remark at a guy that hadn't pulled up to the
    first gas pump.  He remarked that the guy in front of him had just 
    left.  I still felt he should have pulled up before he started pumping 
    gas, until I realized he had already laid down money for that particular
    pump.  Sigh, too bad everyone isn't perfect, including me. 

    
  
    >>> Just wondering why she alowed him to hurt her with his actions.   
    
    Ben, that line of thinking goes along with the phrase "See what you
    MADE me do?"  Some people don't understand how improbable a statement
    that is, but I think you do. 
    
    What you als need to understand, and PLEASE don't take this offensively,
    is that Desryn - like ALL of us - has *feelings*.
    
    And feelings, unlike responses, canNOT be controlled.

    >>> I'm trying to understand WHY she is letting a total stranger disrupt 
    >>> her life.    
    
    She's not.  She's just letting off steam in =WN= and looking for some
    support - right, Desryn?  :-)
    
    Carol 
    (who finally began to understand the power of FEELINGS *this* week!)

    This, I think is a more basic problem with people.
    
    This jerk [insert your name for him] thought that he was superior
    to this black woman, or that it was his right because he was white
    and she wasn't.
    
    Is this all that different from someone on the highway coming up
    behind you in traffic and flashing their lights to let them pass
    you when you cannot go any faster because of the person in front
    of you? Maybe because this person drives [insert you least favorite
    car type driver] thinks they are superior because they own an XXX
    and you don't, or they think they own the road.
    
    Don't we see examples of this every day?
    
        I think it all comes down to a feeling of superiority in some people
    Put crudely sometimes, 'my $h#^ don't smell'

        
    Steve

    
    >>she allowed him to hurt her.
    
    This is TOTALLY wrong. He did something that hurt my feelings
    TEMPORARILY!!! that is the key word TEMPORARILY!!!! I am fully
    recovered. I am NOT hurt any more. I said that in a subsequent
    response. He has NOT disrupt my life. He does not have that much
    control over my life, thank you.
    
    At the time, he hurt my feelings. For about an hour or so after,
    I felt anger, and I just let off steam in womannotes. Before
    lunch time, I had forgotten the incident,and right now, I am
    wondering why I even mentioned the incident in the notes file
    at all because it seems so trivial now.
    
    To all who gave me support, thank you. To those who thought that
    I should have given in meekly, thank you for your opinion, but
    I think that I did the right thing. I got my gas, he left the station
    without gas...( he drove away in a huff when I took really LONG
    to pump my gas).
    
    Desryn.
    

    Desryn, I for one am *glad* you chose to mention the "trivial" incident
    in here:  in the first place I can't believe it was all that trivial at
    the time and in the second place I think some whites (like me) who'd
    started to feel foggy about whether crap like that still happens got an
    important lesson. 
    
    						=maggie