Conference turris::womannotes-v2

683.0. "how to dress in business" by ULTRA::ZURKO (Even in a dream, remember, ...) Wed Jul 05 1989 14:05

Dave Barry has written several very funny articles on dress and style, often
touching on 'feminist' as well as 'women's issues.
	Mez

         <<< HYDRA::DISK$USERPACK02:[NOTES$LIBRARY]DAVE_BARRY.NOTE;1 >>>
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Note 542.0                    Dressing for Success                    No replies
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                    How To Dress Exactly Like Everybody Else
 
                                 by Dave Barry
 

                 [Copyright by Dave Barry - Without Permission]
                                [Source Unkwon]

 
          Take a moment to consider the way the world's truly  successful 
       people dress.  They dress like mental patients.  Your prime  exam-
       ple is Prince Charles.  Here is one of the world's top princes, if 
       not  *the* top prince, yet he is constantly showing up  in  public 
       wearing  ludicrous  Sergeant Pepper-style outfits  featuring  hats 
       with  enormous feathers.  Or you'll see a picture of him  visiting 
       some  remote  fungal nation and cheerfully wearing  ritual  native 
       vegetation around his neck.  There are plenty of other examples of 
       highly  successful  people who dress absurdly:  Mick  Jagger,  the 
       Joint  Chiefs of Staff, and Ronald McDonald, to name  just  three.  
       And  of course you can't find a really successful world  religious 
       leader who doesn't wear a comical outfit.
 
          So  what does this tell you about how you should dress  if  you 
       want  to succeed in American business?  Nothing.  Because the  way 
       we dress in American business is not based on the way the  world's 
       truly  successful  people dress.  It is based on the way  John  T. 
       Molloy  says we should dress.  Molloy is the author of  the  best-
       selling  books *Dress for Success, The Woman's Dress  for  Success 
       Book,  Live  for  Success,* and *Success in  the  Afterlife.*   He 
       openly  admits to practicing a science called "wardrobe  engineer-
       ing."  He has done extensive wardrobe research, wherein he  tested 
       the reactions of thousands of groups of people to the way  differ-
       ent  individuals  were dressed.  What he found,  after  years  and 
       years of study, was that the groups always liked it best when  the 
       individuals  were naked.  So he pretty much gave up  the  research 
       and  decided instead to author best-selling books  containing  in-
       credibly  detailed instructions on how to dress and what  accesso-
       ries to carry, instructions that were so slavishly followed by the 
       business  community  that  they briefly resulted  in  a  worldwide 
       shortage of Cross pens.
 
          The  bottom  line is, if you truly want to present  a  business 
       wardrobe image that makes the all-important fashion statement:  "I 
       look  exactly like everybody else in American business," you  damn 
       well  better  dress the way John T. Molloy says  you  should.   So 
       listen up.
 
                              HOW MEN SHOULD DRESS
 
          Basically,  the American businessman should dress as though  he 
       recently  lost his entire family in a tragic boat  explosion.   We 
       are talking about a subdued look here.  This doesn't mean that you 
       have no choice in what you wear.  Au Contraire.�  For example, you 
       may  wear two completely different colors of woolen suit: you  may 
       wear a dark gray woolen suit, or if you want to get really  crazy, 
       you may wear a dark blue woolen suit.
 
          You  may *not* wear a brown, green, or (God forbid) plaid  pol-
       yester  suit, because everybody will think you just  tromped  into 
       town  from  rural  Louisiana to attend the Live  Bait  Show.   Men 
       wearing  these  colors  are  very likely to  be  passed  over  for 
       promotion,  as is shown by this actual simulation of a scene  that 
       for all we know probably occurs every day in major corporations:
 
       (We  are  in the office of the president, who is  meeting  with  a 
       vice-president  to decide whom to promote to director of  the  Re-
       search Department.)
 
          VICE-PRESIDENT:   Well, there's Barkley, of course.   He's  the 
       one  who  came up with the way to turn discarded wads  of  Kleenex 
       into gold using only common household ingredients.
 
          PRESIDENT:  What color suit does he wear?
 
          VICE-PRESIDENT:  Brown.
 
          PRESIDENT:  Well, forget *him.*
 
                                     SHIRTS
 
          Your  shirt  should be white, and it should not have  the  name 
       "Earl" embroidered anywhere on it.
 
                                      TIES
 
          The purpose of your tie is to suggest that you attended an  Ivy 
       League  university, so the key is to select the right pattern,  as 
       shown here.
 
                                HOW TO TIE A TIE
 
           Face southwest, with the long end of the tie hanging down 
       casually  from  your right hand (the audience's left  hand).   Now 
       bring  the short end of the tie around the back of your  neck  and 
       let it hang down your front, so that it just touches the scar  you 
       got ironing shirts naked.  Now take the "wide" (or "long") end  of 
       the  tie  and pass it three times around the "short"  (or  "long") 
       end,  then up through the loop.  (What do you mean,  "What  loop?"  
       Check again!)  Now pull everything snug, unless you have forgotten 
       to  put on a shirt, in which case you had best remove the tie,  by 
       force if necessary.
 
                                     SHOES
 
          These  are  a "must" in most business situations.  If  you  use 
       "Odor Eaters," they should be beige or navy blue.
 
                                   UNDERWEAR
 
          No  area of the male business wardrobe is as important  as  his 
       underwear.  Next time you're in a room with a group of  successful 
       executives,  take  a few moments to examine their  underwear,  and 
       you'll  find  they're  all wearing underwear  with  proven  "power 
       patterns"  that  have been shown in scientific tests to  create  a 
       feeling of awe and respect in others.
 
          In  situations  where  you really need to  enhance  your  power 
       image, you should wear your power underwear *outside* your  pants.  
       In  extreme  situations, such as arguing before the  U.S.  Supreme 
       Court,  you will want to wear them in an even more  visible  loca-
       tion, such as on your head.
 
                             HOW WOMEN SHOULD DRESS
 
          In  deciding how to dress for business, women  must  understand 
       certain basic facts, the foremost being that all men are scum.  If 
       a  woman,  no matter how competent, gives off the  slightest  hint 
       that  she  has any feelings that could be  remotely  construed  as 
       sexual,  this  is all that the men in her  corporation  will  ever 
       think  about.   That's  not just my opinion: it  is  a  scientific 
       finding based on years of extensively hanging around with guys and 
       talking.
 
          What  does this mean, in terms of your business  wardrobe?   It 
       means  you  want  to  adopt a fashion look  that  has  become  the 
       standard  for the woman on the corporate fast track, a  look  that 
       can best be described as: Modified Nun.  All we've really done  to 
       the  basic nun look is remove the headpiece.  This conveys to  the 
       men  in  your corporation that you are not a sex  object,  but  an 
       authority figure who must be taken seriously because at any moment 
       you might strike them on the hands with a ruler.
 
                                    HOSIERY
 
          This  is mandatory.  I realize you women hate to be  constantly 
       shelling out money for a product manufactured by an industry  that 
       pays  its scientists huge bonuses if they can develop fibers  even 
       weaker than the ones they currently use.  I realize you go  around 
       saying:  "If we can land a man on the moon, why can't  we  develop 
       pantyhose that will last longer than a small vanilla cone on a hot 
       day?"   Well  I'm sorry, but rules are rules.   Also,  we  haven't 
       landed a man on the moon for a very long time now, and we probably 
       never  will  again unless something urgent comes up, such  as  the 
       Defense Department suspects there are Cuban troops up there.
 
                                     MAKEUP
 
          A  good  rule of thumb is: if you can stick a pin more  than  a 
       quarter  inch into your face and still not feel  anything,  you're 
       wearing too much makeup for the business environment.  Or else you 
       have a medical problem.
 
                                     SHOES
 
          The  ideal shoe for the career woman is the basic pump  with  a 
       "sensible" heel, by which I mean a heel that will just fit through 
       the holes in a standard street grate.
 
--------------------
 
�. "Ah, that country air."

re: 703.2 ('Ren Foster)
    -------------------
>   But in the context of engineering, every female engineer is aware that
>   the entire TONE of the engineering field is very male.
 
One example -  On two different occasions, I've been asked some variation of
               this question by a male technoid-type:

"So why don't you be a *real* engineer and wear jeans and a flannel shirt?"

		[as opposed to a skirt or dress]

Anybody have any good replies (witty or otherwise) for this question?

							nancy b. 

    No, no, no - you've been terribly misled! It isn't "wear jeans instead
    of a skirt," it's "wear jeans instead of dressing up" - guys who show
    up in suits tend to get the same comments. (I've even done it myself,
    though - being a mannerly person most of the time - my remarks were
    limited to "Oh, are you interviewing?")
    
    Besides, I didn't think jeans and flannel shirts were sexist; I thought
    they were a reasonable form of dress during New England (or Wyoming)
    winters... or in air-conditioned computer rooms!
    
    Seriously, though - I know there are places/jobs/whatever with
    traditional-male "tone", but my experiences at DEC (and, for that
    matter, at all of my previous jobs) have indicated that there's a lot
    less of it in the computer field. (Caveat: I have usually hung out with
    software engineers; it may be different in the world of hardware,
    although those H/E's I know seem just as reasonable as anybody else!)
    
    -b (whose opinion may not be too reliable, as she has admitted in
    writing to liking "Misfits of Science"...)

    Re witty remarks: Dunno whether someone who made such a crack would
    appreciate a really witty remark. While this sort of thing seldom
    happens to me (I haven't worn a skirt to work since 1979), the first
    things that came to mind were: 
    
    1. Contrive a pained expression and stammer, "D-d-don't you _like_ it?"
    And then stare at him.
    
    2. Say, "Why, thank you!" as if he'd just complimented your taste, and
    hope he takes the hint.
    
    3. Say, "I had my colors done and I just _can't_ wear denim. Say - have
    you considered something in mauve?"
    
    4. Smile, say nothing, and manage to become project leader - of his
    project.
    
    -b

    The easiest way I've found is to not take dress codes to seriously.  My
    dress ranges from ratty old sneakers, jeans, and a cas' shirt all the
    way, like yesterday,  to full suit, red "power" tie, and suspenders. 
    Can't tell sometimes whether I'm a management weinie or a down and dirty
    engineer.  Its interesting because I act very differently depending how
    I'm dressed, which is pretty amusing.

    re: .1
    
    One possible answer to the question, "So why don't you be a *real* 
    engineer and wear jeans and a flannel shirt?" might be:

    Because *I'm* going to be successful engineering *manager*. . .perhaps
    *you* should wear a dress or skirt. . .
    
    Steve

 I rarely wear 'nice' clothes at work anymore. I wore a tie once, and was told
that I wouldn't get any support if anything happened to my machine! They were
mostly joking, but it still had an effect. As it turns out, I am most 
comfortable wearing jeans and a t-shirt anyway. Sometimes I still dress up
a little more (like yesterday). 

 "Why don't you dress like a real engineer and wear jeans and a flannel shirt?"

 "Because I do what I want."

 "Because I don't have to wear a 'uniform.'"

 "Cuz this is what I feel like wearing."

 "Because you are not my boss."

 The Doctah

    I dressed in jeans and a flannel shirt when I was being a hardware
    tech in high school....I didn't know that was how engineers dressed,
    too...
    
    In college I wore flannel and cords and sneakers....
    
    Now I wear button-downs and cords and sneakers....
    
    I dress for function, not for show....and I honestly think that
    *you* should be comfy with how you dress....

    -Jody
    

    re.Nancy
    
    the last time I was asked [in a previous technical incarnation] why I
    didn't wear jeans I responded 'because when my crotch sweats the
    seams chafe and my thighs bleed.'
    
    it wasn't witty, but I didn't hear the question again from _anyone_ for
    the next three years.
    
    re.this industry not having uniforms
    
    horse-pucky!!
    
    Instead of jeans I was wearing comfortable non-confining clothing with
    a distinctly ethnic flavour.  I was _never_ asked why I was dressed up. 
    I was always asked why I wasn't wearing jeans.  I wasn't wearing the
    uniform...I wasn't conforming... Engineers tell me they dress for
    comfort, hence the jeans.  Great.  Many women are comfortable in jeans.
    I find them binding, confining and chafing...no I don't wear them too
    tight...so I dressed for comfort and got called for being out of
    uniform.  It didn't find it upsetting; but thats because I found it
    so amusing.
    
      Ann

    
    RE: .1
    Hi Nancy, I don't have any witty answers for your question.
    
    But, what are the *Engineers* day-to-day functions ??
    Surely if I were getting-down-and-dirty I would not
    come to work my normal GQ self
    
    Dress for the task at hand, just like at home...
    riding the lawn mover - shorts/jeans
    fixing the plumbing - something already near worn out
    
    I personally see work in the same light.
    If I'm giving a presentation/demo,etc - GQ
    If I'm doing an install - Jeans
    
    --Christopher

    Shortly after I started, I attended a non-disclosure session with a
    customer that took place in ZK.  I, being a software specialist, had to
    wear "professional" clothes (a skirt and, worst of all, heels).  An
    engineer came in to answer some questions.  He was dressed in jeans,
    t-shirt and sneakers.  My skirt and heels were my badge of credibility;
    his jeans were his badge of credibility.
    
    Fortunately, I don't deal with customers *all* the time and I usually
    get to wear jeans and sneaks myself.

    Don't take as sexist
    
    Next time they ask "why don't you wear jeans" 
    
    answer
    
    "because my legs look better than yours" 8)

Funny though the DB article in .0 is, it is nowhere near as funny as the books
by Molloy it refers to. Borrow them from an enemy and give them back.

	Andrew.

    
    re .10
    
    Yeah, those customers have got their nerve...
    
    Guess CSC isn't abusing them enough, what with them showing
    up in person (good G*d I hope no one told them anything..)..

    Re: .14
    
    Who says I work for CSC?

                -< It's easy. They're pretty low down! >-
    
    Nancy,
    
    I think that Ms. Manners' suggestion for rude remarks will work
    in your situation. She recommends saying "How kind of you to say
    so!" and then walking away when someone makes an unkind comment.
    
    This is not being rude in return, but it gets the point across.
    It also works wonderfully. 
    
    Eileen

	re: .12 (Stephen Piersall)
	    ----------------------
	>    Don't take as sexist
	>    Next time they ask "why don't you wear jeans"
	>    answer

	>    "because my legs look better than yours" 8)

	Hey, you set me up!

	...  'Cuz he replies "Then why don't you wear shorts like me?"

	ooooh, ouch!!!

	That's OK, Stephen.  Don't feel too bad about it.

	You couldn't have known that with the weather these wimpy
	New Englanders are calling "summer", that the "real" engineers
	are now walking around the Mill in shorts ... and that the
	slogan on the white board lately has been :

 	             "Ken says 'Shorts are Cool!'"
                                                          :-)
  	                                                  nancy b.

    Okay nancy I left myself open, but shorts leave nothing to the imanagition

re: .18 (Stephen Piersall)
    ----------------------

Stephen, *I* don't complain when *they* wear shorts :-) !!!

I actually appreciate that there is a wide range of dress 
that is acceptable at Digital.

re: dress for practicality suggestions
    ----------------------------------

Dressing for work in the Mill does require some practical 
modifications, as setting up and taking down local networks 
and systems requires occasionally crawling around on hardwood 
floors, as well as scaling the rafters to string thinwire, 
thickwire, TLIs, power bus extensions, etc...

If I were to dress for *total* comfort and practicality, I'd wear:


        a.k.a   -< How *not* to dress for business >-	

o white & grey Reebok hightops with pink shoelaces, unlaced at the
  top, of course (because it's cool, mon :-) !
o my Roger Rabbit tee-shirt that has Roger loudly proclaiming 
  "I'm Innocent!" (my statement to the world) that almost hits my knees 
o a loud pair of Jams that are also long enough so that it's clear
  I *am* wearing something under the tee-shirt :-).

This way I wouldn't have to change before going to play basketball
at Maynard High School during lunch!

Though I might get frostbitten in these labs with shorts on.  In the
summertime it only gets colder, too.  I don't know how the guys can
wear shorts in the lab for any amount of time. 

							nancy b.

    Hey nancy can i have your job.I have to do the same things and the
    um's would like me to wear suits. I have more torn shirts and pants
    than I can count the field is verrrry hard on clothes