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Conference turris::womannotes-v2

Title:	ARCHIVE-- Topics of Interest to Women, Volume 2 --ARCHIVE
Notice:	V2 is closed. TURRIS::WOMANNOTES-V5 is open.
Moderator:	REGENT::BROOMHEAD

Created:	Thu Jan 30 1986
Last Modified:	Fri Jun 30 1995
Last Successful Update:	Fri Jun 06 1997
Number of topics:	1105
Total number of notes:	36379

537.0. "Looking for help dealing with broken trust" by WMOIS::B_REINKE (If you are a dreamer, come in..) Fri Apr 07 1989 21:43

    The following entry is from a member of the community
who wishes to remain anonymous.

The author would also welcome in put from members of 
the file in re her problem.

************************************** NOTE FOLLOWS: ***********

Dear Womannoters,

My husband and I have hit an obstacle in our relationship.  Over
the years we've had some problems, tough ones, but we've always
been able to work them out.  Now, however, we can't seem to get through 
this one.  Without getting into it, he's done a few things recently that 
have broken down the trust in our relationship.  I feel the relationship 
is worth saving, but I really can't get the 'energy' to do it this time.  
I love my husband.  I thought that counseling would be a good idea and most 
likely the only thing that can save us now - we can't do this alone.

I was hoping to find a counselor who can deal specifically in the areas 
of trust and re-building it.   I live in the Worcester/Framingham area.

Can anyone recommend anyone?

Thanks very much in advance,

T.R	Title	User	Personal Name	Date	Lines
537.1	personal reference	SPGOGO::HSCOTT	Lynn	`Mon Apr 10 1989 11:07`	6
	I know of a wonderful counselor in Worcester who focuses primarily on couples therapy. Please give me a call (DTN 276-9506) or send mail for her name and number. (SPGDSS::HSCOTT) --Lynn
537.2	In dealing with broken trust	MEMIT::MAHONEY		`Mon Apr 10 1989 12:11`	18
	I'm so sorry to hear of your problem! Unfortunately, you are not alone, there are always plenty of obstacles and problems in a marriage to put it "on edge" but...we must try to save it no matter what! Please find the energy to consult with an expert, but most importantly, to talk it out with your spouse, almost no one causes harm intentionallly, most of the harm is done or committed without being aware of it, an angry person is seldom aware of the other's feeling because he is too preocupied with his own anger, feelings to care for the other, but anger won't last forever, then and only then, is when a person can talk with sincerity to the other with the security of being listened to. A marriage was supposed to last "till death do us part" and at times...requires a lot to make it work but it is our duty to make it work and to put into it whatever it requires to get it going. You said it is worth to save the relationship, ...get going and do save it. If it is not worth it saving...you'll find out and will be relieved you did all you could, your conscience will be at peace. Be patient and weather the storm. Best luck! Ana
537.3	a Newton recommendation	TOOK::BLOUNT		`Tue Apr 11 1989 10:33`	4
	I know of an excellent therapist in Newton. To my knowledge, she doesn't "specialize" in trust issues, but she's excellent nonetheless. Call me (226-5966) for her name and number.
537.4		ULTRA::ZURKO	mud-luscious and puddle-wonderful	`Wed Apr 12 1989 12:12`	5
	Well, if you _want_ to have the energy to do it (and it sounds like you do), then do all the good things for yourself that build your energy. Let him go fly a kite for a little while, and do things, alone or with your favorite people, that make you feel good about you. Mez
537.5	Employee Assistance Program	HPSCAD::ESMITH	Ed Smith	`Wed Apr 12 1989 16:30`	6
	I would suggest that you contact the Employee Assistance Program. Digital hires Licensed Independent Clinical Social Workers under contract. They can talk with you about marital, legal and financial problems and provide a referral for counseling, etc. near either your home or your work location. Contact Health Services at your site for more information.
537.6	When the dark times pass, one must adjust to the light.	LDYBUG::PARE	What a long, strange trip its been	`Thu Apr 13 1989 13:17`	6
	Many of us have had unhappy experiences in our lives. Do whatever you have to do to put the past behind you. Life holds so much joy and love and happiness. The dark times are over for you now. Reach out for the light. Mary
537.7	Good therapist Newton area	NAC::P_JOHNSON		`Fri Apr 14 1989 16:49`	9
	There is an excellent therapist in Newton, who works specifically with couples. Robert Alter is his name, he also was quite involved with Springhills, Opening the Heart for couples. His number is 332-1264. Newton is perhaps a distance for you, but driving to therapy is part of your therapy sometimes. It was when my husband and I attempted to work out our marital problems, unfortunately it was too late to save our 16+ yr. marriage. Best of luck to you both with whatever you decide.