Conference turris::womannotes-v2

    My perfect SO would:
    
    Share with me a large part of his life, but also have things he
    wanted to do alone or with others...
    
    Make me feel like the only woman in the world when we made love...
    
    Share chores so the total was split evenly down the middle, with
    the chores we took reflecting personal preference...
    
    Surprise me...pleasantly...every now and then...
    
    Be intelligent, witty, attractive, and interesting enough to keep
    my attention for long periods of time... (not that many people don't
    just that it's important to have an SO you can always share something
    new with, or discover new things with, or even old things)...
    
    Be caring, and gentle....but also sometimes be able to get away
    with teasing me...
    
    Be good with handling finances (at least my equal)...

    Be able to talk about ANYTHING with me...including US
    
    Be honest and straightforward, be trustworthy and caring, be fun
    and continue to grow emotionally, mentally (and perhaps even
    spiritually) throughout the relationship...

    
    
    Quite the tall order, eh? ;)
        
    -Jody
        
    

    If you feel you are coping or putting up with actions that you find
    "less than ideal" have you tried talking about them with your SO?
    Often people make assumptions about how others should be behaving
    and become angry/resentful when that person fails to live up to
    those expectations.
    
    What would a perfect SO do? Listen, communicate and find a compromise
    that both partners can be comfortable with. Everyday stuff (laundry,
    dinner, cleaning etc) needn't become big issues. Talk it out.
    
    Gail
    

    My SO does the laurndry 99.7% of the time.  He cooks sometimes, but
    usually helps with dinner.  Sometimes he cleans up the dishes.  This
    week the house has been spotless because he's been home on workman's
    comp. so he's kept it up.  He has a hard time doing the bathroom and
    putting his dirty laundry in the hamper and picking up after himself
    but still I appreciate what he does.  I realize I have a real good one
    I hope that things will work out for us.

         I wouldn't change my SO, I'd change her situation.  I'd find
    a way to get her into professional acting and she'd handle the changes
    that she needs to make.  She knows and agrees that she needs to
    change some things.  I've seen her when she was active in college
    theatre and it made a world of difference in her.  Her demeanor
    and attitude changes for the positive even during one community
    theater production.
    
    ASP

    
    Re: .0 There is nothing I would change about my SO.  
    
    Re: .1 Jody describes him perfectly!
    
    
    Nance

    re.0  I wouldn't change anything material.  I'd like him to take
    the ceramic board from his group off-site off the wall and put the
    dining room back the way he found it...but I don't think that really
    counts.
    
    re.1  Rick is all that already and more.  I try to be the same for
    him.
    
    Sure we have our days. We are distinct individuals, as well as 'a
    set', so occasionally our priorities collide.  It's inevitable.
    
      Ann
    
    

    
    Re:  .0   I wouldn't change a thing.
    
    Re:  .1   My husband has all these qualities and then some!
    
    Well, I guess I'd like to see him quit smoking I want to keep him
    around for a loooonnnnggggg time!!!
    
    
    -Michelle- 

All I can say is that when I'm feeling like I've gotten the raw end of the deal,
I make up a list of qualities I would like him to have.  Then I look at the list
and often I don't meet the criteria myself. If I spend my energy trying to
be a better person, he does the same.  Unfortunately, it is hard to keep that
perspective when you are having a pity party because you had to cook, do the
dishes, and clean the bathroom.   (but then, he often has those pity parties
when he has to cook, do the dishes, and clean the bathroom.)


Another case of 'do unto others'.  If you want the perfect SO, you have to try
to be the perfect SO.

         Hmmm...I like the way this note is going. Can I climb
         on the wagon?
         
         Afer 17 years, I don't think the chances of *my*
         changing anything are very good...[smile], but anyway,
         why would I want to?
         
         He has pushed, held, loved, let go, yelled, whispered,
         ...all at the right times [or as close as he could
         get]. He has done his fair share of every endeaver
         we even thought about [more than his share a good
         deal of the time]. He respects me and my opinions
         even on things I don't know about. He respects my
         right to be me. How could I have less respect for
         his right to be him.
         
         [Besides, if I changed him, he might figure out he
         got the bad end of the deal...chuckle]
         
         Meinda

    Re .0, Well, first, I don't really have what I could call an "SO"
    at this point in time, so the first thing I would change about him
    is that he would actually *exist* instead of being a figment of
    my imagination! :-)
    
    Also, in order to be *perfect*:
    
    1) He would never, ever, under any circumstances complain about
       my cats, or hit them, or yell at them, or throw anything at them,
       no matter *what* they decided to do.
    
    2) Whenever I asked him to do something for me, that I don't know
       how to do, and don't *want* to know how to do, such as change
       the oil in my car or something of that nature, he wouldn't say,
       "I thought you wanted equality....etc, etc,"  He would just do
       it and shut up. :-)
    
    3) He would never, ever keep the windows in the house, or the car
       open when *I* am freezing to death!
    
    4) He would never criticize my driving or *repark* the car to make
       it more even or whatever, after I've parked it.  
    
    5) When I run out of money before pay day and can't afford to eat
       or put gas in the car he would *never* sarcastically allude to
       antique jewelry I have on layaway.
    
    6) When I disagree with him on political, religious, or social issues,
       he would not get angry and yell at me, nor would he smugly suggest
       that were I only capable of viewing the world from the lofty
       elevation of his brain, I would instantly agree with him on 
       everything.
   
    
    (The above represents perfection and not minimum requirements.)
    
     
    He *would* be witty, funny, intelligent, interesting, kind, and
    attractive, and consider me to be the same.  (Those are minimum
    requirements.)
    
    Lorna
    
    
    

the perfect woman would:

 1) Agree to try anything I wanted to, sexually.

 2) Keep a spotlessly clean house.

 3) Raise perfect children while I went fishing.

 4) Get my beer for me during televised sporting events.

 5) Never spend any money we didn't have or buy anything on credit

 6) Never bitch at or nag me.

 7) Never poke her nose into things that  are not her concern.

 8) Make enough money so I could stay home (kids to daycare when I'm doing
    "manly" sports like pelagic safaris and bambi stalking).

 9) Hate Mike Dukakis.

 10) be super beautiful but unquestionably faithful

 
 :-)

 Ok- I can hardly stand it. I was laughing my head off the whole time I wrote
this. Please, don't anybody let it ruin their day. It was a joke. If anybody
is offended by this, I'll happily delete it. It was supposed to be funny.

 Seriously, there's not much I'd change about my wife. She's just great.

 The Doctah

    Re:  .12
    
    Wellllllllllllll,  when I first read it I got pretty upset!
    
    Then when I read that you were actually kidding - I thought it was
    GREAT!  I love people with senses of humor!
                                                                  
    Got a few chuckles outta me!
    
    ;^)
    

    There isn't much about my SO that I would change.  He's pretty darned
    wonderful just the way he is.  I do wish he'd open up a little more
    and talk to me about his family, his wants, needs, etc. but that
    will come with time.  In fact, major improvement has been made since
    we started seeing each other last year.
    
    The one thing I would love to change is not a problem with him but
    with a situation at work.  He travels 85% of the time.  He's almost
    always out-of-town.  In March, he probably got to spend 5 days at
    home.  I got to see him on 2 of the weekend days and a couple of
    weekday evenings.  We live an hour apart so getting together is
    difficult.  I don't know how we manage to spend as much time together
    as we do.  (Working in the same building helps.)  
    
    If I could I'd cut the travel at least in half so that we'd have time 
    to pursue some activities we both enjoy; like taking some type of
    dance classes together (he likes ballroom and square dancing and I
    like clogging so we'd like to take classes to learn each others favorite 
    types of dancing).  Activities that require a consistent schedule (like 
    classes) are almost out of the question at this point.
    
    Jan
                        

    If I changed him even just a little bit, he wouldn't be the man
    I loved.  He's wonderful.  He does his share of cooking, cleaning,
    taking care of children, and never does he complain.  He's always
    very considerate to my feelings.  He doesn't often go out with the
    guys (except an occassional golf game).  He listens when I have
    something to say.  Always tries to please me.  And, I think he's
    very handsome.
    
    Now I ask you, why the hell would I want to change him?  If anybody
    needs to change here, it is me.  The topic of this note probably
    should have read, "Things we want to change about ourselves".
    
    .12   I was about to tell you to buy a dog because that's the
          kind of companionship you're looking for. ;^)
    
    Donna
    

    
    
    My SO of 2 years is a wonderful man as well, but not without some
    downfalls... and im not saying I'm any better than him. We've worked
    through loads and loads of problems.  We are both young (he's 23
    and I'm 20), so we've had a lot of growing up to do and doing that
    together makes it easier and harder at the same time. There've been
    times when we've been at each others throats over the silliest little
    things, but it all evens out with the happy times we share.
    
    Although he never used to help me out with anything, now he does
    the laundry every other week, and helps out with a lot of the
    housework, and even cooks dinner once or twice a week... and he
    is always there willing to snuggle on those lazy mornings when we
    just don't feel like getting up.. 
    
    He's always been someone with a little bit of an adventurous streak
    in him, and we've tried many things for the first time together.
    We give each other strength and determination, and are very much
    in love..
    
    The only problem we still have that frustrates us both is the desire
    to work for ourselves. He works in construction and would like to
    start his own company and I would like to start my own consulting
    firm. Unfortunately, financially we've been in sad shape because
    we both moved out of home to live together... 
    
    I guess I'm rambling on and on, huh??
    
    What this all comes down to, though, is that I wouldn't change much
    about him, except perhaps his short temper... he is a wonderful
    man and i hope to stay with him forever...
    
    

    re .0
    
    How are you and your SO doing now?  I remember reading your topic in
    another notesfile.  Would you change anything about your SO?

    I would like my SO (and my friend Paula) to learn to think that
    one extra thought before speaking.  Both in those cases where the
    thought answers "What words should I use to express this thought?"
    and where it answers "Is this what I really want to do?".
    
    It is such agony to listen to "Well, what I -- no, as I see this
    problem -- no, situation -- is, uh... it stems from, well, the..."
    
    Please, deity, give me the strength to keep from wrapping my fingers
    tightly around his throat and screaming, "Just say it!  Find the
    damned words and spit it out!"
    
    My SO would like me to be more patient and understanding.
    
    							Ann B.

    I would not change a thing!  The man I am seeing has the potential
    to be my future husband.  He is the type of man you begin to think
    doesn't exist!  He is the first man I have been involved with that
    has been able to say "I need...whatever!"  "I need from you....".
    He is very concerned about my feelings, needs, etc and he can cook!
    And he has the best buns this side of the Mississippi!
    
    I would/will change me.  I am still fairly new to Colorado and have
    no family here.  It is just me and my dogs.  I need to develope
    more interests and friendships outside of our relationship.
    Unfortunately, it is just a bit too easy to put all your energy in
    one place, particularly a place that you want to see grow.  I would
    also learn to let go of the thoughts I have concerning a previous
    relationship he was in.  It was a long and involved relationship
    and I work fairly close with the woman.  I know it's over and it
    is me he wants to be with.  This is happening slowly, but it rears
    its very ugly head periodically.  
    
    Linda

    
    re .17....
    
        Read .16... things are going better than they were...
    
    

    <-- I completely agree with a previous note (.<mumble>) that said
    if I changed anything about him, he wouldn't be the man I love.
    And who knows what new and bothersome peccadillo would appear to
    take the place of the one(s) I would change?
    
    Besides, then I'd have to get to work changing all the annoying
    little bits of _my_ personality to keep the "perfection scale" in
    balance.  Who needs it?  I'd rather just live and let live -- and
    occasionally scream "The next pile of toast crumbs left on the counter
    after breakfast will be your DEATH WARRANT!"
    
                             ...Lisa V...

    	There's nothing I would really like to change about my SO. 
    	He's intelligent, interesting, humorous, among other wonderful
    	qualities, and he is someone I can talk to about pretty much 
    	anything.

    	We have a very similar sense of humor, so we have great times
    	throwing around ideas and situations.  My son also has a similar
    	sense of humor, so we often have three-way running gags between
    	us all that last for months (including a few strange ways of
    	answering our phones with greetings that only the three of us
    	understand.)
    
    	Also, my cats adore him (including the younger cat, who holds
    	the undisputed title of World's Shyest Cat.)  My SO talks to
    	our kitties in ways that are almost as silly as the way *we*
    	talk to them (so none of us has to feel self-conscious about
    	it.)  :)
    
    	We go to plays, movies and comedy clubs (and he's always a great
    	person to spend time with.)  No, I wouldn't change him a bit.

    		
    
    	Change Him???
    
    	Definitely NOT!!!  If I did he wouldn't be the Wonderful Man
    	I fell in Love with.  He really is a Wonderful Man, he's thoughtful,
    	understanding, loving, humorous (very much so...) intelligent,
    	helpful (exspecially with training my horse...:-)), Great buns!!!
    	and is willing to talk about Anything, And... he always finds
    	time to surprise me with flowers or something little that is
   	ever so special.
    
    	Every night I used to pray that would meet a Man like Kendall
    	and know he is in my life and we are soon be married.  We both
    	have things about us that could use some *work* but that is
    	what makes us the people we are and "No One Person" is perfect
	and to tell you the truth the "perfect" person would get quite
    	boring after awhile.  We have been together for almost three
    	years and I can say with all honesty they have been the BEST
    	years of my life!!!  I have never been more in Love in my life 
    	and I hope he feels the same way...:-)  
    
    	He better!! :-) :-)

    	Zina