| Title: | ARCHIVE-- Topics of Interest to Women, Volume 2 --ARCHIVE |
| Notice: | V2 is closed. TURRIS::WOMANNOTES-V5 is open. |
| Moderator: | REGENT::BROOMHEAD |
| Created: | Thu Jan 30 1986 |
| Last Modified: | Fri Jun 30 1995 |
| Last Successful Update: | Fri Jun 06 1997 |
| Number of topics: | 1105 |
| Total number of notes: | 36379 |
WELL - let's try it once again- and hope the link isn't lost. I
just got through writing what I never though I could express - and
it lost it all.
I'm sure it's happened to a lot of us.. only it's not that easy
for me to express myself - especially on this topic. It has to
do with getting having a child at 19 (unexpectedly) marrying to
give the child a name (your parents were religious but did'nt like
him but did'nt object) and after 15 years (still single) being so
tired of paying all the bills, making all the decisions, being lonely,
but refusing to compromise, that it almost makes you say - f***
it.
And then - the father (who never pays child support, spends very
little time with your son - unless you are there) wants equal say
- and I said -- equal time - equal money - equal say. I must be
a hard-hearted b****.
Good thing you missed the first pass - it was far too emotional.
So the question is - to everyone - how to get past this many-facete{
stage - I do have some cynisism - it grew on me and help me survive,
what I DON'T want right now is to feel sad - sorry for myself -
I just need to grab onto somemore courage and energy.
So what keeps us going?
| T.R | Title | User | Personal Name | Date | Lines |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 540.1 | BUSY::KLEINBERGER | Disic Vita Lux Hominum | Wed Apr 12 1989 08:50 | 41 | |
RE: .0
How do you get past this time, but not being by yourself. By doing
something that is worthwhile to you and to others. If you can afford
it, try something new. Learn to do something that you have always
wanted to do.
If you can't afford the above then go back to school. If you have
a BA/BS/MA/MS degree then work on your PhD, it you don't have one
of the above 4, then work on it. THAT you can afford because DEC
pays for it!!.. There is nothing like having to do school term
papers to keep you busy!!...
If you don't want to do any of the above, call some sort of hotline
type place and do some volunteer work. Be a big sister to a little
sister, help teach someone to read.
Above all concentrate on others for a while, *you* will fall back
into place. Go see a counselor also. If you can't afford one,
and are close to the Hudson, Ma area, send me mail, I'll get you
in touch with one that will not charge you if need be.
If you can afford it, buy a piano and take piano lessons... there
is nothing better for getting over the blues that you have than
playing a piano... even if its' just new beginning songs.
And last but by no means least is your self image. Work on it.
If you feel great, then nothing will keep you down very long. That
I can promise you, as I speak from experience!!
Also, depend on someone for a while, whether its a best girlfriend,
a minister, a boyfriend, a peer that you work with... Someone that
can call you and ask you if you need a hug, and give you one when
they see you.
I know it seems bleak now, but remember even in the deep cold darkness
of winter, a spring does follow.
Gale
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| 540.2 | HANDY::MALLETT | Barking Spider Industries | Wed Apr 12 1989 12:22 | 10 | |
Another possible avenue is to seek out a support group of others
who share your experiences. In note 11 of this conference there
are pointers to all kinds of resources and you might find some
help there (if not, just ask. . .from what I can tell, your
experiences are, unfortunately, pretty common and I imagine
that there are a number of people who could point you towards
a good support group).
Steve
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| 540.3 | Thanks - the clouds don't look so dark | DECATR::GREEN_TA | EXPLORING WITH INTENT | Wed Apr 12 1989 16:08 | 19 |
I appreciate the feedback and suggestions. It helped a lot last
night just putting it into words. I've survivied pretty well most
of the time - just was feeling real used up and tired.
I've been in counseling one-on-one for about a year and currently
attend a group (women only) that has helped me a great deal. It's
just when I run out of money and answers sometimes that my survival
shell is penetrated.
I've tried to stay friends with my ex because I feel its important
that my son have some contact with him (I don't try to color Jase's
feelings for his father - he holds no illusions) I keep hoping that
the ex will maybe eventually learn some reponsibility - but I don't
waste energy trying to effect that change. I manage to avoid the
frustration most of the time.
Thanks again..
tj
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