Conference turris::womannotes-v2

560.0. "Mid-Life Crisis: Recovery!" by RAINBO::TARBET (I'm the ERA) Fri Apr 28 1989 12:44

    Just before we switched from V1 to V2 of the file a year ago, one
    of the members of our community wrote 789.0 in which she told us
    of an unexpected and dismaying existential crisis in her life. 
    
    This is her update.
    
    						=maggie
    
    ===================================================================
    
            
    This is an old note I wrote last year.  I thought I would like to share
    with noters what has been happening since, and to show that life is not
    static, but that you can make things happen. 


           <<< MOSAIC::$2$DJA6:[NOTES$LIBRARY]WOMANNOTES-V1.NOTE;1 >>>
                   -< Original Topics of Interest to Women >-
================================================================================
Note 789.0             Mid-Life Crisis:  Where From Here?              8 replies
VIKING::TARBET                                       58 lines   6-APR-1988 08:42
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    The following note is from a member of our community who wishes
    to remain anonymous at this time.            
    
    						=maggie
    
    ====================================================================

    Where do I go from here?  What happens when you get to be 45? I have
    had a full life, married, had two children, got divorced and set up
    my own life again.  Started a new career and made a success of it.
    I earn good money, have a house and car and a man-friend. Have lots
    of friends.  Still have my parents.  Have come through a major
    operation.  But during the last year I have begun to feel that there
    is nothing I really want to do anymore.  I have always had a lot of
    interests, studied courses, joined in anything going on, travelled a
    lot, helped my children grow. 

    I come to work and switch on my terminal and send messages to people
    I don't know and will never meet.  I sit in a box where I can't see
    anyone.  My job has suddenly wound down due to external
    circumstances and now I have got lazy and don't know if I could rise
    to a challenge anymore. I tried for other jobs, I got up my details
    in a smart layout and sent them around.  I went for a couple of
    interviews.  Digital doesn't seem to have any place for middle-range
    people.  I feel trapped by the salary I earn.  All around I see
    people who are trained but not challenged, especially women in
    secretarial jobs who could really fill the skill gap the management
    keep going on about. Why don't we train the people we have? 

    I feel I don't even want to try anymore.  I have to set very very
    short term goals to ensure any success and even then sometimes I
    can't finish what I start, like painting half a door and then
    feeling I can't go on to complete it. 

    I feel lost.  I never would have believed this would happen to me. I
    was always so enthusiastic and keen to learn.  People used to say I
    looked so young, but then why do I feel inside that I am screaming
    that I am grown up and why is that around me in this company there
    is nobody much who is over 30?  OK, that is no sin to be younger,
    but sometimes you need people of your own life experiences to talk
    to, to relate to. Externally, I can put on a good show, be bright
    and laugh, but inside I wonder what to do.  Why does nobody realise
    how alienated I feel, like I am living inside a plastic bag?  I
    don't want to be eternally young, I would like to be 45 sometimes.
    I don't want a manager of 27 years of age telling me my faults,
    because I know them all by now. 

    Why does technology suddenly hold no appeal?  How many people
    actually RETIRE from Digital?  Where do all the people of my era go
    to?  Is it inevitable that one gets sated with learning new things
    and just wants to go home and relax?  I used to enjoy new courses
    and learning things and using them.  Now I want to cling to the
    familiar. 

    I am saying this because I just don't know where I am going and I
    would appreciate if any women out there could tell me if they have
    felt like this and how they resolved the difficulty.
     
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
    
    April 1989 - a year on.

    I decided to update this miserable old note!  Since I wrote it a whole
    year has passed.  I do recognize myself up there, but have done
    something to change things!  I did go to a counsellor in the end, a
    woman who listened and helped me to crystalize what was happening.
    Firstly, I realised I hadn't really recovered at that time from being
    ill, so I learned to be patient with myself.   Secondly, I realized I
    COULD do something to change my situation.  I arranged to go on a
    careers workshop and got some good insight into my talents and what I
    was good at - some of which surprised me.  Finally, I began to apply
    for jobs inside the company.  This was rather discouraging but I kept
    at it. If I got turned down I said it was 'their loss', then I got more
    discerning and wiser, and began to turn down things I didn't think
    would be good for ME.  Eventually, almost entirely because of my
    personal network, I got an offer of a new job, with more interest and
    more money. Lastly, I began to take an interest in how I look, lost
    some weight bought some new clothes, etc. and also to take an interest
    in life again, get involved, revive old friendships and give more of
    myself.  I began a new study course and am forcing myself to do it and
    feeling achievement again. 

    I have no real answer to the problem of growing older, except to stop
    thinking about it and concentrate on TODAY, and to believe I have a lot
    to offer.   Believing in myself is the strongest power in the end. 

.-1

Thanks for the update.  I remember your original note 
quite clearly because it touched a number of things I'd been 
thinking about.  

Good job! 

>  Believing in myself is the strongest power in the end. 
    
Hear! Hear!    
                Meigs